by M. Sembera
It was like a Caffrey family reunion in there. All of Jackson's cousin Brennen's sons were there and Oran's boys as well. Smiles and waves were given as everyone was steadily working hard. I actually had to look twice when Auggie walked in from the kitchen. He looked so much like his dad, Gus, I expected to hear an 'awe hell' when he saw me.
"Is Will still back there makin' love on the phone?" Auggie blurted.
Jackson laughed as I asked, "What?" with a laugh of my own.
Making a face, Auggie informed, "Some girl he met up with. I swear he's spent the last two weeks with the damn phone glued to his ear."
"Awe he's got a girlfriend," I remarked before asking, "Who is she?"
Shrugging me off, Auggie griped, "I don't know. Probly some girl that wants to get drinks for free once the bar's open again."
Rolling my eyes at him, I said, "Wow Auggie, you're such a romantic."
"No one's got time for all that," he replied.
I watched Jacks shake his head before walking over to Oran, knowing Auggie and I were about to get into it.
Auggie was a smart-assy jerk from the moment I met him. When he was ten, I held my tongue after a point because he was a kid. Now that he was grown, we often got into it.
"Good to see at almost thirty you haven't softened up one bit," I fussed.
"Hey, girls are great but they're even better when they get dressed and go home," he spouted.
Making a disgusted face at him, I swore, "One day, one of those girls walkin' out, you're gonna want to stick around."
Giving me a 'sure whatever' look, he sarcastically said, "Yea, and I bet we'll be best friends too."
Narrowing my eyes at him, I snapped, "You know what..." before Jackson broke in, saying, "Alright you two, we only have an hour for lunch."
"She's the one that started it," Auggie laughed.
Rubbing my eye with my middle finger, I said, "Real mature."
Jackson laughed at both of us, saying, "And I'm just a big kid."
Sticking my tongue out at him, I turned and walked off to check out The Bar.
Jackson and I walked the main area of The Bar as he showed me the beginnings of the stage area for live music, how they extended the back wall and widened the area for pool tables and of course the new bar, that was made up of the original piece in the center of the new one. On the way out, we stopped at William's office. William pulled some papers out of an envelope before handing them to Jackson.
Turning to me, Jacks smiled, saying, "Don't look."
Laughing, I asked, "Why not?"
"I'm renaming The Bar and it's a surprise, I don't want you to know until we reopen," he replied.
Placing my hands over my eyes, I said, "Fine," wondering why it was such a secret.
Once the papers were signed and back in the envelope, I was allowed to uncover my eyes. Jackson and I told William goodbye and headed back to his car.
Pulling away from The Bar, I was trying to think of ways to get Jacks to tell me the new name. It really didn't matter to me what he was naming it because it would never be the same but the fact that it was a secret made me want to know.
I was about to start my interrogation when Jackson said, "We can swing by DPS on the way back to work."
Giving him a strange look, I asked, "For what?"
"So you can change you driver license," he answered.
"I have to have our marriage license to do it," I informed before he replied, "I know, it's in the glove box."
Wishing he would have told me we were doing that today, I shared, "I left my wallet in my purse at the office."
His mood instantly changed as he stated, "Alright."
"Are you mad?" I questioned, noticing the irritated expression on his face.
Without moving his eyes from the road, he replied, "Just drop it."
"You're seriously mad because I didn't know you wanted me to do that today," I asked, getting a little irritated myself.
Without hesitation, he griped, "I'm mad because you should want to do it."
Rolling my eyes, I said, "Oh come on, I'm going to. I just haven't gotten around to it yet."
"Whatever, don't do it then," he snapped.
Giving Jacks a dirty look, I folded my arms against my chest before turning and staring out of the side window on the way back to work.
~
By the end of the work day, I was glad we had taken separate cars that morning because Jackson was being ridiculous about something as silly as the name on my driver's license.
Everyone except Jackson and I had left for the day when I stepped into his office.
"I hope you know what an ass you're being, see you at home," I shared before turning to walk out.
"I hope you know that I am choosing not to call you what you are being," Jacks replied, causing me to change my course from the door and head straight to his desk.
I snapped, "Well, aren't you being the bigger person."
Jackson stood up from behind his desk and stated, "Thank you."
"I was being sarcastic," I replied before saying, "And I can't believe you are mad at me for something so stupid."
His frustration was clear as he made his way around his desk to me, informing, "Our marriage license was at the house when we came home. You had all day Friday and you could have gone during lunch any day this week. There's no reason for you to still have Herterand on anything of yours."
"Of course you feel that way, now that we're married all you have to do is keep being you," I fussed.
"You don't want my last name?" he questioned.
Rolling my eyes I thought, 'what a dumb ass question'.
Everything I had, from my house papers all the way to my electric bill had the name Herterand on it. It wasn't like I couldn't let go of it, there was just a lot to do changing everything over and I didn't think it was the emergency Jackson was making it out to be. I assumed I could tend to it at my leisure without the man I was getting naked with every night being all sensitive.
Deciding I was done with our discussion before it crossed the line into a full-fledged argument, I turned and walked out of his office.
Almost at the door, I stopped when I heard Jacks say, "Hey."
With a heavy sigh I warned, "I don't want to talk about it anymore."
Stepping in front of me, he grinned, saying, "I love you see you at home," before he kissed me.
Unable to keep from smiling back, I said, "I love you too."
Wrapping his arms around my waist, Jacks offered, "Let's make up."
"I'll see you at home," I laughed.
Pulling me closer, he coaxed, "Come on, no one else is here. We can go into my office," as a wide smile spread across his face.
"I have to go and so do you," I reminded.
Jackson hesitantly nodded before giving me another kiss goodbye and letting me go. Walking out to my car, I laughed to myself, thinking that was our first argument as a married couple.
12
The Conversation
The Roberts' house was unusually quiet when I arrived. Emerson and all of their kids, except for Lola and Charlotte, were at the Rec Center for sports night. Lola was sick, so she was already down for the night and thankfully Charlotte was upstairs in her room. Too bad out of sight wasn't out of mind because Charlotte was the topic of the evening.
Sighing for around the twentieth time, Amila shook her head after explaining all the problems they were having with Charlotte.
Giving a sigh of my own, I said, "Well, it sounds like you and Emerson need to just lay down the law with her and if she refuses to obey..."
"Ren you don't understand what all has happened to her. Its beyond hurt," she interrupted.
Clearing my throat, I asked, "Amila, if I don't understand, how do you think I'm gonna help her?"
Almost as if she was telling a secret, Amila replied, "Ren, you know Emerson has told me some of what happened to you when you were young. She won't talk to anyone about anything that has happened to her and
we just found out that she has missed her last two appointments with the psychologist."
Glaring at Amila, I questioned, "Why does she have to talk about it?"
With a confused expression she informed, "Its part of the recovery process."
I didn't know whether to laugh or be angry with Amila.
Shaking my head at her, I shared, "That's really dumb."
Defending her statement, Amila argued, "No it's not. It's very important. There are several steps to recovery and she won't be a functional adult without them."
Scowling at her, this was no longer about Charlotte, at least not in my mind.
I never talked about what actually happened when I was growing up, most of what everyone knew was assumed by what they thought. Hert was the closest and he never even saw what took place, just the aftermath. It was the same with my relationship with Henley. It never really goes away, the things that happen stay inside you but when you're no longer in the situation, you recover. The only truly horrific thing that had happened to me, I never spoke to anyone about. I wrote it down once, but that was for a purpose and that in itself almost pushed me over the edge. Yea, I had an issue here and there but I was functional.
Sitting back against the couch, I thought of a way to get out of this.
"Obviously she told someone at some point, because you know what happened to her," I said, feeling particularly brilliant at the moment.
Shaking her head, she said, "No she hasn't, I only know what was in the police report and hospital records."
Realizing whatever happened to Charlotte that landed her with the Robert's exceeded my experiences, I said, "Look Amila, I'm sorry y'all are going through this but..."
Suddenly a voice came from behind us shouting, "Sorry for them? I never asked to come here!"
Amila stood as I turned to see Charlotte coming down the stairs.
Caught in the act of what Charlotte would consider a betrayal, Amila pleaded, "Charlotte, please we love you."
Charlotte marched towards us, pointing at me saying, "I don't need anyone's help. Especially hers."
Thinking, 'good' I tried to let them work it out.
"Charlotte honey, Ren can help you. She knows what you're going through," Amila swore.
As I mentally snapped, 'no I don't', Charlotte glared at me and patronized, "Awe, was your mommy mean to you?" then looking me up and down she added, "Yea, you look like you've had a rough life."
That was it, I couldn't take it anymore.
Unsure if it was that she mentioned my mother or the condescending way she looked at me, I was no longer able to keep quiet.
Standing up, I walked right in front of her and cautioned, "You need to shut your mouth right now."
"What, are you going to make me?" she challenged.
Refusing to look her in the eye, I glanced over her expression and noticed on the left side of her mouth she had a scar that ran from the top of her upper lip all the way to the bottom of her lower one.
Narrowing my eyes at her, I snapped, "Looks like somebody already tried that and obviously it didn't work."
Charlotte didn't say a word.
"Ren," Amila scolded as I turned to see the hurt on her face.
Feeling terrible for hurting Amila, I apologized, "I'm sorry, I can't help you," before stating, "And I won't help you," to Charlotte.
Shaking my head as I left, I thought, 'Gah, I hate her'.
Wishing Charlotte hadn't gotten under my skin like she did, I felt bad for upsetting Amila. I turned the radio up in my car on the way home, trying to drown out anything other than making up with Jackson when I returned home.
13
A Situation
After hearing a ding, I looked at my gas gage and pulled into the first gas station I came to. I pumped my gas and went in to pay, deciding I would call Amila and apologize to her first thing in the morning. The more I tried not to think about Charlotte, the more I realized, Amila was desperately trying to help someone she truly cared about and I made it worse.
Stepping out of the gas station, I stopped for a moment to focus before clenching my teeth as I continued to my car.
"What are you doing here?" I questioned.
Henley took a step towards me, answering, "I saw you pull in."
Giving him a stupid look, I snapped, "You know damn well that's not what I meant."
"No part of you missed me over the years?" he asked with a sly smile across his face.
"Nope," I stated, walking to my driver's side door.
"I bet I know a part of you that will always miss me," he insisted, following close behind me.
Swinging around to face him, I asked, "Why are you here?"
"I think you know," he stated.
Shaking my head, I said, "No I don't and you promised not to come back."
"I never promised you anything. You told me not to come back," he replied before narrowing his eyes and saying, "And now, I know why."
Feeling my heart beat faster, I shared, "Because I never wanted to see you again. That's why."
Uncomfortably close now, Henley lowered his voice, asking, "Or was it because I would see Sophia?"
"Get away from me," I growled before warning, "And stay away from my family."
I couldn't quite decipher the expression on his face.
As I quickly hopped back in my car, I heard him assure, "This isn't over."
Still in shock that my daughter's name came out of his mouth, I couldn't believe this was happening.
~
It was hard for me to concentrate as I sat on the couch waiting for Jackson to make it home from the Rec Center. What happened to the calm simple life I created? It had been so long since I lived with constant doubt and fear inside me. In a way it was familiar, like an old friend coming to visit. A part of me felt like I was being punished for being with Jackson. I came to terms with being alone for the rest of my life years ago. I knew it was in everyone's best interest. My worst fear was for Sophia to find out what my life was once like, what I was once like. I wasn't that person anymore. I was controlled and almost methodical in every aspect of my life. Now, a few weeks into being with someone again and it was all trickling back.
Thinking of a way to handle the situation before it got out of control, my front door opened.
Walking right past me, Jackson greeted, "Hey baby, sorry I'm a little late. Roberts and I were..." before he stopped, turned around and looked at me, asking, "What are you doing?"
Shrugging, I replied, "Just sitting here."
"Was it that bad?" he asked.
Confused, I stared at him, wondering what he was talking about.
Jackson set his gym bag on the coffee table before sitting next to me, saying, "Didn't you go talk to Amila about Charlotte?"
Nodding, I replied, "Yea."
Concern spread across his face as he questioned, "What happened?"
Shaking my head with a sigh, I said, "I can't stand her. She's such a..." stopping before I went too far, I shared, "She heard us talking about her and started acting stupid. I said something mean to her and she really deserved it, but it hurt Amila."
Scowling, he said, "I know why Roberts thought it was a good idea, but if it's too hard for you..."
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
Sliding his arms around me, Jacks answered, "I can see in your eyes how upset you are."
Knowing I needed to tell Jackson what was going on and wondering how he could think it was over Charlotte, I pulled away.
Pulling my knees to my chest, I wrapped my arms around my legs preparing to tell him that not only did I run into Henley tonight, but on our honeymoon too.
Shaking his head at me with a thoughtful expression, Jackson unwrapped my arms from around my legs, saying, "You don't need to do that."
Watching him carefully slide my legs away from my chest and replace them with himself, I felt my heart starting to ache.
"I'm here," he whispered, placing light kisses across my cheek until his
lips met mine.
Moving my hands to the sides of his face, I pulled back slowly, saying, "It's not about Charlotte."
"We're just going to keep moving forward," he softly replied.
Nodding, I closed my eyes as he kissed me.
Wanting Jackson to make a joke or be silly with me, the seriousness of our moment made me even more afraid of losing everything.
~
A combination of disturbing images filled my nightmare and everyone was in attendance. Hert was telling me I was disgusting and how much he hated me when my father arrived and drug me into another room. Inside the other room my mother sat quietly in the corner as my father grabbed my face as hard as he could before shoving me into a desk. I felt blood dripping down my leg before I realized I was lying on top of the desk. A man named Salvador was leaning over me. With a slow blink Salvador lifted me off the desk before falling to his knees. Rolling out of his arms, I felt something pressing into my cheek. When I pushed away I saw it was a gun. A loud shot rang out and I felt myself being drug out of the room into a long hallway. My whole body ached and there seemed to be blood everywhere. Pulled to my feet, I turned to see if it was my father again and saw Henley. He was less than an inch from my face. I could feel his breath on my lips as he whispered 'all mine'. My hands were suddenly bloody but I slid them into his hair anyway. Henley kissed me so hard it hurt then my body started to go numb until I could hear someone whispering in my ear. 'You're weak and pathetic'. Swinging around, I expected to see a woman but a man named Ramsden was standing there instead with a hand full of zip ties. I involuntarily went to my knees. When Henry made his appearance, I woke up screaming.
Frantically rubbing my wrists with my hands as I sat up, I looked across the bed to see Jacks sitting there, holding his hands up.
"Why is this happening?" I choked out.
Appearing wary of touching me, Jackson slowly scooted closer, saying, "You were shouting cut me loose and then I don't know what you said. It wasn't English."
Somewhere between still being inside my nightmare and seeing Jackson sitting in front of me, I broke down.
