Right Click, Love

by Feeney, M. B.

  A few of the guys had brought along their girlfriends or wives, who all welcomed me into their circle without question. We chatted about Sunday morning football matches (they watched from the warmth of a car with a thermos of coffee in the winter), nights out together, and one ill-fated group holiday to a caravan park in Wales.

  I was enjoying myself and getting a little drunk, when Amy turned up. She was gorgeous: statuesque, with beautiful, deep-chestnut hair, and the figure of a pin-up. I felt like a spotty teenager when she walked into the room. The girls I was talking to all gave her welcoming smiles and hugged her, but I could see that their expressions were tense and the embraces not as warm as they appeared. It was obvious to me that they either didn’t like her or didn’t trust her. I watched them watching Amy as she greeted all the guys with enthusiastic hugs and air kisses, which were returned half-heartedly. It was obvious that she was single, yet she was still part of the group. Maybe one of them was an ex, or perhaps a family member? Why else would she be there?

  James must have sensed I was uneasy, because he came over to me and joined in my conversation with the other girls. He chatted with us all, making us laugh, and treated each of the ladies to the same outrageous flirting I had endured upon my arrival. Amy joined us once she’d bought herself a drink, at once honing in on me.

  All seemed to be going okay until she asked about my outfit. You should have seen the sneer when I told her that my jeans, top, and boots had all come from my favourite High Street shop. I don’t think her lip could have curled back any more. I mean, her designer jeans cost about four times as mine and didn’t look THAT different. Denim’s denim, at the end of the day. There may also have been a snotty comment about looking cheap and getting what you paid for, but I may have imagined that.

  From what I gathered, she doesn’t do much for a living and hangs around with the team all the time. After James re-joined the guys, Amy went to “powder her nose,” and Stacey, one of the wives, told me that she literally had meant powder. None of the women liked Amy, since she’d been caught more than once trying it on with unavailable players. I couldn’t understand why she hadn’t been told to take a running jump, and I said as much to Stacey.

  “Her dad owns the team,” she explained.

  Say no more.

  ~*~*~

  “So, let me get everything straight in my mind. Her dad owns the team, pays for the kit and facilities, and all that jazz?” Louise asked, her voice revealing her anger at Amy’s behaviour.

  Jodie nodded, knowing a rant was coming.

  “So, what the fuck gives her the right to try it on with married and taken fellas? I mean, seriously ― I would have slapped her silly if she’d done that to me. Why has no one told her to piss off and to leave the team alone?”

  “She threatens to get Daddy to pull the funding. None of the blokes have been stupid enough to take her up on any of her offers, but it doesn’t stop her trying. She doesn’t even want a relationship with any of them ― just a fling before she finds some rich fat cat to keep her in the lifestyle she has been accustomed to.”

  “Well, she needs to get accustomed to a punch in the face off the wives and girlfriends . . .” Louise trailed off, sniggering to herself.

  “What’s so funny?” Jodie asked, confused.

  “You’re a WAG.” Lou’s sniggering turned into full-blown hysterical laughter.

  Jodie was horrified. “Oh, good God! No, no ― it doesn’t count if they’re only a Sunday League team.”

  “It’s a football team, however amateur they are. You know what this means now, don’t you?” Louise seemed to be enjoying herself a little too much.

  “No . . .”

  “Three layers of fake tan, three inch acrylic nails, and shitty hair extensions.” Louise couldn’t carry on and fell about laughing so much she couldn’t breathe.

  “You bitch. You scared me!” Jodie hated it when Louise teased her.

  “Sorry, but it was worth it just to see the look of horror on your face.”

  “Remind me to never invite you to a team ‘do then.”

  “Any single players?” Louise sat up straight, focussed on the thought of new prospective dates.

  “You’ll never know, now will you?” Jodie cackled at the pout on her friend’s face.

  “Who’s the bitch now?”

  That just set Jodie’s laughter off again until she fell out of her chair for real.

  Chapter Ten: To Quote Cher: ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’

  Louise checked the messages on her phone and found a couple more from David. She deleted them without responding, still unsure how to turn him down without hurting his feelings. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him. He was kind and courteous, and her mother would love him. He just wasn’t Steve. Usually, she would have been happy to go out with him again and again, but a nice guy just wasn’t enough anymore. That’s what scared her. Once she’d been dumped, she never lingered, and had always been able to get over it and move on, whether there was a new man in the picture or not.

  Louise had tried to work out how to contact Steve again without him telling her to get lost. She wanted to explain, but she wasn’t quite sure if she could get him to listen and to change his mind about her. Jodie had noticed that Louise’s enthusiasm for dating anyone, not just David, had all but disappeared and had asked what was going on. Louise hadn’t known what to say, so she said nothing. Jodie didn’t push; she knew that Louise would tell her when she was ready.

  ~*~*~

  30 September 2012 – To Quote Cher: ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’

  We all have dating regrets. It’s usual for them to involve someone we went out with (set up as a blind date, more often than not) whom we wouldn’t have looked at twice under any other circumstances. These are often the ones who message us non-stop about going out again.

  Every now and then, a nice guy shows up on the radar and is such a change that we get caught up in being treated like a princess. This is almost always the end of the dating, since the nice guy is the one who becomes the partner, the husband, and sometimes even the father. So why can’t I settle for that? And why can’t I find a gentle way to let him down?

  I think it was Joni Mitchell who sang: “You don’t know what you got ‘til it’s gone,” (although I have to admit, I prefer the Counting Crows version just because his voice is gorgeous). I’d never gotten it, but I do now. I’m just wondering if there’s any way to get it back once I get the nerve to set everything straight.

  Jesus Christ, I sound so maudlin. I think the problem is that too many people, most often women, put so much emphasis on who they are in a relationship with or dwell too much if they aren’t in one, which can cause them to lose sight of what is important in life. Why should it matter if we are single at twenty-four or not? Then again, that’s easy for me to say, but I am also the first one to think I am undesirable if I’m single. Jodie does it too; we’re designed to think that way.

  Sex sells. We all know that; it’s all around us, TV, film, advertising . . . being a single woman has never been acceptable in our society,in particular if it goes on for too long. It’s fine for men to be ‘eternal bachelors’ and to stick to casual dating, but if women do the same? They are branded “spinsters” or “slappers.” I’m not getting into the whole men vs. women debate now, but the old game of double standards is still very much in motion and always will be. That’s an unfortunate fact of life.

  I guess the point behind this post (somewhere; I ramble) is that we need to consider our decisions when it comes to not just who we settle down with, but also who we spend our time with before then. For me, in particular, I’ve come to realise that I also need to stop taking people at face value and give myself a bit of time to get to know someone. It’s not just about being physical; that bond is easy to forget. It’s also about creating an emotional bond. I’ve come to the conclusion that friends make the best lovers.

  ~*~*~

  Jodie wanted to hug Louise after reading
the latest post, but her friend was out of the city visiting her parents, who had retired to Devon. She suspected Louise had gone down to escape making a final choice between David and Connor. Jodie still didn’t know the whole story, but she knew her friend well enough to read between the lines of her posts and to hear the words Louise wasn’t saying during their conversations.

  She wanted to help Louise, but she knew that if she tried to get involved, she could make things worse. Jodie didn’t want to do that. Louise had so much love to give; she just needed to find the right person.

  “What’s wrong, honey?” James emerged from the bathroom wrapped in her huge terry towelling gown, rubbing his damp hair with a towel.

  “Nothing, really. I just wish I could help Lou. I don’t think she realises how much sadness comes pouring out of her posts on the blog.”

  He stood behind her and read the post over her shoulder. “Has she talked about this with you?” he asked a few minutes later.

  “No, and I wish she would. It’s so obvious that she’s regretting the decision to accept the initial date with Connor.” Jodie thought back to the date that had never been documented on the blog since Louise had refused to make either of them look foolish. “And what makes it worse is that as soon as they met, it was obvious they wouldn’t ever be more than good friends who met for a coffee now and then. They were both fine with that, but if she had never considered going on that date, she might well still be with Steve.”

  “Which one was Steve?” James couldn’t keep up.

  “Messy flat.” He nodded to indicate he remembered.

  “I think in the short time they could have been considered a couple, Louise caught a glimpse of what could be, and now she regrets not seeing where it was destined to lead them.”

  “Is it so hard for her to just contact him and talk it through?”

  “I don’t think it’s that simple. It’s obvious that she blames herself for throwing away the opportunity with him and doesn’t quite know how to claw her way back into his life.”

  James kissed the top of her head as he stood. “She needs to just be honest with him.”

  Jodie watched him go into her bedroom to get dressed. How had she struck it so lucky meeting him? She grinned to herself like a fool as she waited for him to get ready so they could venture together into the hell that was meeting her parents for dinner.

  Chapter Eleven:Meet the Parents

  ~*~*~

  14 October 2012 – Meet the Parents

  There’s one milestone out of the way. Last week, I received a phone call from my mum. Don’t get me wrong; I love my parents to bits, but Mum can be a little overbearing at times. I know it’s just because she wants the best for me and for me to be happy. She’s the same with my sister Hannah, but sometimes she can be a bit full-on without meaning to be. Anyway, she was insisting that she and Dad treat me to a nice dinner at the Italian by their house, and of course, “you need to bring that young man you’ve been spending so much time with.” Like I didn’t expect that.

  James was all for it, of course. He said he couldn’t wait to meet them (I think he gushed about thanking them for having me or some such nonsense, but I didn’t pay much attention to that. He knows that stuff embarrasses me), and that it was a shame that Hannah wasn’t going to be there as well. Thank Christ she’s tramping around South America for her gap year. I couldn’t have coped with her and Mum ganging up on me about James and his “prospects.”

  I don’t think it could have gone better even if I’d planned it. James charmed my mother. It was “Mrs Fletcher” this and “Mrs Fletcher” that the whole night. Dad just liked the fact that James designed planes. Poor Dad had wanted to be in the Air Force but couldn’t because he’s colour blind. He’s still fascinated by anything to do with aviation, though, and he will jump at the chance to blather on about it with a willing partner.

  Looking back, I don’t know why I was worried about James meeting my parents at all. He is charming, articulate, and makes me happy. What more could my parents want? Although my mother is now hinting about grandchildren, and not very subtly, either. As usual, I’ve been ignoring her and just enjoying having someone who likes spending time with me and doesn’t care that I look like the Wild Woman of Wonga first thing in the morning.

  I just wish Lou was experiencing the same. Even though she hasn’t told me the whole story about what’s bugging her, I know she deserves to be happy. I know settling down isn’t the answer to everyone’s happiness, but Lou should have the opportunity to spend time with a guy who wants to be with her. It doesn’t need to be the love affair of the century; it just needs to be mutual.

  ~*~*~

  “So, has James asked your dad for permission to propose, then?” Louise looked tanned after her week in Devon.

  “Propose?” Jodie spluttered. “After two months? Please.”

  “It’s not completely unheard of.”

  “Look, we’re not getting engaged. We’re just taking each day as it comes.”

  “Okay. What about moving in together?”

  “Bloody hell, Lou. Why are you so intent on me and James being serious all of a sudden?” Jodie smiled so that Louise knew she wasn’t having a go.

  “I don’t know. You’re just both . . . I don’t know.” Louise couldn’t quite verbalise what she was trying to say. “It’s like you said in your post. What you and James have is mutual.” She shook her head as if to reassemble her thoughts.

  “I know what you mean,” Jodie helped. “Have you told David that you won’t be seeing him again yet?”

  “Yeah, I called him at lunchtime.”

  “How did he take it?”

  “He was fine. I explained that under different circumstances, I think it would have worked.”

  “Different to what?” Jodie was determined to get the truth out of Louise once and for all.

  Her friend took a deep breath. “Different as in if I weren’t pining after Steve like a horny teenager.”

  “Is that all it is? Horniness?” Jodie didn’t believe that was all it was. “I think there’s more to it than missing the sex.” She was surprised to find Louise close to tears. “Oh, honey. It’s not that bad.”

  “Isn’t it? I was so close to maybe finding . . . mutual, and I threw it away over an email and a fucking public blog vote.” Louise took a few more deep breaths to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill. “I think I was too busy thinking about the next blog post and a new way of meeting someone that I’d forgotten what I was looking for in the first place.” This time, she didn’t even bother fighting the tears, just letting them fall.

  “Hey, stop beating yourself up. You got a little carried away. We’ve all been there. The main thing is not to dwell on where you think you went wrong, but how you’re going to make it right.” Jodie handed Louise a wad of tissue to wipe her eyes and to blow her nose.

  “Well?”

  “Well, what?”

  “Well . . . How are you going to get back in contact with Steve to find out if he’s the “mutual” for you?”

  “I have no idea. I can’t just text him; he’d just ignore it. And I doubt he’d answer a call from me.”

  “It’s unfortunate, but I think you might be right.” Jodie poured them both a fresh glass of wine. “Can you remember his address?” The look on Louise’s face answered that question. “Well, write it down for me. I’m taking the day off tomorrow.”

  “You can’t go round there. What if he’s met someone else?”

  “I can, and I will. Even if he’s got someone else, he needs to know. I know for a fact that you won’t do it, so I’m going.” Jodie took the piece of paper from her friend and tucked it into her bag. “I won’t make you look like a fool, but I will tell him you regret certain choices. Then, I’ll leave the ball in his court. What could go wrong?”

  “Did you really ask that? What a way to put a jinx on the entire thing!” Louise grumbled as she knocked back half a glass of wine.

  “
Don’t be ridiculous. Everything will be fine. I’ll make sure of it.” There was no point in arguing. Jodie was stubborn to the point of ignorance sometimes.

  “Wonderful.” Louise cradled her head in her hands.

  Chapter Twelve:Return of the Mack

  Jodie checked the address against the one Louise had given her. It was the right place; she just needed to pluck up the courage to go and knock on his door. She hadn’t quite thought through a plan of action before blurting it out to Louise the previous evening, but she would have said anything to stop seeing her friend so upset.

  While she gathered her bag and phone, psyching herself up to get out of the car, she saw him leave the flat, turn, and walk in the opposite direction.

  “Fabulous. Do I sit and hang around like a stalker, or do I get out and follow him like a stalker?” she grumbled to herself. Lucky for her, in the rear view mirror she saw him enter the newsagent’s on the corner. A few minutes later, her patience was rewarded with him coming out and walking back in her direction. Grinning, she watched him let himself back into his flat.

  ~*~*~

  15 October 2012 – Return of the Mack

  (Well, not really. I just had that song on my iPod.)

  I know there was a post yesterday, but I wanted to tell you about my adventure today. So, it was mission ‘get Steve to talk to Louise’ day. I took a day off that I was owed from work and drove over to Steve’s place to try and talk to him.

  You will be pleased to know, as was Lou when I told her, that there is no new woman. I’m not just going off a hunch; I straight-up asked him. (And yes, his flat is still clean.)

  Steve was a little surprised to see me, but he’d been reading the blog and was close to contacting Louise himself. That shocked me a little. I thought he hated her, but he soon set me straight. Even though he’d felt betrayed, he admitted to missing her.