Raising Landry

by Andee Michelle

  “I’m sorry. Did you say I need to learn to sign? As in sign language? As in my daughter is deaf?” he asks through clenched teeth.

  “Yes, Kyler. Landry is deaf. I mentioned that the day I told you about her, but it must have slipped by you during the shock of it all. She got meningitis as a toddler and lost her hearing before she turned two,” I tell him softly, watching his face for his reaction.

  He walks over to my couch, sits down and puts his face in his hands.

  “I need to meet her, Carson. I won’t abandon her. I promise, no matter what we decide on custody and visitation, I will always be a part of her life, and so will you. I need to see her,” he says painfully.

  I look at him but he isn’t facing me and I can tell he is fighting back emotions.

  “I’m going to pack up her things and move her in here with me tomorrow. If you would like to help, that would be great. I think we need to discuss what we are going to tell her, though. Are we going to tell her immediately that you are her dad, or do you want to wait until after the paternity test? We can do that tomorrow, too, if you want,” I explain.

  “Yes. I’ll call you in the morning when I get up. Then I’ll come over and we can use your truck to get Landry’s things. Then we’ll get her, do the testing and then I would like for you and her to come to my house. We’ll discuss what to tell her tomorrow while we are moving her stuff over. How does that sound?” he asks.

  “That will be fine, Kyler,” I reply.

  “Okay. Well, I think I’ve had enough excitement for one night. I really appreciate dinner and the talk. I’m sorry I freaked you out with having Tom there when we were supposed to meet for lunch. I promise, Carson, we’ll get this straightened out. My main concern is Landry and her well-being,” he states matter-of-factly. He stands and heads toward the door.

  “Mine, too, so it sounds like we are on the same page. You’re welcome for dinner. I’ll see you in the morning,” I respond as I follow behind him to the door.

  He opens the door but turns to me before he leaves. “Thank you for loving her so much, Carson. Landry is lucky to have you in her life.” He smiles. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He kisses me gently on the cheek and then he’s gone.

  I close the door and lock it behind him, pushing my back against it as I slide to the floor. He loves her. He wants to be a part of her life. He didn’t freak out about her disability. He promised to not run away. This conversation couldn’t have gone any better. Tomorrow looks a lot brighter than today did, that’s for damn sure.

  After showering and getting ready for my day, I look at the clock and realize its only 8 a.m. I guess I was a little gung-ho to get this day going. I’m not going to lie to myself and say I am not excited at the thought of spending a day with Kyler. I mean, he’s gorgeous, smart, fun to talk to, and now I can add loving to the list after my conversation with him last night about Landry. My only hope is that he hasn’t decided to put a stop to our friendship/potential dating because of all of this.

  I make my way into the kitchen to make myself some breakfast. As I pull the pan out of the cabinet, I hear a soft knock on the door. I look over at the clock and see it’s still only 8:15 a.m., and since Kyler said he’d call first, I’m not sure who it could be. I walk over and look through the peep hole and don’t see anything. Maybe I am hearing things. I’m just about to open the door when someone pounds on it. I jump back and throw my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming. Holy shit, that scared me. I slowly put my eye to the hole one more time and there, on the other side of the door, is Jerrod. His face is bright red and I can see the vein at his temple is protruding. He looks right at the hole and as he moves to put his face up to the door, I run through the kitchen, grabbing the biggest knife out of the butcher block, and run back to my room to get my phone. I quickly shoot a text to Kyler that just says “Jerrod! Help!” and then I call 911. At least if 911 can’t get here fast enough, Kyler will know what’s going on.

  The 9-1-1 operator answers:

  Operator: 9-1-1, what is your emergency?

  Me: A man named Jerrod McAllister has a warrant for killing my best friend and he is outside my door right now.

  Operator: Okay, ma’am, stay calm. What is your name?

  Me: Carson Breaux. Why does it matter what my name is, you need to send someone now! Please! My address is 1902 West 36th Street, Apt 132. Please hurry.”

  I can hear Jerrod still pounding on my front door and yelling, but I can’t make out what he is saying. Every once in a while, I hear a “stupid bitch” or “you’ll pay for this” but that’s it. My phone beeps, so I pull it away from my ear to see why and see Kyler is calling. I consider clicking over just to tell him to get here as fast as he can, but then I hear the operator again.

  Operator: Ma’am, I need you to tell me where he is.

  Me: He’s at my front door, pounding on it and threatening me. If you don’t send someone quick and he gets in my apartment, I’m stabbing that motherfucker!

  Operator: Don’t open the door! Just stay where you are. I already have officers in the area and they are on their way. Can you give me a description of this man?

  Me: I wasn’t paying attention to what he was wearing. I only saw him through the peep hole. He’s got shaggy blond hair, green eyes, about 6’ tall, probably 190 lbs.

  Operator: Does he have any tattoos or scars?

  Me: How the fuck should I know! I only saw him for a … Wait, the yelling stopped. Maybe he left.

  I make my way to the front door slowly. As I creep up to the peep hole, I’m prepared for the worst. My whole body is tense, ready for Jerrod to kick in my door. I can hear sounds from the operator, but the blood thundering in my ears keeps me from hearing what she’s saying.

  Just as I reach the door, there is more pounding, followed loudly by, “CARSON! Open the door,” and I know immediately that it’s Kyler. I flip the locks and fling the door open, rushing into his arms, dropping the phone and the knife to the ground in my haste to get to him. He clutches me to his chest and starts to rock back and forth.

  What seems like just seconds later, two police officers fly out of the elevator and are running in our direction.

  “Sir, raise your hands slowly and step away from the female!” I hear one officer shout.

  I step back from Kyler as he raises his arms slowly and I shout, “Not him! Jerrod must have run. The pounding on the door stopped just within the last couple of minutes, so he has to be near.”

  The officers ensure I’m okay alone with Kyler, ushering us back into my apartment with the direction to shut and lock the door until they return.

  I walk slowly to the kitchen, open the freezer, and pull out the bottle of Grey Goose I keep stashed in there for emergencies. With shaky hands, I try to open the bottle but I’m not having any luck. Kyler comes up behind me, taking the bottle from my hands. He pulls a glass from the cabinet and pours two fingers of vodka into it, handing it to me quickly.

  “Car, are you okay?” he asks quietly.

  I down the liquor fast, hoping it will calm my nerves a bit. My heart is about to beat out of my chest, and I am starting to feel sick to my stomach.

  I look up into his beautiful eyes and reply, “No, I’m not. I thought he was going to come through that door before the cops got here. I just knew he was going to try to kill me if he got in here, Kyler.” The last part comes out as a whisper.

  In the blink of an eye, Kyler is on me, pulling me into his huge arms and cradling my face against his massive chest. For only a second, I try to hold it in but soon the sobs are coming quickly. Kyler bends, putting his arm under my legs, lifting me completely off the ground. I don’t fight him, because really I have no fight left in me. He carries me over to the couch and sits down with me still in his arms, rocking back and forth like I’m a child and he’s trying to soothe me. Eventually, he gets up and sets me on the couch, pulling the throw blanket over my legs. He leans over and kisses my forehead.

  “We just need to wait
for the officers to come back so we can see what they found, if anything,” he says as he walks toward the front door. He stops and looks back at me with the most determined face I’ve ever seen on him. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you, Carson,” he states, before walking out the front door.

  I lean back on the couch and close my eyes, listening for sounds that aren’t there. I have to move. I can’t stay in this apartment now that I know Jerrod knows where I live, and I definitely can’t bring Landry here and put her in danger. I need to call Pops. I start running through scenarios in my head about how to avoid having to move, but it all boils down to either the cops catch Jerrod and lock him up, or I have to move. Great.

  I roll to my side and sit up, facing my kitchen. My nerves are shot to hell, and I feel my stomach roll again. What am I going to do now?

  I hear a knock at the door as I rise from the couch and head in that direction. There are quiet voices as I open the door, and Kyler and both officers turn to look at me. I can tell by the frustrated looks on their faces that they didn’t find him. I take a deep breath as they slowly make their way into the apartment as they continue talking quietly.

  “I’m sorry, Ms. Breaux, but we didn’t see him. There was no sign of him anywhere, except when you saw him at your front door,” the officer says. “Detective Lopez was not working tonight but he heard the call out, so he’s been on the phone with me through most of this. He will be taking over this investigation, as well.” The officer looks to Kyler and asks to speak to him back out in the hallway.

  I walk into the kitchen because I really need another shot. I am pretty sure there may be a psychiatric ward in my future. I pour myself another shot of Grey Goose and throw it back, letting it burn its way down my throat, then pour another. I hear the door open, but don’t turn because I know it’s Kyler. I throw the second shot back, put the cap on the bottle and put it back in the freezer.

  “Carson, please look at me,” I hear Kyler say from behind me. I turn but don’t look at him. I feel weak. Jerrod scared the hell out of me, and now that I’m coming down off the adrenaline high he had caused, I’m pissed. Pissed that I didn’t open that door and stab him in the face. Mad that I let him go by not doing something about the fact that he was right outside my door. He got away, and that puts both Landry and me in danger once again.

  “Kyler, I can’t stay here. I can’t bring Landry here. It’s not safe,” I say in a rush, my hands flailing as I speak.

  “Calm down, baby. We will figure something out. You are right, though; you and Landry can’t stay here.” He grabs my hands and pulls me into his arms. I push my face into his chest and breathe in the scent of him. His heart is beating fast, and even though I know it’s because of everything that’s happened, it makes me wonder if being near me affects him as much as it does me.

  We stand like this for several minutes, just holding onto each other. I look up into his face and can see the concern and fear all over it.

  “Kyler, we need to decide what to do. I promised Landry I would move her in with me today, but I can’t bring her here. I have to find another place for us to live.” I stop talking and pull away from him slowly, walking over and sitting down at the bar. Where can I go that he won’t look for us? I could just stay with Pops and Landry at Pops’ house until I can find a new apartment, but I really don’t want to do that to him unless absolutely necessary.

  I’m still deep in thought when Kyler’s deep voice echoes through the kitchen. “You and Landry can come stay with me, Carson. I have plenty of room,” he says with a shrug. “It’ll give you time to look for a place and me time to spend with Landry.” He hesitates, and then looks into my eyes with excitement. “I can finally get to know my daughter,” he almost whispers.

  Could I do that? Could I just pack up our stuff and move in with Kyler? A man I’m massively attracted to, who has already managed to nearly crush my heart, and whom I barely know. Friends. We’ll need to be just friends. Can I do that without attacking him?

  “How many rooms are in your place, Kyler?” I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.

  He shakes his head and chuckles under his breath. “Look, Carson, I’ve never tried to hide my attraction to you, but right now is not our time. Maybe someday things will be different, but right now, our focus needs to be on Landry and finding that sick fuck and putting him away forever.” He almost sounds irritated toward the end of this statement. Even though I know he’s right, I can’t help the pain in my chest and the tightening in my throat. We don’t have time for this.

  “You are completely right, Kyler. If you have room for us, and we won’t be interfering with your life too much, I think us staying with you until I can find us a new place or Jerrod is caught would be great. Thank you.” I say this as firmly as I can without sounding broken or like a bitch.

  He nods and walks toward his phone on the kitchen counter. I turn away from him and look out the window, needing a minute to decide how to talk to Landry about this. How do I explain Kyler to her? It’s not like he can help. He can’t sign. Do we just tell her who he is up front? Does she even know what ‘daddy’ means? I hear him speaking to someone for a few minutes, but I’m so caught up in my own thoughts I’m not sure what they are talking about. I’m sure it has something to do with the move.

  Kyler ends his call and comes over to where I’m standing. “Carson, let’s pack you a bag for now and then we’ll go get some of Landry’s stuff.” He stops and looks at me like he’s gauging my reaction. “I want her with us as soon as possible. That pyscho running around is making me nervous, and I want her with us now.” I can see the concern written all over his face.

  “Okay,” I agree quietly as I walk toward my room.

  “You’re not going to argue with me?” he asks in surprise, a hint of smirk on his beautiful lips.

  I shake my head. “You’re absolutely right, Kyler. As a matter of fact, I’m going to call Pops while I’m packing and let him know what’s going on.”

  I throw my suitcases on my bed and start loading it with clothes and shoes. I don’t want to have to come back here until Jerrod is in jail, so I pack all of the essentials. I dial Pops’ number and wait for him to answer, but he doesn’t so I just hang up. I’ll give him ten minutes and call back. Next is the bathroom stuff, which goes in a separate bag. I walk to my dresser and grab the frame with my daddy’s picture in it, setting it in my suitcase. It was the one thing I took with me when I left that had anything to do with my family or friends back home.

  “Kyler, can you help me carry these suitcases?” I giggle because I hear him mumble about women over-packing for everything.

  “Jesus, Carson. You packed enough clothes and shoes to clothe a third-world country. Are you moving in with me forever?” He laughs but stops abruptly when he realizes what he said and the look on my face.

  “Um, I’m a girl, Kyler. I need clothes and shoes. I don’t plan to come back here until Jerrod is caught. Could be today, could be in 3 months. If you get sick of me or I start cramping your style before then, you’ll have to let me know so I can make other arrangements,” I snap.

  “I didn’t mean it like that, Car. Come on. You can stay as long as you want. I was just giving you a hard time,” he says sweetly.

  “I know, I just wanted to hear you grovel!” I laugh and walk toward the front door with my bathroom bag in hand, leaving him to carry the two suitcases that are big and heavy enough to be housing dead bodies.

  As he comes out of my room, I can hear him mumbling something about needing lots of cold showers. I giggle to myself because I’m pretty sure he’s talking about us living in the same house. I mean, let’s face it: he’s hotter than hot and I will be in his space, all the time. It’s going to take some serious willpower for me to keep our friendship completely platonic.

  On the way to Lu’s, I call Pops and he answers this time. I explain that Kyler and I will be coming over to talk to him and Landry in a little bit after we pick some things up. I vaguel
y describe the incident at the apartment with Jerrod but don’t go into detail about what the next step is. We’ll explain that once we get there. I want Pops to see how “in” Kyler really is when it comes to Landry before I tell him we are moving in with him. Anybody who talks to Kyler and mentions Landry’s name can see the immediate reaction of love fill his eyes. Pops will be okay with this. He has to be.

  We pull up in front of Lu’s old house, and I take a deep breath. It’s the first time I’ve seen it since before the accident. I step out of the car and look around. Obviously it looks the same, except for the boarded-up windows. It’s the only thing that makes me realize that Lu isn’t going to walk out that door. I look at Kyler and see the sympathy in his eyes. He knows this is hard for me.

  “Come on, Carson. We don’t have to do a lot right now. Let’s grab the things you think she’ll want and get over to pick her up,” he says softly. “Does Pops know we’re coming soon?”

  “Yeah.” I sigh.

  “Okay. Let’s do this.” Kyler grabs my hand and we head for the front door.

  I put the key in and turn the knob, the door creaking as it opens. I close my eyes, praying I don’t lose it. The house is dark because all the windows have been boarded up. I flip on the light and look around. It hasn’t changed, other than being dusty.

  I walk slowly through the living room and head for the stairs. I need to get Landry’s things and get out of here. I can already feel my chest tightening, and I know I won’t be able to hold it together long. As I climb the stairs, I try not to look at the pictures of Lu, Landry and me that line the wall. I’ll deal with all of this later. I need to focus on getting Landry’s things and getting out.

  I know Kyler is behind me and I hear his footsteps slow as he takes in the pictures. It’s like a timeline of Landry’s life; from her birth up until just weeks before Lu’s death. Lu loved this wall and added pictures to it constantly. I hear his footsteps stop but I continue on, giving him time to see this little life in photos that Lu had created.