Satisfaction

by K. M. Scott

“Yes, Mom. I promise I will if I drink. Have to make sure I’m in one piece to be Cash’s best man.”

  “Exactly. It’s bad enough that you’re likely going to be all bruised. Your jaw’s already swollen. I’m not going to ask what you did to look like that.”

  Stefan hung his head and said sheepishly, “Oh, I didn’t think you saw that.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Alexandria left us sitting alone together in the kitchen, and as I looked at the evidence Stefan had been in a fight that day, I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. Curiosity got the best of me, and I asked, “Did you and Cash have a fight?”

  He shook his head and frowned as he rubbed his jawline. “No, Cash and I are good. This came from Kane.”

  “Oh? What happened?”

  “He’s a goddamned asshole is what happened.”

  Stefan’s outburst surprised me. The last time we’d been alone had been when he drove me back to this house after Kane refused to see me that day, and even then he hadn’t said anything bad about him. That he seemed furious at him now made me wonder what had happened.

  Suddenly, fear settled into my heart at the thought that Stefan had found Kane with another woman and that’s why he was angry with him. Unable to stop myself, I asked, “Stefan, is he with someone? Is that why you think he’s such an asshole?”

  My heart sank as Stefan sat silent in response to my question. That was it. Here I was pregnant and waiting for him every day and night to come to his senses, and he’d already moved on to someone else.

  “No, he’s not with anyone, Abbi. He’s just an asshole.”

  “Oh.”

  “He’s basically a fucking drunk these days, and he’s not a pleasant drunk. I can tell you that.”

  “I’m sorry you fought,” I said, relieved at hearing Kane wasn’t seeing anyone new.

  “The guy’s not doing right by you, and he thinks he should be telling me how to act with Shay.”

  I’d never met Shay, but I knew from what Alexandria had told me that she was strong-willed and a real challenge for Stefan. Not that they weren’t happy, but she worried about their relationship because they were both stubborn.

  “It’s okay, Stefan. He’s just going through some things.”

  He rolled his eyes. “For someone whose own life is in shambles, he’s got a lot of nerve telling me that I wouldn’t be able to keep Shay. He’s always thought he knew her better than I do.”

  “So that’s why you fought?”

  “Yeah. He’s always thought that Shay was out of my league. And it doesn’t help that they were close so he thinks he’s some kind of expert on her.”

  Kane had never told me much of anything about Shay and certainly never acted like they were close. All he’d ever said was that she had done wonders for Stefan and that he was a lucky guy to find someone like her.

  “I didn’t think they were close, but then I’ve never met her.”

  Stefan grimaced and abruptly stood up to go to the refrigerator. Grabbing a beer, he opened it and chugged half of it down. Taking a seat across from me at the table again, he placed the bottle in front of him and shook his head.

  “They were always too close for my comfort, but I’m not sure he ever considered her as anything other than a female friend. Sometimes I think there was something—some kind of attraction between them before she and I got together—but I don’t know. Maybe it’s just that he’s always been the one to ride me about her.”

  “Why does he do that?” I asked, my heart sinking once again as I waited for the answer.

  “He has this idea that Shay is going to eventually look at me and think I’m not enough. He’s always thought that. Like I’m not smart enough and she’s going to want someone like the guys she works with. Ever since the first day I laid eyes on her, there he was telling me she’d never want someone like me.”

  “That doesn’t sound like Kane, Stefan. He’s never said anything like that about you to me.”

  Stefan shook his head and blew the air out of his mouth. “He’s only like that with you, Abbi, and now he’s not even that anymore.”

  I couldn’t help but wince at his words. No, Kane wasn’t with me anymore, and at the moment, it felt like I didn’t even know the person Stefan was talking about.

  A look of sadness crossed his face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to say you two aren’t together anymore. I just meant…”

  He didn’t finish his sentence because there wasn’t any other way to say what he meant.

  “It’s okay. I didn’t mean to act like what you said was a problem. You’re right.”

  “Abbi, I’m sure you and Kane will eventually find a way to get back together, but right now, he’s an asshole who thinks it’s okay to leave you out here to go through everything alone. That’s why we fought.”

  My gaze settled on the red mark coloring Stefan’s jaw. “You fought because of me?”

  “In part. Kane and I didn’t get along for a long time, and now that he’s busy spending all his time being a fall down drunk, any brotherly feelings we’d had in the past few months are gone. So I said I thought what he was doing to you was wrong, and he said what he’d always said about Shay so he could hurt me.”

  “He’s had a lot of bad in his life, Stefan. He doesn’t let himself love easily. But I know he cares about you.”

  “Then why does he act like I’m some kind of clown Shay will someday get tired of when she decides to go for a real man who can understand her? He never wanted me with her. Instead of helping his own brother win her love, he did everything he could to get in the way. I’d catch him with her when I’d assign her to the fourth floor bar. I’d show up and they’d be laughing and smiling about something, but they wouldn’t share whatever it was with me. I’d stand there feeling like an outsider when he was around.”

  “Shay picked you, Stefan, so you don’t have to worry. Out of all the people in this world, she loves you.”

  “Yeah. But how long is that going to last? She’s smart and strong and out of my league.”

  I didn’t know what to say to him because somewhere in the back of my mind all the fears I’d ever had about not being enough began to overwhelm me. Alexandria kept telling me I just needed to be strong to be with someone like Kane, but what if I never got strong enough?

  As Stefan talked about how much he loved Shay, I wondered if Kane really wanted someone like her. She wouldn’t be afraid of anything, and when he needed her to be there for him, he’d never have to worry he might hurt her.

  Was that why he still didn’t think that Stefan deserved her? Because he wanted her?

  Chapter Six

  Olivia

  Cassian mumbled something low next to me as I lay awake at three a.m., unable to sleep for yet another night. My mind refused to shut off, instead filling with what ifs about our future. None of this had seemed important for all those months we’d been together, but with Alexandria and now Cash talking about babies twenty-four-seven, all of a sudden what to do about my problem became the only thought pressing on my mind.

  I’d wished for something to distract me from the wedding planning complications of who to sit at what table and what relatives to avoid inviting because of their past behavior at my cousins’ weddings, but this wasn’t what I’d had in mind.

  The problem was I didn’t know how to explain to the man I loved who suddenly couldn’t talk about anything but a houseful of children that it was highly unlikely I’d ever be able to give him even one. I’d thought a man who’d been such a player wouldn’t be interested in a life full of kids. I mean, he and I had never even talked about children the entire time we’d been together.

  But then Alexandria had to bring it up a few weeks ago¸ and since then, every conversation seemed to include some mention of children. When would we have some? Some! We’d gone from never talking about it to talking about some children. Who does that? Don’t most people start with the idea of one child?

  I loved Alexandria like a
second mother, but the woman’s obsession with babies was making my life hell. I guess I couldn’t blame her. With Abbi’s pregnancy, she likely realized how much she wanted grandchildren, so it would be understandable that she’d look to Cash and me to give her one. Stefan didn’t appear to be anywhere near where he needed to be to consider children, especially since Shay still lived halfway around the world because of her work.

  So the baby-making naturally fell on our shoulders.

  Alexandria’s interest in babies could be understood. Cash’s had come out of nowhere. I thought I was marrying one of Tampa’s biggest players, not some sexy guy who secretly yearned to be a doting daddy. I racked my brain trying to remember if I’d missed some opportunity to tell him the truth about my ability to have children, but at no point in all our time together had he even mentioned the word child.

  All that meant nothing now because Cash had fallen in love with a future filled with children as much as he’d fallen in love with me.

  So what was I supposed to do?

  Maybe I could tell him. My chest hurt just thinking about that conversation. He and Alexandria had made such a big deal about someday there being a Cassian March V that I could imagine the disappointment he’d experience from me telling him marrying me might very well mean no children of our own.

  I had one hope. A final, last ditch effort, so to speak. I hadn’t discussed it with Dr. Gentry since she’d told my mother and me years ago, so I’d made an appointment to see her today, the day before my wedding. If she could give me something to go on—anything more than children being a vague possibility for me—I wouldn’t have to tell Cash his hopes for a son to carry on his name would only be dashed by marrying me.

  He stirred at my side and smiled in his sleep, likely dreaming of that baseball team of children he wanted. I loved the idea of a little boy named after him. I really did. He’d be adorable. Hopefully, he’d have his father’s looks since being a redheaded little boy had all the hallmarks of being the unfortunate target of bullies and cruel children intent on making fun of his hair by calling him a ginger or something equally as idiotic. Maybe he’d have my sense of humor and it might be nice if he had my brown eyes. Cash’s blue eyes were nothing less than stunning, but that little bit of me would be nice.

  God, I was starting to sound like Alexandria! I had to stop thinking like this and face the reality Dr. Gentry might tell me in just a few hours.

  That children just weren’t in the cards for me.

  But did I have the right to impose that reality on Cash and his future?

  “Hey, you look a million miles away. You okay?”

  I looked over at his sleepy face and nodded. “Yeah, just couldn’t sleep. You know. Wedding jitters.”

  Wrapping his arm around me, he pulled me close and nuzzled my neck. “You aren’t getting cold feet, are you?”

  He sounded truly scared of that possibility, so I leaned back and kissed him sweetly on the lips. “No way. I’m not crazy. I’ve got the most incredible man in the world and he wants to marry me.”

  “It’s true. I am incredible,” he said with a devilish grin.

  “Cassian, you are too much.”

  “In all seriousness, though, I saw the look on your face when my mother started to talk about us having kids again. I don’t want you to think we need to rush out and make babies. She’s just enthusiastic about her son finally finding the right woman and settling down.”

  “So it’s not a huge deal for you?” I asked as relief washed over me. Maybe I’d been worried about nothing.

  Cash pulled me close and hugged me tight. “Olivia, I love you, not your uterus.”

  I burst out laughing at the way he said things. “That’s the most bizarre thing you’ve ever said,” I whispered in his ear as I continued to giggle at his choice of words.

  Rolling me onto my back, he stared down at me with those ice blue eyes I loved. “All I’m saying is I’m not marrying you for children. We’ll have lots of them when the time is right. Until then, I love you and the life we have together.”

  He kissed me and as my body came alive under his care, my mind couldn’t help but dissect his words. We’ll have lots of them echoed in my head. Lots of kids. A baseball team of kids.

  Cash slid his hand slowly up my thigh as he murmured sexy sweet nothings about what he planned to do once he reached his goal, but all I could think of was how no matter what he did and no matter how incredible it made me feel, it wouldn’t give him the one thing he wanted from me.

  “You seem distracted this morning,” he whispered as he kissed his way over one breast to the other. Stopping just before he took an excited nipple between his lips, he looked up at me with one of his sexiest looks and smiled. “Let me take your mind off whatever you’re thinking of, Olivia.”

  How could I say no? He had no idea my worry wasn’t because of Samantha the wedding planner’s near constant texts about last minute seating problems and stranded relatives. I loved him too much to not try to push my concerns about babies and letting him down out of my mind.

  I sat on the edge of the table in one of Dr. Gentry’s examination rooms swinging my legs nervously as the paper beneath me made that crinkling noise. She’d kept me waiting for twenty minutes already, and with every second I grew more and more anxious to hear what she had to say.

  The door opened and she appeared again wearing her usual gentle smile that had always comforted me. She sat down at the desk against the wall and motioned me over to take a seat next to her.

  “I had Dr. Jacobs take a look at your ultrasound to make sure I was right.”

  I jumped down from the table and sat beside her. “What did he say?”

  The time it took for her to turn and look at me before she spoke seemed to take forever, and every horrible fear I’d ever had marched through my mind. When she finally cleared her throat to explain what her colleague said about my issue, I saw in her eyes it wasn’t good.

  “He doesn’t see anything different than what I’ve seen, unfortunately. I’m sorry, Olivia. It’s not impossible. I don’t want you to think that there’s no chance of you having a baby. It’s just the unicornuate uterus makes it difficult with just one fallopian tube. However, it’s not impossible. I want to stress that.”

  “Great. I’m a unicorn.”

  “I know this isn’t the news you wanted to hear, but I’m not ruling anything out, Olivia.”

  “Doctor, what if I told you that I haven’t been on any form of birth control for nearly a year and have a very active sex life? Don’t you think I would have gotten pregnant sometime over that year?”

  She remained silent for a long moment and then nodded. “You remember last year right before Christmas when you told me about that menstrual period that hurt so much you couldn’t get out of bed for two days and bled much harder than usual? I think that might have been you miscarrying. Women with your uterine issue have a much higher risk of miscarriage.”

  “So that’s even worse. First we have a hard time getting pregnant and then even if we do, we have a higher rate of miscarrying. Terrific.”

  Dr. Gentry patted my shoulder in sympathy. “I know it sounds bad, Olivia, but please don’t give up hope. Women with uterine problems have children every day. I’m not willing to rule anything out in your case either.”

  “Thanks. I appreciate you taking the time to consult with Dr. Jacobs.”

  She continued to try to convince me that all was not lost and I could very well be pregnant sometime soon, but I’d heard enough. I had to talk to Cash and tell him the truth.

  By the time I got back to the condo, Cash was just finishing packing his suitcase for our honeymoon. I’d driven around for almost an hour after leaving Dr. Gentry’s office to figure out how to tell him about my problem, but when I saw him happily folding his shirts and planning for our Italy trip, all those words I’d thought of suddenly seemed inadequate.

  “Hey you,” he said with a smile as I sat down on the bed. “How was your f
inal meeting with Samantha before the big day?”

  “Okay,” I lied as I worked to figure out how to begin to say what I needed to.

  Cash zipped his suitcase and held it up for me to see. “I just want you to know that you only had to remind me three times to get this done, and if I’m not mistaken, your luggage isn’t packed yet.”

  I forced a smile. “Just three times. That might be a record. So you’re all ready for us to get married?”

  “All ready. Stefan has the ring, and I’m hoping Kane is coming to the ceremony. Everyone has their tuxes, so the only thing left is for me to get there.”

  “Oh, the life of the groom,” I said, still unsure how to broach the subject of babies and how we probably would never have any.

  “What about you? Are you ready?”

  “Almost. As long as I don’t get roped into another conversation with your mother about babies, I should be fine.”

  Cash smiled and crawled across the bed to kiss me. “Don’t worry. I’ve told her to lay off the baby talk until the wedding is over. I know you know she meant no harm, but I could see how it affected you when we were at her house the other day.”

  “Oh, that’s so sweet of you. I’d just like to enjoy being married before we attempt to have a child, you know?”

  He lay across my lap and smiled up at me like he didn’t have a care in the world. “I get it, and I’m fine with that. We’re going to have lots of time for all the kids we want, so no hurry.”

  The moment had finally come when I had to tell him. He deserved to know. Taking a deep breath, I said, “Cash, what if we don’t have kids? Would you still be happy?”

  “Of course I’d be happy. I know all this talk of kids seems a bit much, but I’m not going to lie. I want kids, Olivia. I want to have a little boy we can name Cassian March V. It’s not a man thing but a family thing. We have the means and I can’t think of a woman I’d rather share this with than you. We’re going to be great parents, and I don’t even mind the idea of having to trade in the Maserati for an SUV. There comes a time in every man’s life when it’s time to settle down. I’m looking forward to doing that with you and once that minister makes it official Saturday afternoon, we’ll go off on our honeymoon and just enjoy one another. And when we come back here, we can focus on building a life together—you, me, and our kids.”