Our Secrets and Lies

by Sinéad Moriarty

  Lucy was a little drunk, a bit upset about the whole Jenny saga and badly in need of sex. She grabbed her coat. ‘I’ve just had a booty call and I’m going. We’ll talk about this tomorrow.’

  Jenny watched her go, open-mouthed. ‘Well, I didn’t expect that,’ she said, turning to Sarah.

  Sarah laughed. ‘You just lost out to Damien, of all people.’

  ‘I want her to get laid! It might lighten her up,’ Jenny said.

  Sarah took Jenny’s arm. ‘Right, come on. You need a drink after that and I need to get out of this tight dress and these shoes. Back to my place. We can chat there.’

  ‘I’m on.’

  Darren was in the kitchen, eating crisps and drinking wine.

  ‘Interesting night, ladies.’ He grinned at Jenny.

  ‘Just pour me a big glass of wine, please,’ she growled.

  Sarah took off her shoes, then left to change out of her dress.

  ‘I hope this fella’s worth it,’ Darren commented.

  Jenny put her feet up on the kitchen chair opposite her. ‘God, can we please talk about something else, like Lucy? All of these bloody secrets coming out into the open tonight! Honestly, my head’s spinning.’

  ‘Ah, so Sarah told you about Tom getting in touch with her,’ Darren said.

  Jenny stared at him. ‘What?’

  ‘Darren!’ Sarah stood frozen at the door in her dressing-gown.

  Jenny’s eyes narrowed. ‘Did you just say something about Tom?’

  ‘No.’ Darren’s face went bright red.

  ‘He’s drunk, don’t mind him,’ Sarah said.

  ‘Bullshit. I’m not leaving until you tell me what’s going on.’ Jenny folded her arms over her chest. ‘You know I won’t, so you’d better spill the beans.’

  ‘Jesus, Darren,’ Sarah hissed.

  ‘I’m sorry. She said something about Lucy and secrets, so I thought you’d told her. And sure she might have a good insight into how to handle it all.’

  ‘Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on?’

  Sarah sat down and looked at Jenny. ‘What do you think Lucy would do if Tom turned up and wanted to get involved with the kids?’

  Jenny laughed. ‘Do you really need to ask me that? You know she’d freak, probably have a nervous breakdown and then maybe stab him.’

  Sarah didn’t laugh. She looked worried. ‘Look, I grew up with no dad and it hurt like hell. I’ve never said this to Lucy obviously, but it still hurts me that my dad didn’t want to know me. I just wondered if maybe Tom didn’t know about the twins. What if Gabriel lied and told him Lucy had the abortion?’

  Jenny tied her hair up in a knot on top of her head. ‘Even if Gabriel did lie to him, which is psychotic behaviour, Tom should never have run away and left Lucy in the first place. Technically, he abandoned her not actually knowing if she’d had the abortion or not. He left without checking, so he is a rat.’

  ‘True, but if Tom was lied to by Gabriel, he’s spent all of this time not knowing he was a dad, and maybe he would be a great one.’

  Jenny grabbed Sarah’s arm. ‘What exactly is going on here?’

  Sarah took a deep breath. ‘A few weeks ago, Tom contacted me out of the blue.’ She filled Jenny in on the whole story.

  For once in her life, Jenny was utterly speechless. Tom never knew? Gabriel lied to him? He wanted to know his kids? He was heartbroken, divorced, childless … ‘But he can’t just waltz back in now. He just can’t! It’d kill Lucy.’

  ‘I know that. But he does have a right to meet his kids, Jenny. They’ll be eighteen soon and they can make their own decisions. I’ve told him to stay away for the moment while I try to figure out a way to tell Lucy, but I’m finding it impossible.’

  ‘Don’t do it,’ Jenny said. ‘I’m sorry, but he doesn’t get to run away like a coward and then come storming back into their lives.’

  ‘That’s how I felt at first too, but if you look at it from his point of view, he didn’t know and he’s heartbroken that he’s missed out on their lives.’

  Jenny thought about her sister. It had been a long uphill road for her. The twins were almost adults now. How could they let Tom crash in and turn their lives upside-down? No way. Parenthood was Lucy’s life’s work. Her self-worth was completely wrapped up in those twins. Tom would threaten everything she’d worked so hard to build if he turned up wanting to muscle in and be a dad to them.

  ‘You have to keep him away, Sarah,’ Jenny said urgently. ‘He can’t come back here now. Maybe when they’ve finished school, but not now.’

  ‘I’ll do my best, I promise, but I may need your help. He’s absolutely desperate to see them.’

  ‘If I have to go to America and tie him up, I will. He is not coming back now. I don’t care how sad he is. He made his bed and he can bloody well lie in it for a bit longer.’

  35

  Taylor pulled back. ‘Hey, I feel as if you’re going to eat me.’

  ‘I would if I could. You smell and taste so good.’ He kissed her neck.

  Taylor giggled. ‘So the novelty of being back together hasn’t worn off, then?’

  ‘Nope, and it never will. I can’t get enough of you.’

  ‘Good, I feel the same way. Now, come on, let’s get some more champagne.’

  Taylor pulled him by the hand up to the bar of the nightclub. Dylan stopped her. ‘Babe, I don’t have any more money.’

  She waved a credit card at him. ‘That’s what this is for.’

  ‘I feel weird letting you pay.’

  ‘It’s my dad’s card and he never notices what I use it for. Come on, let’s just have fun.’

  Dylan shrugged and let her order another bottle. The nightclub was way cooler than any he’d been in before. The DJ was playing great tunes, and he was having a ball. Taylor, champagne, good music … Life was great.

  He glanced at his watch. It was one a.m. He had a match at eleven tomorrow morning. If he got to sleep by two, he should be okay. There was no way he was telling Taylor he had to go home early. She was still pretty touchy whenever he mentioned football. He knew she was worried that if he played badly he’d break up with her again, but he wouldn’t – he couldn’t. He was crazy about her. Besides, he could do both. He just needed to get to bed by two.

  He texted Kelly. Mum asleep?

  Yeah. Don’t be 2 late, match 2morrow.

  Chill.

  Lucy pulled back the curtains and light flooded the room.

  ‘Dylan, come on, up you get. It’s nine o’clock.’

  Dylan peeled his eyes open. Christ, his head hurt. He had a flashback to the nightclub and coming in at half past three. Damn, he felt awful.

  Lucy peered at him. ‘Look at the state of you. What time did you get in last night? Jesus, Dylan, the smell. Were you drinking?’

  His mum’s face was red. ‘Only one beer, Mum. It was just with the lads.’

  Lucy sat on the side of his bed and took a deep breath. He could see she was trying to control herself.

  ‘Dylan, I know by your bloodshot eyes that you had a lot more than one beer.’

  ‘Okay, I admit I had a few and I know it was stupid, but I’ll be fine. I just need a shower.’

  ‘Were you with that girl again? The blonde one? Taylor? I thought you’d broken up.’

  Dylan paused. Should he lie or tell the half-truth? He decided to keep close to the truth. ‘Yes, I’m kind of seeing her again.’

  ‘Is she a drinker?’ Lucy asked.

  ‘Not really. I’m fine, Mum, everything’s cool, relax.’

  ‘It’s not okay for you to drink, Dylan, and especially not before a game. She’s obviously a bad influence. I don’t like this. You need to get rid of her.’

  ‘Calm down, Mum.’ Dylan did not want to get into an argument about Taylor. He just wanted his mother to go so he could get himself together. He felt horrendous.

  Lucy glared at him. ‘Why did you drink before a big game, Dylan? Why would you risk it?’


  Dylan pulled aside his covers and moved towards the bathroom. ‘I know, Mum, believe me. I was just trying to be one of the lads.’ He held up his hands. ‘I won’t make the mistake again. Now let me have a shower and get myself sorted for the game. If you fancied doing some scrambled eggs for me with wholemeal toast that would be great.’ He tried smiling, even though his stomach lurched at the thought of food.

  Lucy frowned. ‘I’ll make you breakfast, but you need to get it together, Dylan. Jordan will go nuts if he finds out you were partying last night.’

  Dylan stood under the shower and cursed his stupidity. Why hadn’t he stopped drinking earlier? Why hadn’t he gone home earlier? His head ached, his legs felt like lead. Damn it, this was a big game. He had to play well. He’d be in huge trouble if anyone knew he was out drinking last night.

  When he came out of the shower, Kelly held up her phone. ‘You’re in deep now.’

  Dylan grabbed his sister’s phone and groaned. Taylor had posted photos of them in the nightclub. In one, Dylan was holding a bottle of champagne and drinking from the neck. Jesus Christ.

  ‘She has over a thousand Instagram followers. A lot of people are going to have seen those already,’ Kelly said.

  Dylan grabbed his own phone and rang Taylor. It went straight to voicemail. No doubt she was still in bed, sleeping off her hangover. He sent her a message: Take down the pics of last night NOW.

  Dylan sat on the edge of his bed and put his head into his hands. He felt as if a bomb had exploded inside his head. He’d never drunk so much in his life. Most of his teammates followed Taylor on Instagram. They would be seriously unimpressed, and what if one of them slagged him in front of Jordan?

  Kelly stood in front of him, arms folded. ‘You need to cop on, Dylan. You were absolutely plastered last night. I had to drag you to bed. It was after four when you came in. You’re so lucky Mum or Granddad didn’t wake up and see you.’

  ‘It all got a bit out of control. Taylor wanted one more drink and then … I don’t really remember after that.’

  ‘You have to learn to say no to Taylor. She’s going to get you into trouble, Dylan. Mum’ll freak if Jordan benches you or drops you.’

  Dylan looked at his shaky hands and felt a surge of anger. ‘Stop blaming Taylor. She didn’t force me to stay out. I wanted to be with her. I guess I just lost track of time.’

  Kelly sighed. ‘I know you’re mad about her, but please don’t mess up.’

  Dylan turned his back on his sister. ‘Can everyone just get off my back? Jesus, I had a good time, so shoot me.’

  He grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom.

  Dylan examined his bloodshot eyes in the mirror. He’d make sure he didn’t get too close to Jordan today so he might not notice them. He splashed some cold water on his face and jogged on the spot in an effort to get his energy flowing, but he just felt dizzy.

  As he walked towards the kitchen and smelt eggs, the nausea rose again. He couldn’t face food.

  ‘Eat up.’ Lucy put a big plate of eggs and toast in front of him. ‘I won’t go on about last night, but I’m very disappointed in you and you must understand that it can never happen again. Never.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Mum.’

  Dylan nibbled the toast, and as soon as Lucy left the room to shout at Kelly to hurry up, he scraped the breakfast into the bin and hid it under a newspaper.

  Dylan rubbed his aching eyes. He’d have to try his best to look fresh and full of energy today so no one would suspect how rotten he felt.

  Lucy’s heart sank as Dylan missed his third shot at goal. Jordan was going crazy on the side-line. She paced up and down, praying he would get it together.

  ‘What the hell is going on with you? Come on, Dylan, look lively,’ Jordan roared.

  Dylan fumbled a beautiful pass from Nick and the opposition used his mistake to win the ball.

  As Lucy paced back towards the parents, she heard them all groan as the opposition scored another goal. Lucy heard a few people cursing Dylan’s bad play. She heard one father muttering, ‘It was a waste of money bringing that fellow to St Jude’s. Should have given the scholarship to someone more deserving.’

  A mother defended Dylan. ‘Hang on, he’s been fantastic in almost all of the matches so far. Scored lots of goals.’

  ‘Well, he sure as hell didn’t turn up today,’ the father snapped.

  ‘Apparently he was out drinking last night,’ another woman said.

  ‘What?’ The parents looked shocked.

  ‘Oliver saw photos on Taylor’s Instagram. Taylor and Dylan drinking champagne in a nightclub until the wee hours.’

  ‘That’s a bloody disgrace,’ the angry father hissed. ‘He should get dropped.’

  Oh, God, Lucy tasted bile in her mouth. Drinking all night with Taylor. What had got into him?

  ‘Champagne?’ one of the women tutted. ‘He’s obviously getting carried away. The scholarship boy’s getting ahead of himself, I’d say.’

  Lucy went from shame to rage. How dare they call her son ‘the scholarship boy’? How dare they imply Dylan wasn’t good enough for this school? How dare they say he was ‘getting ahead of himself’? These people were like Gabriel, looking down on everyone, thinking they were better than her and her kids.

  Just as Lucy was about to speak up, Conor’s mother Teresa said loudly, ‘Come on now. Dylan is the best thing to happen to this team. He’s got us this far. He’s human, he has the occasional bad day. But ninety-nine per cent of the time he’s absolutely brilliant. Conor says Dylan trains harder than any of the others. So, he went out last night, big deal. He’s no doubt learnt his lesson. Give him a break.’

  Lucy could have hugged her. One of the mothers turned to reply to Teresa and saw Lucy. She gave her a fake-smile and indicated to the other parents that Dylan’s mum was standing behind them. They all stopped slating her son. But it was too late: the insults had stung Lucy deeply.

  Jordan pulled Dylan off the pitch and benched him. What would he do if he found out Dylan had been drinking? He would probably drop him. Lucy fiddled with her scarf and tried to control her breathing. She was panicking. If the headmaster found out about the drinking, would Dylan be expelled? Oh, God. She tried to count five breaths in, five breaths out. It didn’t help. Panic was consuming her.

  If Dylan got expelled, would Kelly too? Oh, the shame of it. Gabriel was bound to find out about the scholarship twins getting expelled – they’d be the talk of the school. Everyone on the board would hear of it. Gabriel would see photos of the terrible twins and then he’d know. He’d know the instant he saw Kelly – she was so uncannily like Tom. He’d know that they were his grandchildren and he’d know that Lucy had failed. That she had failed as a mother, just as he’d said she would.

  For the first time in her life, Lucy felt ashamed of her son. Her beautiful, wonderful son had let himself and her down. And she knew why. Taylor. Lucy set her mouth in a determined line. They had to break up, and they had to break up for good.

  Dylan sat at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. Lucy was furious. She’d told him that he had made a show of himself and everyone knew about the drinking.

  ‘They’re all talking about you and that girl, Taylor. They all saw you, Dylan, drinking champagne last night in a nightclub. Have you lost your mind?’ she shouted.

  Kelly came in from the shop where she was helping Billy. Lucy turned on her. ‘Did you know about this?’ she shrieked. ‘Did you know your brother was out getting drunk with his girlfriend last night?’

  ‘No,’ Kelly lied, not knowing what Dylan had admitted to or denied.

  ‘Well, apparently it’s all over Instagram. All the parents were chatting about what a disgrace your brother is, how irresponsible. In all my life, I have only ever been proud of you until today. You let us all down, Dylan. You let your family down, your team, your coach and yourself.’

  Kelly went over and sat beside Dylan. She put a hand on his shoulder. ‘Are you okay?’ sh
e asked him.

  He shook his head. ‘I messed up badly.’

  Kelly looked up at her mother. ‘It was one mistake, Mum.’

  Lucy put her hands on the table and tried to control the quiver in her voice. ‘It was a mistake that could cost him, and you, the scholarship. Some of the parents were saying you should never have got it. Don’t you see, Dylan? Your mistake could cost this family everything.’

  Tears flowed then. Lucy couldn’t hold them back any longer. She was as angry as hell, but she was also terrified. Had Dylan blown it? Would the twins be kicked out of school? Outcast because they weren’t good enough – didn’t fit in.

  ‘Don’t cry, Mum,’ Kelly said. ‘Everyone makes mistakes. There’s no way Dylan will lose the scholarship. He’s the best player on the team by miles. He’ll score loads of goals next week and they’ll all be saying how great he is again.’

  Lucy shook her head. She wasn’t sure. If the parents made a big fuss, maybe there would be no second chance. Scholarship kids weren’t the same as fee-paying kids. They had to be better. They had to live up to all the expectations and even beyond them.

  ‘I’m sorry, Mum,’ Dylan said miserably. ‘I know I let you down, but I’ll make it up next week, you’ll see.’

  Lucy looked at her son. She knew what she had to say would upset him, but she was going to have to hold firm. ‘You have to, Dylan, otherwise it’ll all be ruined. You have to break up with that stupid girl, who is leading you astray, and keep your head down. There is no other choice.’

  ‘Break up with Taylor?’

  ‘Yes, Dylan. That girl is trouble.’

  ‘No, Mum, she isn’t. I was the idiot.’

  ‘Listen to me carefully now. This is not a request. You are to dump that silly airhead and put an end to all this. I know you want to defend her, but the plain fact is that you never got into trouble before you met her. You are not to see her again, do you understand me?’

  Kelly had never heard her mum like this before. She’d never spoken to Dylan like that, never ordered him about, never doubted him. She could see that Dylan was going to fight back, but with Lucy in this mood, it was madness.