Inhibitions

by Kimberly Bracco

  “Relax, baby. I definitely didn’t knock her up. She just wanted her fifteen minutes of fame, and it was an eye-opener for me. I was about to go into the NFL. I had made it big, and she wouldn’t have been the last if I’d continued to sleep around. I decided that it wasn’t worth the risk of some chick ruining my reputation before I even got one. Melissa and I had already slept together, but we’d remained friends. So eventually, one thing led to another and we just ended up in an agreement. She never wanted anything from me. She had her own money. Her parents are well off. She wasn’t needy, and she never clung. It just worked well over the years. We both knew what it was, and we weren’t tied to each other. She was free to do whatever the hell she wanted, but she was always there for me when I needed a release. She’s also into what I’m into, so we’re sexually very compatible. I didn’t really need more than that. Until you, that is.” He smiles at me.

  “What do you mean that she’s into what you’re into? What are you into?” I ask nervously, a thousand thoughts swirling in my head ranging from crazy bondage to threesomes.

  “Breathe, baby. I’m not into anything hardcore, but as you’ve already noticed, I’m into control. Not every woman is okay with that type of sex. Control in that part of my life helps make up for that parts of my life I don’t have control over. I can’t always control what happens on the field. I definitely have no control over what people write about in the papers, but I can have control in my sex life. The funny thing is though, I haven’t felt the need to fuck out any issues since you came into my life, with the exception of last night. ”

  I cringe thinking of Tanner being with Melissa in the same intense way we were last night, but I get it. I don’t have to like it, though.

  “I can definitely understand where you’re coming from with wanting control. In a way, I want control over my sex life too. Not necessarily control in the bedroom, but control in owning what I want,” I confess.

  “What is it that you really want?”

  “I want to feel comfortable with my desires. I want control over my thoughts and feelings about my desires.”

  “What are your desires?” he presses for more details.

  “I want to be coveted, desired. I want you to lose control with me—not give it up to me, but be so consumed by me that you want to own me.” It feels so good to tell him that. “You make me feel like it’s okay to want that.”

  “It is okay to want that. There’s nothing wrong with any want or desire as long we’re both on the same page and honest about it.”

  “I’ve never thought about it that way,” I admit, smiling.

  “That’s because not everyone is as smart as me,” he laughs.

  Chapter 25

  ASHLEY

  We spend the rest of the weekend relaxing at Tanner’s. It feels very domestic, and Tanner and I laugh at our apparent domesticity while cooking dinner together. I hadn’t been able to contain my laughter while watching him push the cart through the grocery store, and it was even worse while watching him in the kitchen. It took me twenty minutes to make the salad because I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him while he fried chicken cutlets at the stove.

  “I could totally kill your whole playboy rep with one tweeted pic, right now,” I tease him.

  “I’m pretty sure you tweeting a pic of me making you dinner would just make me more irresistible, no? Women around the country would be swooning over the awesome quarterback who cooks for his girlfriend. You’d be doing me a favor, baby.” He shoots me a cocky smile.

  “Jesus, it’s getting a little crowded in here with that giant head of yours.”

  “Which head are we referring to here?” he asks, still smiling.

  I snort at his comment. “Could you be any more full of yourself?”

  “Maybe, but I know that you could definitely be more full of me.”

  “I’ve been plenty full of you this weekend, thank you very much. And if you want me full of you anymore this week, I suggest you give my vagina a break. I’m seriously having problems closing my legs and sitting down. I don’t give a shit what people say, vaginas are definitely not made for constant plowing,” I say with a wince. He has ridden me a lot this weekend.

  “My poor baby! Do you need to me to kiss it better?” he asks with feigned concern.

  “Couldn’t hurt.” I shrug. Before I know what’s happening, I’m being thrown over Tanner’s shoulder, and he’s turning off the burner for the stove.

  “What are you doing? It’s time to eat.” I try pushing myself up, using his ass as leverage.

  “Oh, don’t you know worry, I plan on eating.” He chuckles, continuing toward the bedroom where he deposits me in the center of the bed.

  “Tanner…”

  “What?” he asks as he pulls my leggings down. “Mmm, no panties. I like. Thank God I didn’t know earlier that you were commando under here. I wouldn’t have gotten a damn thing done today.”

  “Really? Now, Tanner?”

  “Yes, now. Apparently, I’ve been a little rough with this beautiful pussy, and I need to make her all better.” He smirks.

  “Well, far be it from me to stop you,” I say in surrender, lying back and folding my arms behind my head.

  “Like you ever would.” He blows on my clit and everything else fades away. It drives me crazy when he does that. The contrast of the warmth of his breath followed by the coolness of the air sets my body on fire.

  Tanner doesn’t waste any time. He place soft sensual kisses up and down my slit before licking softly along the seam. He slides his hands up my inner thighs, causing goose bumps to erupt all over my legs. He stops his ascent when he reaches the juncture of my thighs and uses his thumbs to spread me open, and I lose my senses. The sensation of being so open to him makes me hot.

  He flattens his tongue against me and licks up and down, covering every square inch of my pussy before thrusting his tongue inside me and fucking me with it. My back arches up off the bed, and my lower body starts to spasm.

  “Mmmm,” Tanner says, knowing the vibration of his voice against me will set me off. “That’s it, baby. Give in to me.”

  He thrusts his tongue faster and adds his thumb to my clit. I soar off like a rocket, screaming his name over and over. Tanner continues to kiss me softly as I come down from my orgasmic high.

  “Does she feel better now?” Tanner asks.

  “Exponentially,” I say as I sit up and reach for his belt.

  He brushes my hands away, shaking his head. “No, that was just for you.”

  “What about you?” I ask, nodding toward the bulging erection in his pants.

  “It’s not always tit for tat, Ash,” he says, pulling me up and wrapping me up in my favorite place, against his chest.

  **********

  Tanner drops me off at home Monday morning on his way to the Jets’ training facility. He has team meetings and practices all week, and I have three articles to write. He and the team will be working hard this week to make up for the few days they had off, so he’s warned me it might be a few days before we see each other again. I’d laughed at his concern for me and told him I completely understood. His job might seem luxurious, but I know firsthand how hard that man works, and it only makes me respect him more.

  Tanner makes sure to call me every night when he gets home and I can hear the exhaustion in his voice. Last night, he’d sounded as though he was barely hanging on to consciousness.

  “Superstar, why don’t you turn it in for the night?” I’d asked him. “You sound so tired.”

  “I will soon. I just need to hear your voice right now. Tell me about your day.” He’d yawned.

  “My day was boring. It’ll probably put you to sleep. I wrote my article about Vincenzo’s, headed into the office for a few hours to catch up on some things and check in with Dom.”

  “I wish you were here right now so that I could wrap myself around you and get lost in your heaven.”

  “But then that marvelous body of yours wouldn
’t get the rest that it needs. I can’t have the entire tri-state area trying to lynch me for wearing down their number-one quarterback, can I?”

  “You’re so good for my ego, baby,” he’d informed me.

  “Your ego needs no help, buddy. I think you need to call it a night. Good night, Superstar. Sweet dreams.”

  “If they’re of you, then they’ll be dirty instead of sweet.” He’d laughed before hanging up.

  I’ve spent this morning writing my article about Newman’s, the sports bar we went to Friday night. It takes me little while because I have to remember things about the night that didn’t involve my arguments with Tanner and Quinn.

  When I finish the article, I decide it’s time for some lunch. Then I realize there’s no food in the fridge. Knowing I could use a break, I decide to head to the store to pick up some basics for the house. Only, when I head out to the garage, my piece-of-shit car won’t start again. Ugh, I guess I’m walking to the corner store instead.

  People always make it look so easy to carry those damn brown bags a few blocks, but it definitely isn’t as easy as it looks. On my way back to the condo, I’m trying to juggle two bags when my phone rings. From the ringtone, I know it’s Tanner. I attempt to shift both bags to one arm, but I wind up dropping them just as I swipe the phone to answer it.

  “Fuck!” I yell as the groceries scatter all over the sidewalk. The milk jug breaks and milk splatters everywhere.

  “Ash, baby, you okay?” I hear Tanner ask, but I’m not really paying attention as I try to collect my groceries. “Ash? Are you there?” he asks again, concern in his voice.

  “Yeah, hang on, though,” I tell him, grabbing for a can of soup that’s rolling down the sidewalk. I gather up the rest of the things that haven’t gotten away and toss them all into the bag that hasn’t ripped open. “Hey, sorry.” I turn my attention back to him as I pick up the busted milk jug and toss it into the nearby trash can. I try to wipe the milk off the bottom of my jeans and fail.

  “What’s going on? What’s wrong?” he asks, sounding a little too concerned for how superficial the situation is.

  “I just dropped the bags of groceries I was carrying and they went everywhere. The milk jug broke and splattered all over me, and then I had to chase my soup down the street,” I explain in a huff as I hoist the bag higher on my hip.

  “Well why are on Earth are you walking with so many bags? Why didn’t you just drive?”

  “Because my stupid shitty car won’t start again.” Tanner hates my car. He’s hated it since the day we first met. Every time he brings it up, I just give him a dirty look, and he drops the subject.

  “I’m sorry, baby. You should’ve called me. I would’ve taken you to the store,” he chides.

  “It’s not that big of a deal. I can walk to the store.”

  “I know you can, but why do it when I could have taken you?”

  “It’s fine. What’s up? How were your meetings today?” I ask.

  He doesn’t answer right away, and I wonder if something is now distracting him.

  “Tanner?” I ask, trying to get his attention back.

  “I’m sorry, baby. They were fine. How was your day so far?”

  “Not bad. I finished my article about Newman’s. I was about to have lunch, but there was no food in the house, hence my trip to the store,” I explain.

  “Want to have lunch with me instead?”

  “I would love to have any meal with you, Superstar.”

  “You’re spending too much time with Quinn.” He laughs. “I’ll be there in about twenty minutes.”

  “See you soon,” I say before hanging up.

  Lunch with Tanner is great, and things are relaxed as we head out to the car afterward. Everything between us is so easy now, especially after our enlightening weekend. I feel as though we’d needed to have that fight on Friday night. In the long run, it’s made things so much better between us. I should have known it would be easy to talk to Tanner about my desires. Talking to him about it is like talking to Quinn. No judgment, just understanding. It’s so nice be free with him. I feel like the luckiest girl the world. Every girl should have a Tanner, but not my Tanner. I’m not giving him up without a fight. I’m so distracted staring at his profile that I don’t realize at first that we aren’t heading back to my place.

  “Where are we going?” I ask once I notice the strange route we’ve taken.

  “I have a stop to make before I drop you off. Is that okay? I know I should have checked to make sure that you didn’t have plans.”

  “No, it’s fine. I don’t have any plans other than working on my articles.”

  “Okay, good” he says with a smirk that confuses me.

  About fifteen minutes later, we pull into the lot of a luxury car dealership. I hadn’t known Tanner was planning on getting a new car. He loves his car.

  “You didn’t tell me you were getting rid of the Range Rover,” I say. “You love this car.”

  “I do love this car. I’m not getting a new car.” His smirk has grown into a mischievous grin.

  “Then what are we doing here?” I ask, confused as hell.

  “You’re getting a new car.”

  “Umm, no, I’m not. I can’t afford a new car, especially not a car from this place.” Looking around the lot, I don’t see a single make that would sell for under fifty grand.

  “It’s a gift from me.”

  “No way in hell. You are not buying me car,” I screech. Is he nuts? Why would he buy me a car?

  “Why not?”

  “If you have to ask me that, then you know nothing about me,” I say, exasperated.

  “Please let me buy you a car. It’s not like I can’t afford it. I don’t like that fact that your shitty car could leave you stranded at any point in time while I might be on the other side of the country. It’s really not a big deal,” he insists smiling at me. He thinks he’s won, knowing I usually can’t resist him.

  His mind control tricks aren’t going to work this time. I won’t let him buy me a car.

  “It is a big deal! Do you buy all the women in your life cars?” I ask pointedly.

  “I have, in fact, bought my mom a car before. Once, for Christmas. It had the red bow on the top and everything,” he proclaims proudly.

  “Well, that’s your mother, Tanner, not just some girl you’re dating.” I’m getting madder and madder the longer the argument goes on, and I refuse to give in.

  “You are not just some girl I am seeing, Ashley,” he says in a very harsh tone.

  “Really? Then what am I?”

  “First of all, you’re my girlfriend and someone I care deeply about. You also happen to need a reliable car. I can afford to give you that and also give myself peace of mind. It’s not just about you, Ashley. I can’t be worried about you getting stranded somewhere and me not being able to get to you,” he argues.

  “I’m not comfortable accepting a car from you.”

  “Please. Consider it a birthday present,” he counters.

  “My birthday isn’t for another month and a half.”

  “So? What do I need to do to get you to pick out a car?”

  I’m getting the feeling that I’m not leaving here without a car, but maybe I can negotiate.

  “You’re not buying me a new car. It has to be used and nothing expensive. So basically nothing that’s in this place,” I insist, hoping he backs down.

  “It will be new, and it will be from here, so how about we just go pick one out and you shut up?” He grins at me victoriously. “I’ll even let you have your wicked way with me later,” he adds.

  “Ooh, you spoil me,” I laugh. I could use a new car and if Tanner wants to buy me one, so be it. I’m not going to argue about this any longer. It seems to make him happy to do this for me.

  Less than an hour later, Tanner is signing papers for my new pearl white BMW. Despite all my initial bitching, I do love it. I can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that he’s just bought me a
$40,000 car though. Of course, he wanted it to have the works. At first, I objected, saying I didn’t need all the fancy frills. Then I stopped arguing with him because it wasn’t worth the effort. I let him to pick out what he wanted, and Id picked the color. Of course it was one of the colors they didn’t have in stock. I told Tanner I was fine picking another color but he insisted on getting it in white. Therefore, my new car will be delivered to my condo in a few days.

  “Happy, baby?” he asks as we head back to his car, a huge grin onhis face.

  It’s blatantly obvious how happy he is. That’s all that matters to me.

  “Super happy. Just another perk of having a hot, rich football player for a boyfriend,” I say without thinking, giving him a devilish smile.

  Tanner’s face drops at the comment, and I realize my error.

  “I’m sorry, that was a really stupid thing to say. You know that I wasn’t serious, right? I would never use you for material things, Tanner. I don’t need the car, you know. I swear! We could cancel the order, and I would be just as happy,” I say honestly, hoping he doesn’t freak on me. I’m kicking myself for saying that, knowing how Tanner feels about people using him.

  “I know, Ash. I just don’t like how those words sound coming out of your mouth, even in joke form.” He frowns.

  I hate the sad look on his face he gets whenever he talks about people who have used him for things. He’d had that same look on his face when he told me about Carrie. His eyes lose their usual sparkle, and his shoulders slump as though he’s holding up the weight of the world with them.

  “I’m sorry,” I apologize again, wrapping my arms around his torso and pulling him close to me. “I really do appreciate the car. No one has ever bought me anything like that before. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, baby,” he says with a small smile.

  “I believe there was a part two to that gift, though. Do I get to have my wicked way with you now or do I have to wait until they deliver the car and have my way with you in the back seat?” I ask, wiggling my eyebrows suggestively.