Raising Landry

by Andee Michelle

  All of a sudden, I see lights coming and Jerrod is not paying attention. I point in front of him and he smirks before jerking the wheel toward Lulu’s car, hitting us violently and causing us to run off the road.

  The jolt of hitting the embankment almost knocks me unconscious as my head slams against the side window. I feel the car start to roll. We were doing 65 miles per hour when she slammed on the brakes and was hit by that asshole. This is gonna be bad.

  And then, my brain registers that Landry is asleep in the backseat!

  “LANDRY!!!!” I scream, knowing she can’t hear me but needing to release the pain in my chest.

  I hear Lulu scream but it’s cut off quickly by the sound of metal twisting and grinding. It feels like we’re moving for far too long and all I can do is pray over and over that Landry is okay. We must hit something because I feel the car stop abruptly and I hit my head against something hard, losing consciousness.

  When I come to, I feel warm liquid running down my face and arm. I blink my eyes several times because everything is blurry and I can’t seem to focus on anything. I hear Landry crying softly in the backseat, but I’m unable to move my arms to sign to her. I turn my head slowly toward where Lulu’s seat is, praying she is okay. As I bring my head around in her direction, I feel the bile rise from my stomach when I come face to face with my best friend. Eyes wide open, looking directly at me, she’s not moving and blood is covering most of her face. She has a huge gash in the side of her head. My best friend is dead.

  Screaming. All I can hear is screaming and it feels like hours before I realize that screaming is coming from me. My chest feels like someone is stepping down on it slowly and all of a sudden I can’t breathe. I hear Landry whimpering in the backseat and I move my head from side to side, hoping she can see me and know that she’s not alone. The last thing I hear is Landry scream “CC” so loud my head feels like it explodes and everything goes black.

  I hear voices but can’t open my eyes. They are voices I’ve never heard before and when I hear a man’s voice, my body tightens. Please God, don’t let that be Jerrod. I force my eyes to open a little bit, but there is a light shining in my face and the pain in my head makes everything magnified. I hear a woman say, “She’s awake. Get a backboard.” There is so much noise, like crunching metal. I hear more talking but can’t lift my head; something is holding it down. I realize they must be cutting us out of the car. I can’t hear Landry. I try to reach out my hand but can’t move it.

  “Help,” I whisper but no one can hear me. I say it a few more times before I feel someone hovering over me.

  “Ma’am, can you hear me?” a female voice says.

  “Help Landry,” I whisper again.

  I feel the lady move closer to me. “Say that again, honey. I can’t hear you,” she replies.

  “Please help Landry,” I repeat, this time a little stronger.

  “Is Landry the little girl who was in the backseat?” she asks.

  “Yes. Please help her,” I mumble. My chest is starting to hurt and I can’t breathe.

  “She’s already out of the vehicle, ma’am. We are trying to help her but she won’t respond when we question her. We think she is in shock,” the lady explains.

  My entire body feels like it’s on fire from the pain. I try to move my head again and cry out when a pain shoots through my shoulder and down into my back.

  “Don’t try to move, ma’am. They are almost done cutting you out. Should just be a minute longer,” the nice lady says, while stroking my hand.

  “She’s deaf. She can’t hear you¸” I whisper. I know I’m about to lose consciousness again from the pain, and I need them to take care of Landry until someone can get to the hospital. I know Lulu is gone, and I try to swallow down the pain I feel in my chest at the knowledge that my best friend is dead.

  “Oh, Jesus…that explains a lot,” I hear the woman respond. “Hey, Jack! The little girl is deaf! Page Jackie and have her meet us at the hospital. She can sign!”

  “Ma’am, she is gonna be okay. Just some bumps and bruises. Are you her mother?” she asks.

  “No,” I whisper, this time from the pain of having to say the words out loud. “Her mother was the driver.” I can’t control the sob that leaves my mouth when the words come out. Lulu is gone and Landry is an orphan.

  I suck in as much breath as I can but it is excruciating, and I can feel myself slipping under. My heart is broken. The last thing I remember is the feeling of being lifted, and then darkness again.

  When I wake, it must be night because there are no lights on in my room except for the glow of the machines I’m hooked to. My chest is on fire and I realize that my hands are strapped down. I try to lick my lips but feel something in my mouth and panic sets in. There is a little device in my hand with a button on it, so I press it several times, hoping it’s a nurse button.

  Within seconds, several nurses and a doctor rush into my room quickly. The doctor starts explaining that I’ve been in an accident and my lungs collapsed so I have a tube helping me breathe. I pull my hands up as far as I can and he tells me they had to strap my hands down to keep me from trying to pull the tube out when I woke up in a panic. I try to nod my head but it doesn’t move and I realize my neck feels weird.

  The doctor informs me that I am lucky to be alive and that I have some serious injuries to recover from. I had to have surgery on my shoulder and neck when they brought me in, which explains the searing pain. He tells the nurse to administer something into my IV to help me stay comfortable pain-wise, and the nurse does as instructed.

  “Carson, you need to rest. You have some very serious injuries that will require hard work on your part, but right now, you need to rest to heal.” He pats my hand and promises to come back soon. I almost instantly feel myself falling back to sleep. The nurse is adjusting the straps on my hands to give me more movement and I reach for her hand. I need to know how Landry is doing. She feels me move and places her hand on top of mine.

  “Just rest, Carson. You’ll need your strength.” She starts to walk away and I grunt so she’ll turn around.

  “Did you need something?” she asks, tilting her head to the side.

  I give her a hard blink. She steps back over to me, looking around for a moment. She spots what she’s looking for and walks to the other side of the room. When she returns, she puts a little pencil in my hand and a pad of paper under it.

  Landry?

  “Ahh, the little girl who was brought in with you. She is okay. Broken arm. Her grandpa picked her up a couple days ago. You’ve been here for a week, sweetie. He has come by a couple of times to see you and we are under strict orders to call him when you wake up. I was going to go call him now,” she explains with compassion in her voice.

  I feel the tears start, so thankful Landry is okay, but then I feel my body giving into the drugs. Then there is darkness and I dream of Lulu’s dead eyes and Landry’s cries.

  I can hear voices but can’t make out what they are saying. I feel a breath on my face but can’t seem to make my eyes open. For some reason, I start to panic at someone being so close to me. I wonder if they know Jerrod caused this. I wonder if he even stopped to see if we were okay after he ran us off the road. Just the idea that he is still out there, living his life while I’m in this bed and my best friend is dead pisses me off more than I have ever been in my entire life.

  I force my eyes to open but everything is blurry and I can’t seem to focus on one specific thing. The first thing I notice is that my hands are no longer tied down and I can lick my lips. How did they take that tube out without waking me up? The breath on my face disappears and I hear the sweetest sound ever. Landry’s voice.

  “CC,” she whisper-yells.

  I finally find focus, look into her beautiful blue eyes, and my tears immediately start to fall. Does she know her mom is gone? How did she take it? Where is Pops? I move my arms for the first time in I don’t know how long and pain shoots through my shoulder.
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br />   “Don’t try to move too much, Carson. You’ve still got a bunch of broken bones that are healing,” I hear Pops’ voice say. I gently turn my head to look in the direction his voice came and am overcome with grief when I see his face.

  “Pops,” I whisper through my tears.

  He walks over to my side and grabs my hand. “Carson, I’m so happy to see those beautiful eyes. I was afraid I was gonna lose you, too,” he says quietly, tears in his eyes. He has treated me like a daughter since the first day I met him. I love him dearly and am heartbroken at his loss of Lulu. She was all he had left other than Landry, and I know he is too old and has too many medical issues to care for her long-term.

  “Does she know?” I ask him, looking toward Landry.

  Pop shakes his head in the affirmative and I see his tears begin to fall silently. I gesture for Landry to come back to me and she does, slowly. I pat the bed and Pops helps to sit her gently beside me. I grab the hand closest to me and rub my thumb across her tiny knuckles. What is going to happen to her? Will they let her live with Pops with his medical issues? I won’t let her be taken into foster care. Can I become a foster parent as a young, single woman? Probably not. I won’t let them take her away. I’ll take her and run before I’ll let that happen.

  I pull my hand away from Landry and sign to her.

  “I’m sorry, Landry. I love you.”

  “I love you too, CC,” she signs in response. I can see she is fighting tears. She’s so young she will probably have very few, if any, memories of Lulu when she’s older. I promise myself that I will do everything in my power for her to never forget her mom. I may have only known Lu for a few years, but I’ve known her since she was pregnant with Landry and know everything about her since that time. I’ll be able to tell her stories about her mom and how much she wanted and loved her.

  “Pops, what is gonna happen to her?” I look toward Pops as I ask.

  “Luanne had a Will. The lawyer requested you to be there for the reading. I told him it won’t take place until the doctor releases you. I want to make sure that it only has to be done once and that’s not happening until you’re better.” He leans down and kisses my head. “Now, I’m gonna take Landry home and get her ready for bed. We will be back tomorrow to see you. You rest, Carson. We need you to get better,” he says as he helps Landry climb down from my bed.

  “Thanks, Pops. I love you,” I tell him softly.

  “I love you too, CC,” he replies with a smirk, knowing I only let Landry call me that. He leans down and kisses my head, reminding me so much of my own daddy. He used to kiss my forehead every night before bed. My stomach clinches at the thought of him. He’d be devastated to know about this accident.

  I can see the pain in Landry’s eyes as Pops walks to the door. The tears in her eyes start to fall and she reaches toward me, signing. “Don’t leave me.” I call out to Pops to stop for a minute and respond to Landry.

  “I will never leave you, baby girl. I love you and will see you tomorrow.” I smile to let her know it’s okay. She returns a fractured smile and allows Pops to leave with her without any fight.

  I know that if Lulu’s Will was done prior to Landry’s birth, she may not have made me guardian, and Pops and I will be having a serious discussion about who is going to fight for custody of her. If Lu put Landry’s dad’s name on the birth certificate, will they notify him now that Lu is gone? I don’t know much about the law, but I’m pretty sure the only way the lawyer would know I needed to be there for the reading is if my name is in it. That means she had to have done the Will after Landry’s birth because I didn’t meet her until she was three months pregnant.

  Regardless, I’ll fight tooth and nail for Landry. I’ve known her since the second she was born. I cut her cord, for Christ’s sake! I held Lu’s hand through 26 hours of back labor. I took care of Landry while Lu was recovering from a very scary emergency surgery because she hemorrhaged after Landry was born. I spent day and night with them for three weeks until Lu was strong enough to hold her. I really love Landry as if she were my own. I’d give my life for her.

  As I lie in this hospital bed and think of all the things I’ll teach Landry about Lu, I feel the pain in my shoulder start to heighten. I push the pain pump button, praying it will put me to sleep and out of this misery. As I start to drift off, I realize I haven’t asked about Jerrod.

  When I wake the next morning, there is a police officer standing outside my room talking to my nurse, and I instantly feel nauseous. Although I know I need to find out what happened after the accident and determine if the cops know anything about Jerrod’s involvement, I’m terrified to relive what happened. I’m ashamed that this whole thing could have been avoided if I hadn’t been so mouthy.

  The officer comes into my room and introduces himself as Detective Lopez. He tells me that he has some questions for me and asks if I’m ready to talk about the accident. I nod and take a deep breath. Let’s get this over with.

  I tell Detective Lopez the whole story, starting with the night I was working at the Friedmont and embarrassed Jerrod, up until the moment I lost consciousness after the accident. Once I’ve explained everything, stopping several times while trying to control my emotions, I find out they’d had no leads on who had caused the accident. They just have a vehicle description from the guy who had seen the accident and stopped.

  Apparently, after Jerrod had run us off the road, he’d taken off. The car that had been heading toward Jerrod had pulled over when he saw us roll and had immediately called 911. The man had been able to get to Lu’s car and was holding Landry’s hand trying to soothe her when the ambulance and police arrived. The only description he could give the officers was that the person had been driving a newer Cadillac SUV and that he had never even hit his brakes after he ran us off the road and sped away. It wasn’t until that moment that they knew his name and the fact that I knew him.

  Once I have filled him in on the fact that Jerrod had caused the wreck intentionally, he informs me he will be requesting a judge to issue a warrant for Jerrod’s arrest, with a high bond. Detective Lopez tells me he has no doubt this will happen immediately, and that the prosecutor will be charging Jerrod with murder, among other things. The detective promises he will go looking for him as soon as he has the warrant in his hand. I tell him about Jerrod’s dad owning the Friedmont, and I can tell by the look on his face he realizes that this will be a high-profile case. As much as I find relief in the fact that they’ll be getting a warrant and going to look for him, it makes me realize that Jerrod could be anywhere by now.

  Detective Lopez leaves and the nurse brings me some lunch and pain medicine. I haven’t been all that hungry since I woke up, but I know I need to eat to get my strength back. An IV diet doesn’t do much other than keep you alive. My shoulder and ribs are killing me, and I welcome the pain medicine. I should nap before Pops and Landry come.

  I wake slowly to the sounds of the nurse opening my door. When I open my eyes, I see Pops and Landry cuddled together on a chair watching TV. The volume is muted so I know Pops was just trying to keep Landry occupied while I slept. I try to pull myself up further on the bed, hitting the button to elevate the top so I can sit up. When I get to a sitting position and try to adjust myself, I wince in pain as my ribs scream at me to not move. Even breathing hurts. Landry quietly comes over and climbs onto my bed, laying her head on my lap. She doesn’t sign anything, just lays there. I reach down and rub her hair, something I’ve always done to soothe her when she’s scared. I look at Pops who has tears in his eyes and am reminded how hard this has to be on him. He lost his only daughter, is taking care of his grandchild, and is going back and forth to the hospital to see me.

  “You doing okay, Pops?” I ask quietly.

  “Yeah, baby girl. I’m fine. I’ve been so worried about you and Landry I think it’s taking its toll on me. Don’t worry, though. I have a friend coming over this afternoon to help me with Landry and let me get some rest. I’m sure I’ll
feel a ton better after a good night’s sleep,” he assures with a small smile.

  I nod and continue rubbing Landry’s hair. I’m not sure how long we sat in silence, watching a mute TV. Having them here, and the soft white noise of the air conditioner, lulls me back to sleep quickly.

  When I wake again, there is a new nurse checking my vitals and Pops and Landry are gone. When I look up at the nurse, she smiles and says, “Your dad and little girl left about an hour ago. Asked me to tell you they’ll be back tomorrow.” I nod and don’t correct her.

  Right before I go to sleep that evening, Detective Lopez calls me to tell me that the judge issued a warrant for Jerrod and they will be checking his home, as well as monitoring his dad’s house and The Friedmont. I thank him again. As much as I know the cops are doing everything they can to find him, I’m still terrified to close my eyes. What if he comes for me?

  It dawns on me a few mornings later that I have no idea what happened to my purse, which was in Lu’s car. It had everything in it: my driver’s license, my credit cards, my bank card and my cell. I ask the nurse if any of my personal belongings were brought in with me. She says she’ll check and leaves the room, just as Pops and Landry show up for a quick visit.

  When the nurse returns, she informs me that a purse was brought in with me but she is unsure if it is mine, or what the contents are. I ask her if she can retrieve it and bring it to me. She seems a bit irritated but says she’ll go find it.

  Almost an hour later she returns with my purse, looking like it had been through a meat grinder. It kind of had, I guess. I reach for my purse and start digging through it. Thankfully, my wallet and all my cards are still in there. I so didn’t want to have to deal with calling to cancel them all.