Psyche Honor (Psyche Moon)

by Buhr, Chrissie

  “I will,” I promised.

  “Your nose looks good. How’s the rest of you?”

  “Still tender and achy pretty much everywhere, but it’s getting better. My face and that bruise on my thigh are the worst.”

  “Can I see your thigh?”

  I nodded and pulled Billie’s robe up to expose an ugly looking bruise twice the size of my palm. Dark blue patterns spread outwards making it appear worse than a few days before, and the edges had begun to yellow. Kathryn gasped, seeing the bruised thigh for the first time.

  “I don’t even remember this one,” I told her.

  “That is not uncommon,” Kathryn replied and clucked at it. “You were fortunate not to break your leg.”

  “It’s healing nicely,” Amy declared after making me wince by touching it.

  “How long until they’re all gone?” I asked her. “I know Billie’s just being her protective self, but I’m tired of feeling her anger every time she sees them.”

  “Another week and almost all of them will be gone. This one,” She pointed at my leg “and the one on your face may take a little longer. Want me to say something to Billie?”

  “No. I got it” I thanked her. They said their goodbyes and left to start their day.

  I lingered over the rich coffee in a suddenly empty kitchen, enjoying the growing light cascading into the room. The back of the house, covered in large windows, looked upon the foothills. No homes or other sign of human habitation could be seen from the vista. A large dog trotted across the landscape, too far out to see the breed. I relaxed into the view, a few birds flitting about and the crisp morning promising a warm day.

  For the first time in over a week, I let myself unwind. Without realizing it, I began humming. As I turned to fix a second cup of coffee, I heard the flap of the doggie door. I panicked, searching mentally for whoever made the noise, before turning. I could sense no one, familiar or unfamiliar. Hesitatingly, I turned around to find a red leggy canine with a white chin and neck standing in the room. I’d seen wolves like him on documentaries, but I couldn’t place the breed. He appraised me with intelligent eyes, sitting on the floor calmly and waiting for my response.

  “Hello?” I said nervously. “I don’t sense Wolf. Are you a regular wolf? Because that would be strange.” He cocked his head in a quizzical look. I finished preparing my coffee while babbling to the animal. “I know. A regular wolf showing up in my girlfriend’s home is strange. A Wolf is normal.” I shook my head at the multitude of absurdities. “Well, you don’t act like a regular wolf and you don’t have the mind of a Wolf. So which are you?”

  The red wolf grinned, and with a shimmer, an ancient black man stood in front of me. Bright intelligent eyes stood out so brilliantly, I barely noticed anything else. Even the waist-long unkempt hair and nakedness couldn’t compare to the depths of his eyes. Whatever prevented me from sensing his presence before ended, and I knew this Wolf to be someone of great age. I shivered nervously, though he gave me no reason to fear him.

  “I am Kato.” He stood still with his hands relaxed by his side, not wishing to startle me further.

  I looked at him blankly for a moment before speaking. “I’m Sadie. Billie’s not here if you’re looking for her.”

  “I came to speak to you.” He continued to search me, looking far beyond the surface. Usually I unsettled people this way, not the other way around.

  “Me? Why? Who are you?” I started babbling again, a nervous habit that seemed to worsen every day.

  “I am Kato. You are the Mage who’s come to save our pack.” I stood speechless, mouth dropping open and staring at the old man. “Please do not inform Billie of my presence. I will explain, and you have my word I will not harm you.”

  I believed him but didn’t know how to respond. “Why hasn’t Billie told me about you?”

  “She is prohibited from telling you what is spoken in an Elder Meeting. She obeys.”

  I nodded as if it began to make sense. “You are one of the Elders.”

  “I am Eldest.”

  He spoke the truth, and I sensed only gentleness from the man. So I nodded and collected myself. How does one respond in a situation like this? I wondered. “Would you like some coffee or breakfast?” I asked.

  “Food and water would be greatly appreciated.” Sensing me relax, he advanced into the kitchen and stood with his hands resting on the counter. “Food from the ice box is sufficient. We have little enough time to speak and should not waste it unnecessarily. I enjoy cold food and when sated, we will speak of important matters.”

  I bit my lip and opened the refrigerator door, pulling out leftovers and a bottle of water for the Wolf. We ate in silence, each observing the other. “You’re different from other Wolves,” I commented when I’d eaten my fill. “You sense me. It’s different from how I do it, but you sense my emotions and thoughts. How is that possible?”

  “I see emotions and the nature of a person. I do not read thoughts as one reads words on a page like you do. Before becoming Wolf, I was born Sage.”

  “That sort of makes sense with what I’m sensing from you.” I paused, uncertain whether I wanted to have the coming conversation.

  “We have much to discuss.” He had my full attention despite the foreboding that gripped my chest. His grave eyes held mine. “I’ve seen what is to come. All but five of us will be lost to the Mages, and of those five, only two will live. This will happen unless you step forward to save our pack.”

  My gut clenched and head spun, wanting to deny the statement. Somehow I sensed absolute truth in his words. I could barely breathe. Billie, Amy, Kathryn, Richard, Jason …

  He continued speaking. “The fate of Mages is obscured from my vision. I see the outcome of your choice but not of you.” The kindness behind his statement helped bring me back.

  Deliberately I cleared my head and focused. “Let me make sure I understand.” He nodded patiently. “Mages are coming, and the Pack will be destroyed unless I help. Two will survive, three will die, and the rest will be collared. You do not know what will happen to me if I help or if I don’t help.” He nodded. “Do you know what will happen to Billie?”

  “Billie’s future is uncertain if you choose to save our pack. She may die or she may live depending on your actions. She will die if you do nothing.”

  I let the weight of his words settle into me, and it coalesced into determination. Only one choice existed in my heart. “How do I save the pack?”

  “You must discover the Mages’ plan and find a way to stop it. Find them, speak to them, be as if one of them. You must deceive everyone, even your mate. Let no one know of our meeting. Keep all of this from Wolves and Mages alike.”

  I considered his words heavily. “Mages can read Wolves. I have to lie to Billie. I have to break my promise to her and my promise to Jason.”

  Kato nodded solemnly. “The danger is great. Honor must be kept in spirit while broken in action. I do not wish for your death or for loss of your mate. I know no other way. The choice is yours alone to make and must be made freely.”

  “May I ask you for one favor first? I sense truth behind your words. But I am not the only person who can make a lie feel like truth. May I look into your mind so that I know without doubt that I’m not being tricked?”

  Kato smiled widely, approving of my request. “See what you must so you may choose freely. I give you permission.”

  I touched his mind gently at first and gasped at what I saw. In him I found the most honest and straightforward individual I’d ever encountered along with unusual power and wisdom. Seeking only what he foresaw, I entered deeper into his mind and found my answers. Retreating from the invasive act, I nearly vomited from the vision. I spoke with conviction. “I’ll do it.”

  He bowed deeply. “You have my gratitude and my respect.”

  “Can you teach me to use my abilities?” I asked urgently. “I know I can keep my thoughts from Humans and Wolves, but I don’t know about Mages. I’ve never
met one.”

  Kato stretched two fingers and touched my cheek. “You are powerful even for a Mage. You are capable of the task ahead. Know this in heart and mind. Trust your instincts. They will guide you more clearly than I in this.”

  “Do you know how to find them?”

  “The Pup is the beginning. Look into his mind, discover his purpose. His owner will find you.”

  “Nathan is collared.” I shivered. “Do the others know?”

  “They do not follow their instincts.”

  I understood. “They know but they don’t want to believe it.”

  “I must go, and you must find peace with this before your mate returns. We will speak again. Do you seek any other counsel at this time?”

  I thought and shook my head, too stunned to formulate any questions. “I’m sure I will as soon as you leave. Will you make me a promise?”

  He cocked his head in a very wolfish gesture. “Without knowing the promise, I cannot say. If I can and should I will; otherwise I will not.”

  “When this is all over, if I’m not able to explain my actions, will you tell them why I lied? Will you tell Billie I love her too much to make any other choice?”

  He bowed deeply and pressed a hand to his heart. “On my honor, if I live to see that day, I will tell them.”

  I lowered my eyes in relief. In Kato’s mind, I saw that he would almost certainly survive. If I died, Billie would not live the rest of her life believing I’d betrayed her and the pack.

  Kato stood. “I thank you for the meal and hospitality. I will return when needed. Do not call unless you must, for others may hear you.”

  I stood and hugged the old man impulsively, remembering his nudity only afterwards. No words could express what I felt. Since he knew anyway, I left it unsaid. A reddish wolf replaced the man and ducked out the doggie door.

  “I’m going to take that bath,” I decided aloud.

  Chapter 6

  I had no idea how long I soaked. The bathtub’s strong jets soothed my tense muscles and eased the still-aching bruises. Several times it cooled, and I replaced the hot water, diluting the lavender-scented oils until I couldn’t smell it. The conversation with Kato had left my head spinning, and I knew better than to let Billie see me like that. A bath had been the perfect solution.

  First I'd mulled over the new information, trying to come up with a plan and worrying whether I could pull it off. Abruptly it hit me. I didn’t doubt I could deceive the Wolves, and according to Kato’s vision, I had a good chance of success. I felt guilty about deceiving Billie and breaking my promise to Jason. I needed to come to terms with lying to them. Kato's vision left me with no doubt that I had to do this.

  I'd never been interested in seeing the future, so I'd had no concept of a precognitive vision before entering Kato's mind. Scenes of potential futures had flashed before me, intermixed with knowledge of those possibilities. It was like a download of information laid out in a complicated cause-and-effect pattern, coalescing in an understanding of what needed to occur to avoid the disastrous possible futures and create the desired one. In a single word … overwhelming.

  One consistency bled through every possible scenario - if I let a single person in on it, I would fail and people would die or worse. I would not let Richard's nightmare repeat itself in the present.

  Determined to do anything necessary to keep Billie and the pack alive and well, I accepted the necessary deception. I’d grown accustomed to keeping a piece of myself hidden from others, and I'd only begun to drop that barrier with Billie. Walls were simple with Humans and Wolves, but I needed to figure out how to keep other Mages out.

  Instinct, Kato had advised. Follow my instinct. Closing my eyes, I breathed deeply and rhythmically. Stress and worry fell away slowly, and after a while the answer came to me. I knew what to do. Erecting a wall in front of the dangerous knowledge came easily. It felt like a wall, a red flag to any Peeping Tom.

  Inspired, I placed memories and fears in front of the wall. I hid it with the most painful memories of my life including the most recent one. The pain of killing seven kids woven with trauma of the attack camouflaged the wall nicely, and I added others until satisfied. In front of these memories, I settled the wall I usually maintained with others. Anyone who poked beyond the first wall would see a wounded person instead of a deadly secret. With luck, they wouldn’t look deeper.

  Kato had named me powerful even for a Mage. I knew I could penetrate walls like the ones I'd erected in myself, but not by accident. I couldn’t be sure, but I believed this would fool another Mage into believing I had nothing of importance to hide. At worst, I’d know they were digging, and could do something about it.

  It would easily work against Billie. I wouldn’t shut her out completely, and this way I could continue to let down my barriers with her without risking discovery.

  “Honey, I'm home!” Billie called as she walked through the front door, her mental tone amused at the cliché.

  I'm in your bathtub, I replied silently, offering a mental image of myself covered only in bubbles.

  Without a word, she climbed the stairs, her movements undetectable by ear. Opening the bathroom door wide, she smiled down at me and leaned against the doorframe comfortably. “I don't see any bubbles.” Her roaming eyes showed how much she approved.

  “I didn't find any bubble bath. You're in a strange mood. How'd it go with the Pup?”

  She cocked her head in thought and evaded my question. “He's a handful. I like training newbies, even when it's exasperating.”

  “That's an evasive answer.” I raised an eyebrow. “I’m not clear what is and is not taboo with him.”

  She nodded, choosing her words carefully. “There’s a lot about Nathan that I can’t talk about, and I have to ask you to stay away from him too. I'm sorry.”

  “It's not your fault,” I replied sympathetically. “They'll come around.” I avoided a direct promise to stay away from him, knowing I would break that promise soon. Instead I swirled a hand in the bathwater invitingly. “The water's still hot.” She needed no further encouragement to strip out of her clothes. Stepping into the tub behind me, she spread her legs on either side of my body. I leaned back against her chest and closed my eyes contentedly.

  “How long have you been in here? You've turned into a prune, and you're a lot more relaxed than when I left,” she commented, beginning to massage my shoulders and arms.

  “I don’t know, but I might be growing fins. Maybe I’m part fish.”

  She chuckled and her voice rumbled, “I like eating fish.”

  “You like eating,” I replied, and she bit my shoulder playfully.

  I had to be sly about dipping into her thoughts. She could feel my presence in her mind, so I needed a reason to be there. As her fingers plied my muscles, I focused on the sensitive skin below her left ear, imagining my lips grazing it softly. Soon I heard her gasp and knew she felt it as if I physically kissed her neck. Mentally multitasking with her hands on my body took more focus than I'd imagined. She sensed me in ways no other Human or Wolf ever had, so I treaded softly through her mind. The improvised distraction worked, and soon I dipped into her thoughts without notice.

  Starting with the Pup, I searched her memories and knowledge. As I did so, I understood everyone’s edginess about Nathan. Instinctively they didn’t trust him, and for good reason. I reached memories of the Elder Meeting and heard Richard's words about me. Hurt by his accusations, I let my focus slip. Billie sensed the emotional change in me.

  “Are you okay?” she murmured. Her hands wrapped around me, softly caressed my belly.

  “Yeah,” I sighed, letting a different memory surface for her to recognize. “I think I went thirty minutes without thinking about those kids.” I shrugged into her. Wrapping her arms protectively around my chest, she hugged me close.

  “You didn't do anything wrong,” Billie insisted again.

  “I'm not so sure about that. Maybe I didn't do anything wrong, but it d
idn't have to happen. I could have done things differently, and if I had, no one would have died,” I replied truthfully. “I could have made one of the neighbors look out the window. I could have forced them to stop without killing them. I could have done a lot of things. First I froze, and then I went straight for the jugular.”

  “Hindsight. It takes experience to have that kind of clarity in a fight.”

  I didn't answer. We'd been through this several times. I still questioned my actions, but I’d only switched to the topic as a decoy. I wanted to change the subject. “I'm going to start training again. The 10K is coming soon. Want to train with me tomorrow morning?” The announcement made her happy.

  She shook her head and told me what I’d already discovered. “I'll be working with Nathan. We're meeting at dawn, and I don't know when I'll be done.” Her thoughts drifted to Nathan and her suspicions. I followed her darkening mood, still invasively in her mind. She wanted to know for sure, and she wished she could ask for my help. I had what I needed and retreated.

  Twisting around so that I faced her, water splashed onto the floor from my quick movements. I didn’t care. Draped over the top of her, my arms resting behind her neck, I enjoyed the feel of her body in hot water. Her sober green eyes animated instantly. “Is he sexier than me?” I teased, lightening the mood.

  “Hell no!” She rested her hands on my hips and settled me into a more comfortable position. “What's more emphatic than 'Hell no!'?”

  Show me! I replied, taking her mouth in mine and savoring her. Have I told you yet today how much I love you? And your hands? I asked as her fingers grazed my back and ass.

  She chuckled and pulled my wet hair to one side. I couldn’t reach much of her from my position, so I tangled my fingers in her hair and enjoyed her touch. Resting my head on her shoulder, she kissed my ear and lazily stroked my body. Her mind softened into pure gentleness, something she did only with me. Even with me, the bad-ass Beta disappeared only occasionally. I liked both sides of her and cherished these moments of absolute softness.