Losing It

by Zaria Garrison

  “I miss you so much,” she whispered.

  Turning her attention back to the bottle of smoothie that Keisha had given her, Sharmaine put the straw up to her mouth to take a sip.

  “Good afternoon, Sister Cleveland.”

  Surprised, she set the bottle down on the table and warmly greeted her guests. Bishop Snow and his wife Yolanda walked into the waiting room and enveloped her into their arms.

  “Thank you so much for coming.” Sharmaine politely offered each of them a seat.

  Hearing voices, Leon suddenly awakened. He looked around confused for a few seconds before realizing where he was. Sharmaine handed him a tissue and tried to discreetly point toward the drool on his mouth. He felt embarrassed as he wiped it clean. When he was done, he politely reached his hand out to Bishop and Mrs. Snow.

  “I’m sorry. I’d been awake for over twenty-four hours. Please excuse me,” he said.

  “You don’t have to apologize, Brother Cleveland. We understand,” Bishop Snow answered.

  “We just dropped by to give you some encouragement, a word of prayer, and to make sure you had something to eat.”

  Mrs. Snow held out a paper bag toward Leon. There was a delicious aroma coming from inside the bag.

  “What is this?” he asked.

  “We stopped at Vonnie’s Soul Food and picked up a couple of plates,” Mrs. Snow answered. “We knew you probably had not had anything to eat.”

  Leon took the bag from Mrs. Snow and handed it to Sharmaine. “Thank you so much. We really appreciate this,” he said.

  Bishop Snow smiled broadly as he looked back and forth between the two of them. “It does my heart good to see you two together. I’m so sorry that it’s under these circumstances, but it’s a good thing. You need each other’s strength at this time.”

  Unsure of how to respond, Leon glanced over at Sharmaine and then down at the floor. Stalling for a few extra seconds to think, Sharmaine peeked inside the food bag. “This sure smells wonderful,” she said.

  They all nodded in agreement.

  “How is your son?” Mrs. Snow asked.

  Before she could answer, Sharmaine noticed Rodney’s doctor walking into the room. She looked over at him expectantly.

  “I’ve got good news,” he said. “Rodney is awake and talking.”

  “Oh, thank you, God!” Sharmaine said. She jumped up from her chair. “Can I see him? I need to talk to my baby.”

  “Of course you can, but don’t stay too long. He’s dehydrated and still very weak.”

  Bishop and Mrs. Snow stood to their feet, along with Leon. “Praise God,” they said in unison.

  Sharmaine rushed excitedly out of the room, following the doctor. Leon politely said good-bye to Bishop and Mrs. Snow then he joined her. When he walked into Rodney’s room, Sharmaine was hugging him tightly. Leon smiled at them both.

  By the end of the week, the doctor felt confident enough to allow Rodney to be released from the hospital. Sharmaine was ecstatic that he was better, but she felt sad at the same time. While they had sat with Rodney at the hospital, she’d felt a closeness with Leon that she desperately wanted to hang on to.

  It didn’t make sense to her why, but during the week, she’d noticed that she actually felt better physically than she had in a while. There was no confusion or headaches, and she didn’t black out even once. The diarrhea had ended by that Wednesday. All of this had occurred without her taking any of her medicines. Keisha made sure to bring the pills to the hospital, but Sharmaine was too busy attending to Rodney to think of her own health. She’d promised to do it, but then put the thought to the back of her mind. Attending to Rodney and other things kept her occupied.

  Briefly, she remembered the pills and was about to take one, when Rodney asked her if she’d read to him. Sharmaine sat by Rodney’s bed reading a comic book when a nurse asked if she’d like to give blood.

  “Giving blood can save a life,” the nurse said. “Besides, we have to take your son down for more tests. It’s a good way to pass the time.”

  Sharmaine agreed, and followed the directions the nurse gave her in order get to the blood bank in the basement. When she returned, she’d completely forgotten about the pills.

  Now that Rodney was going home, she was reminded of how much she had truly missed her family. Whenever the girls came to visit their brother, Sharmaine wished she could continue to see them daily. Sitting in his room together, they seemed like a family again. It was a feeling she wished she could freeze-frame forever.

  As she leisurely packed Rodney’s bag while he got dressed in the bathroom, Sharmaine slowly brushed away a tear.

  “Is he ready to go yet?” Leon asked as he walked in. He pretended not to notice that she’d been crying.

  “Almost. He’s in the bathroom,” she answered. Sharmaine put the last of his toiletries in the bag and handed it to Leon. “Everything’s in here.”

  “What do I do with this hospital thingy?” Rodney said as he walked out of the bathroom. He held up the white-and-blue hospital gown he’d been wearing.

  “You can just leave it here, sweetheart,” Sharmaine answered.

  He tossed it onto the bed. “Okay, I’m ready to go.”

  Leon held the door open for the two of them to exit. As soon as they entered the hallway, a blonde nurse walked up to them, pushing a wheelchair.

  “I’m sorry, Rodney, but it’s hospital policy. I have to take you downstairs in this chair,” she said.

  He didn’t really want to, but he sat down. The nurse pushed the chair, while his parents followed closely behind.

  When they reached the back entrance, she helped Rodney out of the chair and into the limousine Leon had waiting with Otis behind the wheel. The nurse gave Rodney a high five then returned inside the hospital.

  Leon and Sharmaine were left alone. They stared at each other awkwardly like two teenagers on a first date. Each of them struggled for something to say.

  Finally, Leon spoke. “We can give you a ride back to Keisha’s if you like. It’s no trouble.”

  She pointed down the alley behind the limo. “She sent a cab for me. You know Keisha. She thinks of everything.”

  “Yes, she sure does. I’m sorry that you can’t come by the house, but I promise as soon as he’s up to it, I’ll bring Rodney to visit.”

  Sharmaine nodded her head. “That’s fine.”

  Unable to prolong the moment any longer, she leaned into the limousine and gave Rodney a hug and a kiss. “I love you, sweetie.”

  “I love you too, Mommy,” he answered.

  Leon got inside the limo and closed the door. With tears streaming down her face, Sharmaine stood on the curb and watched it until it disappeared. Then she got into her cab and told the driver to take her home.

  After dinner, Leon helped Rodney get settled comfortably in his room. At Rodney’s insistence, Leon fluffed his pillows, smoothed out his blankets, and put a movie into his DVD player. He sat in a chair beside the bed as the movie began. Shortly afterward, he looked over and noticed that Rodney had fallen fast asleep. Leon turned off the television and then the light before he quietly left the room.

  He trotted down the stairs to the family room. Jeanna and Camille were seated on the couch, looking bored, while Jackson watched a basketball game on television. “What are you guys up to tonight?” Leon asked casually.

  Jeanna shrugged her shoulders. “Will you take me to the video store? I want to get a new movie.”

  “Didn’t I tell you that you couldn’t get any new movies until you cleaned up that filthy room? Don’t think that because your dad is home you can undermine my authority,” Jackson said.

  Leon looked at them both strangely. “Jeanna, you haven’t cleaned your room? That’s odd.”

  “I’ll go do it now,” she responded. She shot her uncle a dirty look then got up and went upstairs.

  “You need to be tougher on these kids,” Jackson said. He threw a handful of popcorn into his mouth and turned his attentio
n back to the game.

  “What about you, Camille?” Leon asked.

  “My room is clean,” she replied.

  “No, I meant, what are you planning to do tonight?” He sat down in his easy chair.

  Camille looked over at him. “Am I still grounded?”

  Jackson answered before Leon could respond. “Yes, you are. You sneaked out again last weekend.”

  Camille ignored him and turned to Leon. “Can I have a friend over?”

  Leon thought for a moment. His brother was correct in that Camille was still grounded. Her behavior had improved, but she was still somewhat of a problem; however, his family had just endured a very trying week. He decided to show some leniency. “All right, you can have a friend over.”

  Camille squealed and jumped into his arms, hugging him.

  “Wait a minute. There are a few rules.”

  Camille sat back down and looked at him. “What?”

  “You have to keep the noise down. Your brother is upstairs resting. And your guest has to leave by midnight. If you can agree to that, I have no problem with it.”

  “Thank you, Dad!” Camille hugged him tightly. She ran to the phone in the kitchen to call Danté.

  “You never learn, do you?” Jackson asked.

  Leon pushed the arms on his chair, causing it to recline backward, propping his feet up. “Learn what?”

  “You let these kids run all over you. Jeanna is not as bad, but Camille has you wrapped around her little finger.”

  “What are you talking about, Jack?”

  “I’m talking about how Camille just conned you.”

  “If she has a guest over, I know what’s going on in my own house. It’s not a big deal.”

  “But the girl is grounded. What’s the point of doing that if you are just going to give her extra privileges?”

  Leon sighed. He wasn’t in the mood for an argument, but he knew once Jackson got started, he would be difficult to stop. While Jackson spent eighteen years in the military, he’d raised his own two sons with an iron fist. He’d never told his brother, but Leon felt it was his hard approach to discipline that led to Jackson’s divorce. It was also the reason he only saw his sons at holidays and special occasions. Of course they loved their father, but Jackson could be very difficult to deal with sometimes. While Leon believed in discipline, he also felt that it had to be tempered with love; however, he wasn’t in the mood to explain that to Jackson.

  “It’s not an extra privilege. Being grounded means I don’t want her out of the house. I don’t think inviting one of her girlfriends over is a problem.” Leon leaned over to the popcorn bowl and grabbed a handful, stuffing it into his mouth.

  “I’m sure you don’t see a problem, because you don’t even realize that the biggest problem with these kids is that they lack discipline. They’ve got a maid who cleans up after them and cooks whatever they want. Otis drives them around wherever they want to go. And this house is full of every toy and gadget on the market. I know you love them, but you are spoiling them.”

  “We have a lot of nice things, but my children do have boundaries and limits.”

  Jackson leaned forward on the couch. “They don’t have enough boundaries or limits. What they need is more discipline and chores. That’s the only way to build character.”

  Still munching on his popcorn, Leon tried to keep his cool. “Thanks for the advice, but this isn’t the Marine Corps, Sergeant Cleveland. It’s my home. I’m not going to treat my children like a bunch of recruits.”

  Jackson picked up the remote control and turned off the television. “Let me tell you something, baby brother. While you’ve been at the hospital all week pining over Sharmaine, I’ve been here running this house.”

  Leon suddenly did not feel like relaxing anymore. Putting his feet back onto the floor, he sat straight up in his easy chair. “What are you talking about? I was at the hospital because of Rodney.”

  “I know Rodney was sick and you were concerned, but I saw the two of you together. I walked in one day and she was asleep with her head in your lap. The two of you were acting as if the past six months never happened.”

  Leon shook his head. “You don’t understand. We were both worried about Rodney, so we leaned on each other a little bit. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “That’s exactly what I mean. You are soft. You were soft on Sharmaine even after what she’s done, and you are the same way with these kids. I know you love them, but it’s time you cracked the whip.”

  Slowly, Leon stood up from his chair. “Jackson, I really appreciate you staying here this week and helping to take care of the girls. I don’t know how I would have managed without you. But I’m home now. You can get your stuff from the guest room and go on home.”

  Jackson was stunned. “Are you asking me to leave?”

  “No, I’m just telling you that you are free to go if you want to.”

  “Fine, man ... whatever.” Jackson walked swiftly out of the family room and up the stairs. He returned a few moments later carrying his bags. Leon walked with him to the front door.

  Jackson momentarily set his bags down beside the door. He reached out and hugged his brother tightly. “I love you, bro,’” he said then picked up his bags.

  “I love you too,” Leon answered before closing the door behind him.

  Danté’s palms were sweating profusely as he rang the front door bell. He’d almost fainted when Camille called and asked him to come over.

  “Are you sure about that?” he had asked.

  “Yes. I asked my Dad and he’s fine with me having company. I really miss you.”

  Danté quickly agreed then hung up the phone so that he could shower and change. Now, standing on her front door step, for the first time he felt his stomach doing flip-flops. After what seemed like an eternity, the front door finally opened. Consuela smiled at him.

  “Um, I’m here to see Camille.”

  “Come in. Miss Camille is waiting for you in the family room.”

  As soon as he walked into the room, Camille ran up to him and hugged him tightly. He kissed her gently on the lips then looked around. Although he’d been there for the pool party, there were strict restrictions that did not allow any of the teens inside the house. He looked around at the elaborate setup of the family and game room. There was a huge television that was almost as large as the wall. On shelves nearby, he noticed they seemed to have every DVD ever released. On the other side of the room, there was a pinball machine, a movie theatre-sized air popcorn popper, a round card table for games, and a pool table.

  Looking around at everything, he felt both impressed and intimidated. “Where is everybody?” he asked.

  “Jeanna’s in her room, probably watching another movie. Rodney’s asleep. He just got home today. My dad is doing some work in my mom’s office.”

  Danté smiled. Then he kissed her again, holding the kiss much longer. They broke apart when Consuela cleared her throat behind them.

  “Miss Camille, would you or your guest like something from the kitchen?”

  Camille turned to Danté. “Are you hungry? Consuela can heat us up a pizza or something.”

  “Yeah, sure, pizza’s cool.” Danté walked over and sat on the huge sectional sofa, while Camille gave Consuela their food and drink order. When she was done, she came over and snuggled close to him on the couch. He stiffened up and shifted in his seat, moving away from her.

  Camille looked at him strangely. “What’s wrong?” she asked.

  “I’m sorry, Camille. I’m just nervous being in your house, especially since the last time I was here your uncle threw me out.”

  Camille laughed. “Uncle Jack has gone home. You don’t have to worry about him. You can relax.”

  “What about your dad?”

  “He gave me permission to invite you over. We are not sneaking around. It’s okay.” She grabbed his arm and pulled it around her then snuggled under it.

  Danté finally allowed himsel
f to loosen up and pulled her closer. They sat talking about the end of her school year and their plans for the summer, until Consuela brought in the pizza. The two of them got up from the sofa and went over to the card table to eat.

  “You eat a lot for such a small girl,” Danté remarked. Camille had just swallowed the last bite of her third slice of pizza.

  “I just love pepperoni pizza.” She laughed.

  Danté took a swig of his root beer. “Did you think about what we talked about the other day?” he asked.

  “We’re having fun. Do we have to talk about that now?”

  “I’m sorry. It’s just that we have another meeting on Monday. I was hoping you’d come with me.”

  Camille laid her fourth slice of pizza down and leaned back in her chair. “I’m not some addict. I don’t think I need drug counseling.”

  “It’s not just about being an addict. You smoke because you are trying to escape your problems. The counseling sessions give you a chance to open up about those problems. Once you open up, you can find better ways to deal with them.”

  “You mean like turning to God?” she asked sarcastically.

  He nodded his head and took another bite of pizza.

  Camille suddenly giggled. “When we met last summer, I never thought you’d turn out to be a church boy.”

  Danté looked serious. “Why? Did you think I was a thug, or trash, like your uncle called me?”

  “Oh, no, I’m sorry. That didn’t come out right. I just never met anybody like you before. Please don’t be offended.”

  “I know I come from the streets, and I’ve done some things in my life that I’m not proud of, but right now, my only focus is keeping a good job so I can take care of my sister and her baby when it’s born. Maybe when Nichole is older and can take care of the baby alone, I’ll go to college or something. I’m not rich like you, Camille, but don’t look down on me because of where I’m from.”

  Camille reached out and touched his hand. “I don’t. I’m sorry. I just meant—oh, I don’t know what I meant. Please, just don’t be mad.”