The Fight Within

by Laveen, Tiana

  “Well.” Jackson shrugged. “I deserve that, I suppose. The bottom line is this: Regardless of what I think of you and how I feel, my children look up to you, Sean. You’re obviously doing something right. Asia’s grades have improved since you’ve been here. Brian actually listens to me a bit more now, and follows the rules of my home for the most part when he stays over.” He paused, loath to fully admit the shit. “I know it’s because you asked him to talk to me more. You guys had a long discussion about it. He told me.” He sighed.

  The man still said nothing.

  “He’s less combative and not acting out as much in school. He’s more focused and talks about you all the time. It used to really grate my nerves, make me sick.” He shook his head and looked away to the wall, taking note of a framed photo of his children when they were small, then trailed his gaze back to Sean. “But, if I had to be in this position, I can honestly say I’d much rather have a guy like you in their lives than almost anyone else. You’re a good influence on them, and I just can’t deny that.”

  Sean remained quiet, staring him up and down. It would be hard for him to let go of his misgivings.

  “Well…thank you, Jackson.”

  “You’re welcome. Now,” he said, crossing his legs. “As far as Treasure and I are concerned, obviously I’ve had no choice but to move on. She told me in no uncertain terms what she thought about me as a person, and of a possible reconciliation before you two got married. I believed her, but it took some time for me fully accept it in my heart… You gotta understand, Sean. We were college sweethearts from around the same hood. I hadn’t met her until I got to Morehouse, but imagine my surprise at meeting a fellow New Yorker and she just happened to take my breath away.” He swallowed. “I basically grew up with this woman. We built a life together from the ground up. I can’t even sit here and tell you why and how everything unraveled, but I can tell you that I was the first one to pull the thread. Treasure can be,” he gritted his teeth and briefly looked up at the ceiling, “a bit harsh at times when her feelings are hurt.

  “That type of thing sometimes exasperates a situation. I’m not blaming her for everything, matter of fact, most of our issues stemmed from me and my behavior alone. I’m just saying we were young adults when our communication started to break down, and we developed patterns…some were unhealthy. Regardless, she was loyal and trustworthy, and she was there for me. Unfortunately, she couldn’t say the same about me.” He looked down into his lap, marinating in his painful truth. “I wanted to believe this thing between the two of you was just sex…something to do.” He waved his hand about to emphasize his point. “Then another month passed, then another, and another, and before I knew it, you two were together all the time and you’d proposed to her.”

  “The only person not taking us seriously, Jackson, was you. I guess people see what they want to see.”

  “Yeah, that’s true. I gotta give it you. That’s definitely true.” He nodded. “What I need to focus on is my co-parenting with my ex-wife.”

  “Now that’s something we can agree upon.”

  “So, there will be no more calls to her unless it is directly about the children. I won’t call and ask how she’s doing anymore, none of that. I understand that isn’t exactly—”

  “Respectable. The last time you did it I took the phone from her and you and I got into it, as usual. I’m sick and tired of arguing with you.”

  “Right, I understand, and that won’t happen anymore, Sean. I assure you.”

  “Good, because I was going to take legal measures if you came over here tonight with some more bullshit. I was going to file harassment charges.”

  Jackson couldn’t believe his damn ears. “Here I am, making an amends with you and you—”

  Sean raised his hand to stop him in midsentence. “Listen, I appreciate this, Jackson, I do. I’m just letting you know my patience had already run out five arguments with you ago. I can’t beat the shit out of you like I wanted to, like I could have, because you’re my stepchildren’s father… How would it make Asia feel to know I’d done that to her dad? Your kids saved you from me. Anyway, I refused to get into arguments with Treasure about your behavior, either. It wasn’t her fault, and she’d asked you countless times to stop calling at all hours of the night. We couldn’t tell you to stop calling altogether—you two have children with one another—but what I could do, is let the courts know that you were demonstrating provocation behaviors, and you, being an attorney, well, that just wouldn’t have looked good.”

  The man had undeniably threatened him.

  A tiny smirk cracked the guy’s stoic face, making him want to scream, ‘Fuck you!’ and begin the war again. But…Sean was right…and he knew what he’d been doing, and that he’d gone too far, one too many times. He’d let his emotions get the best of him, and mixed with late nights, alcohol, stress and losing everyone he loved had turned his world upside down.

  “Look, Jackson, I’m gonna lay off ya, give you a chance. We don’t have to like one another, just like you said, but we need to have a decent relationship, if possible, for the kids’ sake. We can either work together or tear everything apart. I’d prefer to put the children’s needs first.”

  Jackson slowly rose from his chair and extended his hand. Sean stared at his fingers for what seemed like an eternity, then finally followed suit and offered his hand, meeting him half way. They shook firm and hard. He chuckled when the guy gave him a pound.

  “Alright, Mr. Mahoney.” He pressed his hand along his jacket pocket, feeling the jingle from his house keys. “I’m sure I’ll see you soon. Take care.” He turned to walk away but soon heard what sounded like a chair sliding across the floor. He looked over his shoulder, a bit paranoid his damn self that the big bear had plucked the thing from the ground and was preparing to haul it at the back of his head. But that never happened.

  What did happen was that Sean walked to his side. “Let me walk you out,” he said.

  Jackson nodded as they made the trek to the front door of the estate. Each step Jackson took seemed to echo, so much louder than before. Though he was walking down a straight hall, it felt like he’d turned a corner. Things were different, new, confusing and fresh. A door had closed, but a window had opened and out came the sweet, cool breeze of redemption and forgiveness.

  “Alright, see you soon.” Sean unlocked the thing and swung it wide open, causing the motion detector light to shine upon the front porch and the neighbor’s dog to begin his howling and barking ritual.

  “Yeah, see you soon.” He began to walk away, then paused, catching Sean just in time before he closed and locked the door. “Hey, uh, Sean!”

  “Yeah?” The guy gripped the edge of the door and leisurely crossed his ankles.

  “Something about you strikes me as strange, but in a good way.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You don’t have children but from my investigation, you—”

  “Your investigation?” Sean interrupted, sealing his words with a light chuckle. “That’s right…you double as a self-appointed detective.”

  “Yeah.” Jackson laughed uneasily. “But uh, my findings showed that you seem to have a way with kids; they really take to you. I think that’s admirable and it makes me feel a little more comfortable. You’ve got something special I guess one could say…thanks.” And then, he turned and walked away without a backward glance, although he could feel Sean’s eyes still on him. That was the closest he’d come to a compliment toward the guy…

  Baby steps, man…gotta take baby steps…

  He wouldn’t dare to admit to the man that he’d grown even more jealous over the past few months—not only in regards to Treasure’s complete disinterest in him, and her being in love with another man. There was one more factor at play, namely the fact that his children didn’t seem to like him anymore… but they loved Sean. That proved worse than a kick in the gut, causing a plan of action to bud in his mind. It didn’t matter how the whole matter beg
an; it only counted that he was sincere in his journey to win his children’s hearts back.

  He now had to share them with another man, but he knew a child’s love was endless, and there was plenty of room for the both of them to fit in their hearts just fine. Jackson smiled inwardly; the self-imposed weight was finally off his shoulder. He’d thought all along that the heaviness upon his heart and mind was from an enormous Irish guy that had crushed his dreams, taking all that he ever cared for and loved away from him. No, it was he and he alone that held the sledgehammer and destroyed it all, and now the painful truth was revealed. Jackson lost the case. He gave up for the first time in his life, threw in the towel. He let go for his children, and now he also let go for himself. He’d conquered the fight within…

  *

  One year later…

  His hands traced over hers as the rain slowly beat against the window, mixing with the fresh snowflakes and making a wintery stew of icy sleet. The house felt cooler than usual, despite two roaring fires, baking bread in the oven, and amped up heat. He pushed his body against hers, pressing her against the window as he bent low, his lips unhurriedly exploring the back of her delicate neck. The coolness of her silver chain brought him back in the moment for his chin grazed the thing, catching it ever so slightly in his jaw stubble.

  Brian and Asia moved about the place. The New Year had come and gone and they lounged about, enjoying their last days of Christmas vacation. The poignant sounds of video game machine guns roared ever so often, bringing a strange silliness to a very serious matter at hand. Suddenly, the phone rang.

  “I’ll get it.” He reluctantly pulled away from her and walked to the parlor to take the call. Placing the receiver against his ear with one hand, he pulled at the front of his ribbed white sweater with the other. “Hello?”

  “Sean, it’s your mother.”

  “Oh hi, Ma.”

  “Are you still comin’ by for dinner? It’s getting late.”

  Oh shit!

  It had completely slipped his mind and now Ma was on the horn, asking for his presence. Worst of all, he was certain the lady had cooked a feast with all the trimmings…but he simply couldn’t go. The timing was all wrong. Before he could worm his way out of it, place an excuse at his mother’s feet and promise to make it up to her, he felt the warm embrace of his sweetheart as she wrapped her arms around his waist. Pushing her head into his back, she soothed him, made him relax where tense muscles had turned into spiny, sharp things, making him uncomfortable in his own skin, yet prickly with fear laden excitement.

  “Tell her we’re coming,” Treasure whispered.

  “A Ma, we’ll be leaving here soon, okay?”

  “Okay, drive carefully!”

  “I will. Love ya.”

  Treasure released him, turned off music, and called out to her children before going into the kitchen to put her half prepared meal in the fridge for storage. Sean dashed to the living room and parlor room fireplaces and extinguished the flames. Coats on, keys in hand, and a bottle of wine as a peace offering for tardiness, they headed out into the cold winter evening.

  Once they’d arrived at his parents’ home, he was pleasantly surprised to see his father sitting in the living room holding his customary bottle of Coors beer.

  “Hey, Dad!” He laughed wholeheartedly as he tumbled toward the guy, pretending to fall on top of him.

  “Watch where you’re going, you big lug!” Grinning, the older man placed his drink down beside him. He leaned forward, serving the kids with a keen eye.

  “Brian, when do you take your next college tour?”

  “This upcoming Tuesday.”

  The older man nodded, trying to make conversation, engage him, and that pleased Sean to the point of a grin.

  “It’s the kiiiing son of a bitch!” yelled Colin, bursting out of the bathroom.

  “Don’t curse in front of your mother! You’re gettin’ as bad as Sean here!” their father barked, causing stifled laughter.

  “I just need to heat everything back up, will only take a minute,” his mother interjected as she made her way into her deluxe kitchen, Treasure following closely behind. He stared at the two for a long time until he couldn’t hear or see them any longer. The television was turned up so loudly, he could barely hear himself think as he plopped down on the couch, sprawling his legs like so.

  “Where’s Lydia?”

  “Work.” Colin sat beside him and Brian, while Asia sat closest to his father.

  “So, young lady.” His father folded his hands over his gut and gleamed down at the girl. “Would you like to hear an exciting tale about beer bottle cap collecting?”

  ‡

  Chapter Thirty-One

  “I can toss the salad if you like,” Treasure offered as she watched the hard working woman move around like a lightning bolt, grabbing a pan here and a bowl there.

  “No no, dear. Don’t worry about it.” She smiled wide, her kitchen smelling like a slice of warm heaven. “Have a seat. How’s work been going?”

  “Well! It finally slowed down. This is my dry season, I like to call it.” Treasure gave a light chuckle. “From about January to March, I get trickle jobs, but it’s still enough, you know. Once the end of March rolls in, things pick up speed, fast.”

  “I bet! People like to beautify their homes when the weather breaks, I take it.”

  “Exactly.” Treasure ran her fingers along the glossy mahogany table. She looked around the place, pleased with her assistance in helping her mother-in-law pick out a new kitchen. If she said so herself, a good job had been done within the small working space. It looked welcoming yet modern, and even boasted of a small sitting area for her father-in-law. The two were quiet for a moment or two.

  “Uh, Mom, I can take the rolls in or something if you’d like…place them on the dining room table.”

  “Don’t you be silly!” The woman waved her off as she opened up her refrigerator door and removed a pitcher of ice water, slices of lemon swimming atop it. “Just sit there and defrost! Boy, this winter has been bad!”

  “It really has…record low temps. You’d think we’d be used to it by now. New York isn’t kind during this time of year.”

  “I know. I guess as I get older it’s harder, ya know?” The older woman slid a Christmassy mitt over her hand and peeked into the oven. “My bones can’t seem to take it as well. But I couldn’t imagine living anywhere else. This is my home.”

  Treasure nodded. “Me too. I went to college in Atlanta, but couldn’t wait to get back here after graduation. Don’t get me wrong, the experience was great, and it was important, but sometimes there is no place like home.”

  Mrs. Mahoney nodded and set a large roaster chicken on top of the oven. The smell was divine, filling the kitchen up with delectable aromas all swirling together and mingling in perfect harmony. She stared at the baked chicken hard and heavy, wishing she could bite into it then and there.

  I’m starving…

  She grinned and looked down at her hands, toiled with a few raggedy cuticles that had escaped her clippers earlier in the day. Caught up in her daydreams, she didn’t even notice Mrs. Mahoney had come to stand before her, offering a glass of the cool water. Taking it gingerly from her hands, she took a hearty sip, then set it down on the table beside her.

  “Thank you so much.”

  Mrs. Mahoney nodded and sat right beside her.

  “We’re dyin’ here!” Mr. Mahoney called out. “What’s the hold up?”

  “Hold jah horses!!!” the woman screeched, then returned to her kind demeanor in a second flat.

  “Is something wrong, Treasure? You seem a little distracted.” The woman reached up ever so gently and swept her hand across her shoulder, then rubbed it, giving motherly comfort in a way she wasn’t familiar with, but always yearned for.

  “Hmmm.” Treasure felt silly. The words wouldn’t come out right, and then she realized there was no need to draw it out, make a fuss over it or cry or laugh. Just say it
…

  “Mom.” She took the woman’s hand in her own. “My old butt is going to have a baby.”

  The woman gasped, tore her hand away, then burst in a fit of laughter that seemed to echo throughout the place.

  “Oh my Gosh! Oh my Gosh!” Popping up from her chair, she leaped in the air over and over like a jack in the box, bumping into her chair along the way. She almost made the damn thing tumble over as she raced from the place and into the living room. Treasure lowered her head and laughed ever so softly, keeping her back turned as she listened to the scene play out.

  “Kevin! Keeeevvvvviiinn!” the woman yelled.

  “What is it?! You caught the kitchen on fire or something?!”

  “No! Sean ’nd Treasure are gonna have uh baby!!! She’s pregnant, Kevin! Oh my Gosh!!!”

  “Holy shit!” Colin yelled out, but this time, his father didn’t reprimand him.

  “A baby?! We’re gonna have a grandbaby?! Hot damn! Wait a minute… How old is Treasure again?” The older man laughed, causing Treasure to smile and slump in her seat.

  “What does it matter?!” Mrs. Mahoney retorted. “My mother had her last child at age forty-nine…forty-nine! Besides, women are into their careers now and havin’ babies later, doesn’t matter. She’ll take her vitamins is all, and take it easy. Treasure!” the woman hollered at the top of her lungs.

  “Yes, Mom?” Treasure turned in her seat, still sitting alone but feeling completely surrounded.

  “You’re takin’ your prenatal vitamins, right? That’s important, ya know!”

  Treasure nodded even though she knew the lady couldn’t see her. “Well, we just found out not too long ago but my doctor prescribed some.”

  “Good! Oh…I gotta check on the beans!” Suddenly, a pounding of feet hit the floor and the lady returned. She raced toward the stove and turned the eye off before stirring the big pot of navy beans with a large silver spoon. Treasure got to her feet and gave the woman a kiss on her cheek, smiling from ear to ear. Before she knew it, Sean was in the room, leaning against the entryway with his arms crossed and a silly smirk on his face.