Wanted

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  He took things into his own hands and merely pushed the chair forward, then walked around her easily. “This is much better, now.”

  As everyone around her chuckled, Katie did her best to not let everyone see how drawn to Jonathan she was.

  When she’d first arrived, he’d seemed terribly aware of her, yet emotionally distant. But things had changed during the last two weeks. Little by little, he’d unbent enough for Katie to see glimpses of the warm person underneath the distant manner. This playful attitude drew her to him even more than his handsome looks.

  Blissfully unaware of her feelings, Jonathan walked passed her and joked some more. “If I would’ve known a simple church service was going to wear you out, I would’ve asked for more help.”

  “I did just fine.”

  The laughter in the room rose again. “He has you there, Katie,” her mother said, her voice merry. “If you complain much more, we’ll all think preparing for services was too big a job for you. You might have to get up, after all.”

  “Jah. Otherwise, you will be covered in footprints.” With a wink toward Anna, Daed said, “And you would dirty your new dress.”

  Katie sat up and smiled at her father. “Well, I certainly don’t want that to happen.” With only a bit of a wince, she stood up and faced her family. “I can’t believe how worried I was about today. Mamm, even though I helped you prepare the house for church many a time, I never fully understood why you would get so short-tempered with us just hours before everyone was due to arrive. Now I know.”

  “I was never short-tempered.”

  Henry folded his arms across his chest. “No, Daed always spent most of his time in the barn during preparations for no reason at all.”

  “Well, maybe I was a bit cross.”

  “Only a bit, Irene,” Katie’s father said with a smile.

  Jonathan perked up. “I think Katie did a fine job. We had a lot of people here, and everyone enjoyed both the worship and the luncheon. Our house looked neat and shiny clean, as well. You did all of us proud, Katie.”

  Katie beamed at the praise. Though she felt as if she could sleep for a week, she also was terribly pleased with how well everything turned out. Of course, none of it could have gone so well if not for the many hands that worked together. Over the last three days, the Lundy home had been full of women helping to clean the kitchen, prepare the meal, and help tend to the walkway. Cabinets shone and the oak floor gleamed.

  “Danke, Jonathan, but we know it took many people to make today a success.” Looking around the room, she added, “I know I would have burst into tears yesterday if not for knowing that all of you were working by my side.”

  “Hosting one hundred fifty people is a lot, no matter how prepared you are. I, for one, am glad that we will not be hosting next,” her mother said.

  “Me, too. I was so nervous about making sure everything was perfect that I thought I was going to get sick,” blurted Anna. Then, as she realized how she sounded, she looked around the room. “I hope that’s okay to admit?”

  “Only among family and friends,” Eli teased. He rocked back on his heels. “And speaking of family, I think I’d best get going. I promised my nephews I’d play basketball with them later.”

  As he walked to the door, Eli scanned the group of them again. “It’s just a shame that Winnie wasn’t here, you know? It didn’t feel the same.”

  As the door shut behind his friend, Jonathan nodded, his features far more reflective. “I have to admit to feelin’ the same way. I want Winnie to be happy, but it is difficult to imagine her not being here in the future. I hate the thought of her always living in Indiana.”

  “If it’s any consolation, I can tell you that I’ve found that worrying and second-guessing makes no difference,” Katie said softly. “People will do what they will. All we can do is hope their decisions are good and that they made their choices with both their head and heart.”

  “That is good thinkin’. I’ll pray that Winnie is thinking that way.”

  As was the norm, the adults took time to relax and enjoy each other’s company while the kinner bundled up, played outside, then ran into the kitchen and asked for snacks. As the hours grew late, toddlers found places to nap in back bedrooms and older members found themselves nodding off.

  As the sun set, families hitched up their buggies and began to leave. More friends waved good-bye, promising to stop by later in the week to help load pews into the wagon.

  At last only Katie’s family remained. Happy for Anna’s and her mother’s company, she used the opportunity to show off the progress Mary and Hannah were making with the quilt. Attentively, she listened as her mother offered additional suggestions for more simple projects.

  However, no matter who was at the house, Katie was constantly aware of Jonathan. His soft, distinctive voice echoed to her whenever he spoke. Every so often, she’d find her eyes straying to him, noticing how handsome he looked in his cornflower blue shirt. She smiled when he laughed with the other men in front of the fire.

  She couldn’t help but notice that Jonathan also seemed to be looking her way more than once or twice. He’d hurried to help her when she’d carried a load of quilts to spread out for the children. He clasped her elbow when she almost stumbled on a step.

  Most of all, he seemed to be enjoying himself. That had to mean things were getting better between them. Perhaps they’d set the groundwork for a future together.

  Perhaps her dreams of sharing a life with him weren’t so far-fetched, after all?

  “I can’t help but feel sorry for Winnie,” Jonathan said to Katie two days later as he folded up his sister’s latest letter. He’d brought it inside with him when he came home from work, but had waited until after their dinner of pork roast and stuffing to read it.

  Katie and he were now enjoying carrot cake and coffee and discussing the letter. “Though I tried to warn Winnie about the dangers of getting her hopes up, I feel bad that things aren’t turning out like she’d hoped.”

  Katie felt the same way, as well as a little bit dismayed. The practical part of her had always assumed Winnie would be returning with wedding plans. After all, such a forthcoming agreement must had been understood between Winnie and her Malcolm, otherwise, why would Winnie have been so all fired up to go?

  Now, though, Katie realized that she’d been just as swept away in Winnie’s flights of fancy. “Perhaps she needs to be a bit more patient. It takes time to plan a future. Winnie must know that.”

  “She might. This Malcolm may not be so sure.” He speared another chunk of cake. “And if he’s not sure about Winnie, then it is best she finds out now. He’d have to go a fair distance to be good enough for my sister.” Warming up to the subject, he added, “Winnie’s got a lot to offer, don’t you think?”

  “Indeed,” she said, smiling as Jonathan scooped up another bite of cake. Oh that man did enjoy his sweets!

  “I think she’s mighty pretty. Don’t you think so?”

  “I do.” Winnie was tall and slim and willowy. She handled herself well, too, walking proudly, never timidly among their people. Katie had a feeling that if Winnie were dressed like an Englischer, she’d catch the attention of quite a few people.

  “Jah? That’s it?”

  “I don’t know what else to say. Yes, she’s pretty.” Sometimes Jonathan’s manner was so like Henry’s that they could be twins. Henry, too, had always been protective of her and her feelings. Feeling sorry for him, she finally added, “Brothers always feel protective of their sisters though. I’m not sure if you would see her flaws, if she had any.”

  After scraping the last of the plate for a smidgen of frosting, he chuckled. “Your words are fair.” Pushing back his chair, he stood up. “Well, anyway, perhaps it is just as well, then. He doesn’t seem to understand how much she would be giving up to be his wife. And, if he’s not aware of that, then he surely doesn’t sound like the man for her.”

  “Who knows who that will be?”


  “Well, not someone like Malcolm sounds to be. We’ve now received ten letters from Winnie. She doesn’t mention Malcolm doing much other than working at the hardware store.”

  Katie found she had to agree. “I’m sure Winnie is wondering why he invited her out to see him, if he isn’t making any time for her. When I wrote to her last week, I encouraged her to hint to him that she’d enjoy going for walks or visiting the shops around his home.”

  Tapping on the latest letter, Jonathan frowned. “If he’s done any of that, we haven’t heard about it. Yes, this Malcolm is definitely not the right man for Winnie. I do not think they would make a good match of it. Poor Winnie. I wonder what she’ll do now. Maybe she should just hurry home.”

  Though Jonathan seemed to be talking to himself, not her, Katie wondered the same thing. Winnie wasn’t afraid to speak her mind, even to the men and elders of their order.

  And though she was loyal to a fault and a hard worker, Katie had always sensed a slight dissatisfaction in her, as if she wasn’t quite sure what she was unhappy about, but it was there all the same. Though no one in their circle of friends had ever openly commented on it, Katie had spied knowing looks between other girls when Winnie blurted out something that was slightly too brash.

  She didn’t look much like the rest of them, either. Her hair was a dark, dark brown. Almost black. The opposite of Jonathan and his light, almost golden head of hair. Her light blue eyes warred for attention with her dimples. More than one man had commented on them.

  But underneath her striking looks and strong personality was a warm heart just begging to be loved and nurtured.

  Katie was sure that with the right love and affection, some of Winnie’s armor would melt away, leaving just a gentle heart and sweet nature for all to see.

  Eli had been right when he’d stated that it had been strange not to have Winnie around. She added a lot to every conversation and her fun laugh was infectious.

  But by the sound of Winnie’s letters, Malcolm didn’t see any of that. Or if he did, he wasn’t sharing his thoughts with Winnie.

  Tracing one calloused finger along the crease in the letter, Jonathan frowned. “Katie, I feel mighty responsible for her plight. I should have known better than to let her go off to Indiana like she did.”

  “You had no choice.” Giving into impulse, Katie reached out and patted his arm. “Malcolm couldn’t come here, not with his father doing poorly and the hardware store his sole responsibility. You had to let her meet him. She is old enough, too. Old enough to know her own mind.”

  “Jah, but perhaps I should have asked her not to stay for so long.”

  “Everyone thought his family sounded amiable and kind. We all assumed she’d be happy.”

  “But I could’ve said no.”

  “If you’d done that, there would have been trouble, too. After all, she’s your sister, not your daughter.”

  “It is still my duty to protect her.”

  “But isn’t it also your duty to be there for her even during difficult times?”

  “But this was of her own making. Now she’s hurting. I could have prevented this.”

  “I disagree. She did not bring this disappointment on herself, it was just how things worked out.”

  He pushed his dessert plate to one side. “But I should have known.”

  “How could you?” Because she felt she had some knowledge on the subject, Katie said, “Winnie had to take a risk in order to be happy. She had to do something for herself, just to see if she could. She had no choice, don’t you see?”

  “Not at all. There’s plenty of men here for her.”

  “Then why hasn’t one taken her fancy?”

  Jonathan shook his head. Katie knew even if he did have some ideas, he would never say anything. His loyalty to his sister would never permit that. More softly, Katie said, “Jonathan, Winnie has only done what she intended. She wanted to get to know Malcolm and his family better. She’s gotten to do that.”

  “But it hasn’t worked out well.”

  “Jonathan, you’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that Winnie wants to have her own life—not just help you with yours.”

  Like the flip of a page, his expression shuttered. “You make it sound as if I’ve made her stay here. That is untrue.”

  He might never have said the words, but Katie knew the Lundy family well enough to know that it had been expected. She would have expected as much out of her family. But she could also see that she’d just inadvertently hurt his feelings. “I’m sorry I spoke out of turn.”

  But if Jonathan heard, he didn’t give notice. “Winnie has never said I asked too much of her.”

  His sharp tone made her retreat further. “Yes, I…”

  “You have no idea what it has been like,” he added quickly. “Losing Sarah. Trying to raise two girls. Realizing that my days of farming are over, at least for a while. Learning a new trade at the lumberyard.”

  She felt terrible. “You’re right. Sometimes I talk without thinking.”

  He stood up. “I’d say you do that a fair amount. I mean, you really have no idea about what it is like, to have to worry about other people, do you?”

  “That’s hardly fair, Jonathan. I may not have children, but I am part of a family. I worry about them.”

  “It is not the same.”

  “All right.” She felt his hostility like it was a tangible thing, especially since it brought forth all those guilty feelings about Brandon that she’d done her best to keep hidden. Maybe Jonathan was right. This was Jonathan. The man she’d secretly yearned for ever since she saw him standing alone during church.

  This was the man she’d fought her parents to see, the man she was finally getting to see on a regular basis.

  But no longer was she willing to simply just have him. No, she wanted him on an equal basis. She wanted him to desire her in his life not because she so obviously wanted to be there, or because his girls were taken care of, but because of who she was. Inside.

  “I wasna trying to make you upset. I was only speaking my mind. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  “You speak it mighty freely in my home.”

  Now her ire was up. “When you arrived at my home, hat in hand, you neglected to tell my parents that in addition to care for your daughters, you also desired someone to always agree with you.”

  “You are deliberately twisting my words.”

  “Then that makes two of us.” Katie stood up. “I’m going to go be with Mary and Hannah.”

  “I’m going to the daadi haus,” he said, turning away.

  To his back, she muttered, “I didn’t doubt you would, Jonathan. Why don’t you go on and be by yourself? Again.”

  His footsteps slowed. “Perhaps I should arrange to have Winnie return early.”

  Oh, he was so obstinate, once again trying to think for everyone! “If that is what you want.”

  Without another word, he stormed off. With a scrape of her chair, she left the kitchen, too.

  But the greeting of resentful silence in the living room told Katie no comfort was going to be found there, either.

  Hannah greeted her with wide eyes. “What did you say to Daed?”

  “Just something that was needed….”

  “You made him mad.”

  “I know. He made me mad, too.”

  Just then, Mary appeared from around the corner, a scowl on her face. “Katie, you said you were gonna make things better here.”

  Katie had wanted to. She’d wanted to befriend the girls and build a relationship with Jonathan. However, every time they took a step forward, two steps back seemed to follow soon after. “I can only be myself, Mary. Your father is a capable man. He doesn’t need a woman like me to fix things; he only wanted me to be here for a spell.”

  “Maybe you should have listened to him.”

  Katie sighed. As always, she should have done a lot of things. But that didn’t excuse his rudeness. And truly, she wasn’t about
to change her words. She’d meant what she said, and that was the truth. “I’m trying to listen to him. But sometimes, he has to listen to me as well. I can’t always keep my opinions to myself. That’s not who I am. If you learn nothing else from me, please try and remember that. At the end of the day, we can only find solace in our hearts.” Thinking of her running-around time, she slowly added, “Pretending to be something we are not is a thankless task.”

  Mary folded her arms over her chest for a good long moment. “I brought out the fabric,” she finally said.

  “Ach, good. Perhaps we can pin a few pieces together. Soon, I’ll take you to the inn and show you how to work my sewing machine. What do you think about that?”

  Their tentative smiles were all she needed to wave them closer.

  Chapter 12

  “Hello, Mr. McClusky,” Katie said when she and the girls entered the general store a week later. “How are you today?”

  The proprietor laid his elbows on the counter. “Not as well as you, Miss Lundy. I see you have some great helpers with you today.”

  “I do at that,” Katie agreed, looking fondly at the girls, who’d just stood up a little straighter. “Mary and Hannah are wunderbaar schee—wonderful nice helpers.”

  “We’ve got some peppermint sticks in for the holidays. Would you two girls like some?”

  After hesitantly looking toward Katie, they nodded, then trotted after Sam McClusky. As she watched them walk together, Katie felt an unexpected burst of motherly pride. After witnessing her argument with Jonathan, things were getting better between her and the girls. They’d come to an understanding that she could only be who she was. And, once they realized she didn’t intend to replace either their mother or their aunt, they embraced her wholeheartedly.

  Their companionship more than made up for all the tension between her and Jonathan.

  She was now far less homesick for Anna and the bustling schedule at the inn. Instead, she’d begun to feel pleasure in the many tasks of keeping a good home. Jonathan’s home began to feel like her own. Just as important, as she’d gotten braver, she’d uncovered a lot of things about his home that she liked very much.