Rebel Heart

by Penelope Ward

  “I’m sure that’s all it is. I bet it comes down naturally within a few hours. But because it’s a little high and you’ve had some spotting, I’m going to admit you overnight for monitoring. Just as a precaution. The chances of a miscarriage are slim, but it’s best you stay since you’re already here.”

  I was glad he didn’t check my blood pressure again because the moment he mentioned miscarriage and admitting me, my heart started to race. No doubt my blood pressure would be speeding up to match.

  Dr. Daniels went to talk to the nurse and sent Riley in to visit.

  “Are you okay? The doctor said you’re staying.”

  “Yeah. He said it’s just a precaution.”

  She searched my face and took my hand. “You look nervous.”

  I forced a smile. “I am. I feel so helpless. And I’m so mad at myself for doing that tag sale today.”

  Her eyes widened. “He said the tag sale caused this?”

  “No. But he asked if I’d lifted any boxes. I hadn’t really lifted any heavy ones, because I know I’m not supposed to. But I did shuffle things around a lot.”

  “God. I shouldn’t have gone to volleyball. I should’ve stayed and helped you.”

  “Don’t be silly. This isn’t your fault. The doctor doesn’t even think it’s mine. I just…I could’ve been more careful.”

  Riley stuck around and kept me company for hours. At about ten-thirty, they finally moved me from the Emergency Room to a regular room upstairs. It had two beds, but luckily the one next to me was empty so I had the room to myself. My eyelids were so heavy that I started to doze while Riley was talking to me.

  “I guess I’m boring you.” She laughed when my eyes fluttered back open.

  “No. I’m sorry. I’m just so tired.”

  “It’s late. And it’s been a long day. First, you were in the sun for the tag sale, and then this. I might take that bed next to you soon.”

  I smiled. “You should go home.”

  “You sure? What if you need something?”

  I lifted the little buzzer the nurse had clipped to the railing on my bed. “I have a bell. I’ll call the nurse.”

  “Okay. But call me if you need anything.” She leaned over and hugged me. “I’ll be back first thing in the morning, G. Get some sleep.”

  That was the last thing I remembered before I stirred sometime in the middle of the night. When my eyes came into focus in the dark, I was confused where I was at first. But even more confused to find Rush slouched in the chair next to my bed, sound asleep. I hadn’t called him? Had I?

  I sat up in an attempt to clear my head. The soft rustling of the sheets moving must have been enough to wake him

  “Hey,” he whispered. “How are you feeling?”

  “Okay. But…how did you know I was here?”

  “Birdbrain called into work sick earlier.”

  “Birdbrain?”

  “Your buddy, Riley. She called in saying she wasn’t feeling well and needed to stay home. She sounded fine to me. But when I asked her how you were…she acted funny. I tried your cell to see if everything was okay, and you weren’t answering.”

  “My phone died in the Emergency Room, and I didn’t have a charger.”

  “I got worried and went to the house. Birdbrain wouldn’t let me in. She said you were fine and sleeping. Something was off, so I fired her ass and told her she wouldn’t qualify for the full summer season bonus that she was so close to getting.”

  “You fired her?”

  He shrugged. “Got her to give up where you were.”

  I closed my eyes. “Sorry I made you worry.”

  “Why didn’t you call me?”

  I looked away. “I need to start doing things on my own. Whether I’m happy, sad, mad, or scared, my first instinct is to pick up the phone and call you.”

  Rush stayed quiet for so long that I had to look and see what he was doing. His head was in his hands. “I really fucked things up between us.”

  “No, you didn’t. Everything that happened is my fault.”

  Rush stood. “Scoot over.”

  I moved to one side while Rush pulled the curtain around us, even though no one else was in the room. Then he slipped off his shoes and climbed into bed. He lay on his back and tucked me into the crux of his arm and began to stroke my hair.

  “I was so scared. I think I broke a hundred miles an hour driving here.”

  “I was scared, too. That’s probably why my blood pressure was high, and the doctor wanted to keep me overnight.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

  “Well, you didn’t have any way of knowing.”

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  Rush stroked my hair, and we were both silent for a long time. It felt so good to be in bed with him, even if it was just snuggling. The warmth of his body, the way I folded and fit so perfectly in his arms, everything felt right again even in the midst of a crazy twenty-four hours.

  “The doctor mentioned miscarriage last night,” I said. “Even though I’m not even halfway done with this pregnancy, and my life would probably be so much easier if I wasn’t…” I couldn’t even say it out loud. “I mean…it would fix so many broken things. But I don’t want to lose this baby, Rush. I already love him, and the thought of anything happening terrifies me.”

  Rush kissed the top of my head and squeezed me closer. “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry that everything turned out the way it did. I’d give anything for you to be this baby’s father.”

  Rush went quiet again. His voice cracked when he finally spoke. “Me, too, Gia. Me, too.”

  Getting that off my chest and being held in his arms made me feel so relaxed that soon I started to drift off to sleep again. Rush’s groggy voice interrupted my slumber. “Him.”

  “Hmmm?”

  “You said him. You think our little guy is a boy, too.”

  I woke to a beam of sunshine warming my face. Squinting, I looked over at the empty space next to me on the bed, and a sudden panic came over me. Where’s Rush?

  I calmed slightly when I found someone sitting in the chair. Only…it wasn’t Rush. Trying to hide my disappointment, I forced a smile as best I could. “Hi, Dad. When did you get here? And where’s Rush?”

  He leaned forward to the edge of his seat and pushed back the hair from my forehead. “I’ve been here about ten minutes. Haven’t seen Rush. But I’m glad he called me early this morning. Why the hell didn’t you call me, Gia?”

  I sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to worry you. It was late by the time they admitted me to a room.”

  “You should’ve called me the minute you thought something was wrong. I would have called the local precinct and sent someone to pick you up and take you to the ER, lights and sirens.”

  I smiled. “That’s exactly why I didn’t call you. I’m fine. I spoke to the doctor on the phone, and he had me come in as a precaution. I only stayed overnight because my blood pressure was a little high.”

  My father looked at the monitor above my head. “Pressure’s nice and low now. Machine took it while you were sleeping.”

  I let out a large exhale. “Oh good. Hopefully I can get out of here this morning.”

  I caught Dad up on everything that transpired last night. When I was almost done, there was a knock at the door. I turned to find Rush walking in with two coffee cups in his hand. He set them down on the food tray next to my bed and extended his hand to Dad.

  “Mr. Mirabelli.” Rush nodded, and my father stood to shake his hand.

  “Call me Tony, son. And I really appreciate you calling. Especially since my daughter didn’t think it was important to give me a ring.”

  Both men’s eyes landed on me with serious faces. “No problem.” Rush shook his head. “She didn’t think it was important enough to call me, either.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I was fine.”

  Rush nodded toward the coffee on the tray. “That’s a decaf for you.”
He looked at my dad. “You can take the other, Tony. I already had one, and I can pick another one up on my way to work.”

  “Thank you.”

  The room became awkward all of a sudden. Rush shoved his hands into his jean pockets and looked out the window, seemingly lost in thought. Eventually, his focus came back and he glanced back and forth between Dad and me a few times. His face was sad. “I guess I should get going then. I have a seafood delivery coming this morning at the restaurant. I’ll come back after.”

  My dad stood. “You go do what you have to do. I’ll take it from here. No need to come back. Thanks again for calling me.”

  I didn’t want Rush to leave, and it didn’t look like he really wanted to leave, either. Or maybe that’s just what I wanted to see. But he kissed me goodbye on the forehead, nonetheless. “Text me, and let me know you’re home safe. Okay?”

  I nodded.

  He walked to the hospital room door and stopped. For a second, I got my hopes up that maybe he’d changed his mind. But instead, he looked back over his shoulder one last time and said, “Take care of yourself, Gia.”

  I had two channels lately: pissed off and really fucking pissed off.

  “I don’t give a shit what you do with it!” I barked at one of my employees who had tried to ask me where he should put a case of champagne that had been delivered for the upcoming end-of-summer bash. “Just deal with it.” At least it was only Rhys. That fucker was lucky he still had a job anyway.

  A few minutes later, Riley walked over and told me she’d lost her apron and asked where to find another one. I glared at her until she scurried away with her tail between her legs. I should’ve fucking fired her a second time. Or maybe it was a third. I’d lost count.

  Not long after, I was sitting at the bar working on adding up some invoices when Oak tapped me on the shoulder. “Boss. You have a visitor.”

  I didn’t look up. “Tell ’em to fuck off! I’m busy.”

  It wasn’t Oak’s voice that responded. “I carry a gun. Not sure fuck off is a good answer to give me.”

  Shit.

  Gia’s father.

  Just what I needed.

  I turned around. “Sorry. It’s been one of those days.”

  Tony chuckled and slapped me on the shoulder. “One of those days or three of ’em?”

  I knew what he was getting at. After Gia got out of the hospital, I’d made her take a few days off as a precaution, even though the doctor had cleared her to return to work. It had been three days since I saw her—which happened to be the same number of days I had been fucking miserable. Tony was a cop. I didn’t bother to try and lie to him. Instead, I stood and walked around behind the bar.

  “What can I get you to drink?”

  He held up a hand. “Just a seltzer would be great. About to drive back to Queens.” Tony had stayed at Gia’s rental since she got out of the hospital. It gave me a modicum of relief to know someone was looking after her, at least.

  I poured a seltzer and slid it across the bar, then proceeded to make myself something a fuck of a lot stronger. “I’m not driving anywhere. Hope you don’t mind, but something tells me that you showing up here alone…I’m gonna need it.”

  He smiled. “Have your drink. Come sit.”

  I finished mixing a vodka seltzer that was more vodka than seltzer, and took a seat on the stool next to Tony.

  He reached behind his back into the waistband of his pants and pulled out a bag. Opening it, he dumped a stack of postcards bound together with a rubber band onto the bar.

  I looked down at the pile. “Vacation souvenirs? You can probably pick up one in the drugstore in town if you’re looking to add to your collection.”

  Tony shook his head. “No. Not vacation souvenirs. Well, not from any vacation I ever took, anyway. These are from Leah, Gia’s mother.”

  Tony read the confusion on my face.

  Removing the rubber band…he started to toss them one by one in front of me.

  “Look at the postmark dates.”

  I picked up a few and looked at the worn ink. “All on Gia’s birthday?”

  “Yep. Every year on Gia’s birthday, her mother mailed her a different postcard from a different place.”

  “She never mentioned that.”

  Tony stopped his one-by-one toss of the postcards and turned to look me in the eyes. “That’s because she doesn’t know. And I hope to keep it that way, if you catch my drift.”

  I nodded. “Understood.”

  “Anyway.” He tossed a few more in front of me and kept one in his hands. “They’d come every year like clockwork. I know Leah’s handwriting, so I knew they were from her, but they were always blank.”

  “Okay…”

  “When Gia’s mother left, she told me she didn’t want to be pinned down with a child, that it was her destiny to travel and see the world. I’d met her while we were both vacationing down in New Mexico. We both had a bit of wanderlust in us. First year we got together, we saw fifteen states. After we got married, we planned to finish seeing the rest and start on Europe. We had big plans. We were saving money to take a year off and do nothing but travel.” Tony paused to drink some of his seltzer, but I got the feeling he needed a minute, too. “Anyway, Leah got pregnant and that changed everything. At first, she was excited about it, thinking it wouldn’t have to change our plans. But the reality of that hit real quick. I took the police test for a steady income and health insurance, and they called me right before Gia’s first birthday. Leah stayed home with Gia. With a baby, money was too tight to travel. It wasn’t what we planned, but life doesn’t always go as planned, does it?”

  “No, sir.”

  “Anyway, my daughter says I can turn a knock-knock joke into the Declaration of Independence, so I’ll try to sum up and keep it brief this time. Leah didn’t like the change of plans and took off one day, leaving a Dear John letter in her place. One of those postcards arrived in the mail every year, always blank, until Gia’s eighteenth birthday.” He tossed the remaining postcard in his hand on the top of the pile. It wasn’t blank like all the others. I glanced down at it and back to Tony.

  “Go ahead. Give it a read, son.”

  Dear Tony,

  This is the last postcard you’ll receive. I’ve spent the last eighteen years traveling from place to place, looking for someone or something that I could never seem to find. Today it hit me. I’ve been looking for someone to replace you and Gia. I looked for pieces of you in every relationship I had. And in the end, nothing compared to the original. You’ve stayed in my heart far longer than you were in my life.

  Our daughter is a woman today. I hope she’s like you. Strong enough to have the courage to deal with the unexpected and not run away when life turns out different than planned. Take it from me, you can run away from people, but you can’t run away from what’s in your heart.

  Always, Leah

  “Don’t let eighteen years pass before you stop running, Rush.”

  Tony had left me even more fucked up than I’d been before he showed up. Only I wasn’t angry anymore; I just felt down. Like I’d lost my best friend, quit smoking, and someone had run over my fucking dog—all in the same morning. He’d obviously brought me Gia’s mother’s postcards to show me that cutting the person out of your life doesn’t always let you move on. But the thing was, unlike Gia’s mother, I didn’t think there was anything better out there for me that I needed to search for. Gia was better than I even deserved.

  Unable to focus, I got tired of sitting in my office. For three days, I’d had Gia on the brain, and it was only getting worse. I needed to see her, even if it was the asshole thing to do when I couldn’t give her what she wanted.

  I stopped by the kitchen and had the chef make a bunch of her favorite dishes, and decided to drop in and check on her unannounced.

  Twenty minutes later she opened the door, and I stood staring at her, completely forgetting what my excuse for coming by had even been. God, she looked hot as fuc
k in that bikini.

  “Rush? Is everything okay?” Her brows drew down with concern.

  I remembered the guise I’d come under. Holding up the bag, I said, “Thought you could use dinner. Did I interrupt you going for a swim or something?”

  “No. I just sort of wear bathing suits around the house now because my clothes are too tight.” She fingered the edge of her bikini bottom that was pushed down under her beautiful, plump stomach. “It’s like walking around in my underwear, but socially more acceptable.”

  I’d forgotten what her curves did to me. Seeing her bare stomach with a little more fullness to it, her tits really filling out the top, I wondered if stopping by had been such a good idea after all.

  Gia licked her lips. “I’m starving. Any chance there’s eggplant in there?”

  “Sure is.”

  She practically ripped the bag out of my hand and left me standing in the doorway as she walked away. I started to chuckle, but then got a look at her from the rear.

  Damn. Not funny.

  Maybe I should be like a deliveryman and bolt. The little T&A show was enough of a tip.

  Gia yelled from somewhere in the house. “Rush? Where are you?”

  I looked up at the sky and cursed myself for thinking this was a good idea before I walked in.

  She had a fork out and two containers open by the time I walked the few feet to the kitchen.

  “Hungry?” I raised a brow.

  She stabbed her fork into a mini eggplant rollatini and shoveled it into her mouth. Closing her eyes, she practically moaned. “Mmmmm...this is so, so good.”

  I swallowed. “Yeah. Good.”

  Like a fucking perv, I stood there leering at her, thoroughly turned on from the noises she made while she devoured half a plate of eggplant. At one point, some sauce dripped onto her cleavage. She used a finger to swipe it away, then sucked on the damn finger.

  Clearing my throat, I said, “Why don’t you get some clothes on? A cover-up or something?”

  She pouted and put down the eggplant. “Why? Because I’m fat?”