Amazon Expedient

by Piers Anthony

  “I just wanted to thank you for all you’ve done,” Benny said.

  Purp looked annoyed that Benny was delaying him from his duties as ship captain. “Please don’t thank me. It’s my duty.” Benny wasn’t making any headway, so he spoke up again.

  “Dale told me about what happened to you. My parents both died while I was young, too. I know what it feels to be alone.” Benny smiled and moved to shake the butler’s hand.

  Purp met him with a steely gaze. “If I require sympathy from you I’ll ask for it!”

  The polka-dotted man stormed out of the cabin and made way for the cockpit. Dale had noticed what Benny said, and shook his head.

  “I was just trying to be grateful,” Benny said.

  “He doesn’t like being coddled, Ben. He’s a proud man.” Dale crossed his arms as he leaned back on a lounge chair.

  “Whatever.” Benny walked over to the bed where Virtue had passed out, and fell down beside her.

  The gondola shook as the airship detached from the dock and headed back out the main gate to the Imperial City. Benny and Virtue dozed in their beds while Helena sat in Dale’s lap; they both snored loudly. If it hadn’t been for the events that had transpired that day at the feast, Benny would’ve complained.

  They made it back to Dale’s mansion and, after some complaints from Purp about them dirtying the ship’s cabin, they retired to their rooms for the continuance of their nap. The next morning they ate a hearty breakfast and Dale told Purp what happened at the feast with the Emperor. Purp seemed unusually concerned as Dale told him about the Kudgel threat and the beacons, and was all too eager to disperse some beacons among the other servants and neighboring estates.

  “I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him,” Virtue whispered to Benny as they ate pancakes.

  “I don’t either, but Dale likes him and Purp seems to at least respect Dale. Besides, he’s just a butler. What could he do, forget to change out bed sheets?” Benny thought for a split second that Purp had heard the last remark, but the servant didn’t seem to notice.

  They left the next day after saying farewell to Purp and the other inhabitants of Dale’s estate, including the gnome village. They walked a long ways before finally reaching the hill where the group had teleported to Upper Sultry.

  “How exactly are we supposed to teleport back? There’s nothing…”

  Benny’s question ended abruptly as he walked right into a brick wall. He looked around at the building that had popped out of thin air. It was in fact the wizard’s cabin on Siegfried’s Belltower, transplanted onto the top of the grassy hill.

  “It only appears as you get closer to it.” Dale opened the door and they entered.

  The Wizard looked up from a book of magic when they entered. “Back so soon? You haven’t been gone a week. You sure ya’ll don’t want to stick around and see the sights?”

  “No time.” Dale gave a quick rundown of the Kudgel conspiracy.

  “Wow, Nelly! Too much info for me! Leave me out of it!” The Wizard cupped his hands over his ears.

  “But if the Kudgels attack, Siegfried’s Bell won’t be safe. Don’t you care about your own safety?” Virtue asked.

  “What are you talking about, you stupid vampire? Of course I care for my safety. You think I’m some pickle-headed idiot? If something happens, my assistant and I will scurry off and hide like the good little mice we are.”

  “You’re a coward!” Helena exclaimed.

  “You don’t know the half of it,” Dale said.

  “Let's just teleport back to Lower Sultry,” Benny said, making for the stairs to the clapper.

  “Oh…that won’t be possible, sorry Jim,” the Wizard said.

  Dale reached for his sword, nobody bothering to stop him. “Why the hell not?”

  The purple-haired dwarf looked down from where he sat in his loft-bed. “Because it’s our day off, dummy!”

  Dale shouted incoherently and a gust of wind shot forth from his mouth, knocking the dwarf out of his place in the rafters of the cabin. It would appear that lightning wasn’t the only element Dale’s mage-cry could summon. The Wizard seemed unimpressed.

  “Kill us. That’s fine by me. Then you’ll have to make the long trek to Lower Sultry on foot. Only I know how to work this place.”

  “Damn.” Dale knew the Wizard was right.

  “We can’t afford that, Dale. We need to get back as soon as possible to start warning people,” Helena said.

  “Ok…what’ll it take?” Dale asked.

  The dwarf grumbled something from across the room and the Wizard smiled. “Well, I guess I could do it for a small amount of gold. However, you’ve inconvenienced me with that little summer breeze a moment ago. My assistant may prove unruly for quite some time if you don’t repent.”

  Dale rolled his eyes and turned to the dwarf. “What do you want, you purple-haired freak?!”

  “I want the vampire to do what she did the last time, except this time I wanna do it with her,” the dwarf pointed to Helena.

  “Why you little…!” Dale began to charge the dwarf, but Helena stopped him.

  “It’s a deal,” Helena said. “Why should the vampire have all the fun?”

  The dwarf hopped back up into his bed as Virtue gave him the bite, which would begin the hallucinogenic love sequence with the Amazon. As the dwarf began to snore lightly, a wide grin spread across his face. The Wizard waved his hands in the air and a bubble, similar to before, appeared over the dwarf’s head, revealing the vision for all to see. The dwarf was bound and gagged, doggy style, to a table as the naked Helena stood behind him cracking a whip against his hairy buttocks.

  Some fun, Benny thought.

  “Oooh, I didn’t know he was into that freaky stuff…wow, honey, you sure can…” The Wizard stopped when he saw the aggravated look on the scarred man’s face.

  “Jealousy does not become you,” Helena murmured to Dale, smiling.

  “Let’s get this over with.” Dale led the group up to the clapper, where they found four seats this time, repeated the same annoying Bong of the bell, and returned to the cabin, being once again on top of the spire of Bluecorn Castle.

  “Thanks again for visiting Siegfried’s Bell! Do come again!” The Wizard called as they ascended back down to the boardwalks of the township.

  They visited the inn and tavern, where they found Marty and Bum. They explained the entirety of the events that had transpired since leaving Bluecorn Betty. Marty was at first skeptical to their tale, but he trusted Dale and agreed to alert as many people in the surrounding areas as he could.

  “I’ve got quite a few friends in these parts. I’ll spread the word,” he said.

  Since Virtue didn’t intend to leave Benny’s side any time soon, she gave Marty her whistle to signal the beacons in case the Kudgels struck Bluecorn Betty first. They bid farewell to Marty once again, and Bum rejoined them as they made way for Dan. Bum didn’t seem as intimidated to meet Helena as the others had been, but then again, he was an orc. Dale picked up the wagon and mule from the man he’d paid to watch them, and they made way for Dan. Things seemed normal, but Benny could feel the evil force growing; every time he closed his eyes the green eye was there, waiting for him. It was only a matter of time before the Kudgels would strike.

  Chapter 15

  Benny was tired. Their group, consisting of himself and Virtue, Dale and Helena, and Bum, had finally made it back to Gant, passing out beacons and whistles to several settlements along the way. They had visited the giant Liverwart and given him a beacon set. It had been easy enough, except that the folk they met were not universally accepting of their warning, so there was some emotional stress.

  But mainly it was Benny's recurring nightmare of the green eye and tentacles that burned into him and squeezed him painfully. At first the dream had been occasional, but now it was becoming regular. Virtue knew of it, and quickly woke him when it caught him, but that was only temporary relief. It claimed to be the Grand Exalted
Cyclops, the leader of the invading Kudgels. But wasn't Flack the leader? This didn't feel like Flack. And what would the Cyclops want with Benny, anyway? Benny was just a minor cog in a much larger effort of organization.

  Was the Cyclops sending hateful messages to many prospective opponents, and Benny was just one of hundreds? That didn't seem right either; no one he had encountered had mentioned anything similar. So it seemed that Benny was the only one. Why? It just didn't seem to make much sense. Regardless, it was tearing him up.

  “What can I do?” he cried to Virtue. “It's driving me crazy! I need to get clear of this horror, but I don't know how.”

  “There must be a reason it is persecuting you,” Virtue said. “You must represent a serious danger to it.”

  “And Dale doesn't? Helena doesn't? The Emperor doesn't? You don't? Why should a minor figure like me deserve such special attention?”

  She shook her head. “Only the Protector knows.”

  “The Protector! The one I called Search? He said he'd be there when I needed him, but I haven't seen him recently. I don't think he's interested.”

  “Maybe he prefers to be asked,” she said gently.

  Benny stared at her. Did she mean to pray? Well, it wouldn't hurt to try. Then he looked inward. Protector, I am asking.

  A single ward came to him. Magenta.

  “Magenta?” he repeated aloud.

  “That is a purplish red color,” Virtue said.

  “It's what the Protector told me, I think. But how would that, or any other color, help me?”

  “I don't know. Maybe Dale would know; he's been around more than we have.” She got up and went to find Dale.

  Benny feared that they were being foolish. Maybe his imagination had produced a random word, just to shut him up, as it were. It might have no meaning at all.

  Virtue returned. “Dale knew!” she exclaimed. “It's a person! A person with magenta colored hair, face, hands, and feet. The rest of her is green.”

  “I have to find a green girl with purplish red hair?”

  “Yes! Because her name is Magenta.”

  “What does she have to do with the price of beans in Gant?”

  “She is Purp's lost sister.”

  That might make sense. Purp was purple, so his sister could be a different shade of purple. The one who declined Dale's offer of comfortable residence, and was said to make her living as a prostitute.

  “The whore?”

  “What she does to survive is no necessary indication of her character.”

  Benny realized that she was quietly reproving him for his prejudice. As a vampire, she had suffered from prejudice herself. “Still, how does she relate to me, if she does?”

  “We don't know, but Dale and Helena think it is beyond coincidence that you should come up with her name, when you didn't know it. We need to know how she relates. It could be important.”

  “I asked the Protector for help dealing with the Cyclops. How is this relevant?”

  Virtue smiled. “Only the Protector knows. It is for us to find out.”

  Benny still suspected it was coincidence, but maybe that was better than nothing. “How do we find out? Do we go see her?”

  “That would require another teleport to Upper Sultry. That might be complicated. The dwarf might demand to spend an amorous night with you.”

  Benny winced. Even in the dwarf's dream, that did not appeal. “So do we send her a letter?”

  “No, that would take too much time and we might not get an answer. Helena says she'll help.”

  “How?”

  “She thinks we can contact Magenta telepathically.”

  “The Amazon is telepathic?”

  “No. But her blood is special.”

  “About the price of beans in Gant...”

  “You'll see. We are in excellent luck. There is a vamp telepath near Gant. He goes by the designation Tele, preferring anonymity in other respects.”

  “But you're telepathic. Who needs him?”

  “I am a minor short range telepath. I can track you a fair distance, but not a stranger as far away as Magenta is. This one is a full telepath. He has the range that I lack. He should be able to reach Magenta.”

  “And ask her why her name came into my head? She might think I was looking for her, um, business.”

  “Not if Helena contacts her.”

  “Why should she do that? I'm the one haunted by the Cyclops.”

  “Which is the main reason. The Cyclops is orienting on you, not Helena. If you contact Magenta, the green eyeball may know and mess it up. But Helena should be able to do it without alerting it.”

  “And why should Helena do that for me?” he asked again.

  “Because you were the one who cut apart the forbidding knot of honor and gave her Dale to love. Also, she has a feeling about this that goes beyond mere curiosity. She thinks it's expedient. Something she should do.”

  Benny shrugged. “Then let's do it.”

  Soon the four of them walked to the house of the vampire telepath, some distance in the woods beyond Gant. Virtue mentally signaled him they were coming, and why, and he agreed. Benny suspected that even purely mentally she came across as a lovely creature, one any man would be happy to do a favor for.

  “Come in, party of four,” Tele said. He did not conceal his fangs, as they already knew his nature. Benny was sure he normally preferred to be anonymous, because vampires were generally distrusted. Virtue, however, had done much to alleviate that locally; everyone liked her. “My, you ladies are lovely, both of you.”

  “Thank you,” Virtue and Helena said almost together.

  “I can't say the same for you men,” Tele said with a smile.

  “Thank you,” Benny and Dale said almost together, laughing. Benny found that he liked this man.

  “I see that this is one I must do pro bono.”

  “We prefer to pay you,” Dale said. “It is private business.”

  “Allow me to clarify. I am a superior telepath. I read all minds in my vicinity.” He smiled briefly. “That is part of what protects me from ignorant vigilantes. I do charge for private business, but yours is actually a private aspect of public business. You seek to stop the invasion of the Kudgel horde, something I had not known about until very recently. It seems that the leader of that horde considers Benny to be a menace to their effort, so he is trying to discourage Benny in an unobtrusive manner. That is, mentally rather than physically, so there are no physical fingerprints. There must be a reason the Cyclops has not simply sent an assassin. Helping Benny to avoid that discouragement therefore becomes a public service. You believe that this woman Magenta may be the key to this avoidance. I do not see how, but the nature of the contact with the Protector is persuasive. It behooves me to assist you, and to keep your secrets. I will help you interview Magenta.”

  The four shared a glance. This was one potent telepath!

  Tele smiled. “Besides, I am not interested in tasting any Amazon blood.”

  They laughed. He knew about what Helena's blood could do to a vampire.

  “And it must be the Amazon,” Tele continued. “Because the Cyclops evidently does not yet know about her participation in your campaign. However, I may be able to include the others on a peripheral basis.”

  “Peripheral?” Dale asked.

  “The Amazon will be the lead figure, governing the interview, but the others may participate. They merely will not register if another telepath snoops.”

  “You can do that?” Helena asked. “Bring them along as astral spectators?”

  “With my assistance,” Virtue said. “Which, of course, I will provide.” She blushed. Benny wondered why.

  “He just wants to get into your pretty mind,” Helena said.

  Tele laughed. “Ah, you caught me! Given a choice between a lovely body and a lovely mind, I do prefer the mind.”

  Ah, mind dating. Benny distrusted this, remembering the sexual appetites of the dwarf. Virtue laid her hand on his
. “It is legitimate intimacy,” she said. “Unavoidable, for this. We must interleave our minds.”

  And, of course, he trusted her. The dwarf had never actually touched her or Helena, physically.

  Tele closed his eyes, concentrating. “I have located Magenta. The timing is propitious. She is currently between clients.”

  Just like that!

  “Make yourselves comfortable,” Tele said. “We shall proceed.”

  Then Benny realized that he was going into a dream state, as were the others. Virtue was doing it, borrowing Tele's superior power to augment her own. She was linking their minds so that they could experience what Helena did. As “astral spectators.” Tele was connecting them to the distant Magenta.

  Then they were seated in a sequestered hovel. Blankets hung on cords formed the walls, lending privacy to the central bed. Overturned empty wine-kegs made the chairs, and a covered bucket was the toilet. It was what some preferred to call a minimalist residence.

  A striking woman looked up from the basin where she was rinsing her hands. Her loosely robed body was deep green, while her face, hair, hands, and feet were reddish purple. This was clearly Magenta. “Well, hello, you several folk,” she said, surprised. “Is this a vision?”

  “It is a vision,” Helena agreed. “But we are real, in a distant place. We are catching you between trysts, as it were, so as not to disturb your livelihood. We will depart soon.”

  “So you know my business,” Magenta said. Her eyes were green, matching her body. She was actually a beautiful, if colorful, woman, whose northerly and southerly assets peeked out tantalizingly from behind the robe, by no coincidence. Benny and Dale were both staring; they could not help it.

  “We know it,” Helena said. “And do not condemn you for it. We all do what we must do. But we are curious about one thing: we understand that your brother Purp has an excellent job as head butler at an estate.” She did not identify Dale as the owner of that estate, as that would have ruined his anonymity. “Further, that you could have joined him there, perhaps as a hostess, and had a very comfortable life. Why did you not do so?”