Lessons Learned

by Amy Lynn Steele

  “To health, happiness and a winter filled with sex,” Sean said as he raised his glass.

  “I’ll drink to that,” I said and clinked my glass to his.

  “Me too,” Ali said her cheeks turning a light shade of pink.

  We ate and drank and then ate some more. Ali had made enough food for ten people and it was a wide selection at that. Everything from roasted chicken to pad Thai, spaghetti and meatballs to Thanksgiving stuffing. Nothing went together, yet everything worked. We all ate until we couldn’t possibly eat another bite and we hardly made a dent. Sean topped off our glasses and I leaned back in my chair.

  “Well done baby,” I said to my wife. “I don’t think I’ll ever eat again.”

  “I will have this all finished by the end of the weekend Book Girl,” Sean bragged as he patted his slightly extended stomach.

  “Hey guys.” Christina padded into the kitchen wearing sweats and one of Sean’s shirts, rubbing one of her eyes. “I didn’t realize I was that tired. I only meant to lie down for just a minute, but then boom, I was out.” She picked up a plate and started to fill it with gusto.

  “Do you want some apple juice?” Ali asked already standing up to get her friend whatever she might need.

  Christina smiled. “Yes please.” Ali came back with a wine glass filled with juice and set it down in front of her.

  “To releasing some tension,” Christina raised her glass and winked at Sean.

  “Yup,” I said. “You two are perfect for each other.” I looked at Ali and smiled.

  Sean tapped his glass to hers. “Yes we are.” He winked back.

  “Ali this food is so good,” Christina said with a mouth full of who knows what. She took a big drink of apple juice and kept on eating. The rest of us just sat there watching her in amazement. She had always been a dainty eater, but now she was diving in like she never had any intention of stopping.

  “It looks like you packed your entire apartment and brought it down with you,” Sean said casually as he took a sip of wine.

  Christina cocked a golden eyebrow at him and set her fork down. “Well, that’s because I did.” She sounded confused and a little accusatory. Sean sat up and leaned in closer to her, his face completely serious as he took her hand in his. I glanced at Ali and could see her posture mirrored his. Christina looked around the table, her brows now coming together.

  “Does that mean…” Sean’s voice trailed off leaving his statement to sound like a question.

  “Sean we talked about this,” Christina snipped at him. Her voice bordered on frustration and tears.

  “I know we did, but you never gave me an answer.” Hope blossomed in his hazel eyes.

  She sighed. “Yes I did.”

  “So does that mean you’re staying?”

  Christina again looked around the table. “Yeah, if that’s what you still want.”

  Sean jumped from his chair and scooped her up. “Of course that’s what I want, you crazy hormonal girl.”

  “Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Ali demanded.

  “I thought I had,” Christina said from around Sean’s shoulder. “My brain just isn’t working the same anymore.” She looked back and forth between all of us. “I could’ve sworn I had told you both last week.”

  Sean reluctantly let Ali have her turn hugging the stuffing out of Christina. It was the season for celebration and in Sean’s case, miracles. I knew he wouldn’t live away from Christina and the baby; he had even looked at houses in San Francisco in anticipation that it might come to that. Christina had been standing her ground about not leaving, but something must have changed her mind. I studied Allison’s face as she watched Sean and Christina together. My wife, the miracle worker. I knew somehow she was involved with this.

  “Merry Christmas,” Alison whispered in my ear too early, several mornings later. I rolled to face her in our dark room, not needing lights to know she was smiling.

  “Merry Christmas,” I said back, unable to hide my own enthusiasm over the holiday.

  She clicked on her bedside lamp which spilled soft light into our room. Ali looked adorable in her plaid Christmas pajamas, hair a mess and a huge smile crossing her face. Our schedules had been hectic, to say the least, wrapping up this semester before winter break. I had been at my office on campus late every night and she had to be up by dawn every morning. We hadn’t spent much time together and it had been wearing me thin. I needed this woman like I needed air in my lungs.

  She reached and picked up something from her nightstand, two gifts wrapped in red and green paper. She blushed as she handed them to me. When it came to gifts, especially at Christmas, I couldn’t seem to help myself. I ripped into the paper with the enthusiasm of a child. Small bits of red and green paper were being shredded like confetti and now dotted our sheets. Ali laughed as she watched me. I stared at the first gift and my heart grew warm.

  “I thought it’d go nice on your desk and then you could see me whenever you wanted,” her cheeks and chest flamed. It was a framed picture of Ali from our honeymoon, a snapshot I’d taken on the beach where we had been sunbathing. Ali was stretched out on a chaise lounge in a tiny black bikini, a gift from Christina, a boat drink in one hand as she looked at me over her sunglasses. Her smile was beautiful and her skin golden. She looked happy and relaxed and, of course, incredibly sexy. She had been uncomfortable about taking off her cover-up because so much of her scar was exposed. She looked, and still looks, perfect.

  “I love this,” I told her with a kiss. “Thank you.”

  “Open the other one,” she urged. You didn’t have to tell me twice. I made quick work of the next present, opening the lid carefully. Inside the small box was a flash drive. I picked it up having no idea what could be on it. I must have looked as confused as I felt because Ali cut me some slack.

  “I finished,” she almost whispered, her dark brown eyes wide and innocent. It took a moment for the words to seep into my brain, and still another moment before they made sense.

  “Your book?” I asked astonished. Ali had been working on her first novel for over a year. She had never let me read any of it; I didn’t even know what it was about. I know she’s an amazing writer, but she had always been timid when it came to sharing her creative side. She claimed she was her own worst critic. I clutched the flash drive to my chest in a fist.

  “It’s for you,” she said simply. “I think you should decide what we do with it since you inspired it.”

  “This is an amazing gift Ali,” I choked out. “Thank you.”

  She shrugged downplaying how significant this was for me. I reached for her, placing my hand on the back of her head and pulled her mouth to mine. My fingers tangled themselves in her silky hair, the scent of coconut filling my nose. She returned the kiss a little bewildered at first. I pulled back far enough to rest my forehead to hers.

  “You are my greatest gift,” I told her. “But trusting me with this labor of love, Ali, that means so much to me.” Her eyes rounded and filled with tears. “And, I am so proud of you.”

  Ali pulled me back to her, both of us kneeling on the bed facing each other, hands twisting in each other's hair, pulling the other closer. We fell to the sheets and fragments of red and green paper fluttered into the air before floating back to the bed and our naked skin. It was the best Christmas I had ever had.

  Chapter Nine

  Allison

  Our winter break had passed too fast and the new semester at school had a busy start for Cooper and I. We had a few nights a week together, but our schedules seemed to conflict more than ever this semester. Today was my free day so naturally it’s filled with homework and my heart check appointment. When I got home, it seemed too lonely. So¸ I thought I’d surprise Coop with some baked goods, maybe win The Wife of the Year award. Unfortunately, he had class until eight and office hours until ten tonight. Frankly, I desperately wanted to see my husband.

  Cooper’s favorite cookies, chocolate chip with toffee and peanut butt
er pieces, were happily baking away in the oven. Our condo smelled amazing. Nothing like the smell of fresh baked cookies on a cold winter’s night to cozy a person up. I pulled the baking sheet from the oven and set it on the stove burners to cool. I tapped away at my computer and kept switching batches of cookies. My phone started to ring about seven.

  “Hello?” I answered cheerfully.

  “Can I have this baby already?” Christina snapped.

  “Nope, you cook that godchild of mine until it’s done.”

  She let out a long sigh. “Fine. What are you doing tonight? Want to come watch binge watch Netflix with me while eating ice cream? It would really help me feel better if you’d put on some weight.”

  I couldn’t help laughing. Christina looked perfect, of course. I am sure she just didn’t like feeling like she had eaten a beach ball.

  “I wish I could, but I’m baking cookies to take to Coop.”

  “Sean,” she yelled and I had to hold the phone from my ear. “Can you go to the store and get me some cookies? No, go to Allison’s and get me some.”

  I could hear Sean’s muffled voice in the background. “I did say please,” she yelled. “Ali, tell him I said please.”

  I let out my own sigh. “How about I bring some by on my way to Cooper’s office.”

  “Never mind, Sean. Ali loves me more than you do,” she said, turning her attention back to me. “Girl, you are a saint.” With that she disconnected.

  I couldn’t help smiling at my now slightly insane friend. Those pregnancy hormones have really done a number on her rational mind. I mindlessly placed cookies in containers and spaced out for a minute. My mind wondered what I would be like pregnant. I wasn’t simply thinking about whether or not I would get crazy like my once rational friend. I also wondered what I would look like with a belly swollen with a baby put there by Cooper. It was a possibility that equally excited and terrified me.

  Losing my mom from heart failure had been devastating to say the least. Not just because of my personal grief, but watching my dad mourn the love of his life had been unbearable. I remember seeing a shadow of that agonizing pain in Cooper’s eyes the first time he asked me to marry him, before I went in for surgery. Desperation. It was all too familiar to me. I’d seen it in my dad’s eyes for years. I knew that he was always desperately wanting my mom to walk back into our lives, like it had all been a huge misunderstanding. I would have gladly died a hundred times to spare Cooper from that pain.

  But hope got the better of me.

  I could see his ache when he’d come into the operating room and I knew I was the only person that could give him a cut so deep. I also knew I was the only person who could heal him, as he healed me. When I had survived, I swore to myself that I would never risk us again. Sure, my mother had survived pregnancy, but I always wondered if my birth had put the extra strain on her heart. Many women with my condition had kids without complication, but what if I was part of the percentage that didn’t make it?

  It isn’t only that, my brain reminded me. There is also the part of me that is so madly in love with my husband that I don’t want to jeopardize my life with him. I don’t want to be away from him. Ever. If I had to choose between the two, I would choose a childless life with him until we are gray and old rather than a life with a little version of us, but and me in the ground. Yeah, I am selfish.

  I spoke with my doctor today about the possibilities and she remained very positive about it. She spouted off the statistics, but reassured me that I was on the safer side. I’d have to be monitored because safe or not, I was a huge risk.

  “You’d need to come in every two to four weeks to be monitored,” Doctor Gilchrist informed me.

  Absentmindedly my hand somehow ended up rubbing its self over my empty womb. A heavy sigh left my lungs. I couldn’t lie to myself. I wanted to be alive with Cooper forever, but I also dreamed of a house full of kids. Our kids. The timer beeped for the oven. Thank goodness. I was starting to feel a pity party coming on.

  “You sure you don’t want to take her for the night?” Sean asked and tipped his head back toward the house.

  “She’s all yours buddy.” I handed him the container of cookies through the window of the driver’s side of the car.

  “Yeah,” he smiled and his hazel eyes twinkled. “That she is.”

  “Aww, look at you being all in love,” I teased the reformed playboy.

  “Thanks for these Book Girl. You are the best.”

  “I am aren’t I?” I smiled and drove off to deliver some treats to my man.

  I parked in Visitor Parking in the lot closest to Coop’s building. I’d only visited him a couple of times, but felt fairly confident I was going to the right place. San Diego State dwarfed my small private campus and seemed a bit more intimidating at night. The February air was cool on my face and I pulled my jacket tighter across my chest trying to fight off some of the wind. The doors to the lecture hall leading to Cooper’s office squeaked as I opened them.

  There were more students than I would expect so late at night in the brightly lit hall. Some sat on the floor sharing a book, while others were just passing through. If it weren’t for the fact that I was holding a huge tub of cookies instead of books or a backpack, I would look like I belonged there.. I smiled hoping Coop wouldn’t be too busy for a few minutes with me.

  His small office door was open at the end of the long corridor. A female student walked toward me, looked at my face and then to the cookies in my hands.

  “Those won’t help you with Perez,” she warned.

  The woman was a year or two older than I was, much prettier, thinner and taller. I kinda hated her the more I looked at her. Bright light brown eyes and curly brown hair styled in a perfectly messy bun. She had on black leggings and ridding boots, a baggy sweater and was holding two cups of coffee. Her makeup was perfect and she looked stylish and chic. I am certain that if I tried to pull the look off I’d look like I had just been released from rehab.

  “Why do you say that?” I had to ask, the curiosity was just too much.

  She held up the coffees. “I brought him one of these to drink while we discussed my paper. He warned me that I couldn’t bribe him and if I tried again he’d have me expelled.”

  I had to bite my lip to hide my smile. “What a hard ass.”

  “I know right!” She shook her head and sighed. “So, maybe you shouldn’t take those in with you.”

  “Thanks for the warning.” I told her then continued down the hall, the heels of my boots clicking on the hard floor.

  Professor Perez’s door was cracked open when I approached. I glanced back down the hall to make sure coffee girl wasn’t still lurking around. Nope, she must have been disappointed that her little coffee trick hadn’t worked. Cookies are the way to this man’s heart.

  I paused at the door listening for voices on the other side and not hearing anything. I didn’t want to barge in and interrupt a meeting. I don’t want to make Coop look unprofessional. Adjusting my coat and shaking out my hair a little, a huge smile spread over my face as I put my hand on the door.

  But the door started to fall away from my hand as someone was opening it. A supermodel stood in front of me. Seriously. A five foot ten inch goddess towered over me with a body that would make Zeus himself weep. Long blonde hair perfectly curled, big round bright blue eyes and pouty pink lips. She looked me up and down then smirked. I stood perfectly still, either too shocked to move or hoping she couldn’t really see me.

  It wasn’t just any beautiful student coming out of Coop’s office. It was Whitney Apperson. I blinked a few times as this registered with my suddenly slow brain. She looked different now. It wasn’t just the ten thousand dollars of plastic in her chest or the five pounds of makeup on her face. It was her attitude, her presence. Bile rose up my throat and I swallowed it back. She’s been after Cooper since the first day of our senior year in High School and here she is leaving his office at ten at night.

  She pulle
d the door closed behind her as her smirk turned into a smile. A wicked I’m so much better than you and I’d eat you for lunch if you weren’t so full of carbs smile. Her legs were long and her shirt was tight. Her magnificent cleavage was all I could look at for a moment. It was so in your face that it was impossible not to look. She touched her impeccable hair smoothing it back into place.

  “I don’t think you’ll need the cookies to cheer him up honey,” Whitney’s voice as thick and sweet as honey. “I did a damn good job of that myself.”

  I wanted to retort with something clever and maybe even bitchy, but my mouth just hung open. Nothing clever came out of this mouth. My brain seemed to shut down. This just made her smile wider.

  “That’s exactly the face he had when I was done with him,” she said suggestively as she moved past me and I was instantly sick to my stomach.

  I could smell Cooper’s cologne on her.

  Chapter Ten

  Cooper

  I love my job. I love my students. I love my job. I love my students. I repeated the mantra over and over until my head stopped throbbing. I usually looked forward to office hours every week. It usually gave me the opportunity to touch base with the students and see how they were doing, but this night was different. It started with an unexpected phone call from my mom.

  “Mijo, I hope classes are going well?” Her voice was pleasant, but always seemed to have double meaning.

  “Yes, they are mom.”

  “All right. I wanted to check in with you, remind you that I want you to come work with me.”

  I suppress a sigh. “I know mom, but now isn’t the time. I have to go. Love you.”

  My first student meeting was with Ashley who brought me a cup of coffee and tried to come around my desk to point to suggestions I made on her paper. I handed her back the cup and told her to make the changes or expect to repeat this class next semester.

  Then I had my craptastic meeting with Whitney. She always schedules the last slot of the day and shamelessly tries to flirt with me. Tonight was no different, except her shirt was lower and tighter than usual. She came in with a coat on then slowly took it off as if she’d rehearsed it at home, pressing her chest out as far as possible.