Back to the Drawing Board

by L. L. Collins

  “So tell me what you’ve been avoiding,” he said. “I’ve let you pretend for the last hour. Give it to me.”

  I sighed, staring at my phone on the table between us. I still hadn’t called her, using the excuse of playing with my siblings and then spending time with Hayden as a reason to not press the button. Hayden sat patiently, knowing I’d start when I was good and ready.

  Over the next fifteen minutes, I explained everything to him, from the second I walked into the interview until this morning when I left Julia in the hotel sleeping, and how she called me while I was on the plane. He said nothing, his gaze locked onto me as I let it all pour out. All of my insecurities, worries, and feelings about what had happened. With Hayden, I never pretended. He was the one person other than my family that I felt I could completely trust. There was no reason to sugar coat shit with him. Plus, I needed him to be real with me. I appreciated and loved my dad’s advice, but I also needed to hear what Hayden thought I should do.

  He whistled. “Ho-lee shit, Mac. So you have no idea if you had sex with her or not?”

  “Right,” I said, lowering my voice to make sure no one around us could hear. “I don’t think she remembered either. But then her message kind of seemed like maybe she did.”

  “And the dream? Do you think it was real?” Like I said, I hadn’t left out anything.

  “I wanted it to be,” I admitted. “But I have no idea if that was just my imagination or that’s what actually happened. How could I not remember having her? God,” I groaned. “She’s so beautiful, Hayden. I can’t even describe her. There’s just something about her that I’m drawn to.”

  “Well, obviously,” Hayden laughed.

  “Not just that,” I laughed back, feeling some of the stress loosen from my shoulders. “In the time we spent together talking, I just felt something between us.”

  “Hormones,” Hayden continued to joke. “No really, okay. Let’s think about this. Damage control needs to be done. So do you think she won’t cause an issue with her dad about the job?”

  “She said she wouldn’t,” I answered, “but you never can tell. Maybe once she starts thinking about things, or if she remembers something we did, what if she changes her mind?”

  “Worst case scenario here is that she tells her dad not to hire you, right?”

  “That can’t happen, Hayden. I want this job more than anything.”

  “Anything?” I knew what he was asking me.

  “Right now, yes. I’ve only known her for a few hours.”

  “Yes, that’s true, but you want to know her.”

  “I want to know her,” I echoed, being truthful with both of us. “But what if it costs me my internship?”

  “What if it doesn’t? Okay let’s go to the next scenario. You get the internship. Now you’re working under her. Haha, working under her. Or over her, whichever you two did . . . maybe both.”

  I smacked his arm, both of us laughing at his innuendo. This was one of the many things I appreciated about Hayden. He could make light of the worst scenario. It reminded me of the time I told him the entire story about my family, and he’d helped me through it with his classic way of lightening serious moods.

  “Sorry, I digress. Anyway, so you get the job and she’s overseeing you. I like that word better. Then what?”

  “Then what if I want more? What if she wants more? Or what if she wants nothing to do with me and makes my life a living hell?”

  “Dude,” Hayden held up his hand to make me stop. “She called you. She didn’t have to. I don’t think you have to worry about her making your life hell. You want to know what I think you should do?’

  “Yes, I do.”

  Hayden picked up my phone, scanning through the received calls until he saw the one that was from Colorado this morning. Right when I figured out what he was going to do, I leaned over to snatch the phone from him, but it was too late. The phone was already ringing, calling Julia. If I hung up now, she’d see that I called and hung up.

  “Damn it, Hayden,” I growled, ignoring the cat-ate-the-canary look on his face. “It’s ringing. What if she doesn’t answer?”

  “Then you leave her a message, you bozo. Geez, I’ve never seen you so stupid over someone before.”

  “That’s because I’ve never screwed up so epically before,” I hissed, my stomach churning. When the phone stopped ringing and her addictive voice said to leave a message, my throat closed up. What the hell was I supposed to say?

  I looked at Hayden, silently pleading for help. “Tell her you got her message and you look forward to seeing her soon, that it was great to spend time with her.”

  That sounded foolish, but I had no idea what else to say. The voice mail beeped. “Julia, it’s Carter. I got your message. It was great to spend time with you. I hope I get to see you soon, too. I’ll look forward to your dad’s call. Talk to you soon.” I hung up, knowing I sounded only slightly better than a formal business call.

  I put the phone in my lap, wondering if her number was going to pop back up on my screen. “You’re a moron,” Hayden said, smacking me in the back of my head.

  “Why?”

  “You and I both know what that message was. That was Steel-Walls-Carter. The one that won’t let anyone get past his goals and dreams.”

  “You aren’t any different,” I retorted, knowing he was right but wanting to deflect.

  It was Hayden’s turn to look away. I studied his profile, wondering what that was all about. “What is it?”

  When he finally looked back at me, I could read him like a book. “You met someone.” I couldn’t believe it. Hayden and I had a good time when we were in college together and enjoyed many of the finer parts of college life. But as far as I knew, he’d never in his life been serious about anyone, either.

  “We’re growing up,” Hayden answered. “College life is behind us. While that was awesome, I realized it wasn’t fulfilling for me anymore. I wanted something more than just a night or two.” I opened and closed my mouth. Who was this guy, and where was my best friend? We sounded like a bunch of chicks sitting here by the pool. When I didn’t respond, he continued. “I met Karrie at work. She works in human resources, and we hit it off right away.”

  “How long have you been seeing her?” It might’ve been a while since I’d last seen Hayden, but we talked all the time. He’d kept this from me?

  “Officially, just a few weeks. Before then, we would go out together with people from work. We’d flirt, but nothing serious. She makes me feel different, Mac. We’re getting serious, fast. I want you to meet her.”

  “Wow,” I mumbled, feeling out of sorts. “Of course I want to meet her. I’m just a little floored. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I know how you feel about relationships right now,” Hayden answered. “Plus, I didn’t want to say anything if nothing ever came of us. She’s gone through hell in her prior relationship, so I wasn’t sure if she was relationship material or if this was going just to be a fling.”

  I thought back to Julia, her sad eyes looking away from me when I broached the subject of her brother. I wanted to know her story. The image of her body lying next to me in bed this morning clouded my thinking, and I simultaneously wished for the phone to ring and willed it not to.

  “Where’d you go, man?”

  I shook my head, focusing on my best friend. “I’m happy for you, Hayden. Do you have a picture of her? I can’t wait to meet the woman that is going to take my friend off the market.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far yet,” Hayden laughed, picking his phone up off the table. He opened his picture app and scrolled, turning the phone so I could see it. “This is us at a work function a few weeks ago. It was right afterward we officially decided to start dating.”

  I studied my handsome friend, his arms wrapped protectively around the petite woman. They were both dressed to the nines. Her ebony hair was up in some sort of fancy ‘do, and her face beamed at the camera. They were a breathtaking coupl
e. “She’s gorgeous, Hayden. You look so happy there.”

  “I am,” he admitted, looking back at the photo himself. “I miss her already. We talked all the way here from Ft. Lauderdale.”

  “So you’re whipped, huh?” I joked, cuffing his shoulder.

  Hayden threw his head back and laughed. “Oh boy, Mac. You just wait. I have the feeling this is just the beginning for you, my friend. Let’s have this conversation again in a few months and see how you feel then.”

  I laid my head back on the chair, knowing it was futile to argue with him. But he was wrong. This wasn’t going to be me. I had to stay on track and meet my goals.

  “HE CALLED ME BACK,” I paced the small living room of my apartment, my phone pressed between my ear and my shoulder so I could keep wringing my hands.

  “And? What did he say?” My best friend Tracey was amused by me. She had been ever since I pounded on her door at barely seven in the morning, dressed in my clothes from last night and my hair a mess. I’d poured out everything to her, including the fact that I hadn’t a damn clue what we’d done but that I woke up naked. I could only assume he also had been naked, but he’d been gone when I woke up. Yes, gone. Only a note had been left on the desk for me, saying he was sorry and had an early flight.

  I understood. Not that any woman liked to be left in a hotel room by a man she had known for just a few hours and may or may not have slept with, but I got it. Even when the tears streamed down my face as I realized he was gone, I’d still understood. Even if I had been being a stupid girl crying over a guy I’d just met.

  My parents’ company was the place to work in the architecture industry. Carter was driven; I knew that after hearing him talk for thirty seconds while my dad was interviewing him. What he didn’t know, and what I hope I didn’t tell him while obviously drunk was that he was a shoo-in for the job. My dad didn’t waste his time on the hundreds, if not thousands of applications he received every year for new interns. He made all of the low men on the totem pole, like me, go through the applications and narrow it down to under twenty.

  My dad would then give that twenty to my mom and have her pick the top ten. Even then, he’d only meet with the ones he wanted to mold to become the next him. He had no patience or time for yes-men and kiss-asses. Carter was neither of those. He was brilliant, had great ideas, and wanted to go somewhere in his life. He wouldn’t ever be content with being a grunt. He’d someday want to be my dad, and that was what John Gibbons was looking for. While he loved his job, he knew that someday he’d want to step back and know that the company was in good hands. My dad wanted me to have someone strong to work with once he was ready to hand the company over, and he’d been searching for that person for years.

  He wanted me to take over someday, and I’m not against that. It was just that I never got a shot at saying what I wanted to do in life. It was just assumed, especially after everything went down with my brother, that it would be me. I never had a chance to tell my parents that I wanted to design, just not buildings. I’d love to someday design what was inside the building, putting my creative touch on the interior design.

  My parents had a huge company full of people of hard workers, innovators eager to please them. But he continued to look for the one he thought had it all. I knew without him even telling me that Carter was it for him. When he invited me to come into the interview, he gave me ‘that look.’ Even though Carter didn’t know me (well maybe he knew parts of me really well now, but oh my . . . ), I would never do anything to jeopardize that.

  He was hot. He was off limits. And I wanted him. Again. Or for the first time. Whatever. But I knew I couldn’t. I shouldn’t. It would risk everything. But wasn’t it time to risk something in my life instead of always doing what everyone expected?

  “Julia! Are you listening to me at all?” I realized that Tracey had been talking, and I’d been off in la-la land.

  “Sorry,” I apologized. “I was lost in thought.”

  “You were lost in that fine man. Now what did he say?”

  “He left me a message. He didn’t say much other than it was great to spend time with me and he hopes to see me in Denver soon.”

  Tracey was quiet, and I knew she was trying to read between the lines. Tracey and I have been best friends since childhood. While I was a corporate mogul now, she was a free spirit, working at a coffee shop while she worked on a writing career. I wished I could be her. Just for one day, I’d like to wake up carefree and not worry about what I needed to do for the day or who I needed to please. Most of all, I wished I didn’t have to hide my love for my brother from my parents. If they found out what I did on a monthly basis, I’d likely be finding new employment and a new family.

  “Is your dad going to give him the job?”

  “I don’t know,” I said. He hadn’t said anything to me, therefore I couldn’t guarantee it; however, I felt fairly certain of the outcome. “I assume so, but you never know.”

  “True,” she laughed. “Well, maybe you wait to try to contact him again once you find out if your dad is giving him the job or not? Because if he doesn’t give him the job, what’s the likelihood of anything happening with you?”

  “The point is, nothing should happen between us if he does get the job. My dad will never stand for that. And it’s not like I could hide it. Wait until you see this man. He’s . . . deadly. Death by libido.”

  Tracey roared in my ear, making me smile. “God, I love you. If he’s that fine, I may be fine with death by libido. Don’t you wish you remembered?”

  I thought back to Carter’s cut body, the way he felt against me during the part of the night I could remember, and I groaned. “Like nothing else. But what am I going to do if he ends up moving here, Trace? Whether we slept together or not, there’s something between us—- a sexual tension.”

  “Julia,” she said. “You need to relax. There’s nothing you can do but wait and see. And the two of you are adults. If you want to start a relationship, who cares if you work together?”

  “A relationship? I never said that. Plus, it will be my dad that’ll care. Oh, I’m in so much trouble. Why did I go to that bar last night? Why did I get trashed? Why did he have to be such a gentleman?”

  Tracey snorted. “He left you in a hotel room. I don’t see that as a gentleman, but you’re all torn up over him anyway. He’s not your normal hook-up, Jules. I know you’ve been ‘hearts off’ since everything happened with your brother, but you can’t let his choices ruin you for your future. Whether it’s this Carter guy or someone else, it’s about time you want more than just a roll in the sheets. You deserve more.”

  Tears blinded my eyes and I stopped my pacing, stretching my neck as I held the phone with my hand. Leave it to Tracey to throw out all of my issues matter-of-factly. “Okay, so maybe he wasn’t completely a gentleman. But there’s still something about him . . .”

  “Listen to me,” she whispered. “Go talk to your dad. See what he’s thinking about Carter. If he doesn’t get the job, you can call him back and say it was a great night and be done with it, if that’s what you want. If he does get the job, you’re going to have to decide if you want to pursue things with him. There are plenty of people at that firm, Jules. You don’t have to be the one that oversees him, you know.”

  She was right. But there was no way I could tell my dad I didn’t want to oversee Carter because I may have slept with him and I may possibly have feelings for a guy I’d known only for a few hours. He would give me that ‘look’, the one that told me he was disappointed in my choices. Then he would lecture me about my career and why I should follow in the footsteps of my mother, who didn’t let being a woman in a male-dominated career stop her from being one of the best. That was because, of course, she worked her ass off to the detriment of every other thing in her life, her children included. Maybe if she’d been more of a mother and less of a ball-busting career person, things wouldn’t be the way that they were. Every school performance, every dance recital, all
accomplishments were attended by our lifelong nanny, Nancy. Even though I’ve been an adult for six years, it was Nancy who called me and made sure I was okay. Not that my parents didn’t love me; they just didn’t see it the same way. I swore that if I ever became a wife and mother it would be different. I could do both things, but I’d never let my job take priority over being there for my family.

  After a sleepless night, I checked my makeup in the mirror in the office bathroom, making sure I didn’t look exhausted before heading in to meet with my father. I hadn’t called Carter back, but had dreamt all night about our night together. My imagination sure wanted to dream of our explosive lovemaking, but who knew if that was my overactive and exhausted brain coming up with its own version of what happened? I laid in bed most of the night after that dream reliving it over and over. The way he touched me, the way he felt on me and in me, and the way his bright blue eyes watched me in the moonlight.

  Sigh. This wasn’t helping. Pulling concealer out of my purse, I applied a few more dots to the dark circles under my eyes. I smoothed my hands down my navy pantsuit and ran my fingers through my long hair. I knew I was good looking. I’d always had the attention of many guys, including the ones who worked here. They all knew where the line was drawn, however, because they wouldn’t dare cross the bosses’ daughter. Since both of my parents were the head honchos here, guys tended to steer clear of asking me out.

  I walked out of the bathroom, saying hello to my assistant Paige and another architect, Zeke. They stopped talking as I approached, and I smiled at them. They thought they were being sly by not announcing they were seeing each other, but I knew it the first day. Not only was Paige not a good liar, but also she practically beamed every time he was near and his eyes followed her everywhere she went. I wished that could be as easy for me. Paige was my same age and had become a great friend of mine over the last few years.