Amazon Expedient

by Piers Anthony

  “You call him Purp? I truly care for my brother, and he cares for me,” Magenta said. “But I happen to know his business, and I can't tolerate it. So I stay well away from him, and make no reference to him here.”

  “His business?” Helena asked. “He's a butler. There is no shame in that.”

  “His real business.”

  “I do not understand.”

  “It is not a thing I care to bruit about.”

  Benny wondered what business could be so bad that a prostitute could not abide it. And what other business could the butler be in?

  “But suppose it relates to our mission here?” Helena asked.

  “What is your mission here?”

  “My friend,” Helena glanced at Benny, not naming him. “He is suffering malign visitations by a being called the Grand Exalted Cyclops.”

  “The Cyclops!” Magenta repeated, startled.

  “You know of him?”

  “Oh, I do! But I want nothing to do with him.”

  Helena smiled thinly. “Nobody does, except the Kudgels he leads. We oppose them. But it seems my friend is marked for special torment. The Cyclops visits him in dreams, and threatens him. That is what we want to stop. We received information that you might be able to help.”

  “I can help no more than any other citizen of Upper or Lower Sultry. It is common knowledge that spelled witch hazel can block unwanted mental intrusions. I use it myself, to keep clients out of my mind. My body is theirs to play with, but my mind is private. That makes my business bearable.”

  “Spelled witch hazel!” Virtue exclaimed. “I have heard of that!”

  “Most vamps have,” Magenta said. “Because of the way it relates to telepathy.”

  “I just never thought to use it for that particular purpose,” Virtue said.

  “It seems that we had no need to bother you,” Helena said. “I apologize.”

  “There must be more to it,” Magenta said. “However, my next appointment is incipient, so if you will excuse me--”

  “One thing, please. I have an insatiable curiosity about mysteries,” Helena said. “You reacted fiercely to my mention of the Cyclops. Do you know more of him?”

  “I do, but that is another thing I don't care to bruit about.”

  “I will make a deal with you. Tell me, and I will swear to be there for you if ever you need me, to the best of my ability.”

  Benny remembered how the Amazon had made a similar deal with him, and honored it in spades.

  Magenta considered. “This is not an offer to be taken lightly. The word of an Amazon is potent, and there could at some point be an occasion where I could use such help. I will tell, you with one proviso: you must tell no one else.”

  “Agreed.”

  “I know who the Cyclops is.”

  “That is something I would like to know.”

  “I will whisper it to you. Remember, you must not tell.”

  “I remember,” Helena said. She got up and approached Magenta, who whispered briefly in her ear.

  The Amazon's jaw dropped. “Oh my.”

  Then a man's voice came from beyond the curtain. “Magenta! You there? I got a hot rod ready.”

  “Go!” Magenta hissed.

  They went. They were back with Tele.

  “I wish I had not made that deal,” Helena said. “What she told me explains so much, but I am sworn to silence. That means I can't act on it either, lest my actions betray the secret.”

  They did not press her. She had to be true to her oath, however much the rest of them wanted to know who the Cyclops was.

  “Spelled witch hazel,” Benny said. “Could that really do it?”

  “We'll find out,” Virtue said. “I will get some forthwith.”

  “I regret that your mission was not completely successful,” Tele said.

  “But it may have been,” Virtue said. “Thank you for your help.”

  “It may indeed have been,” Helena agreed.

  “It was a pleasure. Your mind is lovely, Virtue.”

  They returned home. Virtue soon obtained spelled witch hazel, and was about to put it on Benny's head when she paused. “I just thought--” She didn't finish.

  “I hate it when you think,” Benny said, smiling. “I'd so much rather have you just be sweet and pretty.”

  She did not smile. “It's that if we use this, and it works, and the Cyclops can no longer harass you, won't he suspect that we're on to him? That maybe we even know who he is, though it's only Helena who really does?”

  “I should think so,” Benny agreed. “But does it matter?”

  “He must have reason to try to take you out of this campaign, but alive, as Tele said. If he can't discourage you, will he then send the assassin?”

  Benny felt a chill. “Better to kill me, than allow me to mess him up, from his perspective. He must need me for something, and if he loses control of me, then yes, kill me.”

  She looked at the bottle of witch hazel. “I don't think we can use this.”

  Regretfully, Benny had to agree. “I will simply have to keep suffering, much as I hate it.”

  “I'm so sorry.”

  “But with you to comfort me, I think I can handle it.”

  “Thank you.”

  But he wondered: when he had asked the Protector for help, he had been given the name of Magenta, who had mentioned the simple remedy. Why hadn't the Protector simply sent the words Spelled Witch Hazel? Not only did he not know why the Cyclops was after him, he didn't know why the Protector had taken this somewhat devious route. What were they still missing?

  “What, indeed,” Virtue echoed.

  Chapter 16

  A few days later, a breathless messenger arrived at the Fox Den. “The Sisters Dorn are under siege by hordes of Kudgels and Kudgel converts!” he gasped.

  “So it has come,” Dale said grimly. “We must go to their aid.”

  “You're a lot of man,” Helena said. “But not much of a tactician. Hasn't it occurred to you that this could be a diversion, a ploy to get us out of Gant so they can raid it with impunity?”

  Dale nodded, not taking offense. “I leave it to you to achieve such occurrences. But we can't let the twin cities of Galver and Elim Dorn be ravaged. We must help them.”

  “We must indeed,” she agreed. “But we'll have to divide our forces. Half of us can remain here to protect this region, and half can go to help the cities. Fortunately it's leadership they will need more than brute strength. Individual warriors can't hope to stop armies by themselves, no matter how competent.”

  “Virtue and I are a team,” Benny said.

  “As are Helena and I,” Dale agreed. “Shall we draw lots to see who goes?”

  “I will scry it,” Virtue said. Soon she reported on the result. “Benny and I will go to the twin cities. That is the more favorable auspice.”

  “That leaves Bum,” Dale said. “Where do you wish to be, friend? Here guarding the inn, or there amidst the bloodshed?”

  “With the action,” the orc said promptly.

  “So be it,” Dale agreed, unsurprised.

  They activated the beacons with their own whistles, and soon all the gems they had passed out throughout the planet of Pakk were activated. Kudgels were arising all over in a coordinated campaign. The game was on.

  “We need to get to Galver Dorn quickly,” Benny said. “But it's a two day ride by wagon. That may be too late. Somehow I hadn't thought of that detail.”

  “My skry indicated we would get there in time,” Virtue said.

  “How? We don't have travel magic here.”

  “I don't know. But I trust my skry.”

  Benny didn't care to argue with her. He would just have to trust that however long their journey took, they would indeed arrive in time.

  Virtue spoke to Bum. “We must depart within the hour. Are you ready?”

  “I am ready,” the orc said in his squeaky voice. He wore a compact backpack, and his weapons were strapped to his blue
-green body.

  Benny and Virtue got their own backpacks, and Benny strapped on his sword. He regretted that he had to leave his new magic walking stick behind, but he did not yet know how to use it well enough, and didn't want to risk losing it. There would be another day.

  Dale intercepted him. “Take this too.” He proffered his magic club, which looked like a small metallic rod.

  “But you’ll need that yourself!” Benny protested.

  “I can spare it. I have other weapons.”

  “I'm not sure I could even heft it effectively.”

  “It has power steering. You can wield it.” He pressed the rod into Benny's hand.

  “I—I don't know what to say.”

  “Don't say anything. It's not verbally commanded. Merely squeeze to invoke it, and squeeze again to enhance it, and again to revert it.”

  That wasn't what Benny had meant, as Dale surely knew. He squeezed the rod, and it transformed into a club almost five feet long. It looked massive, but felt light in his hand. He tapped the floor with it, experimentally, and the floor cracked. The mass was there at the business end. He squeezed the handle again, and dozens of steel spikes popped out, each one several inches long. This was one deadly instrument!

  “See, you already have the hang of it,” Dale said approvingly.

  “Uh, thank you.” Benny squeezed the handle again, and the club reverted to the rod. He tucked it into his belt, overwhelmed by the loan. It would make him twice as formidable a fighter, as Dale knew.

  The giant Liverwart arrived. “Messenger passed. Then beacons on,” he said. “So me come.”

  Then Benny realized how they would travel swiftly. They had done it before, when the giant carried them. Virtue's skry had known. But one problem remained. “There's one more in our party. I don't know whether--”

  “I will run,” Bum said. “If Virtue bites me.”

  And there was the other aspect Benny had overlooked: Virtue's ability to enhance physical prowess by her bites.

  “Of course,” Virtue agreed. She was back to full vigor now, and her bites never depleted her noticeably anyway.

  “Then I guess it's time to go,” Benny said. He shook hands with Dale and Laughing Jack, then hesitated before Helena. Did one shake hands with a woman?

  She grasped his hand, then drew him in so she could kiss him. She had been well disposed toward him since he untangled the geas of honor that had kept her from Dale. Still, he was surprised both by the gesture and by how hot and feminine this tattooed warrior could be when she tried.

  She laughed. “You thought I would bite you? That's Virtue's department.”

  “Oh, okay,” he said, embarrassed, not caring to clarify his actual concern. If she ever tried to seduce him, he would be hard put to it to resist. Not that she ever would, and of course he would resist. Still, that kiss had been surprisingly potent.

  Then he saw Virtue's quirk of a smile. She was reading his mind!

  Dale clapped him on the back. “I think those lady canines conspired to make you blush.”

  “Oh, you caught on,” Helena said, faking a frown.

  Then they all were laughing. It was a way to ease the tension of the deadly situation they were in.

  Virtue bit Bum. “Oh, you can bite me anytime, you divine creature,” the orc breathed as he flexed his muscles. She smiled; he was pretending she had given him an erotic bite instead of a power bite. It seemed that every male in the vicinity had erotic dreams of the vampire. Fortunately, she was able to handle their mental urges.

  Then Virtue stepped out of her clothing, unashamed of her nudity, handed her things to Benny, transformed to bat form and perched on Benny's shoulder. Liverwart picked him up and set him on his shoulder. They were ready to go.

  “I love that passing eyeful,” Dale said.

  “I'll give you a black eyeful,” Helena said, pretending jealousy as they both laughed.

  The giant started off, first striding, then running. The orc paced him. They achieved a velocity that was far beyond what Benny could have done on his own. The wind was fairly blowing his hair back. Benny waved to the others as they moved rapidly away from the inn.

  In this manner they reached the town of Galver Dorn that afternoon, more than a day faster than would ordinarily have been the case. Benny hoped the Duke would be pleased by their early arrival. They did not much like Dijon, but he was the authority here, so they had to work with him.

  They drew up at Duke Dijon's residence. They had come to help the Duke organize the defense of the town, which was under siege by the Kudgels. But it was clear even as Benny dismounted and Virtue resumed human form and dressed that there was a problem.

  “You are naturally tired,” Benny told the giant. “You have served well, and we will need you again soon. Lie down somewhere comfortable and get some rest now.”

  “Um,” Liverwart agreed. He went to a large bush at the edge of the property and dropped to the ground behind it. In a moment he was snoring.

  Now, to handle the problem. The Duke was not marshaling his troops. He was with a few members of his private guard. Caught unguarded by their early arrival, he was evidently packing his cart to secretly flee the town ahead of the Kudgel conquest. He was also packing most of the town's treasury.

  “Traitor!” Bum exclaimed, furious at the betrayal.

  “Go away, orc,” the Duke snapped. “This isn't your business.”

  “It is my business,” Bum said. “I came to help you fight off the Kudgels, and instead you are betraying your people.” He was an orc, but there was no question where Bum's loyalty lay.

  Dijon did not argue further. Instead he signaled his guards, who charged Bum with swinging swords.

  The orc's own sword jumped into his hand. He parried the first guard, while Benny went after the second. The third guard, evidently confident of the result, went instead for Virtue. A pretty girl was always good for passing entertainment, voluntary or not.

  That galvanized Benny. He had intended only to subdue his opponent, but the threat to Virtue alarmed him. He raised the rod and squeezed it. The club formed, feeling light in his hand. He swung it so viciously at the guard that it not only beat back the man's sword, it smashed into the face behind it. The guard dropped, dead.

  For an instant Benny froze. He did not like killing, and always sought to avoid it if possible. But he only hesitated for an instant. He knew that while Virtue was quite capable of defending herself, she would not do so, being a pacifist. To her killing was worse than rape, even if she herself were the object of the rape.

  “Halt!” Benny cried to the guard. But the man was oblivious. He grabbed Virtue by one arm while his other hand tore at her dress.

  Benny's club caught him on the ear. The man fell to the ground, unconscious.

  “Are you all right?” Benny asked Virtue.

  “I am,” she said. “But he isn't.” She was looking at the fallen guard.

  Benny checked the man. He was worse than unconscious. His skull was fractured and he was dead. Benny had underestimated the brutal power of the club. “Sorry about that,” Benny said, meaning that he hated having her witness the killing.

  Then they checked the others in combat. Bum had handily dispatched his opponent. Two or three might have been a challenge; one was not.

  Meanwhile the Duke was on the wagon, urging the horse forward and away. It was too late to catch him.

  Except that Virtue quickly transformed to her bat form, and flew to the horse. She landed on its head. The horse paused, startled, then came to a halt. Virtue had projected a thought into its mind, telling it to stop. The Duke was going nowhere.

  “I have riches!” Dijon said, trying his next ploy. “I will pay you handsomely to let me go. You'll never achieve wealth like this in your normal existence.”

  “Be thankful I don't stuff your gold up your exit tube!” Bum gritted. “You deserve execution.”

  “Well spoken,” Benny said, smiling.

  There turned out to be a
cell in Dijon's house, probably to hold prisoners temporarily, or for more nefarious purposes. They put the Duke there, and pocketed the key. “You're out of office,” Benny said. He realized that he was presuming a lot, but he was here to provide competent leadership, and this man wasn't it.

  Troops approached the house. These were the Galver Dorn Rangers, the elite city guard. “We need to see the Duke,” their captain said. “We need to organize a better defense, lest the city be overwhelmed by the Kudgels.”

  The man was neither cowering nor fleeing; he was trying to do his job. There was no time to do a thorough study of character; he would do.

  “We caught Dijon absconding with the treasury,” Benny said. “We have deposed him. I hereby make a field promotion. You are the next Duke. Organize your defense; the resources of the city are yours to marshal. After this is over, the city elders will decide whether to make your ascension permanent.”

  The man didn't even blink. “I will get it done.”

  “We need to check Elim Dorn as well,” Benny said. “We leave the defense of Galver in your hands.”

  “Yes.” The man turned and signaled his detachment. He was already on the job.

  “Liverwart!” Benny called.

  The giant roused himself and rejoined them. Virtue bit Bum again, then transformed back to bat form. Soon they were on their way to the sister city.

  Authority becomes you, Virtue thought. You handled that well.

  Only then did Benny realize how decisive he had been. “You bolstered me telepathically!” he said.

  I could not have done it had there not been good material to work with.

  He hoped that was true.

  They had not actually seen the invaders at Galver Dorn, as the enemy had been ravaging the other side of the city. Elim Dorn was another matter. Virtue flew up to survey the town from a distance, and reported that the situation was bad: the Kudgels were attacking, and there was also a pack of werewolves, their allies. The city had been wiped out by zombies several years before, and had recovered only partially; it was in poor shape to fend off this siege. This was going to be brutal.

  We can't put Liverwart into this, Virtue thought. He did not come here to fight, and he's tired from carrying us.