Holding onto Hope

by Nicki Edwards

Courtney waved her hand. ‘Lachie loves you. No way he’d have an issue with you staying as long as you need. Anyway, you know Lachie. He’ll do anything I ask.’

  True. It was another reason why Hope envied their relationship so much.

  ‘If I move in with you guys, can I get a dog?’ Hope asked jokingly. She needed to move on from the heaviness of their conversation about Brett.

  ‘Only if it’s a rescue one,’ Courtney joked in return.

  Her cousin didn’t mind cats, but she wasn’t a huge fan of dogs.

  ‘Speaking of which, Mitch is always looking for people to take kittens if you’re interested.’

  ‘And just like that, you bring everything back to Mitch,’

  Courtney just grinned.

  Chapter 13

  The following Saturday morning, Mitchell glanced at Anna, seated across the table from him at the Surf and Paddle, and fought another wave of exhaustion. It wasn’t Anna’s fault he was so tired, and his throat felt raw. He’d spent the last seven nights, ever since Hope’s arrival in town, tossing and turning. He hadn’t been able to get her out of his head. He’d tried, but she continually drifted into his thoughts and stayed there.

  When he finally fell asleep, his dreams were full of her. When he woke, he was shaken by the intensity of his desire to see her again. To hold her in his arms. To wake up and see her beside him. The moment he’d felt her lips on his again, he was a goner. He’d tasted her again and he wanted more.

  But he couldn’t have more.

  Because of Anna.

  A knot formed low in his gut and wouldn’t go away. He couldn’t let things go any further with Anna when part of him still belonged to Hope.

  All week he’d fought the urge to call Courtney and ask for Hope’s number so they could talk, but before he spoke to Hope, he knew it was important to break things off with Anna. Hope would expect that.

  He chased his breakfast of bacon and eggs around his plate with a fork while Anna talked. He had no appetite. Forcing himself to concentrate, he nodded and responded appropriately but his mind was elsewhere. When Anna drew breath to take a bite of her food, he leaned forward. He was about to be a jerk, but there was no easy way to do what he had to do.

  ‘Anna?’

  ‘Mm.’ she replied around a mouthful of muesli.

  ‘I don’t think it’s going to work.’

  She frowned and swallowed. ‘I’ve made all the arrangements though. You just need to show up.’

  It was his turn to frown. What was she talking about?

  Anna folded her arms across her chest. ‘You weren’t listening to me, were you?’

  He shook his head. There was no point lying. ‘No. I’m sorry.’

  She put her hand on his arm and he glanced down at her red talon-like nails. ‘What’s wrong, Mitchell? You’re miles away this morning. I was telling you about the plans for the end of the month. Going to my parents’ place, remember?’

  He did remember. Anna had planned a “meet the parents” dinner. He’d been dreading it so much he’d put it out of his mind.

  ‘I don’t like white bread,’ he blurted.

  Anna stared at him unblinking, looking at him as if he’d lost the plot which was not far from the truth.

  ‘No one’s forcing you to eat white bread,’ she said carefully.

  He exhaled in a rush. ‘‘I like white bread. It’s lovely. It’s sweet. But I don’t want to eat it for the rest of my life.’

  ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

  ‘You’re a lovely woman, Anna.’ He smiled apologetically. ‘I’m fond of you, but ... I ...’

  ‘I’m white bread.’

  He nodded and tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

  Her eyes glazed with unshed tears and he felt like the biggest jerk in the world.

  ‘I’m really sorry, Anna. I think it’s for the best if we don’t take things any further.’ He spoke as kindly as he could, the way he would break the news to a family that their beloved pet needed to be put down.

  She stared at him with a dazed expression. ‘But my parents. I’d hoped . . . I told them . . . we were . . .’ Her voice trailed off.

  Guilt shot through him. He’d led her on.

  Tears spilled over and she brushed them away before placing her napkin beside her plate and reaching under the table for her handbag.

  ‘You don’t have to leave. We can finish our breakfast first,’ he said. ‘I’m really sorry.’

  Pushing back her chair, she stood. ‘Don’t bother, Mitch. Don’t apologise. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have let myself fall for you. Everyone warned me you had a fear of commitment.’

  He stared at her and frowned. Who was “everyone”?

  ‘You’re a nice guy and I’ve enjoyed your company. You’re fun and the sex is good. I thought we had something special but it’s obvious you have trust issues.’

  Slap.

  ‘It’s not about you, Anna,’ he said, standing to face her.

  ‘You’re right. It’s not about me. It’s about you.’ They stood eye to eye. ‘I’m not a counsellor, Mitchell, but I think you need to find whoever stole your heart because clearly you’re still in love with her. My advice for what it’s worth? If you can’t find her, move on because until you do, every relationship you have is doomed to fail.’

  ‘I really am sorry.’ He genuinely meant it. ‘Can we be friends?’

  She shook her head. ‘No, we can’t. I promise I won’t be rude when we bump into each other around town, but that’s it.’ She put her bag on her shoulder. ‘I presume you’ll pick up the bill for breakfast.’

  He glanced at their half-eaten meals. ‘Of course. Yes. Naturally. I’m sorry,’ he repeated.

  ‘See you round.’

  After Anna left, Mitchell sank back into his chair. He’d meant what he said—it wasn’t about Anna. And she was right. It was about him. He had given away a piece of his heart. To Hope, all those years ago on a windswept beach. Remorse filled him. He shouldn’t have strung Anna along, when deep down he’d known from the beginning she wasn’t the right woman for him.

  After paying the bill, he exited the cafe. Outside, he dragged in a lungful of salty air and exhaled heavily. He’d done the right thing by Anna, but that didn’t make it any easier. And it didn’t guarantee him a future with Hope either.

  As he was walking down the street, he heard someone shout his name. He turned and saw Jordan heading his way, breathing heavily as if he’d run somewhere.

  ‘I just bumped into Hope,’ he said when he reached Mitchell’s side. ‘Wow.’

  Mitchell frowned. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  ‘She’s hot.’

  Irritation rose. The last thing he wanted was his best mate to start looking at Hope in that way. Ignoring Jordan’s comment, Mitchell strode towards the bakery. He entered and placed his order. Sensing Jordan’s eyes on him, he reached for a sample of bread from the bowl on the counter. Finally, he turned to Jordan who stood patiently watching him, waiting for a response.

  ‘Okay, yes, you’re right. I agree, she’s gorgeous. So?’

  The smirk fell from Jordan’s face and it was quickly replaced by a grin. ‘Have you seen her already?’

  Mitchell nodded.

  ‘When?’

  ‘Last Saturday.’ Mitchell explained how she’d shown up at the farm not long after Jordan had left. He omitted any mention of their kiss.

  ‘I can’t believe this is the first I’ve heard of it,’ Jordan said.

  Mitchell took the bag of donuts he’d just purchased and left the bakery.

  Jordan jogged to keep up. ‘You’ve still got the hots for her.’

  Mitchell stopped walking and faced his friend. ‘What if I do?’

  Jordan’s shoulders slumped. ‘Oh, yeah. Anna. What are you going to do?’

  ‘Nothing. We just broke up,’ Mitchell said, taking off again, up the street.

  Jordan grabbed him by the arm, pulled him to a stop and gave
him a please explain look. ‘What? When?’

  ‘Just now. It wasn’t working.’ That’s all Jordan needed to know.

  ‘Where does that leave you and Hope?’

  Mitchell shrugged. ‘Nowhere. We’re just friends.’

  ‘’Bout time you did something about that before you regret it,’ Jordan said before slapping him on the back, turning and walking away.

  *

  Mitchell nudged open the door to the clinic with his hip, a bag of freshly made cinnamon donuts in one hand and a tray of take away coffees in the other—one for himself, and one for Stephanie. He’d need more than coffee to keep him awake all afternoon, but it was a good start.

  He couldn’t stop thinking about what Jordan had said.

  If he didn’t do something, he’d live to regret it. Problem was, he’d made a stupid mistake kissing Hope when he was still seeing Anna, but he’d been so happy to see her again that Anna hadn’t even entered his head. Standing in Len’s paddock, his feelings for Hope had returned so hard and fast he hadn’t had time to duck. By the time she dropped him back to his place his feelings had turned into a rushing river and burst right through the walls of the dam he’d erected around his heart years earlier.

  Now he had to figure out how to apologise to Hope and promise not to hurt her again.

  He plonked the donuts and coffees down on the table in the staffroom. Stephanie appeared from out the back.

  He handed Stephanie her takeaway coffee while Indy greeted her as though she hadn’t seen her in months before disappearing to her usual spot—her bed under a table in the corner of the room.

  ‘Thanks for this,’ Stephanie said.

  ‘No worries.’ Mitchell bit into a donut, savouring the taste. Funny how he had his appetite back now that he’d been honest with Anna.

  ‘Quiet one so far today,’ Stephanie said. ‘No appointments booked and no walk-ins yet.’

  ‘Good. I’m planning to catch up on some paperwork.’ Saturdays were always saved for walk-in emergency presentations. If they had no patients, Mitchell usually got on top of his paperwork. He was in his office paying bills when Stephanie called out to him.

  He entered the reception area and was greeted by a woman called Suzie and her golden Labrador, Boofer.

  If an old Lab could look more sad than usual, Suzie’s did. It lay crouched at her feet, looking guilty. According to Suzie he had eaten a pair of women’s panties.

  Mitchell kept a straight face. What most pet owners considered gross, dogs considered irresistible and it wasn’t the first time—and wouldn’t be the last—he’d had to surgically extract something unmentionable from the stomach of someone’s beloved pet. It was usually Labradors. They tended to eat the most grotesque stuff. He’d removed tampons, socks, toys, tennis balls, grass, plastic, and coins from the stomachs of dogs.

  Cats ate weird things too, but he’d never had to remove women’s lingerie from the belly of a cat.

  The surgery went smoothly and afterwards Mitchell called Suzie to let her know she could collect Boofer later that afternoon once he’d slept off the anaesthetic. Suzie surprised Mitchell by asking if he’d kept the knickers. When he said they’d been thrown out, she was insistent the underwear be returned to her.

  Stephanie drew the short straw. With double gloves she retrieved the red lace G-string from the bin and put it in a zip lock bag with Boofer’s name written on it with a black marker.

  Stephanie entered the staff room, headed to the fridge, pulled out a can of soft drink and flipped the tab. ‘Why do you think she wants the knickers back?’ she asked.

  He shrugged. ‘I don’t think I want to know.’

  ‘I bet they’re not hers.’ Did you see the size of them?’

  Mitchell massaged his temples. He hadn’t checked the size of the offending underwear. Why on earth would he? ‘What makes you say that?’

  ‘Well I rang Beck and she rang her mum to ask if she knew Suzie, and Leonie said Suzie and Troy have been having issues in their marriage and . . .’

  Mitchell held up a hand to stop her while his mind tried to keep up with what she was saying. ‘I don’t listen to gossip, Steph.’

  ‘But a woman was seen leaving Suzie and Troy’s house late last week when Suzie was in Warrnambool,’ Stephanie argued.

  ‘Not interested, Steph. What goes on in other people’s lives doesn’t concern me. My only priority is Boofer, not Suzie’s marriage.’

  Stephanie grinned. ‘Want to take a bet I’m right?’

  ‘No!’

  She stuck out her tongue. ‘Spoilsport.’

  Stephanie sailed out of the room, giggling, and Mitchell went back to his office. He couldn’t help but smile. He’d inherited two vet nurses when he bought the practice from Ian, scoring a win with both girls, Stephanie and Beck. He supposed he shouldn’t call them “girls”, but he couldn’t help himself. Stephanie was only twenty-one and Beck was nineteen which meant he often felt old enough to be their father. He ran his hands through his hair. Some days he felt closer to fifty than forty.

  Chapter 14

  Hope was up early on Saturday morning. She’d had two coffees already and was humming as she transferred one load of clean washing to the dryer and put on another load. The amount of washing three tiny humans created was staggering.

  After emptying the dishwasher, she wrote out a shopping list and took out some meat from the freezer to defrost. The house was tidy—she’d vacuumed, mopped and dusted the day before. And the day before that she’d cleaned all the bathrooms. Even the oven was clean.

  There wasn’t anything else that needed doing and though she hated to admit it, she was bored. She wasn’t used to sitting still for so long. If she spent any longer hanging around The Anchorage reading or watching another episode of Fixer Upper on Netflix, she’d go crazy.

  Courtney was coping brilliantly with motherhood and Margot barely needed Hope’s help either. Some days Hope wondered if the reason she was in Macarthur Point was for herself, not her family. Something had changed in the past two weeks and she didn’t know what to do about it.

  She felt like she was becoming a local. She could already name half the people in town: Richard, the old guy who ran the hardware store with his wife Robyn and their son, Tyler. Lisa, the romance writer who walked past The Anchorage every morning with her boxer dog on her way to buy the newspaper and a coffee. Colour-blind Deena, who worked full-time at the supermarket and couldn’t tell the difference between a red or green capsicum. The girl with mild cerebral palsy called Jaylee who worked at the café. Suzanne at the post office who was counting down the days until her retirement.

  Hope had slipped so easily into day-to-day life at the Point that she felt torn between wanting to stay forever and feeling like she should be having itchy feet and wanting to go because that was her usual default position.

  She hadn’t breathed a word to Courtney or Margot because she didn’t want to get their hopes up. Her visit was only supposed to be a temporary pit stop, but from the moment she’d arrived, the town and the people had tugged on her heart and for the first time in her life she found herself wishing she had a place to call home.

  The part of her that usually craved change was still there, but a bigger part of her wanted to stay longer than the month or so she’d planned on being there.

  If only Mitch wasn’t seeing someone.

  She tried to convince herself that her attraction to him was purely physical, but it was deeper than that. They might have been young when they fell in love, but what they’d shared was real and it was hard to forget that, especially now she was back in Macarthur Point and there were memories around every corner. And especially after he’d kissed her the way he had.

  It was no wonder there was a war raging in her heart.

  Even if Mitchell wasn’t in a serious relationship and even if he was still interested in her, and every one of her romantic dreams fell into place, her biggest fear was that she wouldn’t be able to settle. What happened if
she decided to stay and the same antsy, restless discontent she had whenever she stayed in one place too long returned? Was it worth the risk? Or was she better off stamping down those thoughts every time they sprang into her mind in case they took hold and got out of control like a raging grass fire?

  She was making herself another cup of coffee and contemplating going for a run to clear her head, when Courtney came into the kitchen.

  ‘Good morning.’ Since the triplets had started sleeping longer through the night and only waking once for a feed, Courtney was back to her normal, perky, morning-person self.

  ‘Want one?’ Hope asked as she ground the beans.

  ‘Yes, please. Hey, I thought we should go to the pub for dinner next Friday night. Lachie’s home for the weekend and Mum’s offered to stay so we can all go out. I’ve invited Jordan and Liz and I thought I’d invite Mitch and his girlfriend, too. What do you think? That won’t be too awkward for you, will it?’

  ‘Sounds like fun.’ She wasn’t sure how she felt about seeing Mitchell again, but she’d deal with it. If he brought his girlfriend along, she wasn’t sure how she’d cope, but she’d put on a smile and pretend she was fine. Over the years she’d perfected the art of faking it.

  She tuned back into what Courtney was saying.

  ‘I think you should get dressed up. Get your hair done. Maybe we could go together and get our nails done.’

  ‘Are you joking?’ Hope held up her hands. ‘Have you ever seen me with my nails done?’

  ‘Always a first time.’

  ‘Pass.’

  Courtney pouted. ‘At least go to the hairdresser. My treat. Or there’s a day spa. You could have the whole treatment. Get one of those mud facials. Have a full body massage.’

  A massage sounded more appealing than dipping her nails in chemicals. ‘If it makes you feel better, sure, I’ll book myself in.’

  ‘Our treat okay? Lachie and I don’t know how to thank you enough for all you’ve done.’

  ‘Don’t be silly. There’s no need to thank me. I’ve loved the time off doing nothing.’

  Courtney stared at her. ‘Don’t lie. I can tell you’re bored witless.’