Some Kind of Hell

by London Casey

  “This is more rare than medium rare,” he said. “See, the difference is in the feel…”

  I stood with my hands behind my back, pretending that I gave a shit and that I listened intently. I switched between looking at the man and the steak, wondering just what he thought happened in the kitchen of the restaurant. Did he think we had some kind of gourmet chef like he saw on TV?

  No.

  We had a guy everyone called Bones. He got paid like twelve bucks an hour, had dreadlocks and a lip ring, liked to sing while cooking, trying to convince us all that he’d find a band and be the next big thing in town. He had become somewhat of a friend recently because of my affiliation with DownCrash, looking for a way to meet the band and maybe join as a second singer. He told me he was a screamer and I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.

  “Sir, I’m so sorry,” I said. “I’ll take that back and get one properly cooked for your liking.”

  “No, no,” the man said. “Not my liking. The right way.”

  “Of course.”

  I bit my lip and lifted the plate. I always considered the outcome of my life in those moments… what exactly would happen if that plate just so happened to turn and hit the guy (or woman) in the face?

  Sometimes it felt almost worth it.

  But I always took the plate back.

  In the kitchen I found Bones leaning over the grill, his body swaying left to right.

  “Bones, this one is undercooked.”

  “Hold up,” he said and continued the mental rock show with his back to me.

  I reached for the little bell he rang when orders came up. I started hitting it, knowing its annoying chirp would piss Bones off.

  “What the fuck?” he cried out and turned. When he saw me, he smiled. “Hey Annie. What’s happening?”

  “Undercooked,” I said and pointed to the plate. “He’s the master of steaks out there. Be careful.”

  “Master of steaks,” Bones scoffed. “Man, I need a fucking band.”

  “First you need to cook that steak,” I said and left the kitchen.

  I made it three steps out when one of the other waitresses, Deb, grabbed my arm and pulled me aside. She almost tore my arm off my body and I almost fell into her. That would have ended with the both of us crashing into the coffee area.

  “What’s on fire?” I asked.

  “Someone is here for you,” Deb said. “He wanted to be seated in your section.”

  “Okay…”

  “He said it was a surprise and I shouldn’t tell you he’s here.”

  “Who is he?” I asked.

  “I don’t know…”

  I smiled. My mind raced. My heart matched it. I pictured Logan coming to see me. But that couldn’t be right. He was in LA. Maggie had said they were flying today. I looked around, wishing I could see to my section.

  “What did he look like?” I asked Deb.

  I smiled and she thought for a second. “I don’t know. Not really cute or anything…”

  My heart started to slow.

  Who could be there then? If it wasn’t Logan…

  “He has some girl with him though,” Deb said. “And she’s pregnant.”

  My heart stopped. I swear on it. For like a split second, my heart stopped. Life was stolen from me, along with breath, movement, and the ability to think. When it came back to me, I grabbed Deb by her wrists.

  “What did you just say?”

  “What?” Deb asked.

  “He’s with a pregnant girl?”

  “Yeah. Why? Do you know who I’m talking about?”

  I let Deb go and turned. I’d have to wait on them.

  On Jared… and his… whatever.

  The walk to the table was the longest, hardest walk of my life. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I felt like at any second the entire restaurant would burst into laughter, pointing at me, loving to watch me writhe in pain over what I was about endure.

  Why the hell had Jared come here?

  There were plenty of restaurants… he lived far away… I lived here… in town…

  I saw the back of her head first and then Jared’s face. His right hand then touched the girl and they were both looking at me. I froze for a second and then Jared waved at me. A casual, friendly wave. It took all my nerve to not throw him the middle finger.

  I walked to the table and said hello. As calm and cool as I could manage.

  “I thought you worked here,” Jared said. “We were passing through and I wanted something to eat…”

  “How about a drink first?” I offered. “Jared?”

  “Sure,” he said, an evil grin climbing across his face. “I’ll just have a glass of water for now.”

  “And… you?”

  I looked at the girl.

  The girl.

  The girl who fucked my then boyfriend. The girl who let him do what he wanted to do inside her. The girl that had a nice little belly for the world to see. The girl, who was carrying a child that could have (and maybe should have) been mine. As I stared at her, I thought about how easy it would have been to not give a shit when I was Jared. To have just done it all with him and allow him to get me pregnant. Then I could be the one paraded around with an easy life.

  “Her name is Chloe,” I heard Jared say.

  I looked at Jared and nodded. “That’s nice.”

  I took their drink and appetizer orders then hurried from the table. I punched the orders in, got their drinks, and did my best to drop the drinks off while looking elsewhere as if someone had called for me.

  I rushed away and found the nearest and most private corner.

  I stood there, telling myself not to collapse.

  Jared had done this on purpose, like the asshole prick he was, just to rub it in my face. Everyone gossiped and it wasn’t hard for everyone to know everyone else’s business. He knew I worked there. He knew I was settled with Maggie. I mean, after all, I did leave while he was at work one day, giving a big fuck you to our relationship once and for all.

  This was his last backstab at me.

  I had to just endure it.

  Kill him with a smile and imagine what his girl’s - Chloe - body would look like during and after pregnancy.

  It seemed so easy in my mind. To just do it. To face it. To get on with the night, and my life.

  I took a deep breath and turned from the corner and walked back to their table.

  Of course, Jared held Chloe’s hand, his thumb rubbing her palm.

  Just like he used to do to me.

  That little move used to turn me on. It was the kind of his move to tell me he wanted me in bed.

  Staring, then looking sort of pathetic.

  At least Logan had the balls to grab me and kiss me. To lift me up. To touch me.

  But that didn’t matter.

  Logan was gone.

  With DownCrash.

  “Are you ready to order?” I asked, trying to be cheery.

  “Yes. Now, for the turkey club here, can Chloe get that without bacon?”

  “Of course,” I said.

  “It kills me,” Chloe said.

  I looked at her. I wanted to slap her. That damn baby in her belly was protecting her in a way she didn’t realize.

  “Oh?” I asked.

  Chloe touched her stomach with both hands, rubbing her belly. “The baby doesn’t like it. Gives me killer heartburn. And… well I can’t hold it down.”

  She made a gross face, not that her face didn’t already look gross.

  I nodded and smiled. “Well, we don’t want that to happen, right? No bacon it is.”

  I wrote No bacon! and was so tempted to write Extra bacon! or Dip the fucking turkey club in bacon grease! but I played nice.

  Jared ordered next and he folded the menus and handed them to me. I thanked them for their order and as I stepped back, Jared called for Chloe’s hand again. I turned as his pointer finger touched and moved a ring on Chloe’s left hand.

  On her ring finger.


  A diamond.

  A fucking diamond…

  The diamond shined at me, laughing at me.

  It wasn’t that long ago that I saw myself wearing a diamond like that from Jared. Maybe that’s what I hung around for. The next step in the relationship. But Jared decided to throw all that away, didn’t he?

  I didn’t say a word about the ring and left the table. My hand shook wildly as I punched in their dinner order and then retreated back to my secret corner. This time I ran a little quicker and this time when I got to the corner, nothing could stop the tears.

  I held my quivering lips tight together to keep from making noise but it hurt. It hurt so bad. From the pit of my stomach to the center of my heart. The pain hurt like it was fresh, just happening. And in some ways it was. Jared had told me about his outside relationship and that he got her pregnant. From there I was the one who left him. This was the first time seeing him with her - with Chloe - and seeing Chloe pregnant. It was the first time seeing Jared happy with someone else.

  Each time I tried to collect myself, I couldn’t. I kept leaning into the corner, wishing it was a door so I could leave. So I could run the hell out of the restaurant and drive out of town.

  I had no purpose there.

  No point.

  No future.

  I had…

  “Annie?”

  I took a breath and tried to suck up the tears.

  “I’m fine,” I said. “Just fine.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  The voice.

  I knew the voice.

  I turned my head enough to see…

  “Logan?” I whispered.

  His hand touched my shoulder and he pulled me. I turned around and Logan put his hands to my shoulders and stared at me.

  “Shit, Annie,” he said.

  I felt like I hadn’t seen Logan in years. It had been only days, but my heart had no more sense of time.

  “Logan,” I repeated.

  I fell at him and his hands were then around me, holding me. I let out the long cry I had been waiting to let out. Logan’s strong hands held me and squeezed.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have called you or texted you.”

  I shook my head. “No. I was wrong, Logan. Everything is wrong.”

  “No, it’s not,” Logan said.

  He moved me away from him. He held my face and moved his thumbs, chasing the tears away.

  “He’s here,” I whispered. “He’s here with his pregnant… well, now she’s his fiancée.”

  Logan closed his eyes and took a breath. “He did it on purpose, huh?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “He came here because he knew I worked here. I have to serve them their food.”

  “Look at me,” Logan said.

  I did.

  “Serve them their food,” he said. “He fucked up his life, not yours. I’ll take care of everything else, Annie. And that includes you.”

  I opened my mouth because my brain then realized that Logan shouldn’t have been there. He should have been in LA or on his way to LA. He pulled me in for a quick kiss and then slipped away.

  He added one last thing before leaving.

  “You’re too beautiful to cry.”

  12

  Bones was being an ass as he rang the bell. He didn’t need to as I stood right there, waiting for the two plates of food. It was his payback for annoying him before.

  “All set, Annie,” he said, smiling.

  I took the plates and told myself not to be afraid. Not to get upset.

  As I walked through the restaurant, I casually looked around for Logan but didn’t see him. I got to the table and served Jared and Chloe. I smiled as I did so, reminding Chloe that her turkey club came with no bacon. She still opened one of the pieces of the club to check.

  Bitch.

  I pointed to Jared’s buffalo chicken cheese steak and said, “Don’t add extra hot sauce to that.”

  “Why’s that?” he asked.

  “Well, our cook makes it really good…” I smiled and leaned down a little. “Plus, we all know what happens when you have too much hot sauce.”

  Jared’s cheeks turned red and I looked at Chloe, raising my eyebrows.

  They may have been together and engaged, but they knew nothing about each other. Yet.

  I stood and told them if they needed anything else, to just let me know.

  Before I could move away, Jared said, “We were around here, shopping for wedding dresses.”

  “Nice,” I said.

  “I just became a partner in my father’s construction company.”

  “We get to plan a big, expensive wedding,” Chloe added.

  They were ganging up on me again.

  “My first project is building my own house,” Jared right. “I bought a few acres off Mom and Dad…”

  The way he rolled it off his tongue - Mom and Dad - was a direct shot at me. He could have said my parents or even used their name. But by saying it that way, he was trying to tease me, hurt me.

  I swallowed and felt the emotion rush up.

  I had a moment right there.

  To run away.

  To cry.

  “Oh, hey, there you are.”

  I looked and saw Logan coming right at me.

  Right there, at Jared and Chloe’s table.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt,” Logan said. “Is this a bad time?”

  “No,” Jared said.

  “Wait a second,” Chloe said. “Are you…”

  “I don’t mean to bother you here,” Logan said. “But I have a plane to catch. My band is flying to LA. Getting ready for some studio time.”

  “Band?” Jared asked.

  “Logan plays bass in…”

  “DownCrash,” Chloe said. “Yeah. I know you guys.”

  “Nice to meet you then,” Logan said. He pointed to Chloe’s stomach. “Future DownCrash fan?”

  I laughed, a much needed laugh, and stared at Jared as I did so. His face was red and angry.

  “I just wanted a kiss before I leave,” Logan said to me.

  “You two?” Chloe asked. “You’re together?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “He played guitar for me once, stole my heart.”

  Logan shook hands with Chloe and thanked her for supporting the band. He nodded to Jared and then walked away.

  Logan had saved me, again.

  I left the table and found Deb, telling her that I was taking a fifteen minute break. I told her to take care of Jared and Chloe and to keep whatever tip they left, if any. She agreed and I went to find Logan.

  He waited for me in the corner where he had found me.

  I jumped at him, wrapping my arms tight around his neck. I took a deep breath and surprised myself that I didn’t cry.

  “Thank you for doing that,” I said. “That was…”

  “That guy’s an asshole,” Logan said. “I feel bad for the girl. She’s got a fun life ahead of her.”

  “Yeah, she does,” I said.

  I don’t know why, but a sense of peace came over me. Kind of like being afraid of a monster under your bed, worrying for weeks, and then finally looking and finding nothing but dust under the bed. That’s how it felt. I’m sure Jared and Chloe - and their baby - would have an easy life financially but that didn’t mean they would be happy.

  Staring at Logan, I was happy.

  I kissed him. He kissed me.

  I broke the kiss.

  “I thought you were flying,” I said.

  “Supposed to be,” he said.

  “What happened?”

  “Tripp and Tatum flew out. I stayed back. I had to see you, Annie. I went to your place and Maggie said you were working.”

  “You skipped your flight because of me?”

  “I switched it,” Logan said. “I do have to go soon though. Need to get to the airport.”

  “You did that for me?”

  “I couldn’t stand going to LA and not talking to you in person,” he said. “Th
e other morning… that was…”

  “My fault,” I said. “That was the first time I had…”

  “It’s okay,” Logan said. “I get it now.”

  “No. Listen to me. What we did the night before. That was the best… like… the best ever.”

  Logan smiled. He put his hands to my waist and pulled me in. He kissed my cheek and put his lips to my ears. “It’s only going to get better…”

  I shuddered and my body warmed up. I couldn’t stop thinking about Logan’s body. How it felt. How much I wanted it again.

  “You know,” I whispered to him, “I’m on a break.”

  “Is that so?” he asked.

  “And we have a private bathroom upstairs. Really nice…”

  “You’re getting crazy,” Logan said. “Even for a rockstar like me.”

  “Let me show you crazy,” I said.

  I took his hand and walked him against the back wall of the restaurant. Nobody noticed as we slipped up the steps. My body was on fire by the time I reached the top of the steps. Every part of me wanted Logan. I opened the bathroom door and turned on the light. It was a really fancy bathroom, with a couch, comfortable lighting, and was probably half the size of mine and Maggie’s apartment.

  “Wow,” Logan said.

  It was the only word he’d get to say about the bathroom.

  I came at him, slamming him against the wall. He tried to groan but my mouth was there against his. We kissed and my hand wasted no time grabbing between his legs. He had a plane to catch and I had a job to keep. We both didn’t have time to spare.

  My fingers pulled at his zipper, wanting him.

  I never moved so fast in my life to touch someone as I did then. I found him thick and hard inside his boxers, my fingers touching all I could.

  With my free hand, I reached back and pulled at my apron string, letting it fall with the sound of loose change jingling. Logan pushed at me, forcing me back. He didn’t stop until I was against the wall. I cried for him, begging him to have me. I took my hand out of his pants and hurried to drop my pants. Logan’s hand was then there, between my legs, his eager fingers rubbing over my panties. I moaned and pushed my panties down. When they were at my knees, I opened my legs and waited for Logan. I looked down and watched as he pulled himself out of his pants. He pressed his thickness against me and I put my left foot on the arm of the couch to balance myself. Logan’s hands gripped my ass, holding me in place as he thrust at me.