Stressed Spelled Backwards

by Ivanova, Svetlana

  Karmen just smiled. "There was no reason. I ended it so that everyone else would think I had high standards. I meant, even Veronika got dumped by me. Surely other girls would want to be with me. Girls want what everyone else wants."

  "Actually, I think you lowered your standards by losing her," Elise said.

  "No one asked for your opinion." Then Karmen turned to me again. "What's the key to hooking up with a chick, Azra?"

  "Er..." I wasn't prepared for the quiz. "I guess if she thinks you're nice..."

  "Wrong, wrong, wrong," interrupted Karmen with a disappointed look. "Gay girls, straight girls, they all want bad girls."

  Elise and I looked at each other in confusion.

  The car stopped in front of the giant neon sign that blazed: Bunny Moon Club.

  "The first impression is the most important thing," whispered Karmen as we paid our admission. "So watch what you do, how you walk, what you say. Take medium-sized steps, and try not to smile so much."

  I took a mental note. Bunny Moon Club was an oasis for dancing-crazed lesbians. The dancing hadn't started yet. They were still serving dinner. We got a booth and ordered three burgers. Elise and I wanted pizza, but Karmen insisted that it would do too much damage to our breath.

  "As soon as a girl steps into a place like this," she told us as we sipped our martinis, "she divides all the other girls into groups. You haven't even said 'Hi' to her yet, and it could be all over if she already sorted you out into the wrong category."

  Elis signaled for the waitress. "Excuse me, do you know if these napkins are made of recycled papers?"

  Karmen gave her a disgusted look then turned to me and said, "Azra, that's what I'm talking about. And if you look up the bimbo in the dictionary, there's probably an illustration of Eliska Novikova there."

  As we were eating, the place was steadily filling up. By the time the music started, it was wall-to-wall people. The beat was bone-jarring, and the colored lights and lasers electrified the dance floor. We stood there for a long time, soaking up the atmosphere. There were older women in their thirties and late twenties winking at us and giggling to each other. But Karmen told us to keep our high standards.

  After a while, we decided to mingle with the other dancing girls. While Karmen and I tried to dance, Elise looked at every girl in the place, and I mean every girl. It was like she was shopping for a house. She would walk ten steps and stopped, looked then walked ten steps and looked again. She did that for half an hour before she came to us and said she was bored and wanted to go back to our table and read a book.

  I hadn't found anyone eye-catchy enough to dance with yet. Besides Karmen said, "The big fish will come to us by themselves."

  Who was I to argue with the girl who dumped Veronika Mirsky? We headed to the counter and asked the bartender for our drinks. Karmen ordered the most expensive drink in the place.

  "I guess it's not our night," I began. "We should leave."

  "Are you crazy?" Karmen gasped.

  "Well, we don't have all night scouting for every human female in the building."

  "We've just started," she said with a grin into a distance. "Now watch and learn."

  She got her drink and put two straws into the glass and walked off to share with...who?

  But I had to give her some credit because after a few minutes, a very attractive girl showed up just in time to face her. I swear the girl looked like an Elven Princess or something. Karmen didn't even say a word. She just pushed a straw in her direction and grinned an invitation.

  I watched the whole scene played out. Two thirsty girls and a glass of expensive drink. The girl smiled brightly back and lunged at her straw, and Karmen also lunged at hers. It would have been sweet and charming if their foreheads did meet— way too hard.

  Karmen staggered back after the headbutt, but the girl crumpled to the floor, unconscious. The fancy drink slipped out of my best friend's hand and plopped down right on the girl's blonde head.

  There was a lot of screaming and scrambling, and suddenly, Karmen was at my side again with a panicky look.

  "Okay, we'd better get out of here," she said. "I think I just killed that girl."

  Chapter Three

  "What? You can't leave now!" I raged. "You knocked her out cold! We have to help her."

  "But when she wakes up, she's going to be mad!" Karmen flinched and rubbed her forehead.

  I grabbed her by the elbow and dragged her back to the crime scene. We pushed through the crowd of spectators to where Karmen's victim lay. Guess who was at the center of everything, directing traffic, barking orders, and applying wet towelettes to the Elven Princess? That's right. The Princess Peach.

  Soon the unconscious girl came to and was on her feet again though dripping with water. She cleaned up a little, and we hustled her out for some air. Even after that vicious coco-bump and drenching with alcohol, you could tell she was still great-looking. She was tall and slender, with a really natural look to her. She didn't put on makeup like most girls around here. Also, it didn't hurt that her miniskirt barely covered her fantastic legs. Legs that made men drool like a bulldog and women ached with envy.

  We tried to help her getting to our booth. She still looked disoriented.

  "Are you alright?" I asked. She nodded. I handed her a glass of iced water. She took a sip and seemed to regain herself again. I booted Karmen in the shin and looked at her sternly.

  "Well...uh...I'm sorry about what happened," Karmen said. "It was an accident."

  "That's okay," the girl said. "Don't worry about it. This place is too packed with people. Anything could happen."

  The Elven Princess looked up with those brilliant green eyes and smiled. I swear I could hear the sound of our hearts falling in love. Her personality was a plus, too.

  "I'll get you another drink," Karmen said and called on a waitress. She ordered yet another expensive drink for our newfound crush.

  "So what's your name?" this time, Elise asked. "Are you here alone? That's why some idiot got a chance to knock you over?"

  Karmen glared at the back of Elise's head.

  The girl introduced herself as Clarice Kingsley. She was with her friends but they were all in the bathroom making out with some other girls.

  "You girls seem different from the people around here," she noted afterward.

  "Oh, how so?" Karmen said.

  "Well, your awkwardness and everything," Clarice said, which made all of us blushed. "So it's your first time here?"

  "Yeah, we just moved in," Karmen said. "We live near the Upper East Side, Manhattan."

  "Really? I live there too!" Clarice said. "What do you do if you don't mind me asking?"

  At that point, Karmen gave her a wide smile. If there was a drum roll, she would much appreciate it.

  "We're models," she said then grinned over at us. "We did quite a lot of modeling back in Moscow."

  "Oh my god! Really? That's so cool!" Clarice was clearly enticed. "I want to be a model, too. It's always been my dream since I was a kid."

  "Actually we're not..." I began but was cut off by a kick under the table.

  "So you want to go for another dance?" Karmen said instead.

  But Clarice threw out this curve. She was looking straight at Karmen and said, "I think we should go out somewhere else. This place is too crowded now."

  Elise and I snapped to attention. Karmen's whole face lit in triumph. In ten minutes flat, they had a taxi. Karmen who had been ready to leave Clarice Kingsley passed out in the pool of a cold drink, got the girl. Elise and I got a 'it was a pleasure to meet you.'

  "I can't believe it! Why would she go with her?" Elise said when they were gone. I just shrugged.

  "Maybe Karmen was right," I said. "No one wants good girls."

  ~*~

  Since that night, Karmen had been raving about her enchanting time with Clarice Kingsley.

  "She knew I was the perfect combination of sexiness and coolness," she said. "Clarice almost melted on the sidewal
k right there and then when I bought her a single perfect rose from this vendor on the street. She just knew I was a keeper."

  "Great," I mumbled without enthusiasm.

  "I wonder how devastated she would be if she knew her heart was given to the wrong keeper," said Elise with a grimace.

  "You're just jealous." Karmen shrugged and grinned. Last night had put up her on a mellow mood, and not even Elise's sour remark could rile her. "But don't worry, there must be some boring women around here just for you to pick. Maybe a lady librarian or a professor of Stonehenge."

  I tried hard not to show it, but my stomach kept churning as she spoke. If Miss. Optimistic said one more word, I was going to bonk her head. Obviously, Clarice had no taste at all. Any idiot could see that Karmen Kaverina would treat her like a customer at the salon, first come first serve. I would treat her like an Elven Princess that she was.

  "So when are you gonna see each other again?" I asked.

  "No way! If you call a girl within two days, you would seem desperate," Karmen said. "You have to wait for a week."

  "So you're going to ignore her for a whole week?" I said.

  "I've dated guys, that's what they do," she said. "They keep you daydreaming about them and that's when you're hooked."

  Elise shook her head if to say she had never heard a more ridiculous thing than this.

  We went down to the deli every morning. It amazed me how we quickly became familiar with the place although the people there couldn't say the same with us. We fell into a routine: breakfast or brunch at the deli, outdoor activities at the National Park or window-shop down Fifth Avenue, snack time with Netflix at home and dinner out at small pubs. That gave us a chance to explore different parts of the city every night, and soon we knew the bus and subways routes as though we had been living here all our lives.

  Our social interaction with the neighbors was generally nothing more than a polite smile or wave, and a murmured of 'Good morning.' We never got to know their names, so we developed our own secret nicknames for our fellow tenants.

  The Pole Dancer lived in Apartment 2A. She had a fabulous body and always wore tight leather pants. She was about my mom's age, but she looked like a makeup company's best customer of the year.

  Next were the Lovebirds who lived across the hall from us. They gave each other kisses every time they left the apartment. They took their meals in the deli and spent the rest of their time frolicking.

  The fourth floor was the steepest, narrowest, darkest and most treacherous climb like the side of Everest. There lived a tiny, frail, silver-haired, one-hundred-year-old grandma who loved to jog. She jogged several times a day. We called her Jogging Granny. She breezed along the sidewalk like a fluttering leaf in the wind. Sometimes as we watched, we got paranoid that every step would be her last. But she was the friendliest person in the building.

  Then there was the Invisible Man. We never saw him, but we often spotted our landlady doing special food delivery to his room.

  "He's the best tenants I've ever had," Celia said. "Makes no hassle or complaints. And he pays his rent on time."

  "He could be a potential serial killer, Celia, you never know," Elise said. Celia narrowed her eyes.

  "There's something annoying about you, Miss. Novikova," Celia said. "Are you accusing me of hiding a criminal? Me? A respected figure of this neighborhood?"

  "No, Celia," I said hurriedly. "We didn't mean that. We believe you have a fine judgment of characters."

  "Damn right, Russian girls, and hopefully you three aren't my first mistake," she said before turning away.

  One afternoon, we came back to our apartment with a pleasant surprise. We each received an invitation to a model audition next Friday. I didn't know Karmen's strategy actually worked. The three of us squealed like little school girls. It was the best piece of news I'd heard in a long time. At last, something began to look up for us.

  ~*~

  What young girls, if only for a fleeting moment, haven't dreamed of this? I thought as we were standing in line with the other model-wannabes in the hall. Who wouldn't want to be the It-girls, being treated like a princess and looking like a living doll? That might sound shallow, but that was what Karmen was telling us.

  "Wear no makeup for an audition," Karmen had instructed before we came here. "Choose simple clothes that show off your body shape and no high-heels."

  "No high-heels?" I said.

  "You will thank me later. It's the biggest casting call and can take hours," she said. "Everyone wants to get in."

  I turned to Elise. She looked cute in her flounce mini skirt and her bow-tie blouse. Karmen herself was a knockout even in her simple light blue shorts and a plain white top. Her sunkissed blonde hair was up in a messy bun.

  I glanced down at my newest skinny jeans and a black leather bomber and felt a bit overdressed, but Karmen approved of it as a good option for a more commercial casting.

  "Today, they don't want just beauty," Karmen went on. "They want beauty with a twist."

  "What does that mean?" Elise and I asked at the same time.

  "Well, everyone can be beautiful these days," she said. "So you have to have a character and uniqueness added to your looks."

  I wanted to ask more, but our conversation was interrupted by the arrival of a girl. We recognized her immediately. Clarice Kingsley looked like a million bucks walking into the room. For some reason, she seemed taller and her hair was blonder than I remembered.

  "Clarice?" Karmen was the first to call her.

  "Karmen!" her face lit up as she found us there. "What are you guys doing here?"

  "Oh...well...we're..." Karmen stammered.

  "We're waiting for the audition," Elise told her forwardly.

  "But I thought you were already professional models," Clarice said, confused.

  "Back in Russia, yes," Karmen said. "Now we want to claim the international stage."

  "I see." Clarice gave a slow nod. Then her brilliant emerald eyes drifted to mine. I didn't realize I was staring at her the whole time. Her immaculate hair and flawless skin and everything about her was so luminous I had to avert my eyes to avoid getting blinded.

  "Ladies!" a high-pitch male voice said. "Get your numbers and be ready. We'll start in five minutes."

  "Are you here for the casting call, too?" Elise asked Clarice.

  "Yes," she said. "I'm so happy I found you guys here, too. I'll need a lot of advice."

  "Of course!" Karmen said. "Anything you want to know."

  Then she whisked Clarice away before any of us had a chance to engage in the conversation with her. Elise murmured some murderous things under her breath. And I tried not to resent my best friend for her luck twice. I would have caught Clarice's eyes that night. Maybe my dress had the same pattern as the wallpaper at Bunny Moon Club.

  We continued to wait for our names to be called. And good grief, there was a long line of girls. It took forever. Karmen killed the time by flirting with Clarice. Elise read her paperback. I played some mind-numbing games on my phone to keep myself from lapsing into a coma.

  Then my number was called. I didn't notice it was mine until Elise nudged me.

  "Dude, it's your turn," she said.

  I leaped to my feet with a start. My heart pounded so fast. It was also from the fact that everyone was looking at me including Clarice. I told myself to calm down and just do my best.

  There was a long table for the judges. Two middle-aged women and a gay man in a flower-printed blazer. One of the women with silver blonde hair held up my application form.

  "Azra Kononovich," she said. "Sea blue eyes. Dark blonde hair. Proportional body. Hmm....Perfect."

  I smiled widely.

  "We love your looks, honey," the other woman said. "Can you give us a quick walk?"

  I did as I was told. It was nothing. Really. You just walk back and forth then swirl and that's it. I had seen it a million times on the TV.

  "Fabulous!" the man said then turned to the staff. "Ok
ay bring in the next one."

  "Wait, that's it?" I said.

  "Yes dear, we don't have much time," he said. "We'll let you know the final cut."

  The next girl was Clarice. She saw me and smiled. In that moment, I was sure they would pick her just by the smile alone. She walked into the room like a sunshine. Her steps were floaty and bouncy. I didn't bounce like that when I walked.

  When I got out, Karmen was by my side again.

  "So did they like you?"

  "I don't know," I told her.

  "Well, we'll have to wait then," she said with a shrug. "But guess what? I just asked Clarice out on a date tonight!"

  Elise rolled her eyes. I tried to be happy for Karmen but I couldn't.

  Then it was her turn to go in following by Elise.

  I didn't see Clarice getting out again. After it was all over, they announced the names of the top ten girls who got selected. Just as I predicted, Clarice Kingsley was the first to go through. We held our breath, waiting and waiting. But our hope plummeted too quickly when we realized there was only one name left. Who was it?

  "Eliska Novikova," they called.

  Karmen and I looked at her. We were shocked.

  "Cool," Elise said with a shrug.

  Don't get me wrong. I was happy for my friend's success, but unlike Karmen and I, Elise never wanted to be a model. She just went along with it for fun.

  "Wait, there must be a mistake!" Karmen said and walked up to the three judges. "I don't see your logic why I and my friend are not selected."

  "Honey," the gay man said. "You and your friend look fab. But her walk is a bit generic and yours is too expressive."

  "What?"

  "Spend more time learning to walk and you can come back again next time," he said and walked away.

  Elise had the time of her life giggling all the way to our apartment. Karmen looked more shocked than upset. Something like this shouldn't have happened in her perfect world.

  "At least, I have a date with Clarice Kingsley," Karmen said at last.

  "Well, a date is nothing," Elise said. "In case you forget, she and I work together now."

  She quirked her eyebrows at Karmen. And just like that, some sort of competition had been declared.