Satisfaction

by K. M. Scott

  He sat up and kissed me as his words repeated in my head.

  You, me, and our kids.

  *

  Josie peeked her head out from behind the curtains to look out the bungalow’s window toward where the wedding guests sat for the ceremony. “It’s almost time, Olivia. Most of the guests are already here. You need to get your dress on now.”

  I wrung my sweat-drenched hands and looked at the gorgeous white silk and lace wedding dress—my wedding dress—hanging on the closet door in front of me. All I had to do was slip it on and walk down the aisle. I loved Cash more than I could say. He was the perfect man and he loved me so completely I sometimes wondered what I’d done to be blessed with him in my life.

  But I…

  “Get me my phone. I need to call Cash right now.”

  Josie’s eyebrows shot up, and she tossed me my phone. “What on earth do you have to say now that you can’t say after you say I do?”

  His phone rang over and over, but he didn’t answer. As panic quickly rose in me, I texted him.

  I need to talk to you, Cash. Call me ASAP!

  Pacing, I waited for him to call, but my phone did nothing. I waited for two minutes and texted him again.

  Cash, please call me. I need to tell you something.

  “Josie, why isn’t he calling me? I have to talk to him now!”

  “Honey, he’s probably busy wrangling his brothers. I saw them about a half hour ago when I went to go check on the bridesmaids and they both look like they’ve been using one another as punching bags. Kane is sporting a black eye, and Stefan’s jaw looks like someone took a shot or two at it. They were glaring at one another so bad I thought they’d get into it right there in the kitchen. Don’t worry. Cash will be at the altar when you get there, and you’ll have your whole honeymoon to talk about things.”

  I looked down at my phone and willed it to ring as I admitted the truth to my best friend and maid of honor. “I never told him that I might not be able to have children, Josie. I can’t marry him if he doesn’t know and if I don’t know he’s okay with that.”

  “Then call him, for Christ’s sake! I’m not going to let you leave that man standing at the altar because you’re worried about this. I won’t, Olivia.”

  His phone rang again, and finally he answered. “Olivia, baby, I’m just about to run out for a burger. Can I call you after?”

  “Don’t joke, Cash. Why didn’t you call me when I texted you?”

  “I didn’t see any texts, honey. I’ve had my hands full with Stefan and Kane and only grabbed my phone right now.”

  “Cash, I need to talk to you. Please.”

  “Honey, we’ve got three hundred people waiting for us to stand up at the altar in about five minutes. I promise we can talk about whatever you want as soon as we finish this. I’ll be all ears. I swear.”

  I looked out from behind the curtain to see all those guests sitting in the white wooden folding chairs set out for the ceremony and waiting for us to get married and suddenly I couldn’t go through with it. Cash deserved a wife who loved him and could give him what he wanted out of life. I could only be one of those. That wasn’t enough.

  “I can’t do this, Cash. I’m sorry.”

  “Olivia, I love your sense of humor, but now’s not the time. I’ll see you in a few minutes. I’ll be the guy without the bruises standing next to the minister.”

  “I’m serious. I can’t do this.”

  The phone went silent and then in a voice full of hurt, he asked, “Why? What’s happened?”

  “I love you, but I can’t forget how you lied to me about Rachel. We started with a lie and I think you still care about her. I can’t marry you.”

  I clicked END on the call and turned to look at Josie standing near the window in her pink bridesmaid’s gown with her mouth hanging open. “Get your things. I need to get the hell out of here.”

  “No fucking way. I’m not letting you do this. You’ve lost your mind, Olivia. Stop and think about what you’re doing. That man is never going to forgive you for leaving him at the altar.”

  “Then the fact that I can’t give him the children he wants won’t be an issue. Now you can either stay here and deal with the fallout from this or you can come with me. Either way, I’m leaving now before he gets here.”

  She and I ran out the door and across the yard toward where the guests’ cars were parked and found her car. As she continued to beg me to reconsider leaving, she floored the gas and we raced out of there. I felt like I’d throw up and barely held back the tears, but I couldn’t change what nature had forced on me. Cash deserved a chance to have all the wonderful things he deserved out of life, and that included a family.

  Chapter Seven

  Cassian

  As I listened to Olivia telling me why she couldn’t marry me, I wondered if this was all a nightmare. Why would she think I still cared about Rachel? Since I’d signed the divorce papers, I hadn’t seen or spoken to my first wife and I had no interest in doing either ever again. Olivia knew this.

  Or at least she should.

  “Olivia, don’t do this. I don’t know what’s going on, but don’t do this,” I begged.

  The phone fell silent and I looked down to see she wasn’t there anymore. Olivia wasn’t there anymore.

  Stefan walked down the aisle toward me as I stood stunned in the back doorway. “Cash, you need to get down there. The ceremony is about to start.”

  It was all I could do to shake my head as he repeated that I needed to take my place at the altar. My chest felt like someone had piled cinder blocks on top of it and I was about to smother to death.

  “Cash, what’s wrong?”

  “Olivia’s not coming. Tell Mom to let everyone know. She’ll know what to do.”

  Stefan said nothing but turned around to go find my mother as I fell back against the wall, unsure of what to do. My brain felt numb, and my body was quickly following suit. As I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that the woman I’d lived with for months and who I thought loved me as much as I loved her had just left me jilted at our wedding, Kane walked in.

  “I’m sorry, Cash. I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding.”

  His words did little to make me feel better. Whatever had happened, whether it was a misunderstanding or not, the one thing I’d looked forward to for months wasn’t going to happen. All I’d wanted was to marry Olivia, and now she was gone.

  Stefan touched my shoulder and roused me from my thoughts. “Mom’s taking care of everything. What do you need me to do?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do now. Without Olivia, I don’t…I’m not sure what to do, Stefan.”

  “It’s okay, Cash. This will all work out and it’ll all turn out okay.”

  I didn’t answer him, but all I wanted to ask was how everything would turn out okay. How was I going to go back to the place we shared and live there without her? How was I going to sleep in the bed we shared? How was I going to go on without Olivia?

  As I thought about those impossible questions, my mother gently shook my arm. I looked at her, and she wiped a tear away from her cheek. “I told everyone there was an emergency, which I know is a lie, but I can’t imagine Olivia wanted to do this.”

  “I don’t know what she wanted. She told me she couldn’t marry me because I’d lied to her about Rachel and she thought I still cared about her.”

  “That doesn’t sound like her, sweetie. I’m sure once you two have a chance to think things through it will all be okay.”

  I looked over at Kane who stood silently in the corner looking more miserable than ever. Months of being away from the woman he loved hadn’t made anything better. I didn’t want to end up like him. I didn’t want a chance to think things through, and if Olivia needed time, I wanted to know why, and the excuse of me still caring for Rachel wasn’t going to cut it.

  “I need to get out of here, Mom. I’m sorry to leave this all on you, but I have to find Olivia.”

/>   She kissed me on the cheek and pushed me toward the front door. “Go. Go find your bride and straighten things out. Stefan and I will take care of things here.”

  I needed to find her before she did anything stupid and made us making up impossible. I had no idea where she’d go, but I hoped that before she left for good she’d stop back at the condo. If I hurried, I might catch her before she left my life forever.

  The Maserati never drove so fast over Tampa’s streets. I blew through two lights and nearly drove someone off the road taking the turn into my condo’s parking lot, but I got home in record time. Jumping out of the car, I spied Josie sitting in a silver Volvo and knew I wasn’t too late.

  She saw me coming and rolled down the window. Before I could get a word out, she said, “I’m so glad you got here. She’s upstairs getting her things. Stop her before she makes this even worse.”

  “Why did she do this? Forget it. I don’t have time to waste. Don’t let her leave, Josie. If you care about her at all, don’t take her anywhere.”

  Josie touched my arm and nodded. “I’m not taking her anywhere. I’m just glad you got here in time. Hurry!”

  I tore across the parking lot and into the lobby to the elevator, barely getting on as the doors began to close and scaring the lone woman who stood there staring wide-eyed at me. As she backed up against the wall, I pressed the button for my floor and didn’t even bother to ask her what floor she needed.

  “Sorry, but this is a matter of life and death.”

  She smiled meekly and nodded, but I didn’t care how she felt about my rudeness. I could apologize to her if I ever saw her again.

  The elevator doors opened on my floor and I bolted out toward my apartment. I found the door unlocked and raced in to see Olivia just coming out of the bedroom. Her eyes opened wide, like she was surprised to see me there.

  “Olivia, what’s going on? I think I deserve the truth.”

  “I told you the truth, Cash. I need to go. Josie is waiting.”

  “No, she’s not, and I’m not letting you leave until we talk about what the fuck is going on.”

  She looked away and shook her head. “There’s nothing to talk about. I told you why I can’t marry you.”

  I walked toward her, and she moved around the couch to get away from me. “Olivia, you told me nonsense. I want the truth.”

  “Cash, I can’t do this. I need to go.”

  “Goddamnit, Olivia! Talk to me. You’re supposed to be in love with me. What the fuck is going on?”

  She stopped walking and stared me in the eye. Flatly, she answered, “I told you. I can’t live with how you lied about Rachel. You still care for her.”

  “Baby, you’re a terrible liar. You know I don’t still care for Rachel, so let’s just stop that shit right now.”

  “Did you not lie about her when we first got together?”

  “You know I did. We got past that months ago, so what is this all about?”

  “Maybe I didn’t. Maybe I can’t bear to think about spending my life with a man who lied to me from the very beginning.”

  Olivia began to move toward the door, but I caught her by the arm and pulled her back toward me. “Are you accusing me of lying to you about something after Rachel? Is that what this is? Because if it is, I want to know what you think I lied about right here and now.”

  She refused to look at me. Tugging her arm from my hold, she turned to leave. “I’m not doing this with you, Cash.”

  I touched her shoulder as she reached for the doorknob. “So that’s it? We spend day and night together for months, and this is how you want it to end? With a lie of your own? Don’t I at least deserve to know what I did wrong before you leave me, Olivia?”

  “Please don’t do this, Cash. Please just let this go.”

  “What is it? What did I do that’s so terrible that you not only don’t want to marry me but you don’t even love me anymore? Jesus, Olivia. What did I do?”

  She hung her head and in a voice barely above a whisper, she finally said, “You didn’t do anything. It’s me. You don’t want to marry me.”

  I turned her around to face me and saw the tears in her eyes. What happened to make her so unhappy?

  “Baby, why wouldn’t I want to marry you? I love you. I’ve never been happier than I am with you. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

  “Cash, you deserve so much more than what I can give you.”

  I lifted her chin to see she truly meant that. “How can you say that? You make me happy. What else is there that matters between two people? What’s going on here?”

  She began to cry and sobbed quietly, “I can’t give you children.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m defective. That’s the truth. I was born with a defect that makes having children hard, if not impossible.”

  My heart tightened in my chest at the knowledge that she’d been dealing with this all on her own and hadn’t been able to tell me. “That’s what this is all about? You think I wouldn’t want to marry you because we might not have children?”

  “When we got together, I figured you were the kind of guy who didn’t care about kids, so I never mentioned it to you. But then you and your mother started talking about children and how much you’re looking forward to having a baseball team of kids.”

  I wrapped my arms around her and held her close as she began to cry harder. “Olivia, I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I would have never said anything about children if I knew. I’m sorry, honey.”

  “Oh, Cash, I don’t want you to give up your chance at a family just because of this. I love you too much to see you suffer because of what I can’t give you.”

  Tilting her head back, I gently slid the pads of my thumbs across her cheeks to wipe away the tears and kissed her. “How could you think I’d want children more than I want you in my life?”

  “Because you already have his name picked out. Cassian March V?”

  “I’m sorry, Olivia. I didn’t mean to make it seem like having children was ever more important than us being together. If we never have kids, then it just wasn’t meant to be. But if we want to be parents, we can always adopt or have a surrogate, if that’s something that’s possible. But if it’s just always you and me, that’s more than enough to make me happy.”

  “You say that now, but when your brothers have kids and all your friends have kids and all you have is me, you’ll regret it.”

  “Olivia, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If that life is never anything more than you and me, I’ll be happier than any man on the planet because I have you. The ability to have children wasn’t why I fell in love with you. I fell in love with your kindness and sweetness. I fell in love with you because you make me happy, not because you can give me children.”

  “The doctor didn’t say it was impossible, so we could try, I guess,” she said, sniffling as she smiled up at me.

  “I think that could be a lot of fun, but why don’t we try to remember why we wanted to get married? We love each other, right?”

  Olivia nodded. “I do love you, Cash. That’s why I didn’t want to make you marry me if I couldn’t give you a baby.”

  I pulled her back toward me and held her to me. “No more talk about babies. We still have to get married.”

  She looked up at me and frowned. “Oh, Cash! I’m so sorry. I ruined everything. Your mother is going to hate me. All those people came to see us get married, and I made such a mess of it.”

  “It’s okay. Don’t worry. I told you all this week this is about you and me. That’s all that mattered. I don’t care about those people or my mother or anyone else. Just you and me.”

  “My parents are going to freak out on me when I finally answer my mother’s calls. Thank God we paid for the wedding ourselves.”

  I pressed my forehead to hers and smiled. “Just you and me, Olivia. Everyone else was extra.”

  “Well, we needed Josie and Stefan too. And the mini
ster.”

  “We still have a honeymoon to go on, and I for one can’t wait to get to Italy.”

  “You still want to go on our honeymoon even though we won’t be married?” she asked, obviously confused about how unimportant the actual ceremony was to me.

  “I still love you, and you still love me, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “And at some point we’re going to get married, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then I don’t see a problem with us enjoying a few weeks in Italy. Think of it like having dessert before you have your meal.”

  “I really do love you so much, Cash. I never meant to make such a mess of things, and I hate the idea of you thinking I didn’t love you anymore. I’m sorry for that. I just didn’t know what to do.”

  “No more talking about that. I’m as much to blame as you for this. All that talking about children and baseball teams just days before our wedding. It was insensitive, especially considering how much I knew you were going through with Samantha. I’m sorry, but remember in the future whatever you’re dealing with, you don’t have to deal with it alone. That’s what being in love is all about, okay?”

  Olivia took a deep breath and then got a panicked look in her eyes. “Samantha! Oh my God, Cash! She’s going to kill me! After all the work she did to get everything just perfect and I ruined it all!”

  I kissed her to stop her talking and whispered against her lips, “Shhhh. Don’t worry about Samantha or anyone but the two of us. Her job is to handle things like this, so I’m sure she and my mother did just that. Right now, I want you to realize we’re in our own home, thankfully she found your relatives a hotel room so they didn’t have to stay here, and our flight doesn’t leave until tomorrow.”

  “Do you have something in mind, Mr. March?” she asked with a sexy smile.

  “I do, soon-to-be Mrs. March, so let’s enjoy the first night of our non-honeymoon.”