A Matter of Trust

by Anne Schraff

Darcy fumbled in her purse until she found the number her father had given her. She had used it just one time before: that bitter cold night when Jamee was lost in the mountains. Her father had come and found Jamee beside the giant cedar tree and probably saved her life. Now Darcy dialed the number again. It rang four times before he answered.

  “Hi, this is Darcy,” she said, her voice a little shaky. She could not believe she was so nervous talking to her own father.

  “Is something wrong?” he asked quickly.

  “No. I just wanted to tell you we could, you know, get together like you’ve been wanting. I mean if you still want to, just for hamburgers or something. I’d like to talk to you,” Darcy said.

  “Oh, that’d be great. Would Wednesday around six be okay for you? If not, we could set another time, any time you want. ”

  “Wednesday would be good,” Darcy said. “At six. ”

  “Oh, great. That’s just great. So, see you then. ”

  “Yeah,” Darcy said.

  “Bye, sweetheart,” Darcy’s father said.

  Darcy took a deep breath. “Bye, Dad. ” She put the phone down quickly and returned to the waiting room.

  Mrs. Bailey was coming from the emergency ward and heading for her children, tears running down her face.

  Chapter 6

  “Praise the Lord!” Mrs. Bailey cried. “He’s gonna be all right! They’re keepin’ him here a few days, but they say the bullet just grazed his head and it did not hit his brain. Praise the Lord, my boy’s gonna be all right!”

  Darcy gave Mrs. Bailey a hug, and the woman said, “Thank you both for bein’ here when I needed you so much. My sister is comin’ over in a few minutes to get us all home. Bless you for all you did tonight. Roylin is mighty lucky to have friends like you at Bluford High. I never knew he had such good friends. ”

  Darcy and Hakeem glanced at each other awkwardly. “Yeah, well, we’re just glad Roylin will be okay,” Hakeem said.

  Gently, Darcy put her arm around Hakeem’s shoulders and led him out the hospital exit and into the parking lot, where they walked to the silver motorbike. “Whew!” Hakeem said. “What a day! It would’ve haunted me for the rest of my life if Bailey hadn’t made it. Man, I don’t ever want something like that to happen again. My Dad always said only a fool settles stuff with violence, and I was too stupid to understand that until today. ”

  They drove silently down the dark streets towards Darcy’s. As they neared her home, Hakeem said, “You were great tonight. Thanks. ”

  “Sure. ’Night,” Darcy said. Then she kissed Hakeem on the cheek and ran up the walk to the door. Mom was doing the eleven-to-seven shift tonight, so she was home when Darcy went in.

  “How was the birthday party, sweetie?” Mom asked.

  Darcy sat on the couch near Mom’s recliner. “Mom, everybody is okay, but something awful happened. There was a drive-by shooting, and the picnic got sprayed with bullets,” Darcy said.

  Mom clasped her hands to her cheeks and gasped, “Lord have mercy! Oh, sweetie, are you sure you’re all right? Let me see you, baby! You okay?”

  “I’m fine. Roylin Bailey got shot, but he’s going to be okay. They got the guys who did it,” Darcy said.

  “Oh, baby,” Mom sighed, tightly embracing Darcy. “If something happened to you or Jamee, I think I’d die. You hear me, sweetie? You be careful, hear?”

  “Sure, Mom,” Darcy said. She went to Grandma’s room then. Grandma was sitting in a chair watching a quiz show on television.

  Grandma laughed when somebody won something and bounced up and down in glee. She did not really understand what was going on, and she did not see much beyond people hopping around and screaming, but she seemed to enjoy the spectacle. When the show was over, Grandma talked about her childhood and how she dated Grandpa when they were both teenagers in the hills of Alabama. Darcy loved the stories. She knew every detail of them, but she still enjoyed hearing Grandma talk. About how young Annie, Grandma, was only fourteen in braids tied with pink ribbons when she held hands during Sunday services with her boyfriend, who was sixteen and six feet tall. About how Reverend Timsdale scolded them when he caught them and then winked and said he and Mrs. Timsdale were known to do the same thing when they were teenagers.

  “I’ve sort of got a boyfriend, Grandma,” Darcy confided. “His name is Hakeem, and he’s really nice. ”

  “Well, you’re a wonderful girl, Angelcake,” Grandma told her. Then her face clouded. “I wish it wasn’t so dark in here so I could see you better. ”

  Darcy almost pointed out that all the lights were on, but instead she said, “It’s nighttime, Grandma. It’ll be brighter in the morning. ”

  “I hope so,” Grandma said.

  Darcy helped Grandma to bed and sat with her until she fell asleep. Then, with Grandma sleeping, Darcy whispered to her gently. “Don’t you worry, Grandma, you’ll never go to a nursing home. Never! It just won’t happen. You’ll stay right here with us. Nobody is ever gonna take you away from us, except God. He’s the only one gonna take you away from us, Grandma!”

  On Monday, everybody at Bluford High was talking about the shooting. Londell James was over eighteen, so he was being charged as an adult with attempted murder. “I hope those punks get locked up for so long that they’ll be eligible for parole when they’re on social security!” Tarah said.

  Darcy and Tarah had joined a group of students gathered outside the library talking about the shooting. In the crowd, Darcy recognized Brisana’s voice. “Oh, Hakeem, to think you might have been killed in that awful shooting! I could just die to even think of it! I’m so glad you’re okay!”

  “Yeah,” Hakeem said. “Roylin Bailey is gonna be okay too. A bullet grazed his head, but he’ll be fine. ”

  “Like anybody cares,” Brisana replied. Then she added, “Oh, by the way, Hakeem, I was telling my Dad what a great singer and guitar player you are, and he wondered if you’d like to use my older brother’s guitar for the audition. It’s practically brand new, and I think it would make your songs even better. ”

  “But what about your brother?” Hakeem asked. “Does he want some guy he doesn’t even know messing with his guitar?”

  Brisana laughed. “Michael has lost interest in music. His guitar is just sitting there gathering dust. Hakeem, with your talent and this guitar, you’re going to just blow everybody else away at the auditions!”

  “Well . . . thanks, Brisana,” Hakeem said awkwardly.

  “Maybe you could come over one day after school to pick it up,” Brisana suggested, twirling her hair with her finger.

  “Sure, I definitely will. ”

  “Maybe I could cook something for you to eat while you’re there. I’m a great cook. ”

  “Umm . . . ” Hakeem hesitated. “Well, okay. That sounds cool. ”

  Darcy watched Hakeem and Brisana from a distance. They did not see her in the crowd of students, but she could see them. Brisana was wearing a pink cropped top and really tight jeans. She had a great figure, and Hakeem was checking her out. He is a normal guy, isn’t he, Darcy reasoned. Of course he would look at a girl like Brisana, but did his eyes have to crawl all over her like that?

  Darcy waited until Brisana walked away, and then she joined Hakeem.

  “Hey,” said Hakeem, “I heard that Roylin got out of the hospital already. His head is all bandaged, but he’s doing okay. ”

  “Yeah,” Darcy said, “they don’t keep people in the hospital any longer than they have to. Mom tells me that guys are out of the hospital in a few days even after serious heart operations. ”

  “I’m sure glad Roylin made out okay. Man, that was close,” Hakeem said, shaking his head. “Hey, you free to go out after school today? I thought we’d grab some tacos and go down to the beach and maybe watch the sun go down or something. ”

  Darcy groaned. “Oh, that sounds so great, but I can’t. Mom is working the early shift—four to midnight—and she’s got to leave early to do paperwork. I’ve got to
be there for Grandma. The lady who’s been helping us out has a bad cold, so she can’t come over. I don’t want to leave Jamee alone with Grandma. ”

  “Well, we’ll do it another time,” Hakeem said, but he looked disappointed. “There’ll be plenty of afternoons. ”

  Darcy was miserable as she sat down in English class. She so wanted to go to the beach with Hakeem and watch the sunset. It was the first time he had ever suggested doing something that romantic together. If only Ms. Harris did not have that cold so she could sit with Grandma.

  And then it came over Darcy. Like a draft seeping through a crack in the wall you never even knew was there, Aunt Charlotte’s words came back to her. “It’s just so hard and unfair that Darcy must be a baby-sitter and nurse every day for an old woman. ”

  Darcy barely heard any of Mr. Keenan’s lecture. She wondered if Tarah might possibly be free this afternoon to stay with Grandma. They would pay Tarah, of course, like they paid Ms. Harris. Hope surged in Darcy’s heart. Maybe there was still a chance to watch the sun go down at Hakeem’s side.

  As class ended, Darcy hurried to talk to Tarah. In a frantic rush of words, she explained her predicament. “Oh, Tarah, if only you could—”

  “Girl, I’m really sorry,” Tarah cut in. “You know I’d do anything for you, but I got me that job down at the donut shop, and if I’m not there right after school, they’ll can me in a second. ”

  “Oh,” Darcy said. “I didn’t know you were working. ”

  “My Daddy says to me I better start makin’ some money ’cause he ain’t payin’ for no more clothes for me, and if I don’t buy my own, I’ll hafta go to school in my sister’s old clothes. You hear what I’m sayin’? I could end up coming to school in stuff my sister tossed five years ago!” Tarah exclaimed.

  All the rest of the day Darcy grieved for her lost opportunity to have that wonderful date with Hakeem. She hurried home from school brimming with a resentment she never felt before.

  Mom was already at the door in her uniform, twirling her car keys, anxious to leave. “I gotta go, honey. Paperwork is piling up like a mound of snow after a blizzard. That place is a madhouse. The new administrator is watching us all like a hawk. She’s just hoping somebody makes a mistake so she can write them up and get them fired. It’d help their bottom line if they could fire some experienced nurses and put younger, cheaper nursing assistants in their places. ”

  After Mom left, Darcy tried to put Hakeem out of her mind. She decided to put the final touches on her astronomy project. She had built a small cardboard model of a human settlement on Mars. She was carefully painting the model’s tiny buildings when she heard Grandma yell from her bedroom, “I’m tired of laying around!”

  Darcy went into Grandma’s room to find her trying to get out of bed by herself. Grandma was in one of her cranky moods. “I can take care of my own self,” she muttered. “I don’t need no help. What do you think I am? I been taking care of myself for a lotta years, and I don’t need no help now. ” She almost fell to the floor as she waved Darcy off.

  “Grandma, no!” Darcy said sharply. “Let me bring the walker!”

  “The walker?” Grandma grumbled. “I never heard of such a thing! Since when do I need a walker? You trying to make an invalid out of me? When did I ever need a walker? I think it’s time I got my own place. Don’t need all this fussing over me!”

  “Grandma, please!” Darcy cried as the woman tried to get up, driving Darcy away with flailing arms. Darcy grabbed the walker and brought it close, banging it against the frame of the bed. She was surprised at how angry she was feeling. “Do what I tell you, Grandma, or you’re gonna hurt yourself! You’ll fall down!”

  Grandma’s arms continued to flail around, and she slapped Darcy’s cheek. Darcy rubbed her cheek, and tears of frustration gathered in her eyes.

  Suddenly Darcy hated everything about the darkened room—the heavy scent of lilac powder, the metal cans of nutrition drink, the overpowering sense of loss. And she hated having to struggle with Grandma, an old woman striking out against a world she could no longer handle.

  Darcy wanted to be on the beach, kicking off her shoes and running over the cool sand, her arm linked with Hakeem’s. She wanted to be sitting beside him while the wind, salt-scented and sharp, whipped her hair and the sunset bathed them in golden light.

  Darcy felt trapped. It would always be this way, she thought, and sooner or later Hakeem would sense it too. She was sure that he would grow tired of waiting for her and that he would become interested in someone else, someone who was free, attractive, and smart. Someone like Brisana.

  Chapter 7

  After Darcy got Grandma to the bathroom and back, the old woman fell asleep. Darcy knew there would be no apology from Grandma later. Her grandmother probably would not even remember the ugly incident.

  Darcy returned to the kitchen where Jamee sat reading a magazine about her favorite rap stars, her head wrapped in a giant bath towel.

  “Where have you been?” Darcy snapped. “You know you could help with Grandma once in a while. ”

  “I was in the shower!” Jamee yelled. “And I did spend time with Grandma today. I got home early from school, and I took her for a ride in her wheelchair. We went all the way down to the park. She listened to the birds singing and had a really good time,” Jamee said defensively.

  “Well maybe that’s why she was in such a bad mood. She isn’t used to so much excitement, and she got confused and angry,” Darcy grumbled.

  “Man,” Jamee fumed, “I can’t do anything right, can I? Why don’t you just go to France with old Aunt Charlotte? You’re getting just like her. We’ll get along fine without you. ”

  Darcy slumped into a kitchen chair. “I had a real bad day,” she confessed. In the old days Jamee would not accept an apology. Now she was more mellow.

  “Yeah, I get those days too,” Jamee said, sounding for the moment even older than her fourteen years. “Days that make you want to scream as loud as you can, no matter who’s watching. Like when I do bad on some stupid test or get zits right when I’m trying to look good for Tyrone. ”

  Darcy smiled a little. “You know what? I’m finally going to dinner with Dad,” she said.

  “Get out of here,” Jamee cried. “Are you serious? That’s great! When are you going?”

  “Wednesday. At six. I’m really nervous,” Darcy said. “I guess I don’t know how to act around him since he came back. He’s our dad, but it doesn’t feel right. ”

  “Darcy, know what? I heard him and Mom talking on the phone about going to one of those marriage counselors. Dad wants to, but Mom doesn’t. I don’t know if it’d be good or not. I just wish . . . ” Jamee struggled for words. “I just don’t want Mom to grow old alone. She needs someone. If it’s not Dad, then it’d be somebody else, and I wouldn’t like that, would you?”

  “No,” Darcy admitted. “I guess I wouldn’t. ”

  “You know,” Jamee said, “I’m so glad you’re going to dinner with Dad. When we went to dinner the other day, Dad kept going on and on about how he was scared you’d never forgive him. He was just hoping so much that you’d talk to him. ”

  Darcy knew Jamee secretly hoped that somehow the family would come together again. Of course it can never be like before, Darcy thought. But how different would it be? Like Grandma said, “Life is full of hurts, Angelcake. But they always make us stronger if we learn from them. ”

  It was hard for Darcy to get to sleep that night. She kept imagining how the beach date with Hakeem might have gone. And then she had a fitful dream about it. She and Hakeem were walking hand in hand across the cooling beach, and the sun was going down quickly, turning the water crimson. They were walking together toward the water, into the blazing red sunset. Hakeem stopped and rolled up the legs of his jeans and they went into the water and the foamy sea lapped at their ankles. Darcy shouted to Hakeem to be careful, but he let go of her hand and kept walking into the surf. He went out farther and farther un
til the glowing sky and the sparkling waves seemed to swallow him up. Darcy screamed Hakeem’s name as he started to swim towards the horizon. She stared after him, the dying sun blinding her, until she could not see him anymore. She was overcome with a numbing desolation—he was gone. Hakeem was gone.

  Then Darcy awoke with a start. She could hear Grandma mumbling about Alabama in the next room. Grandma seemed to be all right, so Darcy did not get up. Grandma often mumbled in her sleep.

  Darcy tried to get back to sleep, but she kept thinking about Hakeem. How much longer would he remain interested in her if she never had time for him?

  The next morning, Darcy tried to eat the scrambled eggs and bacon that Mom made, but she could hardly get them down. She was not superstitious, but the dream troubled her. Losing Hakeem to the sea seemed like some terrible omen. Darcy was eager to get to school and be reassured that everything was all right between them.

  Darcy was almost at Bluford when another girl walked alongside her. She was in two classes with Darcy, but they were not friends. The girl’s eyes gleamed with excitement over the gossip she was eager to share. “I thought you and Hakeem Randall were sort of going together,” she began.

  “We’re friends,” Darcy said quickly, trying to head off the gossip.

  “Yeah, well, Tarah Carson said you guys were going together, and so I was really surprised when Brisana told me she and Hakeem went to the beach yesterday afternoon. ” The girl stared expectantly at Darcy, obviously waiting for her reaction.

  Darcy gave her a steely look and shrugged. “I guess it’s still a free country. Hakeem can do anything he wants. ”

  Darcy walked on alone then, her insides churning with hurt. Was Hakeem so shallow that he turned right around and asked Brisana to that romantic beach date?

  At lunchtime, Hakeem and Cooper came walking up to where Darcy and Tarah were eating. The boys were talking about music. Cooper was singing the praises of rap, and Hakeem was saying that soft, smooth ballads had more lasting impact. “My Grandpa said that Nat King Cole was the best singer he ever heard,” Hakeem said.