Lessons Learned

by Amy Lynn Steele

For fourteen years it had just been my dad, me and the constant battle of grieving for my mom. When I met Cooper part of my soul had been healed, a part I didn’t even know needed it. I don’t know how I had missed it, but I could see the recovery in my dad. He had finally allowed himself to move on and be happy.

  “Congratulations daddy,” I whispered.

  “I love you Ali-Oops,” he said, his voice heavy with unshed tears.

  After a few more moments I turned to Laura. “Congratulations.”

  We hug almost awkwardly and I couldn’t tell if she was relieved or more nervous than she was before. There was one thing I knew, she was happy. It was written all over her tear-streaked face. She loved my father and I could find so much comfort in this simple fact that pure bliss filled my heart. Just when I didn’t thought life couldn’t be any better than it was earlier today, perfection came and smacked me in the face.

  “I love your father very much,” she confirmed.

  I couldn’t help smiling. “I know and I’m so happy for both of you.”

  “Well, to be honest, I had given up on finding love again until you demanded that I get Cooper for you before you went into surgery,” Laura explained. “When I saw that kind of devotion in such young hearts I wanted more from my lonely life.”

  I couldn’t help but look at my husband, the man who had proposed to me three times before I could properly tell him yes. Through my doubt and fear, his commitment had held steadfast. Cooper’s bright blue eyes softened and a smile tugged at his mouth.

  “Ali-Oops, Laura and I talked about it and we would like it to be soon,” my father said next to us.

  I blinked a few times. “What to be soon?”

  “The wedding,” he said. “Since it is a second chance for both of us, we were thinking about going to the Justice of the Peace and then maybe leaving on a nice honeymoon.”

  The word honeymoon made my head spin thinking about the romantic week Coop and I had spent in Tahiti. No child wants to think of their parents in any sort of compromising way. Then the words Justice of the Peace hit me.

  “How soon?” My voice squeaked in the still quiet kitchen.

  “We were thinking next weekend. We can’t think of any reason to wait now that you know,” he shrugged and then put an arm around Laura’s shoulder. “Then, I could move my things into her place this week and we would be set.”

  “If you’re okay with it,” Laura added.

  Was I okay with it? I looked at my dad for a long moment. His dark brown hair was graying at his temples, the skin around his light brown eyes had creased over time with laughter and sadness. My big, strong dad. He was my rock, my hero. He had been so constant for me and so lonely for himself.

  “What can we do to help?” I asked.

  A smile broke over his face and he pulled me back into his arms. “You can rest and take care of that grandbaby you’re making me.”

  A little over a week later my dad and Laura stood in a little court room surrounded by dark wood paneled walls, the American and State flag, and a judge. There were a couple dozen people from the hospital and my dad’s firehouse in attendance. Aunt Trudy, Christina and Sean were also there to join in the celebration. Baby Joel, wearing a tuxedo onesie, served as the ring bearer and I served as my dad’s proud best man. The ceremony was simple and direct, but my dad and Laura couldn’t have looked happier.

  “Was it only a year ago that we said the same vows?” Cooper asked as we left the courtroom.

  “It will be a year in just a couple days,” I reminded him.

  He pulled me to his chest. “Like I could ever forget the date I made you mine, Mrs. Perez.”

  He started the kiss and had to end it. I would have gladly kissed him in the halls of the San Diego courthouse all day, but we had to pose for pictures on the front steps. Laura tossed her small bouquet of red roses towards some of her friends, and Doctor Gilchrist caught it. There wasn’t a planned reception, but we ended up at Dad and Laura’s for an impromptu barbeque. Instead of a cake we had apple pie and we danced to the music Christina had on her iPod. It was exactly right.

  Cooper held me and we swayed back and forth on the makeshift dance floor. My head rested on his strong chest and I could hear the steady thump of his heart. My hands slid up his back and looped around his neck. Cooper’s hands held my hips lightly and he’d occasionally press a kiss into the top of my head.

  “May I cut in?” asked my father.

  Cooper kissed my cheek lightly, then smiled at my dad. “Absolutely sir,” he said.

  My dad took my hand in his and I placed the other on his shoulder. We had done this almost a year ago. So much has changed in such a short time. I was married, going to be a mother and now I had a step-mom.

  “How are you feeling baby girl?”

  “Tired, but really good other than that. How about you?”

  He was quiet as we moved around the dance floor. I didn’t think he was going to answer me, but he cleared his throat and nodded.

  “It seems surreal,” his voice filled with wonder. “When I retired last year I didn’t know how lonely I would be. Then I got to know Laura better at your wedding and so much light entered my life. I never thought we would end up here today. I assumed I’d be on my own once I gave you away. I never thought about falling in love again.”

  “But you did,” I encouraged him.

  “Yeah,” he sighed and looked across the backyard. “I sure did.”

  I followed his gaze and it was on a laughing Laura. She was talking to a knot of women I had seen from time to time at Doctor Gilchrist’s office. She turned her head and her eyes locked with my dad’s, then a genuine smile lit up her face. She winked at him and I could feel my dad snicker rather than hear it. He wasn’t alone anymore. He had someone who loved him and they would care for each other as they shared their lives.

  “I’m so happy for you,” I told him. And I was.

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Cooper

  My mouth felt like I had stuffed it with cotton. I tried to swallow, but my dry tongue just stuck to the roof of my mouth. Ali seemed perfectly calm as the ultrasound technician put some clear goop on her still-flat stomach. She used the wand to smear it around and I didn’t know where to look, at Allison or at the screen? Ali took my hand in hers and she smiled, but I could see it in her eyes. She was just as nervous as I was.

  “Okay,” the tech said. “Just give me a minute here.”

  Ali just had her first exam with Doctor Johnson, her OBYGN. She had determined that Ali was approximately eleven weeks along, almost to her second trimester. When the doctor had told us this fact, my mind flipped through my mental calendar. The night at the beach, it had to be. Allison’s deep red blush confirmed my thoughts.

  “Here we go,” the tech said and turned the screen toward us. “Here,” she pointed. “This is your baby.”

  In the gray lines of the monitor I could see what looked like a tiny silhouette of a person. There was a tiny round head and a little bean for a body. I tried to swallow again and couldn’t. My face felt hot and my hands tingled. I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t even blink.

  “And this,” she pressed a few buttons then pointed back to the screen. “This is the heartbeat.”

  A little spot in the middle of the bean body flickered. Then I realized the technician had turned the sound on. I looked at Ali who was glued to the screen. We could hear our baby’s heartbeat. A perfect steady rhythm. The best sound I have ever heard. I had to put my hand over my eyes for a moment so I wouldn’t break down into a complete puddle.

  “Oh Cooper,” Ali whispered and tightened her grip on my hand.

  The smile on her face and the tears that streamed from her eyes mirrored everything I was feeling. I leaned forward and kissed her gently. I used my free hand to push some loose hair from her face and kissed her again.

  “I love you,” my voice was shaking. I couldn’t prevent the tears that had been building in my eyes from flowing over.

/>   “I love you,” she sniffed.

  The technician smiled and kept her eyes on the screen. I briefly wondered how often she saw couples gush during an ultrasound.

  I cleared my throat. “Is the baby healthy?”

  Her smile widened. “Perfectly normal from what I can see.”

  Relief washed through Ali and I simultaneously. At those words a hazy fog lifted from our hearts and I felt like I could take a breath for the first time in weeks. Normal has never sounded so good. My eyes scanned Ali from head to toe, memorizing everything about this moment. Doctor Johnson said aside from needing a little extra rest, Allison should have a normal pregnancy with few complications. Our baby looked normal. The word made me so happy I could almost shout it.

  The tech handed Ali a towel to wipe her tummy clean and I helped her to sit up. Once she was seated we were handed a few pictures of the images we had seen on the screen. This was our baby. We both held a copy, staring at them as we walked down the hall. We left the building after setting up Ali’s next appointment, our minds blown. We had taken two cars to the doctor because I had to get back to the office and Ali had to return to school. However, I didn’t want to have her out of my sight. Her life had always been so precious to me, but now the stakes were even higher.

  “Text or call me as soon as you get to school,” I told her without freaking out. Ali smiled and kissed my mouth softly.

  “I will, you control freak.”

  With one last kiss she climbed into her car and drove away. I glanced at the black and white photo of our growing baby. Then, tearing myself away, I pushed a few buttons on my phone and listened to the rings.

  “Hello Mijo,” my mom said. “I was just going into a meeting. Is everything all right?”

  “I need to set a meeting with you today, as soon as possible.” I kept my tone crisp and almost curt so I wouldn’t break into a blubbering mess and spill the beans over the phone.

  There was a long pause before she answered. “In an hour at my office,” and she disconnected.

  I looked at the dark screen of my phone. She had hung up on me. I slid the picture into the inner pocket of my suit jacket and got into my car. The drive to the office was uneventful and when I pulled into my designated spot I checked my phone. It showed one new text message from Ali.

  I managed to make it here in one piece. I love you.

  I quickly replied. I’m sorry, but I worry about you.

  I know you do and I love you for it.

  I have a meeting with my mom to break the news to her in just a few minutes.

  I don’t envy you! Let me know how it goes. xoxox

  My mom had loved Allison since the day she first met her. Nothing would make her happier than a few grandkids, but she had been vocal about wanting us to wait a few years. I really didn’t know what to expect from her when I broke the news. I patted the picture in my pocket, my talisman, and headed inside.

  I waited at the massive desk in my mom’s office. I was too nervous to sit, so I found myself pacing the room. It was decorated with dark woods and ornate knickknacks on the big bookshelves. I picked up a framed photo of my mom and I at the beach when I was about six. She looked so young and carefree. I couldn’t help smiling as I set it down.

  “That was the day you told me you were either going to be a professional surfer or a teacher,” a voice said, startling me. My mother was standing in the doorway, shadow covering half of her face. She took a step inside and pushed her dark hair behind her ear, both of her hands clutching a binder to her chest.

  I took a few steps across the room and kissed her on the cheek. Her assistant stepped into the doorway with a pad of paper in her hand and a pen.

  “No interruptions at all Jessica,” my mother asked politely.

  “Yes ma’am,” Jessica shut the door as she scooted out of the office.

  I took a seat in one of the chairs at my mom’s desk and waited for her to get comfortable in her own massive captain’s chair. She rested her chin on the steeple of her fingers, her shrewd eyes locked on me. She was here for a battle and I’d was here to celebrate. I waited for her to speak first, not wanting to crumble under her silence. Finally she sighed and closed her eyes.

  “I knew this time of year would be difficult for you, especially when you saw Allison going back to school. What I didn’t anticipate was how quickly you’d throw your responsibilities to the curb,” she began. “I thought you were enjoying your position here. I thought I’d raised you with a higher moral standard than that.”

  My head snapped back as if she had slapped me. “I do enjoy my job here mom. That’s not why I asked for this meeting.”

  My mom sat back in her chair. “No?” Her arms crossed over her chest. “Then what is it?”

  For a moment I thought about not telling her why I wanted to see her. Her words had angered me, but my heart quickly steered my frustration away. I slowly pulled the ultrasound picture from my jacket pocket and took a quick look at it. Then I slid it across the large desk toward my mom. She didn’t look at it right away. Instead, she was studying my face. She sighed and picked up the little photo, her eyes scanning it. They narrow then widen. Her hand touched the spot above her heart before covering her mouth. Big tears welled up in her eyes before they slowly slid down her cheeks.

  “Oh Mijo,” she whispered, her eyes glued to the photo.

  “You’ll be Abuelita soon,” my words low and filled with sentiment.

  Mom continued to cry softly and nodded her head. “I thought you were going to quit.”

  I got up and moved around the desk and knelt next to my mom, placing a hand on her arm.

  “No, I had never planned on quitting. I really am enjoying working here, more than I ever thought I would. I just wanted to make sure I had the time to sit down with you and give you the good news.”

  “This is the best news,” she sobbed.

  I never saw my mom get emotional. Come to think of it, I didn’t know if I had ever seen her cry. I kept my hand on her arm and reached for the box of tissues she kept on the corner of her desk, handing her one. She dabbed the tissue in the corners of her eyes and looked down at me.

  “I thought you would think it was too soon,” I blurted out in surprise. “I expected a lecture, not tears of joy.”

  My mom lightly hit my arm. “Of course I’m happy,” she said laughing. “You aren’t making my mistakes Cooper. Sure, I think waiting has its benefits, but you and Allison are years more mature than other people your age. I don’t think there is anything you both can’t handle together.”

  She looked back at the picture and a warm smile covered her mouth. “Grandma,” she whispered.

  “Yeah, in March,” I told her.

  She stood and pulled me to my feet, wrapping me in her arms. When we broke from the embrace I sat back down and she asked how Allison was feeling and whether or not she needed any special treatment for her heart. I told her what had been explained to us and reiterated the fact that everything should be fine as long as she got as much rest as she could.

  “And how are you feeling?”

  I sucked in as much air as my lungs could hold, then blew it out. “I am excited and nervous,” I admitted. “My biggest fear is that something bad might happen to Ali.”

  My mom’s eyebrows came together. “But you just told me everything looked good.”

  I sighed and rubbed a hand over my face. “Logic doesn’t go hand in hand with worry. I know what the doctors are saying and I trust them, but that doesn’t mean the next seven months won’t be the longest of my life.”

  “Well,” my mom moved her laptop in front of her and started tapping away at the keys. “Let’s get you an assistant, so if you need days off you’ll still be covered. I’m emailing you a list of potential candidates.”

  My phone pinged, indicating that that I had received a new email. “Thanks,” I mumbled feeling sort of numb.

  “Jessica,” mom called. Her assistant opened the door, pen and paper ready. �
��Make an appointment for me at the bank to open a new trust account tomorrow. Get in touch with my real estate agent, Andrea, and have her contact me. Send me emails with the safest baby items available and send Allison a flower basket, I’ll write the card.”

  The assistant made her notes then shut the door, a smile tugging at her mouth. Maybe having an assistant would be awesome. I looked at my phone and the list my mom had sent me. I noticed I also had a text message.

  I miss you and am dying to know how it went.

  She is beyond thrilled, I texted back to Ali.

  Oh good! I’ll text you when I’m leaving from school. :)

  My mom was still tapping at her keyboard when I looked back up, the picture propped up on her desk lamp. She would type and then glance at it, as if she was still trying to believe it. Yeah, I know how you feel. Knowing was one thing, but seeing the little bean was another. My stomach felt like it was filled with butterflies, my heart with fire. The only other time I could remember feeling similar to this was watching Ali pass out right before she was rushed to the hospital. I was terrified at what I was witnessing, but I loved her so much I thought I was going to faint. And now we are preparing for a life we created.

  “I will be sending you a few links to the houses that Andrea finds,” my mom said interrupting my thoughts.

  “Are you planning on moving?”

  “No Mijo, I’d like to get you and Allison out of the townhouse and into a house.” I could feel a headache starting.

  “We just moved in last year,” I protested.

  “And you can move again, before the baby is born.”

  I knew how much we had in savings and it was substantial, but buying a home in San Diego was very expensive. “Mom, it would be more money than we would like to spend right now.”

  Mom watched me for a moment before speaking. “I’d like to help you with this. Let me help provide for my little nieto.”

  I blinked a few times at what she was offering. “I need to talk with Ali first.”

  “Of course,” she smiled thinking she’d won. Then she sighed. “I’m just so happy.”