Raising Landry

by Andee Michelle

  “That’s just mean, Carson,” I hear him say as he closes the door behind him. I giggle to myself. After not having sex for so long, I might just be a virgin again. I want him like I’ve never wanted anyone in my life. He oozes sex. I wash my hair as quickly as I can one-handed and start to wash my body when I realize the throbbing between my legs isn’t going to go away until I do something about it. I slowly rub my hand down my body, then my middle finger through my center. It’s so sensitive that I moan without realizing it and within seconds hear the door open to the bathroom. I pull my hand away quickly and push the curtain back enough to see Kyler’s head stuck through the gap in the door.

  “What are you doing, Carson?” He smirks. Shit. He heard me moan. He had to have been outside the door to hear that!

  “Nothing, perv. Get out. I’m trying to shower. You’re gonna make me late.” I jerk the curtain shut and hear him chuckle as he shuts the door. Guess I’ll have to take care of that later.

  I rinse off and quickly get out of the shower. Drying off as much as possible, I wrap the towel around me and open the door to head to my room but run straight into Kyler who is still smirking.

  “Ahh…go away!” I say as I try to walk past him. He chuckles again and asks, “What were you doing in there, Carson?” as he grabs my good arm and pulls me back against his body. I can feel his erection in my back and it makes the throbbing worse. He leans down and whispers into my ear, “Where you touching yourself in there, baby?” He starts kissing my neck and shoulder and my body turns to pure liquid. I lean my head back against his chest.

  “Yes,” I whisper. I feel him smile against my skin and then he kisses behind my ear one more time before letting me go.

  “Go get dressed quickly, Carson. I only have so much restraint.” He pats my ass, gently pushing me toward my room. I don’t look back because I’m afraid I’ll rip this towel off and attack him. What the hell has gotten into me!?! I can’t keep this up. After this appointment today, my whole world is going to change in one way or another. I don’t want to drag Kyler into that, even if he wants me to.

  I pick a loose-fitting blouse that is easy for me to get on and a pair of dress slacks. It’s stuffy lawyer attire. I apply a little powder to my face and mascara to my eyes. I realize my hair is soaking wet, but I don’t have time to dry it or the ability to put it up.

  I run out of the bathroom just in time to hear the knock at the door. I open it and Pops is standing there in a suit, looking solemn.

  “Hi, Pops,” I greet as I kiss his cheek. “This is Ky. Ky, this is Pops. Come in and sit down. I gotta run next door but it’ll only take a second.” I see the smirk on Kyler’s face that I didn’t give his full name. I give him a little smile before I ease back down the hallway.

  I knock on Will’s door. Within seconds, he throws it open and starts to grab me up but I stop him.

  “Will, I need your help real quick.” I grab his hand and pull him back to my apartment. “I can’t do my hair and I have an appointment I have to leave for like right now. Can you put my hair up for me real quick-like?” I spew as we basically run toward my bathroom. Both Pops and Kyler look concerned as I drag my poor neighbor in.

  “I got you girl.” He immediately starts putting my hair into a simple French twist, and a couple bobby pins later, we’re done. I hug him, tell him we’ll talk soon and basically shove him out the door. Kyler looks at me like he wants to ask but doesn’t. He just nods as Pops and I head out the door. I love having a gay hairdresser friend living next door. He’s a great guy and an even greater friend.

  I turn at the door and look back at Kyler. “Thank you for your help last night and this morning. You know that I can have Pops take me to the grocery store if you have other things to do,” I say quickly. I don’t want him to feel like he has to babysit me.

  He takes a deep breath and shakes his head. “I’m not going anywhere, Carson. I’ll be here when you get back and then I’ll take you grocery shopping,” he replies, almost sadly. I nod and close the door behind me. He’s bound and determined to stick around. That makes me smile.

  Pops and I make small talk on the way to the attorney’s office. I ask about Landry and he tells me how she’s been doing in school now that she’s a kindergartener. When I ask where she is today, he explains that he has a “lady friend” who lives in his building and is watching her. Says she is real good with Landry and is even learning to sign.

  We pull up in front of the building and Pops grabs my hand before we exit the car.

  “Carson, I want you to know that no matter what the Will says, we will fight for her. Luanne never told me who Landry’s dad is, but I know she knew his name. I don’t know if she would leave custody of Landry to a man who doesn’t even know about her or not. If she did, we will fight for her.” I feel the tears coming but swallow the lump in my throat. I’d never even considered that Lu would leave Landry to her dad. That opens up a whole new can of worms. That is a fight we would not win. He is her biological father, after all. He would win unless he’s a drug addict or convicted felon, and even then our odds are sketchy.

  All of sudden, I’m terrified to go inside. We slowly make our way into the right office and the receptionist informs us that Mr. Clark will be with us shortly. We take a seat in the waiting room and Pops grabs my hand, giving it a slight squeeze. “It’ll be okay, Carson. Breathe,” he whispers. I take in and let out a deep breath, hoping it calms my nerves.

  “Mr. Jackson, Ms. Breaux, nice to meet you.” A man I’m assuming is Mr. Clark reaches out to shake Pops’ hand and then mine. He has kind eyes, and I can tell he is a good man.

  “Why don’t we go to the conference room so we can get started,” he offers, ushering us through double doors into a large room with a large table and lots of chairs.

  “Have a seat,” he says and starts moving papers around, picking up files and rearranging the contents.

  He finally settles, looks up and speaks.

  “Luanne was very secretive about her wishes. Her Will is very vague, just leaving everything she owns, and her life insurance, to her daughter Landry, to be held in trust until she reaches the age of 21.” He pauses and it gives me a second to take in the fact that the Will was done after Landry’s birth. I exhale the breath I didn’t realize I was holding. He continues. “Luanne left sealed letters to you two, stating in her Will that the letters would explain all of her wishes. There is a third sealed letter with no name on it. She said that your letters will explain the third and who it is to go to.”

  He pauses for another second, searching through the folder in front of him. “Here we go. Carson, here is yours.” He hands me an envelope with Lu’s handwriting of my name on the front of it. The tears start immediately and I can hardly breathe. I close my eyes and try to control my racing heart. Pops reaches over and takes my hand into his. “And this one is yours, Mr. Jackson,” he says as he hands Pops his letter. I look over at him and see the tears rolling down his face. He takes a deep breath and rips his envelope open, wasting no time.

  I look at the envelope in my hand and am terrified to open it. I know this letter is going to change my life forever. I slowly run my finger under the flap of the envelope, separating the two ends. I pull the letter from the envelope and unfold it. The second my eyes take in the writing, I close them, saying a small prayer that what is in this letter is good news.

  My dearest friend Carson,

  If you are reading this letter, I am gone. It even feels weird to write that. You will never know how much I value your friendship, Car. You came into my life at a time that I was so low I didn’t know what I would do. I was terrified to have a baby on my own, but you made me realize how strong I was and that I could do it alone, but that I wouldn’t have to because you would be there through it all. No words can ever explain how much that meant to me. Then when Landry got sick and it eventually took her hearing, YOU were my rock. You pushed me to get up every day and be strong. You’ve loved Landry like your own since the d
ay she was born. You’ve lived your life around us for all these years, and I could never thank you enough. I love you, Carson, like the sister I never had. With that said, please keep that in mind when I tell you the rest.

  My last request to you is this: I need you to go to Landry’s dad and tell him about her. Give him the opportunity I didn’t when I chose not to tell him about her. I know it’s shitty that I’m leaving this on your shoulders. He deserves to know her and have a choice in being a part of her life. I am leaving guardianship of Landry to you, Carson. I know you will love her like your own and support her lovingly her entire life. But please, give him a chance to know her. It won’t be hard to find him, and that’s the reason I never told you his name. Landry’s father is Kyler Richards, one of the richest bachelors in Seattle.

  I can feel the tears spilling down my face. I gasp, drop the letter and stand quickly. I need air. I can’t breathe. I feel Pops’ hand on my shoulder and I turn to him, seeing tears rolling down his face, as well.

  “Carson, we will be okay. I will go with you to find him if you want me to,” Pops whispers. He doesn’t realize the man he just met in my apartment, the man who has been helping me recover, is Kyler, Landry’s dad.

  “I have to finish the letter,” I whisper as I bend down to pick it up off the floor. I take a deep breath and continue.

  Please do this for me, Carson. If Kyler wants nothing to do with her, then that is his decision, a decision I didn’t give him a chance to make before. If he doesn’t want a relationship with her, I’m granting full custody of Landry to you.

  I will never be able to repay you for taking care of my baby girl now that I’m gone. Please don’t let her forget me, and please always remind her how much I love her and wanted her in my life. Show her my pictures. Tell her our stories (age appropriate, of course) ;) Make sure she knows I will always watch over her…and you. Take care of each other.

  I love you,

  Lu

  I don’t even attempt to stop the tears that are falling or the sobs that are racking my body. I’m shaking all over and am unable to control the urge to scream. I feel myself falling back to the chair but can do nothing to stop it. I feel like I’m losing Lulu all over again. I curl into myself and close my eyes, praying I’ll open them to find this has all been just a bad dream. Please, let this all be a bad dream. I don’t know how long it is before I feel hands on my face and know its Pops. I open my eyes and look up at him as tears pour down his face. I sit up straight and pull him into my arms as best as I can with one arm.

  We sit there for a few minutes before it dawns on me that I’ve just had a mental breakdown in front of this attorney who I don’t know. I turn to where Mr. Clark was sitting but realize he has left the room and let Pops and me deal with our grief in private.

  “Pops, I know Kyler. I met him a couple weeks before the accident. That was him at my apartment when you picked me up,” I say quickly before I can change my mind about telling him.

  He pulls back and looks at me, stunned. “You’re dating Landry’s dad?” he whispers.

  I don’t know how to respond to that. We aren’t officially dating. We are friends, but over the past 24 hours, we’ve made out and he’s seen me naked. Not a conversation I wanna have with Pops.

  “We are friends,” I answer finally. I walk to the window that overlooks the park across the street.

  “How am I going to tell him this?” I ask no one in particular. My mind starts to freak out with questions. He was at the bar Lulu and I worked at. He saw us dancing! Did he know I was friends with a woman he had a one-night stand with? She said they’d been drinking when they got together. That night at the bar, she said she’d run into him and he hadn’t recognized her. Did he ever run into Landry and Pops at the hospital while I was there? Has he already seen his daughter?

  Pops drives me home and stops in front of my apartment. We didn’t talk the whole way home. I don’t really know what to say or do. I have the letter Lulu wrote to Kyler in my purse, but I’m not sure I want to give it to him now. Do I tell him and then give him the letter, or do I just give him the letter and let him find out by reading it? If I knew what the letter said, it’d be easier for me to decide. I turn toward Pops and grab his hand.

  “I don’t know if I can tell him today, Pops. I need to process all of this and decide how best to tell him,” I state and Pops nods.

  “Car, I can be with you when you tell him if you think it’ll be easier,” he says timidly. I know he doesn’t want to be witness to it but is trying to be strong for me. He’s been through enough. He doesn’t need to deal with this, too.

  “No, Pops. I can do this. I just need to figure out the best way to handle it.” I squeeze his hand as I open the door. “I’ll call you after I tell him so you know what to expect.” I get out and close the door, but lean back in the open window. “It will only be a day or two, Pops, and once I’ve told him, I want us to sit Landry down and explain that she’s coming to live with me. I just need a day or two to get this figured out, get her room ready and we’ll go from there.” I see his face lighten. I know he loves Landry, but he is too old to be raising a rambunctious 5-year-old alone. Plus, I know the past few weeks have taken a toll on him and his health. He looks exhausted. I blow him a kiss, as he smiles and drives away.

  As I’m coming up the stairs to my apartment, the door opens and Kyler steps out with a smile on his face. His smile quickly changes when he sees the state I’m in. He closes the distance between us and in that moment, I just need him to comfort me. I will figure out a way to tell him, but right now, I need to be in his arms. I don’t hesitate for a second when he wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest. He is going to hate me for not telling him immediately, but I just need to wrap my head around what just happened. My anxiety about the situation gets the best of me and I pull away long before I’m ready to let him go.

  “Are you okay, babe?” he asks timidly.

  “No. But give me a little time to figure things out and we’ll talk. Right now, I need you to hold me in those big strong arms and tell me that everything will work itself out.” I feel him pull my body back into his. He places his chin on top of my head and squeezes me tight to him, making me squeal with pain.

  “Shit. Sorry.” He chuckles.

  He walks us over to the couch and we sit down, him never really breaking the physical bond between us. We sit there for what seems like minutes, but I know is way longer due to the fact that my arm that is around him is asleep and I’m pretty sure I’m drooling on his chest. I pull my head back and look up at him. I can see the concern on his face and know that he truly cares for me. What is this going to do to him? Is he going to hate me?

  I know that I can’t keep this from him any longer. He has a right to know. If he gets mad and never speaks to me again, I’ll just have to accept that. Not telling him about Landry was not my decision.

  “Kyler, I need to tell you something that is going to probably piss you off like you’ve never been pissed off before,” I start quietly. “Before I tell you, I need for you to know that I did not know this information until today. I had no idea.” I shake my head and place my hand on his chest, pushing softly so I can sit up straight and look him in the eyes.

  I can see the confusion on his face. He has no idea I’m about to blow up his perfectly planned life.

  “Kyler, does the name Luanne Jackson ring a bell at all?” I ask him.

  He looks confused for a second and then says, “Sort of. If it’s the same girl I’m thinking of, I met her a few years ago through mutual friends. We went out once, didn’t really hit it off. Why?”

  “Remember the night you saw me dancing after I got off work? Patrón night?” I ask with a nervous giggle that almost comes out as a sob.

  “Yeah, I remember,” he answers, smirking.

  “Did you even realize that I was dancing with Luanne?” I ask.

  “Carson, to tell you the truth, I don’t know that I could pick Luanne out of a
line-up. Like I said, we went out once a long time ago. We both drank a little too much that night. I’ll leave it at that. I had no idea that Luanne was the woman you were dancing with that night. Actually, she could probably walk up to me right now…” He stops and his eyes go wide. I can see it in his expression that his brain is working overtime.

  “Carson, is your Lulu who died in the accident…is that Luanne?” he asks quietly.

  I can’t speak, so I just shake my head in the affirmative. I hear him take a deep breath and look up just in time to watch him close his eyes, put his head down and grab the back of his neck. I don’t say anything for a minute, giving him time to process that I know Lulu and that she is the best friend I lost in the accident.

  “Kyler, that’s not all,” I whisper. I know I need to tell him, but I can’t even look at him because what I’m about to say will alter his entire world.

  He looks up at me with sadness in his eyes. I know he is sad for me because I lost my best friend.

  “There is no other way for me to say this than to just spit it out. Just keep in mind that today is when I found out all of this. Today,” I reiterate as I reach over and grab his hand, squeezing it tightly, and close my eyes. Here we go.

  “Luanne has a daughter, Kyler. Lulu gave me guardianship of her,” I spit out quickly before I change my mind. I feel his hand pull back a bit but he doesn’t let go, so I continue. “Her name is Landry, she’s 5 years old, and she’s deaf.” I open my eyes and look at him, needing to see his reaction for the next part. “And she’s yours,” I basically whisper, but I know he heard me because he jerks his hand out of mine, stands up quickly and looks like I just slapped him in the face.