Lessons Learned

by Amy Lynn Steele

  “I need some air,” he gasped, making a beeline to the front door.

  Allison shot me a frantic glance, her eyes pleading with mine. I was already on my feet and after him. As the door shut behind me I could hear the quiet crying of Christina and the soothing sounds of Ali comforting her. With a short jog I was caught up to Sean, his face pale. I kept pace with him for a couple blocks. Suddenly, he spun and took a few steps toward me and looked at me straight in the eyes.

  “You knew and didn’t say anything,” he accused, his finger pointing in my face.

  I put my hands up in a surrendering position. “Only since this morning,” I explained calmly. “She showed up on our doorstep really out of it.”

  I didn’t know if he was upset enough to punch me, but just in case I took a step back. Robert Starr, my now father-in-law, had decked me when he found out about Ali and I. I really didn’t want to relive that moment tonight. But Sean didn’t punch me. Instead I watched all the fight and anger drain from him. He sunk to his knees and covered his face with his hands. I matched his position and pulled my closest friend into me. When the shock was over, he simply sat on the curb, elbows on his knees and his face still in his hands.

  He hadn’t said anything for a long time when he finally spoke. “I won’t be like my dad.”

  His voice was low and revealed decades of hurt and disappointment. Sean’s dad bounced in and out of his life whenever it suited him. For Sean’s father, his son was simply a byproduct of a fling. Sean had grown up feeling like a mistake. Although he often floated from woman to woman like his father, Sean knew if he ever had a child, he would be there for it.

  I remember once when Sean’s dad showed up out of the blue and announced that he was going to have another child. We were about four or five at the time and neither of us really understood what he meant. Sean assumed his mom was going to have a baby with his dad and that he would finally have a sibling. His dad to explain that he was expecting the baby with a new woman he described as “a very nice pretty girl. He promised Sean that maybe he would meet her one day. He never did.

  “I’m going to be there for Christina and…,” he paused, taking a deep breath. “And, for our baby.”

  I rested my hand on his shoulder. “You are not your dad,” I assured him.

  Disgust and sadness crossed his usually happy face. “I kind of am already,” he said dejectedly. “She told me and I walked out.”

  “You were in shock,” I assured him.

  A hard laugh escaped his lips. “So I guess no Cami from Jumping Beans.” He pushed to his feet and I followed suit.

  I shrugged. “I guess not.” Things, big things, are changing for my friend. I know him better than probably anyone. This realization gives me hope and worries me.

  Tears brimmed his light brown lashes and an authentic smile pulled up his lips. “I’m going to be a dad,” his voice filled with something close to reverence.

  “Yeah,” I slung my arm around his shoulder. “A good one too.” I said this with complete conviction.

  We slowly made our way back to the condo, Sean’s nervousness crackling in the air around us. I opened the door to take the metaphoric bullet for my friend. Knowing Christina there might possibly be a non-metaphoric bullet too. The girls were still sitting at the kitchen table when we both got back inside. Ali leaned into her friend and whispered something. Christina nodded and Allison stood up coming towards me.

  “Let’s let them talk,” she said quietly to me. I took her hand in mine and was suddenly overwhelmed with how much I love and appreciate my wife. I pressed a grateful kiss into her hair and pulled her closely to my side. Her eyes smiled up into mine and I knew that I was the luckiest man alive as long as I held her in my arms.

  We made our way to the stairs and Sean crossed the living room to the kitchen. As he approached, Christina stood and put her hands on her hips. What happened next froze my feet to the floor. When Sean reached her he gently cradled her face in his hands and she instantly dropped her hands to her sides in disbelief. Their eyes locked before he pressed a chaste and tender kiss to her forehead, letting his lips rest on her skin for a moment. He closed his eyes then dropped to his knees, his face just inches from her abdomen. Christina’s hands flew to her mouth, muffling the sound that tried to escape from her throat. Sean put a hand lightly on either side of her stomach, and then very slowly he pressed a kiss to her belly.

  “I’m never leaving you again, his voice was low and husky with enormous volumes of emotion. “Either of you,” he said looking up into Christina’s watery green eyes.

  I could hear Ali sniff her nose and rub at her eyes at what we just witnessed, crystal tears gracefully sliding down her porcelain cheeks and I reached to remove the ones she missed. I could tell that Christina wanted to say something to Sean, perhaps something hurtful to return the pain he had inflicted on her., But, instead she remained silent and simply held the sides of his face, staring at him for a long moment. Then she took her hands and placed them on top of his. Sean smiled and she smiled in return. He stood up, took her in his arms, and pulled her mouth to his and accepted his kiss willingly.

  “Well,” Ali whispered in my ear. “That was pretty damn romantic considering I thought he was halfway to Mexico.”

  I pulled my wife tightly to my chest. “Not Sean,” I told her. “He could never do to his child what his father did to him.”

  Ali leaned back to looks at me seriously for a moment. “Someday Coop, you are going to be the very best daddy.”

  With all this going on I never took the time to consider how I would feel as if I ever found out I was going to be a father. I swallowed hard and was thankful Ali was watching our friends. Sure, we talked about having kids. But fictitious children are completely different than the real thing. An ominous feeling started to bloom in the back of my mind. Me, a dad. Would I ever know that feeling?

  Chapter Seven

  Allison

  Christina spent the weekend with us. Well, she was actually glued to Sean, but near us. It was such a relief to see them together and happy. Especially since a lot of different things could have happened and none of them were good. After Sean fled the scene on Friday, Christina lost it. I’ve never seen her get so down, so quick. She assumed the worst when the door closed behind him and guessed he would never come back. I let her talk and cry wondering how Cooper would feel if I invited her to move in with us. Thankfully, we never had to get to that point.

  “This is really it this time,” she told me later that night. I smiled and hugged my friend, hoping she was right. Sean was a great guy, but didn’t seem ready to settle down yet. They have been so off and on that I assumed someday they’d be together again. I just didn’t dare to guess for how long. I imagine having a child together really changes things, especially their future together.

  “Your support system is here,” Sean later argued, making a good point. He was trying to talk her into moving to San Diego and she was trying to persuade him that San Francisco was better.

  “You’ve already graduated,” Christina said slapping her hand on the kitchen table. “You can run your web business from anywhere, why not San Francisco? And I really like my classes this semester and want to go to school as long as possible,” she said almost yelling. “I’m there with your fetus. Case closed.”

  “She’s right,” I said in support of my friend as I moved to stand behind her.

  Sean was shaking his head. “I have clients here and a house, a great house that is within walking distance of the beach. It would be the perfect place to raise our little one.” Score one for Sean.

  Christina was rolling her eyes. She knew he had a point, but wasn’t going to stop until she won or at least put up one hell of a fight. I left the two reunited love birds at the kitchen table in search of my husband. I found him sprawled across our bed, reading. He glanced over the pages as I walked in and closed his book.

  “Did they leave yet?” He asked hopefully.

  I sho
ok my head as I sat on the bed, scooching until I was cuddled next to him. “No, they are still fighting about where to live.”

  Cooper laughed and it did interesting things to my insides. “I can only imagine what the next seven months are going to be like.”

  “Let’s not think about that right now.” I rolled over and pressed a kiss into his neck, inhaling his skin. Salt water and sun still lingered, the scent of Cooper, and it made me move closer.

  I could hear the thump of his book hitting the floor next to our bed as he pulled my face to his. The kiss started slowly, but built quickly because it was fueled by passion, desire and need. I could feel the basic want creeping over the edge of his control and tried to encourage him to take the plunge. I rolled myself on top of Cooper’s outstretched body pressing myself firmly into him. A groan scraped up from his throat as he deepened the kiss. My nails raked over his scalp, winding my fingers into his hair. We broke apart long enough to take off Cooper’s shirt and I immediately started kissing the freshly exposed skin.

  “So hey, I’m going to…oh!” Christina’s voice penetrated into our lusty fog, causing us to break apart in shock. “Oh my gosh! I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she said as she closed the door so quickly the walls shook.

  Cooper blew out a long breath and let his head fall back to the pillow, scrubbing his hands over his reddened face. My heart had been beating fast before she barged in, but now it raced while I tried to catch my breath. I quickly realized that my arms crossed my body, covering myself as if I’d been naked. Although I was fully clothed, I sure felt exposed. I turned to look at Coop, his shirt still off and his hands now behind his head. He smiled almost shyly at me. Slowly he reached to run a finger over my blushing cheeks.

  “That was unfortunate,” his voice was low and still seductive. “I love it when you blush.” He smiled sitting up and fluidly pulling his shirt over his head.

  “Well, I’m going to go kick them out now,” I joked. While my tone conversational, my mood was anything but.

  Cooper stood and pulled me to his chest, kissing me quick and passionately. “Yeah, let’s go get them out of here.”

  The descent downstairs would’ve been awkward if I wasn’t ready to send my knocked-up best friend on her merry way. I know we are close, but come on! Knock on a newlywed’s door! Christina and Sean were sitting on the couch speaking softly to each other. When they saw us, Christina jumped to her feet putting her hands up in a surrender position. I noticed her packed bags at her feet before she started talking.

  “I’m so sorry. I just wasn’t thinking you guys. I guess pregnancy brain is a real thing,” She babbled. Her cheeks turning a slight pink. “I’m heading home,” she glanced at Sean, “For now. He’s going to drive me and fly back so I don’t have to go alone. So, we’ll be out of your hair for awhile.”

  For some reason this made me burst into tears and fling my arms around Christina, not wanting her to leave my sight. Something about her mentioning the pregnancy hit me. I’m going to be an aunt! She didn’t need any prompting to burst into tears of her own, God bless those pregnancy hormones. We stood embracing as both Coop and Sean watched us sob having no idea what caused it or what to do.

  “Call me if you need anything, no matter what time it is,” I cried.

  Christina sniffled a few times before managing an “all right.”

  Cooper’s hands gently disengaged me from my friend’s iron embrace, as Sean did the same for Christina. Sean kept an arm around Christina, probably to restrain her from running back to me as it seemed Coop was doing for me, and he picked up her bag and was out the door in a flash. The door shut and for the first time in days it was utterly quiet. My tears subsided as Coop ran his hands gently up and down my spine. I leaned away from him and smiled.

  “I love you,” his voice low as he leaned down to kiss my forehead.

  I pressed myself to my toes and kissed the sensitive skin below his ear. “We’re alone,” I whispered and kissed his neck.

  Cooper’s mouth attacked mine like a predator to its prey. Clumsily, we tore at each other’s clothes until my bra was the only thing left to remove. Cooper’s hands and mouth slowed their pace so he could take his time removing this last article of clothing, keeping me from standing before him completely naked. His fingers brushed lightly over my arms, shoulders and chest causing chills to follow in their wake. His summer sky blue eyes locked with mine as he slowly opened the clasp at the front of my bra.

  The straps slid from my shoulders as his hands replaced the cups. I couldn’t help my eyes from closing or my back from arching into him. My hips pressed into his naked flesh and I could feel his desire for me. Cooper’s hands left my breasts and he grabbed me by the waist, picking me up easily as he lay me on the sofa. His eyes were a shade darker as he hovered over me. I couldn’t help myself from touching his bare torso, and he shivered under my fingers. Gently he united us and my world only consisted of him. Cooper. Nothing else mattered. Only him. Only us.

  Slowly he started to move, but it wasn’t enough for me. I wrapped my legs around his hips and urged him. I could see the strain in his face trying not to lose control. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine. I wasn’t as gentle with him as he was with me, my teeth grazing his lips. Cooper released a strained groan and I felt his control slip. He moved faster and faster as I could feel my own release build. My heels pressed harder into his hips as I let go of the desire that I was holding onto. For a few seconds I felt like I was completely weightless. With one last groan Cooper followed and collapsed onto me.

  We shifted so we could both be comfortable. My fingers played absent-mindlessly with his soft hair as our breathing returned to normal. We didn’t say anything, there wasn’t any need to. After a while Cooper sat, his brown hair sticking out in all directions. He looked as happy as I felt. He tenderly cupped my face and smiled.

  “I love you so much Allison Perez. You make every day the very best I’ve ever had.” He kissed me very softly. “Thank you for choosing to spend forever with me.”

  I looked at the man in front of me, my husband, and I knew that I was the luckiest woman in the world.

  Chapter Eight

  Cooper

  Three months have come and gone since Sean found out he was going to be a dad. He has been taking it in stride. We were at his place trying to set up the Christmas tree he bought to surprise Christina before returned to San Diego for winter break. Ali was in his kitchen preparing a big welcome home dinner with all the food Christina had been craving. It was going to be an eclectic dinner, to say the least. Last week we prepped one of the rooms in his house to turn into a nursery, also a surprise for Christina.

  “Did you have to get the biggest tree on the lot?” I asked as we adjusted the beast of a tree for what felt like the hundredth time.

  “Yes,” Sean answered simply. I shrugged not surprised in the least. Sean liked the best of the best and he wanted this to be especially nice since he hadn’t seen Christina for a few weeks, end of term finals had kept her intensely busy.

  Allison entered the living room carrying a large tray of cookies. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair pulled into a wild bun and a smear of flour on her forehead. She had never looked sexier. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. She had looked pretty amazing in the lavender corset she wore last night. Sean stepped in to take a cookie and Ali smacked his hand away without looking up.

  “Not for you Sean,” she said without missing a beat. “Christina will be here soon…”

  “Christina is here now,” a voice interrupted from the door.

  We all spun around and were shocked to find Christina standing at the door surrounded by suitcases and bags. Her blonde hair was pulled into a high ponytail and a snug red sweater covered her growing belly. She was almost five months pregnant now and obviously showing. Sean flew across the room, taking Christina in his arms and kissing her thoroughly before kneeling to kiss her belly. Allison stood a few feet behind Sean waiting for
her turn with her best friend.

  “You look beautiful,” she told her friend before they embraced. They murmured quietly to each other for a minute before letting go.

  “Do I smell peanut butter cookies?” She asked

  “Of course,” Ali answered with a huge smile. “All for you.”

  “I’m going to eat them all after I go pee for the millionth time today.” Christina turned down the hallway as Sean pulled all of her bags and suitcases inside.

  Ali kissed me on the cheek and smiled. She smelled like her normal Ali self, coconut. However, today the coconut was mixed with the delicious smell of fresh baked cookies. It kicked my desire up a notch or two. A timer went off in the kitchen and she disappeared back into her fortress of cooking to tend to it. Tomorrow Robert was coming down to stay with us until Christmas, and my mom would be joining us for the holiday.

  “She brought enough stuff with her,” Sean complained.

  “Let me help you,” I laughed at my friend. We gathered all of Christina’s belongings and took them to Sean’s bedroom. Christina was laying on the huge king size bed fast asleep. We put the bags down in stealth mode and closed the door.

  “Where is Christina?” Allison asked worry covering her face as we entered the kitchen.

  “She zonked out,” Sean said popping an olive in his mouth.

  Ali smiled. “I bet she’s beat, poor girl.”

  Ali spoke or texted with Christina everyday, discussing each and every detail of what her friend was going through. It hurt me to see Ali trying to live vicariously through Christina’s pregnancy in case she never got to experience it herself.

  “Do we have to wait to eat? Because I am starving.” Sean said as he looked at all the food Ali had prepared over the course of the day. She bit her lip wondering what we should do.

  “No, I guess we can eat. You never know how long she’ll be out.”

  We filled our plates and took them to the table. Sean opened a bottle of wine, a 2008 pinot noir, and filled our glasses.