Raising Landry

by Andee Michelle

  New Guy: Carson?

  Me: Yep. Let’s hear it.

  My phone rings and when I look down, it’s New Guy calling.

  “Hello.”

  “Why do you want to know how many people I’ve slept with, Carson? If I say 100, are you gonna kick me to the curb?” he inquires with a chuckle.

  “Actually, if you say 100, I’m hanging up on you because earlier you said you weren’t a man-whore. If 100 is your answer, you’re a man-whore,” I reply.

  “Eight. I’ve slept with eight people. Does that constitute man-whore status?” he asks, sounding slightly worried.

  I giggle. “Eight is no man-whore. Eight is a healthy number, but nowhere near man-whore status,” I say.

  “Now you answer your own question, Carson,” New Guy demands.

  I think for a second about whether I should lie to him and tell him I’ve slept with a couple of people instead of the pathetic number one, but I like this guy so far and I don’t want things to start off with lies.

  “One,” I answer timidly.

  Coughing occurs on the other end of the phone and I pull it back to save my hearing.

  “You okay?” I ask.

  “Um, I’m sorry, did you say one? As in you’ve only slept with one person in your entire 27 years?” he asks, sounding confused.

  “Yes. One person,” I say.

  “Wow. Who was he?” he questions.

  “I don’t want to talk about him,” I respond sternly.

  “But he is one of the reasons you left Louisiana, huh?” he asks.

  “Yes. He was the main reason,” I reply.

  “How long have you been in Seattle?” he inquires, seemingly changing the subject, which makes me happy. I don’t want to talk about our sexual pasts anymore. It’s no longer fun.

  “About six years,” I tell him. “I’ve been in Seattle for six years and I love it here.”

  He sucks in a breath and doesn’t respond immediately.

  “You still there?” I ask.

  “Carson, are you telling me you haven’t had sex in more than six years?” he counters, voice full of desire.

  Shit. I opened myself up for that one.

  “Are we really going to talk about this? Yes. Six years. Actually, six years and a few weeks, but who’s counting,” I snap. “How long has it been for you, Mr. I’ve slept with eight people?” I bite out.

  “Carson, don’t be mad. I’m just surprised, that’s all. You’re beautiful. How have you fought off the men who come into that bar for all these years?” His voice is low like he’s afraid he’ll scare me off.

  “Look, I barely know you, and I really don’t want to talk about this anymore. I have to go. I’ll text you when finals are over,” I ramble and then hang up before he has a chance to reply.

  I down my wine and head to brush my teeth. I’m exhausted and so not ready to open old wounds.

  As I climb into bed, my phone chimes.

  New Guy: I’m sorry I upset you. I didn’t mean to. I understand you not wanting to open up about your history to someone you don’t really know, yet. I hope you’ll forgive me, and that you’ll really call or text when your finals are over. Good night.

  I feel the tears start to build and stop them before they really get started. How do you explain to a new guy friend that you weren’t enough for the only man you ever loved and he cheated on you? Not a conversation I’m ready to have with him. He doesn’t want me to judge him based on his name or what he does before I get to know him. Well, I don’t want him to judge me by the lack of experience I have before he really knows me either, so we’re even.

  Me: Don’t worry about it. I will text when my finals are over. I promise. :) Sleep tight, my new friend. ;)

  His response is almost immediate.

  New Guy: Back to friend-zone, huh? Lol

  Me: Yep. Our date is not for another couple weeks. Friends until then. ;)

  New Guy: I may randomly text you during the week since we are friends. :)

  Me: Sounds good. ‘Night.

  New Guy: Good night, beautiful Carson. <3

  The next couple weeks drag on. I work a ton because Sarah’s kid is apparently really sick and she hasn’t been into work much. I’m studying my ass off for finals, too. It’s surreal for me to think I’m almost done with school and am heading toward the dream of owning my own restaurant.

  I’m also spending countless hours online, perusing commercial property for sale up and down the coast of Washington. I haven’t touched my trust fund since I left New Orleans six years ago, but I know it’s still there because I get a statement every month. My daddy has continued to put money into it every month, just as he had since I was a little girl. I think he does it to make sure I always have that money to fall back on if I need it. He probably also does it to make himself feel better about his betrayal. I promised myself the day I walked away that I wouldn’t touch that money until I could use it to make my dreams come true. I mean, some of it was earned by me. I’d spent years being a runner and receptionist at my dad’s law firm without a single paycheck. He’d said he would put that money in my trust fund, and he had. The time for me to break into that fund and make my dreams come true was fast approaching.

  New Guy and I have been texting and talking in the weeks before finals. He seems like a really genuine guy. We talk about everything from our favorite movies and music to the fact that I love to read steamy erotica, while he likes to read more of the action/suspense-type novels. We really do seem to hit it off, and it doesn’t bother me that I still don’t know his name or what he does for a living, other than he is a “business man.” We’ve fallen into a comfortable friendship.

  I invited him to join us for my “surprise” graduation party, but he insisted that until we’ve had our first date and I knew who he was and accepted it, that we’d stick to the texting and phone calls. I was okay with that. We really have hit it off, and I am starting to get overly excited for our date once graduation is over. I have to admit I was a little apprehensive about the whole mystery game he was playing at first. Lu is excited to meet him and is sick of hearing me go on and on about him. I know she’ll like him.

  The week of finals has flown by. Between work, studying for and then taking finals, I have barely had time to sit down, much less think about my date with New Guy this weekend. That is, until I get into bed at night and close my eyes; then all I see are those beautiful blue eyes. I’ve not had any other problems with the owner’s kid, Jerrod, in the bar, so I’m hoping Jack explained the situation to the boss man and that things are cool. I’m also in the midst of trying to figure out how to talk Lulu out of the “surprise” party she’s throwing for my graduation tomorrow, without her knowing I know. If she insists on it, I don’t want to ruin her fun. She loves to surprise people.

  I get out of my truck and head into the little boutique Lu and I love so much. It’s a little pricey, but I really want something fabulous to wear under my cap and gown. I don’t normally spend a lot on my clothes. I have a small checking account, from all the money I’ve saved working at the Friedmont the past few years. I’d saved almost every penny that didn’t go to bills, and it was a nice little nest egg.

  I find a few dresses and head for the dressing room. Trying them on, I assess myself in the mirror. Looks like I’ve lost a little weight recently—not surprising since I normally don’t eat as much when I’m stressed out, and the last few weeks have been damn stressful. The orange maxi dress is perfect. I don’t even try on the others. Heading to the counter, I pay for my dress and grab a cute pair of earrings that are on the counter by the cash register. They remind me of a pair my mother bought me once, though these are costume jewelry and the ones my mother bought were real and stupid expensive. Odd that thinking of her doesn’t hurt.

  I walk into the restaurant and brace myself for the screams of my friends who’ve shown up for this “surprise” party. As Lulu, Landry and I follow the hostess to a table, I start to think maybe I was wrong about
the surprise, but out of nowhere, several friends/co-workers/fellow students jump out and scream “SURPRISE,” giving me a minor heart attack.

  “Lu! What the hell did you do?” I screech. I know how much throwing me this party meant to her, and I was gonna play it up like nobody’s business. I move around to hug and thank each person for coming.

  I see Landry out of the corner of my eye, hiding in the booth with her stuffed bear “Buddy-Lou.” I walk up and sit with her, grabbing her shoulder to get her attention.

  “What’s wrong?” I sign.

  “Strangers.” Landry signs back. She isn’t used to being around all these people and she’s scared. I hug her close and kiss her head.

  I scoop her up in my arms and carry her around with me while I chat with my guests. She is out of her element around all of these people and not all of them know she is deaf, so they try to talk to her and expect a response. Once people start realizing that I am signing to her what they say, they all start to act awkward and don’t engage her anymore.

  I hate that this is the life she is destined for. Nothing upsets me more than adults who don’t know how to react to or treat a child with a hearing disability. They look at her with such pity and sorrow, and that is the last thing she needs. She needs people to treat her as if she is just like them, because she is. She is smart as a whip and going to do great things someday, I just know it.

  Landry signs to me that she needs to use the bathroom, so I start to walk in that direction. I’m holding Landry’s hand in mine but I jump and almost drop it when I come around the corner and Jerrod is standing there, arms crossed over his chest, looking right at me. Where the hell did he come from?

  “Excuse me,” I say as I try to step around him. He steps with me, continuing to block my way.

  “So you have a kid, huh, Gumby-slut? Figures,” Jerrod sneers. I can feel the hair on the back of my neck start to rise. I can take care of myself most of the time, but I have Landry with me and do not want her to be a witness to this scene. I continue to stare daggers at him without a word.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t talk about her mommy like that in front of her, huh?” he says, almost in a child-like voice, while leaning down and reaching his hand toward Landry.

  I step back from him and pull Landry behind me. “Don’t fucking touch her,” I bite out.

  “Nice language in front of the kid. I’m sure you’re an awesome role model for her,” he snarls.

  I turn to Landry and look around for Lulu. When I spot her about 20 feet away, I point to her and sign to Landry to go get her mom to take her to the potty. She nods sleepily and walks toward Lu. I watch her until she is safely with Lu, then I turn my attention back to Jerrod. His face is emotionless, which strikes me as odd because most people who learn Landry is deaf immediately have a look of sadness or pity on their face. Jerrod continues to look unaffected.

  “Look, Jerrod, I don’t know what game you’re playing, but you deserved what you got at the bar. You tried to embarrass me, it didn’t work and that’s that. Game over. I don’t have time for this shit,” I snap and turn to walk away. He grabs my bicep hard enough to make me clench my jaw in pain. I stop but don’t turn back.

  “Listen, bitch. I don’t know who you think you are, but you fucked with the wrong guy,” he growls. “You obviously don’t know who you’re messing with.”

  I pull my arm away from him fiercely and get in his face. “If you ever touch me again, I will break your perfectly sculpted nose. You don’t wanna fuck with me, Jerrod. I’m the southern girl kinda crazy. Ya know: big truck-drivin’, ass-kickin’, gun-carryin’ kinda girl. Now step the fuck off!” I turn to walk away but can see by the look on his face that I just pissed him off even more. I am so thankful I’m done with school and will be able to leave the Friedmont soon. Running into him there will be awkward to say the least. Something about him scares me, and that’s hard to do.

  As I walk back over to my friends and co-workers, I realize they’ve seen the last part of my conversation with Jerrod and are staring at me. That must be why he let me walk away; there were too many people paying attention.

  When I get to Lu, she starts to say something but I shake my head just a little so she knows I don’t want to discuss it right now. When I turn back toward where Jerrod was standing, he is gone. Thank God. Something about that encounter worries me. I’m pretty sure he’s crazy, and you don’t poke at crazy.

  The rest of the party is a hit, and it’s nice to mingle with the few friends and acquaintances I have. I’ve been so busy with working and school that I really haven’t had much time to get out and let loose. These past few years have really taken their toll on me. When I left everything behind in New Orleans, I was bound and determined to make it on my own. I have the trust fund. Before I left New Orleans, I had used some of it on stupid shit I didn’t need but at the time, really, I had no worries about money. I was a rich kid. Either my parents or Chris paid for everything. So, there was quite a bit of money in the fund.

  I get up from the table and excuse myself to the bathroom. I knew the tears would come at some point tonight but, I had hoped it would at least wait until I got home and was alone. It tears my heart out that my dad is not here to see what I’ve accomplished. Although I know he wanted me to follow in his footsteps and become a lawyer, I know he’d be proud of me for finishing school and following my dream.

  As I step into the bathroom, I let the tears fall freely for the sorrow of not having him here with me. I’ve been tempted so many times over the years to just call to let him know I was okay and to see how he is doing. I’ve talked myself out of it every single time, though, because I know there is the chance my mother will answer and I have nothing to say to that woman. I still blame her for the destruction of my relationship with my dad. I am and will always be a daddy’s girl.

  I give myself time to feel the pain of his vacancy in my life and hang out in the bathroom stall for way longer than I had planned to. I gotta pull myself together.

  I finish up in the bathroom, basically just trying to make it look like I haven’t been crying, and head back out into the restaurant. As soon as Lulu sees me, she rushes over and asks what’s wrong.

  “Nothing really. Today has been wonderful Lu, and I can’t thank you enough for putting this all together. I guess I just realized that I’m finally going to be living my dream and my dad is not going to see it,” I explain, barely above a whisper because I’m afraid I’ll start crying again at the mention of him.

  “Oh, Carson! I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t even think about that,” Lulu apologizes as she pulls me in for a hug. I don’t know what I’d do without her. She truly has been my only real friend since I moved here. She’s like the sister I was never blessed with. Between her and Landry, I feel like my life is complete most days. Today is just hard because I do miss my daddy something fierce.

  “It’s okay, Lu. I just needed a minute to have a mini-meltdown for his absence in my life.” I pause and look around. “Now, let’s get back to the party and have a good time.” I smile at her as I pull her toward the others.

  We spend the next couple of hours talking and eating. Not many people know that my plan all along has been to open my own restaurant on the ocean, outside the city. Lulu is about the only person I’ve talked to about it.

  I have the money to buy a restaurant, which is why I’ve been looking at commercially zoned land so I can build from the ground up. The problem is finding the land. I have an exact picture in my mind of what I want my restaurant to be and look like. I’ve been cutting out ideas from magazines since I was 10.

  That folder was the one thing I made sure to grab when I left New Orleans. I had packed most of my clothes, some of my shoes and my hidden dream restaurant folder. I’d probably left behind $50,000 worth of Jimmy Choo and Louboutin shoes. What the hell was I gonna do with shoes like that? First, I didn’t have the room to transport them and second, chefs don’t wear 4” heels to cook in. I knew the
moment I left New Orleans that I was going to follow my dream of becoming a world-renowned chef and opening my dream restaurant.

  As the party dies down, I look around the restaurant and movement near the door catches my eye. It’s Jerrod, and he is looking right at me. I stand there for a minute, looking at him and trying to figure out what it is about him that makes my skin crawl. I think it’s his crazy eyes. How did I not notice how crazy his eyes are? I shake my head and turn away. It’s time to go home.

  We say our goodbyes to all the people at my party who are heading home for the evening. Landry has fallen asleep in one of the booths and is curled up dreaming. I grab Lulu and tell her we need to get going. She nods and heads toward Landry. I make sure everyone grabbed their stuff and hasn’t left anything at our tables, then head toward the front door with Lulu right behind me carrying Landry.

  We make it to the car and get Landry situated in her car seat. I have that weird feeling you get when someone is watching you, but as I look around the parking lot I don’t see anyone else. I get into the passenger seat of Lulu’s old Nissan Sentra and we head toward her place. I’ll just stay the night with her and baby girl so we can get an early start on our morning.

  My realtor had called me earlier in the week and said she’d possibly found some land on the coast a little outside of Seattle, which would be perfect for my restaurant. Lulu and Landry are coming with me to scope it out. My date with New Guy is tomorrow evening, too, and I’m beginning to get a little nervous. We’ve been texting several times a day and have talked several times on the phone since we met. I’ve tried not to get too excited about the date. I mean, really, he hasn’t even given me his name yet. It’s weird, but there is something about him that pulls me to him. I don’t know that I’ve ever felt that pull before. Not even with Chris.

  Lulu and I are chatting, Landry asleep in the back, when I notice lights come up behind us at a fast rate. I tell Lulu to try to pull to the side so this asshole can pass. She slows from 65 to 55 and pulls toward the side so the person can see he/she has room to go around, but the person is just riding our bumper like nobody’s business. Lulu pulls back to center and speeds back up to the speed limit of 65. Right before a large curve, the asshole behind us swerves into the other lane to pass. I look to the side to see what the hell is going on and stare directly into Jerrod’s eyes. He evens his speed out so he is driving alongside us and just stares at me.