Dancer in the Shadows

by Linda Wisdom

  "Oh, darling, you'll never guess!" She hugged him excitedly. "I have such wonderful news!"

  "So do I," he informed her. "A promotion to major and duty in Sydney, Australia. We have two weeks before I have to report."

  Valerie was stunned by his announcement. "B-but my school," she said faintly.

  "I'm sure you can find a good school over there." He brushed her words aside. "Now, what about your news?"

  "I've been chosen to dance the lead in Swan Lake for the school's next public performance," she said woodenly, tossing her carryall bag on the couch.

  "Well, I'm sure they can find someone else." Sean stood up, taking his jacket off and loosening his tie.

  "Sean, this is very important to me," she pleaded.

  "I can understand it's important, hon," he said carelessly. "But you won't be here then."

  "I—I would be if I stayed here until after my performance," she ventured carefully. "I could come out to join you afterward."

  Sean's body stiffened at her words. "And where does that leave me?" he demanded coldly.

  "It would only be for a couple of months." Her voice dropped to a whisper under his icy stare. Valerie had never seen him so angry.

  "And if they decide you're good enough to do something else?" he asked harshly, raking his fingers through his hair. "Do I end up an absentee husband that you visit when you have the time?"

  She winced at his cutting words. "Sean, I've been studying ballet since I was six years old. This could be the real test for me," she said quietly. "I need to find out if I'm really any good. I have to know."

  "That certainly shows what kind of fool I've been." Sean spat the words out angrily. He spun on his heel, stalking out of the house. A moment later she heard the car roar away.

  Valerie curled up on the couch, drawing her knees up to rest her chin on them. She didn't want to lose Sean. She loved him too much. More than her dancing, she suddenly realized. She would tell him when he returned.

  By late evening he hadn't come home. She slowly undressed and slipped between the sheets, feeling lonely in the large bed. After a time, she drifted off to sleep.

  Hours later Valerie was rudely awakened as the sheets were torn back and her body pulled upright. Her nose twitched as alcohol fumes fanned her face. In his wrath, revealed in the silvery moonlight, Sean reminded her of a pirate on a voyage to plunder the seas.

  "You belong to me and you'll do what I tell you," he grated, gripping her forearms in a bruising hold. "Don't you forget it."

  "Sean, I—" Valerie's words were cut off by his punishing kiss. He ground her lips against her teeth and she cried out in fright as her nightgown was ripped from her body.

  Sean ignored her tears as he savagely possessed her, heedless of her cries of pain. Much later, she curled up into a ball, crying softly. The side of Sean she had just witnessed frightened her. He was now sprawled on his stomach, sleeping deeply from the alcohol. As dawn approached, she crept silently out of bed, wincing from the bruises that were now apparent on her body.

  Valerie dressed hurriedly in jeans and a T-shirt, throwing clothing into a tote bag. Tears streaming down her face, she penned a note, propping it against the lamp on Sean's bedside table.

  Sean,

  I cannot live with someone who demands submission and punishes if it isn't given. Therefore, all I can do is leave you. It would be better for both of us.

  Valerie

  She left the house, walking down to the bus stop to take the first bus into the city.

  Valerie rented a small room and attended her ballet classes, half-fearing and half-hoping Sean would appear. As the weeks passed she became more despondent, until one day she fainted in class. After a doctor's examination and his announcement that she was pregnant, she packed her bags, unsure of where to go. Crossing her fingers, she called Sean at the army base, only to learn that he had left the country. Even though she was given a military address where she could contact him, her pride now refused to let him know about the baby.

  Unable to dance, Valerie attended secretarial school for as long as she was able. After bearing a son, she contacted Shelly, now living in Phoenix, and left San Francisco to make a new life for herself and her son, Michael.

  Bringing her thoughts back to the present, Valerie was unable to fall asleep until dawn. When she did awake late that morning, her eyes burned from her tears. She sat up when Shelly walked in with a cup of hot coffee.

  "You look as if you need this." She sat on the side of the bed, handing the cup to Valerie.

  "Thanks." She sipped the hot liquid gratefully.

  "Dare I ask how the party was?" Shelly glanced at the bruises on Valerie's forearms.

  "Sean was there," she said flatly.

  "What!"

  Briefly, Valerie related the previous evening's events, including the punishing kiss on the terrace.

  "How do you know that Sean was the one?" Shelly asked.

  "Because it would be a perfect way of humiliating me." Tears streamed down her face as her mind relived those horrifying moments. "To hurt me."

  Shelly turned at the sound of the phone ringing. "Sounds like Craig's ring." She grinned.

  Valerie panicked, knowing she couldn't speak to him then.

  "I don't want to talk to him," she said tersely.

  Shelly studied her friend's pale face.

  "All right," she said quietly. "If it is him, I'll tell him you're still asleep."

  "Oh, Shell, what would I do without you?"

  "You'll find out soon enough when I marry Greg," she said lightly, running into the living room. A few moments later she reentered the room with a strange expression on her face. "It's Sean. He wants to speak to you."

  "No!" she said vehemently.

  "Val, you should at least speak to him," Shelly insisted quietly.

  Valerie's unrelenting expression was her answer. Shelly sighed as she walked back to the phone. Valerie got out of bed pulling a cotton robe around her. She was brushing the tangles out of her hair when Shelly came back into the bedroom.

  "I told him you were asleep, but he didn't believe me." She shrugged her shoulders. "He said that you won't be able to hide from him forever. And you know he's right."

  "I'll go check on Michael." She chose to ignore her friend's words and left the room.

  She was surprised as Monday passed and Sean still had not tried to contact her again. Oddly, she felt disappointed at his silence and idly wondered what he was doing. Valerie sighed as she realized she had misspelled several words and would have to retype the letter. She quickly inserted a fresh piece of stationery in the typewriter and her fingers flew over the keys.

  When Valerie arrived home, Mrs. Roberts, the baby-sitter, was in the living room, knitting. After she left, Valerie shrugged off the pale blue jacket that matched her button-down skirt. A quick glance told her that Michael was still napping. She went into the kitchen for a glass of iced tea and had just filled her glass when the doorbell rang.

  "Now who?" she muttered crossly, going into the living room. She was shocked when the opened door revealed Sean's tall figure. She quickly tried to close it again, but he anticipated her move, pushing past her.

  "Why are you here?" she finally managed to choke out.

  "I knew that if I phoned you again you'd just hang up on me, so I decided to come over, instead," he said grimly. "Well, aren't you going to offer me a drink? It's hot out there."

  "We only have iced tea," she said ungraciously, willing her trembling body to be still.

  "We?" He glanced around the simply furnished living room. "I thought Craig lived across town."

  "You would think that!" Valerie lashed out angrily. "Shelly and I share the apartment."

  Sean shrugged his shoulders indifferently. "I believe you offered me iced tea?"

  Gritting her teeth, Valerie went into the kitchen. Suddenly she realized that Sean still didn't know about Michael and was thankful that none of his toys were lying around the living room as t
hey usually were. Automatically, she dropped two teaspoonfuls of sugar into the glass.

  When she came back into the living room, Sean was standing near the sliding glass door that led to a small balcony. Dressed in light tan slacks and a dark brown short-sleeved shirt, he looked just the way she remembered him. Seeing his profile, she noticed a light sprinkling of gray along the temples of his rich brown hair. His features were harder and more cynical than she remembered.

  "Here's your tea," Valerie said huskily, beginning to fall under his old spell.

  When Sean turned toward her, his eyes were cold and mocking. He appeared amused by her attempts to give him the glass without touching him. He was surprised by the change in her, from the sophisticated woman he had seen at the party to the tired young woman he saw now. His keen eyes noted the apparent strain in her face and the circles under her eyes. His first reaction was to carry her out of this place and make violent love to her, demanding the passionate response he remembered so well. Yet he also remembered the note she had left him, and his features hardened to granite.

  Valerie watched the play of emotions across his face and felt sick as he looked at her with something close to disgust in his eyes.

  "You don't mind if I sit down, do you?" Sean asked quietly, implying that he would, whether she wanted him to or not.

  "Why have you come here, Sean? To humiliate me more than you did at the dance?"

  He noticed a fleeting look of fear in her eyes. Fear of what? Him? The thought sickened him.

  "I only danced with you, Val. I didn't rape you," he drawled. "How that could humiliate you is beyond my understanding."

  "You know very well I mean the way you practically molested me in the garden!" She choked back a hysterical sob, not wanting him to see her cry. "Did you have to prove that you were so much stronger than me with those caveman tactics?"

  Sean's jaw hardened as her words were flung at him. "It seems you're accusing the wrong person," he said coldly.

  "There wasn't anyone else there who would have had any reason to do such a disgusting thing." Valerie ignored the icy lights in his eyes as she faced him, her fists clenched tensely against her sides. "Why can't you just leave me alone? Everything between us is dead."

  A flicker of something unreadable passed over his face and then disappeared. Sean's hand reached inside his shirt pocket, carelessly dangling a glittering object from his fingertips. Valerie recognized it immediately as her jade pendant.

  "I found it Saturday night at the club and recognized it as yours. I had thought you might like it back." He dropped it back into his pocket. "I guess I was wrong."

  She felt like crying, because she treasured his birthday gift more than she could let him know. There was pain in her eyes as she looked up. "How did you know where to find me?"

  "The phonebook is very handy for that kind of thing," Sean replied. "I thought we should settle a few things."

  "Meaning a divorce?" She suddenly felt bleak as she said the words.

  "If that's what you want," he said harshly. "You know very well I can't stop you. I'm sure your boyfriend will arrange everything for you. Probably give you a good deal regarding the fee, too."

  "Craig is not my boyfriend," Valerie retorted. "He's my boss, and sometimes we go out, but that's all."

  Sean's eyes traveled over her figure with studied insolence. "Even though you're skinnier than you used to be, I'm sure Craig is able to see beyond your typing and shorthand skills," he sneered.

  Unthinking, Valerie's hand shot out, intending to hurt him physically the way he was hurting her mentally. By the time it reached its target, her wrist was held by a steel vise, hurting until she cried out in pain.

  "I ought to—" His threat faded as he looked over Valerie's shoulder, staring as if he couldn't believe his eyes.

  She started to speak when a small voice startled her. "Mommy." Michael stood in the doorway of the small hallway rubbing his eyes.

  Valerie paled as Sean's dark eyes burned through her. She stepped backward, fearing his wrath. Sean stared at the small boy, who looked up with interest.

  "Hello," Michael said cheerfully.

  Sean's eyes turned back to Valerie. He swore under his breath so that Michael didn't hear him. "I could kill you for this."

  Sean spun on his heel, striding toward the door. Then he turned back toward her. "You can forget about any divorce," he said grimly.

  As he opened the door, Shelly was standing on the other side. Her smile disappeared as she saw his angry face. He walked past her without a word. Shelly took in Valerie's pale face and Michael, behind her, and everything fell into place.

  "Sean—please wait!" She slammed the door on a startled Valerie and ran after Sean.

  He stopped, his back still ramrod-straight as he turned to face her. "Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded.

  "How? Send you a telegram saying, 'Congratulations, you have a baby boy, eight pounds, nine ounces.'? As it was, if Valerie had known I kept in contact with you, she would have disappeared, baby and all."

  " 'Baby!' That was a small boy in there."

  "He's your son, Sean," she told him. "You can't deny it."

  "Really! She accuses me of practically raping her at the party, and now you act as if I'd try to deny someone I never even knew about." Sean wearily closed his eyes.

  "Was it you last night?" Shelly asked him.

  "She said it was me, so it must be true," he said bitterly. "I don't know exactly what I've done, but it must be a hummer. I'm sure that you think the same. You're her friend."

  "I don't care what she thinks. I want to hear it from you. And no matter what you say, I'm not going to repeat any of it to Val," she promised.

  Sean sighed as he looked out a large window facing a swimming pool, wearily rubbing the back of his neck. "No, it wasn't me," he said flatly. "What was I supposed to have done?"

  "I didn't think so," Shelly replied. "But it will take some heavy convincing for Val to believe it. The incident upset her a great deal." She went on to explain what had happened. Sean's face grew darker as she told the story.

  "I'm sure Craig Saunders will console her," he sneered.

  "Then I suggest you do something about it," Shelly said crisply, "before Val feels that Craig is all she has, except for Michael. I have plans Friday, and Val's teaching my seven o'clock ballet class that night. It might be a good idea for you to stop by." She turned to leave.

  "Does she care for Saunders?" Sean's quiet voice carried to her ears as she reached her door.

  "If she does, it's awfully strange that she cries out for you in her sleep," Shelly said instantly. "Figure it out for yourself."

  When Shelly reentered the apartment, Valerie was seated tensely on the couch obviously waiting for her return.

  "Why did you go after him?" she demanded, her green eyes blazing with anger.

  "I wanted to find out something for myself." She walked into the bedroom with Valerie at her heels.

  "He saw Michael. He must realize that he's his son!" Valerie sounded hysterical. "He's going to want to take him away from me!"

  "Did he tell you that?" Shelly asked her calmly.

  "He was too shocked when he saw Michael. I thought he was still asleep when Sean came. I just know he'll try something to get even," she said bleakly. "I know he must hate me."

  "Did you happen to notice that Sean is still wearing his wedding band?" Shelly asked. "Don't you think that's a little strange for a man who seemingly doesn't care?"

  "It would protect him from a girl wanting to get too serious," Valerie mumbled, flushing.

  Shaking her head at her friend's bitterness, Shelly walked toward the bathroom. "I'm going to take a shower."

  Valerie walked back into the living room, looking around at the gold tweed couch and gold velvet chairs she and Shelly had bought at a furniture warehouse sale. Houseplants in colorful macrame hangers were scattered around the room. Sighing, she walked into the smaller bedroom, where Michael was back in bed lookin
g at a comic book. He flashed her a sunny smile. "Who was the man, Mommy?" he asked curiously.

  "An old friend, darling." She smiled faintly, sitting on the edge of the bed.

  "Does he have a little boy, too?" Michael asked innocently.

  Valerie's eyes filled with tears as she reached forward, hugging the small boy tightly.

  "Yes, oh, yes, he does," she whispered tautly, resting her chin on his golden-brown hair.

  Valerie was surprised by Sean's silence over the next four days. Craig was irritated by her absentmindedness, and every time the phone rang she jumped, afraid it was Sean.

  "Valerie, I don't know what the problem is, but this letter is totally unacceptable." He threw the paper on her desk. "If it's possible, I would like to get this out today."

  She muttered angrily under her breath as she inserted a fresh sheet of stationery into the typewriter and began typing rapidly.

  Friday night, Valerie refused Craig's dinner invitation, explaining that she was teaching one of Shelly's ballet classes that evening. She rushed home to pick up Michael and to change into leotards and tights.

  While Michael sat in a corner of the large room, happy with a coloring book and crayons, Valerie was busy teaching the fundamental steps to six women. Concentrating on the complex steps, she soon resumed her former grace.

  After the class ended, Valerie glanced over to her sleeping son. Arching her back, she walked over to the stack of records next to the record player, sifting through the albums. She lifted one out, studying the label before placing it on the turntable. After setting the needle on the record, she walked back to the center of the room, her profile reflected in the mirrors along the wall. Her eyes closed as her feet automatically placed themselves in the fifth position, heel against the toes of the opposite foot. The soft strains of a valse from The Sleeping Beauty drifted through the air.

  Valerie was transported back in time to the day she had auditioned for admittance to the academy. The steps came back to her as if she were still practicing daily. She had danced with all her heart only to walk outside that day and lose it to the dark enigmatic man waiting for her, a man whose touch stirred newly awakened senses to such a fevered pitch that she could only be aware of his hard, lean body against her. As the music ended, she was startled out of her dream world by the sound of hands clapping slowly and steadily, the sound a mockery.