by Lauryn April
“I just don’t think they’re going to understand.”
Jo’s expression was of utter anguish. I pulled her into a tight hug.
CHAPTER
12
Ian had called Saturday when I was at Jo’s. I didn’t answer. When my screen lit up with his name again on Sunday, I ignored him then as well. I guessed he’d called to apologize for Friday, and it wasn’t that I didn’t want to forgive him. I just didn’t feel like talking. I had other things on my mind. By the time Monday morning came, I’d sorted through most of my thoughts and was feeling balanced with the changes that were happening in my life. Which was good because he was going to talk to me then whether I felt like it or not.
Ian was waiting for me when I got to school. He leaned against my locker, his head tilted downward. He held his books before him and let out a breath as I approached. Just before he spoke I could see the shame in his eyes. It was there as they searched every inch of my face; it was in his body language, the way his shoulders slumped. He was sorry.
I stood before him, crossing my arms. My eyebrows lifted. Silently, I waited for him to speak.
“I’m really sorry about Friday,” he said. “I don’t know what got in to me.”
“My guess would be whatever cheap beer they had pouring out of the keg,” I said, my voice flat.
Ian’s face blushed with embarrassment. “I drank way too much. I know, and I’m not proud of how I acted. But I really do like you Payton. I’m sorry, and I guess I’m just hoping you can forgive me for being such a jerk.”
I sighed. Ian stared at me with puppy dog eyes that made it impossible to stay mad at him. I believed he just drank too much; I’d done the same that night. I also believed he liked me and didn’t mean to do what he did.
Slowly my lips curved into a smile. “Okay, I forgive you.”
Ian smiled and I gave him a quick kiss before opening my locker. He walked me to class after that, and everything was right between us again.
Monday was the beginning of Spirit Week, and it began with “College Day.” The underclassmen dressed in apparel from the universities they were applying to, or where an older sibling had gone. Occasionally you’d see someone wearing a toga, and the seniors showed off the places they’d been accepted, proudly displaying t-shirts and sweatshirts from local, or not so local, universities. I wore an orange UT Austin tee.
That day went by like any other. The majority of my conversations with friends were about the Homecoming dance that Saturday, or gossiping about the college apparel our classmates wore, like wondering if Clarissa actually got into Harvard.
By lunch we were arguing over where to go for dinner on Saturday. Hailey had her heart set on this sushi place; Darren and Ian weren’t feeling it. Jo said she was up for anything, and I let them battle it out. After class cheerleading practice was long, and I was exhausted by the time I got home.
When I pulled into my driveway, I saw Logan sitting on his front porch steps. He wore a Stanford zip-up, and I wondered if he’d actually gotten accepted there. I didn’t think he was the kind of guy to pretend something like that. He waved and I walked across the street.
He stood as I neared. “So, how’d things go with Jo?”
“Fine, it’s still…strange to me, not bad strange, just different. I worry I’m going to say something that’s going to offend her. But she’s still the same Jo.” I took a breath, deciding to share something with Logan. I sat down on his porch, and he sat beside me.
“She was worried I wouldn’t want to be friends with her anymore.”
Logan laughed.
“What?”
“Like you can’t see why Jo would be worried about outspoken, mean-girl Payton Carlson maybe being judgmental about this? I mean, you did make Tiffany Johnson cry in gym class last year.”
“I was just being honest about how those shorts made her legs look. I didn’t mean for her to hear me!”
Logan laughed.
“I apologized.”
“See what I’m saying though?”
“Yeah, I get it, tact isn’t my strong suit, but I’d never stop being someone’s friend because they were different. Like when Hailey got that perm freshman year. I told her flat out it looked awful, but it wasn’t like I was ashamed to be seen with her or anything.”
“This is a little bigger of a deal than a perm, Payton.”
“I know that. I’m just saying, it doesn’t matter what changes about my friends – who they are is still the same.” Maybe I was just being optimistic, but I truly believed that about myself.
Logan looked me over with inquisitive eyes.
“What?”
“Nothing. I just didn’t expect the shallow, self-absorbed, future prom queen to be so…deep.”
I laughed. “Yeah, well, I didn’t expect my loner, conspiracy theorist neighbor to actually be from another planet, so I guess we all have secrets.”
Logan laughed again. “Speaking of outer space, how’s your paper coming?”
I groaned. “Haven’t even started it.”
“Well, like I said. I’m here to help.”
I could tell Logan sincerely wanted to help me, and it made me smile. “I might take you up on that. But first I need a shower.” I stood and took a few steps away from Logan’s house. Then I turned back to him. “Care if I stop by after?”
“Yeah, no problem.”
“Good, I’ll see you later.” I smiled.
It was just after six when I walked back to Logan’s. The sky was growing dark. My book bag was slung over my shoulder, and my ponytail swished as I walked. Logan’s mom’s car wasn’t in the driveway, and when he opened the door and let me in, I found his house had the same quiet feeling mine always did. I wondered if he was as used to an empty house as I was. His mom worked a lot, and no one really knew what happened to his dad. Then I remembered Logan and all of his family were from another planet. In an instant a thousand other possibilities for where his dad might be popped into my head. I did my best to squash the urge to ask Logan questions I had no right to ask.
An hour later I lay on my stomach across Logan’s bed with my laptop before me. He sat in his desk chair while I put my paper together with the information he helped me find. Feeling like I had a good first draft typed up, I clicked the archaic floppy-disc icon at the top of my screen to save my work and looked at Logan. He leaned back in his desk chair, his hands held out before him, and in the space between a pen floated. The thin metal instrument twirled. For a moment I was mesmerized by it, but the look on Logan’s face suggested this were no different than when I’d get bored in English and tap my pen against my desk. Logan saw me watching him, and the pen dropped into his hands.
“If you’re so good at all of this, why aren’t you in Astronomy?” I asked him.
“I took it already, last year.”
“Oh.”
Logan swiveled around in his chair, kicking his legs up to rest his feet on his desk. “What about you – why are you taking it if you dislike it this much?”
I sat up. “It’s not that I dislike it, it’s just harder than I was expecting. I kind of thought there’d be more stargazing and less math…and maybe horoscopes.”
Logan laughed. “That’s Astrology.”
“Yeah, I know that now.”
His grin widened. Then his eyes flickered to the other side of the room. “We could gaze now if you want.”
“What?”
Logan stood. “Come on.” He walked to his telescope.
After a moment I followed. Logan looked into the eyepiece and adjusted a dial. Then he stepped away and glanced out into the night sky before turning to me.
“Here,” he said. I bent down to stare through the eyepiece.
I’d never looked through a telescope before. I wasn’t exactly sure what to expect, but the sight before me was beautiful. I found myself mesmerized by the swirling ball of light in my view, and I smiled.
“It’s not the greatest telescope,” Logan said.<
br />
“No, it’s really neat,” I replied as I looked on, amazed at the twinkling fireball. When I looked back to Logan’s eyes sparkled. “So you actually look at stars through this,” I teased.
“What did you think, that I kept it aimed at your bedroom window?”
I shrugged, and we both laughed.
“I don’t spy on anyone.”
“Never?”
Logan shrugged and I wondered if that meant that he had.
“Come on,” he said, opening the window.
I watched as he stepped onto his roof, waiting expectantly for me to follow.
“Come on,” he said again.
I decided what the hell.
Logan took my hand as I stepped onto the slanting roof and helped me keep my balance as we sat down. It was a cool night and I wrapped my arms around myself as I leaned against the siding of the house. Tilting my head back, I stared up at the night sky. I’d never taken the time to enjoy the stars before. Now that I did, I found it peaceful. It was strange, but it felt like they twinkled more from my position on Logan’s roof than they would from the ground, as if being those few feet closer to the heavens made them brighter.
“My mom once told me she and my dad used to stare at the stars every night, dreaming of escaping the Greys’ planet. I don’t remember him, but sometimes when I’m out here it makes me feel closer to him. Like maybe he’s out there somewhere looking back at me.”
I was silent for a moment, recognizing that Logan was sharing something incredibly personal. “He didn’t come here with you and your mom?”
Logan shook his head. “No. I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors about him being in the Army?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, he is. Just not this Army. He’s a soldier in the rebellion, or he was, or…honestly I don’t even know if he’s alive anymore. We don’t exactly have any communication with them, but I like to think he’s still out there, fighting, killing Greys.” Logan cleared his throat and looked at me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get all sentimental on you. I just haven’t ever had anyone I could tell any of this to before.”
I smiled. “It’s fine. And I’m sorry about your dad, that he’s not here. My parents aren’t around much either, but at least I know they’re okay.”
We were both silent for a long moment. Then I asked, “How come you don’t have anyone else to talk to; where did the rest of the people from your ship go?”
“A lot of us died when we landed here. The atmosphere here is really similar to our own, and even though our genes have been mutated, we’re still human enough to adapt, but we weren’t used to the bacteria here. Most of us who weren’t born here died. My mom told me I was sick for months when we landed. She wasn’t sure I’d make it either.
“Those who were from earth originally were allowed to return to their families. We can’t ever say where we’re from. Instead stories were made up about people running away or being kidnapped. My mom didn’t have any family left though. I think she wanted to stay close to the crash site in case my father ever came. There were a few more of us living around here when I was little, but they’ve all moved away now.”
“That sounds…lonely,” I said, and then I was thinking about Jo again.
I thought about all the things I shared with her and how it would feel if I couldn’t tell her any of them. Logan never had a Jo. He wasn’t allowed to have anyone he could talk to like that, but I realized that now he did. Now he had me.
“It’s better now,” Logan admitted.
I smiled.
“So,” I said, intent on lightening the mood. “What else is there to this whole alien thing? Can you fly like Superman? Have x-ray vision? Oh, what’s your Kryptonite?”
Logan laughed. “Can’t fly, and no x-ray vision. Like I said, I’m limited in the superpower department. But I do have a Kryptonite.”
My eyebrows rose and I tilted my head in surprise. “Really?”
Logan nodded.
A long moment of silence passed. “Well, aren’t you going to tell me?”
“Can’t. How do I know you won’t use it against me?” Logan smirked.
I was itching to know but played it cool. “Fine, be that way.”
Logan laughed again. He looked amused that he was getting under my skin. “It’s not exactly like Kryptonite. It’s kind of dumb really.”
“What?”
“I’m allergic to milk.”
“What? Like, you’re lactose intolerant?”
“No, I’m allergic. I break out in hives if I drink it, and I get crazy sick.”
“Gross.” I laughed.
“Yeah, like I said. It’s dumb.”
I shook my head. “It’s not dumb. Not exactly what I was expecting though.” I laughed.
We talked for a while after that. Logan pointed out the constellations. I squinted, trying to understand how some random cluster of stars looked like the animals and symbols he described. After a while I gathered up my things and walked home. As I fell asleep that night I felt good thinking of Logan as my friend.
CHAPTER
13
In English the next day, Jo was smiling brighter than a kid with a brand new bike. She looped the stethoscope that hung around her neck around her fingers. Tuesday was “Career Day,” and Jo was decked out in her father’s surgeon scrubs. I wore a rhinestone tiara and purple dress, as I still hadn’t changed my career choice of princess since I was six. In all honesty I was thinking about going to school for something business related, but that dress was way cuter than any suit I could have borrowed.
“You look happy – something happen that I don’t know about?” I asked.
Jo laughed. “Nothing new with me, but you seemed to be having a nice time last night.”
At first I didn’t know what Jo was talking about, but then I saw her eyes dart to the door as Logan walked in. She gave me a pointed look.
“Enjoy stargazing on the rooftop?” she asked. I was sure my face would have matched the paint of my Toyota just then – Barcelona Red.
“Um….” I began, but no words came to mind. Utter embarrassment wasn’t an emotion I was all that familiar with.
“So, do you two have a thing?”
“No,” I said a little too adamantly. Jo smirked. “It’s not like that,” I clarified. “Logan and I are…friends. He helped me with a school assignment last night. I’m totally bombing Astronomy. I needed help.”
“Mmmhmm.”
“Seriously, Jo. I’m kind of with Ian.”
When I said that Jo ceased her teasing. It was as if she’d completely forgotten about Ian, and now that I reminded her of my Homecoming date, she remembered how big of a crush I had on him the last few months. At that same time I realized that for a short while I’d forgotten about Ian as well. For just a second I wondered if I was really as crazy about him as I thought.
“I’m just giving you a hard time,” Jo said.
Jo and I walked into the lunch room, taking our seats at our usual table. Hailey, dressed as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, and a number of the other girls from our squad were already there. I opened my bag lunch. I’d packed it myself, something I’d been doing since middle school. My meal consisted of healthy options I’d normally brag about, though most days I’d love to trade my wisdom of how to keep a good figure for a cheeseburger. Beside me Jo smiled, reading a message her mom had written to her on a sticky note. It’d been stuck to the Saran Wrap covering her sandwich.
“Your mom still writes you lunch notes?” Hailey asked.
Jo laughed. “Yeah, I don’t think she’s gotten the memo that I’m a senior in high school.”
We all laughed, but secretly I wished my mom would do something like that. The last time she wrote me a note I was twelve, and it read “Leftovers in the fridge. I’ll be out late with Sherri and Tiff. Call your father if you need anything.” Around that time I started eating dinner at Jo’s.
The conversation turned to talking about the Homecoming danc
e once again, and as I looked over the contents of my lunch, I realized that I’d forgotten to pack a fork.
“I’ll be right back,” I said, then walked to the table with the plastic cutlery near the hot lunch line.
On my way back to my table I saw Logan walk in.
I waved. “Hey.”
“Hey.” He smiled. “Are you coming over after class today?”
“Yeah, I’m almost done with that paper. I’ll let you read it over.”
Logan nodded. “Alright, sounds good. Well, I’ll see you later.” He smiled and walked off.
I watched him take a seat at an empty table at the back of the room. Did he always sit alone? I’d never noticed before.
When I glanced back at my friends, Hailey gawked at me. Her head tilted and eyes narrowed.
“You’re not like, friends with Logan, are you?” Her expression bore into me, making me feel squirmy.
For the second time in my life, my words caught in my throat. I’d never been one to hold anything back, but in that moment I didn’t know what to say. Logan and I were friends, but the way Hailey was looking at me made me feel like that was wrong. I’d promised myself I wasn’t going to be a certain way just because that’s how everyone thought I should be, but I realized it was one thing to make that promise and another to keep it. So I did what I’d done the last time someone had said something that made me feel small.
I lied.
When I’d broken up with Jared, he’d tried to get to me by saying we’d slept together. He wanted those rumors to destroy me, but I hadn’t let them. By pretending the rumor he’d spread had been true, I took all his power away from him, and I spun the story so it suited my own needs.
By the way Hailey and the other girls looked at me then, I felt the need to spin this story as well. I thought about what I would have said if Logan and I weren’t friends. Then I rolled my eyes and summoned the typical Payton Carlson, mean-girl tone of voice.
