Stressed Spelled Backwards

by Ivanova, Svetlana

  Chapter Four

  Karmen was floating around the apartment in her red spaghetti strap dress. She was trying to make Elise jealous that she had a date with the Elven Princess tonight.

  "I believe in miracles," she said, dabbing perfume over her person in front of the mirror. "If good things don't work out, better things will."

  As I listened, I tried not to think about Clarice Kingsley and her long beautiful mermaid hair.

  "Where are you going to take her to?" I asked her.

  "Somewhere fancy and romantic, of course," she said. "I wouldn't take a girl to a lousy place."

  "Well, just remember that you're still unemployed," Elise said.

  Karmen shot her an offended look.

  "I would like to hear more from you, but I'm busy now. Can I ignore your opinion some other times? I have a date to go to," she said then she grabbed her cell phone. "Hello, Clarice? It's Karmen—Karmen Kaverina. Yes, I'm ready—oh? Wait, what?...You've got other plans? Well, break them...We have a date! — oh you can't? Well...no problem. Ha-ha...Nah...don't worry about it. Later."

  She hung up and looked irritated.

  "Bummer. She can't make it today."

  A few minutes later, Elise's phone rang and she picked up.

  "Hello?" Elise said. "Oh hey! Yes, I'm free tonight. Oh cool, I would love to!"

  After she hung up, she pranced around her room and started getting dress.

  Karmen and I snapped our heads to each other. A while later, Elise emerged from her closet in a pastel pink dress and a white silk blazer. She looked elegant and cute. Even Karmen was staring at her up and down in scrutiny.

  Karmen was very calm when she asked Elise, "Where are you going?"

  "On a date," Elise said and winked at us. Karmen burst out laughing.

  "At last!" she said. "There is a woman desperate enough to waste a Friday night on you, Princess Peach!"

  Elise just smiled and started applying some cherry lipstick on her pouted lips. She put on her heels.

  "Hey, you want me to call the Uber?" I offered.

  "No thanks. Clarice will be here in five," she replied.

  "Clarice?" Karmen and I said together.

  "Yeah." she shrugged.

  We didn't catch it at all, and it took a few seconds to sink in.

  "You're on a date with Clarice Kingsley? The Clarice Kingsley?" Karmen added. "No way!"

  "Well, I believe in miracles, too," Elise said and began to walk to the door. "Oh and don't wait for me. I'll be late tonight."

  When she left, Karmen grabbed me and we raced to the window. We saw Elise reappeared, walking hand in hand with Clarice into a car.

  "Impossible!" Karmen said. "Did she just blow me off for that bimbo? What the hell is going on? Now she's dating the Princess Peach? How did that happen? Did I miss something?"

  I turned back and sat down heavily on the couch. My hopes for Clarice Kingsley got whisked off farther away. Karmen seemed unusually calm as she sat down beside me. I couldn't imagine what she was thinking about.

  "Well," Karmen said. "There's only one explanation. Clarice is a nutcase. Poor Princess Peach. Good thing I didn't get mixed up with her."

  "You didn't call Clarice back all week, remember?" I said in a feeble attempt to defend the girl who clearly didn't notice me. Karmen shrugged.

  "Her loss," she said. "Now what are we going to do tonight?"

  "I scouted out the perfect place for us to eat," I said. "It's cheaper and nicer than the deli. It's right here across the street."

  "Good," Karmen said. "Hopefully I can get to hook up with some hotter chicks than Clarice."

  The bistro was in a building that looked like a cooler version of ours. The paint was fresh, the brick had been sandblasted, and classic wooden windows.

  "We'd better be careful not to let Celia see us going into someone else's place," I said to Karmen. As soon as I said that, we heard our landlady's voice.

  "Nooo!"

  We wheeled to see her rushing across the street after us, waving her meat fork. By the time she reached us, she was gasping for air.

  "Miss. Kaverina! Miss. Kononovich! You can't go in that place!"

  We stared back at her. "Why?"

  "It's not good for young women like yourselves! Too many men. You'll get harassed or even spiked!"

  I swallowed hard. "Ms. Celia, you're not scaring us, are you? This place looks pretty nice and well-organized."

  The meat fork made a dangerous arc in front of us.

  "You can't relax in there! It's full of potheads packed like sardines!"

  Karmen brightened. "That's what we want. We're looking for some fun time."

  "No! Miss. Kaverina, you're not disappointing your parents," Celia said. "Come and have dinner in my restaurant."

  We looked at our agitated landlady in suspicion.

  "Ms. Celia, what do you have against this place?" Karmen said.

  "It's owned by a money-crazed hag!" she said. "She stole my husband until his death. And for twenty years this witch has been trying to steal my customers. She's making a fortune with that fancy appearance, but it's all fake in there!"

  "I get it," Karmen said. "You're jealous."

  "What?" Celia glared. "I deny this!"

  "Look, Ms. Celia, we're going to eat wherever we want," I said. "It's cheaper than your deli because our cash is limited."

  "Pish posh! I always see you buying expensive clothes," Celia said. "I pray you don't get food poisoning in there."

  Our landlady started back to the deli. Karmen and I gazed with a forlorn expression at Celia's large figure retreating.

  "Bummer," Karmen said. "We just wanted some food and fun time. This woman spoiled my mood."

  We decided to go somewhere else. We found a restaurant that was fairly cool but not too expensive-looking. No sooner were we seated than Karmen's radar was up, scanning the vicinity for a likely female. I ordered low-cost food from the menu.

  "Bingo," Karmen said smugly at the girl who had her back turn to us. Her blonde lock cascaded down her small back like living seaweed. "I bet she would make Clarice Kingsley look like a train wreck."

  The problem was when the girl turned around with her dazzling green eyes and smiled, it practically knocked the two of us over in our chairs. It was Clarice herself. She didn't see us, but Elise did, and she frowned resentfully at Karmen. Well, talk about big cities and coincidences.

  When the food arrived, I was stuffing my face like crazy, so that we could leave the place, but Karmen insisted that we had every right to stay. She didn't find it embarrassing but rather some sort of a challenge instead.

  "Keep calm, Azra, we're just here to eat," Karmen said while enjoying a glass of cheap red wine.

  "Don't even think about it, Karmen," I warned her. But it was too late because I could sense the cogs and wheels turning in her head.

  "Check the table in front of her," she just said. "Clarice has the lemon soda. When she reaches for the glass one more time, she'll be mine again."

  "What?" I asked.

  "Watch and learn."

  These were Karmen strategies, they made no sense, but they worked! It unfolded just like she said. After Clarice put down her drink, she excused herself from the table. Karmen suddenly disappeared. I found her heading down the hallway to the restrooms. I knew she was going to trap the Elven Princess there. I didn't like what would come next, but I had no control of the situation. Elise turned in her chair and shot me a look that would melt lead. I shrugged back at her apologetically.

  "Did you girls follow me?" she asked as she walked up to me.

  "No, Elise! I swear we didn't know you were here," I said. Elise didn't seem to buy it.

  "Azra, are you with me or with that foxy minx?" she asked.

  "Aw...come on, I'm not taking sides," I said. "You both are my best friends!"

  But Elise wasn't listening anymore. She looked around the restaurant.

  "Where is she?"

  "Who?"

 
"That foxy minx!"

  "Oh, she—er—she..."

  Then we saw Clarice walking back from the restroom. But her face flushed bright pink. Her bright green eyes seemed a bit glazed over. Elise went over to her quickly. They exchanged a few words and then went back to their table. Elise asked for the bill. I watched them leave through the door.

  I turned back and found Karmen on her seat again, grinning.

  "Karmen, what did you do?" I asked with a scolding look.

  "What? I just claimed what is mine from the beginning," she said. "Princess Peach could only go far until the real champion shows up! A mind-blowing, knee-jerking kiss beats a romantic dinner date any day!"

  "No, you did not!" I gasped. "Elise is going to kill you if she knows that!"

  In fact, I wanted to kill her myself for kissing Clarice Kingsley. I was so pissed.

  Karmen just giggled to herself.

  "No one can steal my girl and gets away with that," she said and shrugged. "If I say so myself, it was true artistry getting her back, right under Elise's nose! I doubt that the Princess Peach could beat my signature move, the hot passionate kiss we shared earlier was just insane."

  I was gritting my teeth. "You'd better be careful when we get back."

  Chapter Five

  "I still can't believe you did that," I said as we both entered the apartment. "If Elise finds out, you'll be wrapped in plastic, sitting in the supermarket with the rest of the pork chop!"

  "Azra, I can't believe you're concerned about it. I practically stole my girl back in front of said girl," she said. "I bet Clarice herself didn't even see it coming. You should be happy for me."

  "And you still have the decency to come back," Elise said with her arms crossed over her chest. She looked at us in accusation. I froze in the hallway with wide eyes.

  "What do you mean? It's my apartment, too," Karmen said and walked off to open the fridge. Elise stared at the back of her head. If she could use heat vision, she would have roasted Karmen on the spot by now.

  "I knew what you did to Clarice," she said. I gasped.

  "Oh, did she tell you?" Karmen turned to face her.

  "No, but I know you," she said. "You always play dirty."

  "Listen, Princess Peach," Karmen said. "I was the one who found her first."

  "And I'm the one who saved her from a potential player like you," Elise said and stepped closer to Karmen. They started a staring match. I could imagine the electricity projecting from their eyes.

  "Whoa...whoa...girls!" I came to stand between them. "We're not fighting over a girl, okay? We should establish something as a ground rule. We need to have a sis-code."

  "What?" Elise looked at me.

  "It's like a bro code invented by the Americans," I explained. "It's basically a friendship etiquette."

  "Well, you tell her," Karmen said. "She has never heard of territory. You don't move in on another girl's girl."

  "I didn't," said Elise smugly. "She asked me out."

  Karmen's face turned red. I figured she was going to grind Elise into a meaningless powder. It didn't happen because the phone rang. I went to pick it up and heard Celia's loud voice like it was through a speaker.

  "No one is interested in your love life, can you girls tune it down a bit?" she said. "There are people in this building who are allergic to dramas."

  I glared at my two best friends as if to say, 'you heard her.'

  We decided to call it off for now. Elise sulked into her room. Karmen went to wash her makeup. Then another phone call, and it was from my mom.

  "Hi, honey," she said. "What are you doing?"

  "Oh nothing, just watching a drama."

  ~*~

  With two of us being jobless, and Elise's first paycheck was still in question, we had just enough money in the bank to last us another month. Or less. We went to the supermarket and bought instant everything. Instant macaroni and cheese, instant rice, instant potatoes, instant pasta, frozen vegetables, precooked chicken, and pizza.

  We had to live on $15 per person a day. And living for a week on fifteen bucks in New York City was a special talent. Fortunately, we still had some groceries left. Nothing fancy, soup, sandwiches, Kraft Dinner, and cereal for breakfast. A care package of muffins from Mrs. Novikova arrived by mail, and we were really thrilled. That was probably the lowest point in our lives when we were just happy to see muffins. Every penny counted. We had enough cash to send Elise on the taxi to her photo-shoots. So if Karmen or I got a job, we would have to use the bus or the subway. As for eating out and entertainment — forget it.

  We'd just bundled Elise off to work. Karmen waved at her as she got into the car with a sarcastic, "Have a nice day at work, honey!"

  I had gotten up early to prepare her a brown bag lunch, but she mentioned something about lunch break with Clarice, so I chucked it into the trash bin instead. But later I recovered it because I was hungry.

  Karmen was still hurt from the biggest rejection in her modeling life. Things always went her way back in Russia. Not that she was successful in this career or anything, but she insisted that her ten thousand followers on Instagram was proof enough that she deserved the job. I guessed she had no experience in dealing with anything less than sunshine and roses.

  Karmen almost set our apartment on fire one morning. I was still in the shower when I heard our landlady yelling through the window from the deli.

  "Put it out, Miss. Kaverina! Smother it with water! Don't burn down my building, I tell you!"

  Wrapping myself in a towel, I ran out to find the apartment thick with black smoke. Elise and Karmen were standing there, staring at the flaming fry-pan.

  I found a cover and smothered the fire. I threw open the windows then I put my face out and bellowed as loud as I could.

  "No problem! Just a little accident cooking breakfast! Everything's under control!"

  "I'm not deaf, Miss. Kononovich," came Celia's reply. "Come down to my restaurant. I'll make you safe breakfast."

  By this time, the fire was out, but thick clouds of dense smoke were billowing from the burned pan.

  "You have to use low heat," Elise was lecturing, "especially with this type of pan. It's not made from anodized aluminum..."

  "Okay, I give up." Karmen threw her hands in the air. "I'm sorry I didn't take a course on how to do everything in the known universe. My sincere apologies."

  Elise gave her a grim death glare.

  "Hey." I stepped between them again. "Celia could make us breakfast. Just relax. No worries."

  We went down to the deli and sat at the same table like the other regulars here.

  "Well, Karmen, it looks like we blew our chance at being hired when we got turned down at the last audition," I said while we were eating. "Maybe we should find some side jobs just to keep ourselves afloat."

  "What kind of job do you suggest?" she said. Suddenly, Ms. McHugh came up with The New Yorker Employment section and dropped it on our table.

  "What's this for?" I asked.

  "Celia said two Russian girls might be looking for employment as of today."

  "Yeah, but we don't think these jobs suit us," Karmen said. "We're not brain surgeons or computer data analysts. We're models, remember?"

  Then Celia who was behind the counter, involved in a hubcap sale, said. "Okay, Miss. Kaverina, for the love of all things edible, I don't wanna see three starving Russians in my building. Just know that the first rental payment is coming this weekend. Jobs for feeders are hard to come by these days. "

  "Celia, have you been eavesdropping on us?" I said.

  The landlady brandished her spatula defensively. "It's my fault you young ladies are yelling and screaming all the time? You want some privacy? Try talking like a normal person." Then she turned away to her work.

  "Now even our landlady knows we're broke," Karmen said.

  "We need to find a job, fast," I said in agreement. Then I turned to Elise. "You have enough cash for the cab?"

  "Don't worry, a compan
y's driver is coming to pick me up today," she said with a shrug. A moment later, we saw a long black limo rolled in and pulled up right in front of us. Everyone looked through the window.

  "See you later," Elise said and left the deli. Our jaw dropped as we watched her getting into the limo with some other models.

  "Wow," I breathed. "She's living the dream."

  "She's living our dream," Karmen said. "It's not fair!"

  "If you wish to say that often, you'll have to get in line," I said.

  Chapter Six

  Elise was invited to stay and have dinner with the executives and celebrities almost every night. Sometimes, we didn't even see her for a whole week. She would call to tell me she was in Barcelona or Mumbai doing a photo-shoot. Sometimes, we didn't hear a word from her.

  Once, Karmen just lost it and jammed all Elise's clothes into her suitcase, zipped it up and left it out in the hallway. I wasn't there to stop her. I was in the café trying to find any job online. Then at one in the morning, Elise showed up, good-natured as ever, suitcases in hand.

  "Sorry," she said and began to unpack.

  Karmen blew up. "Sorry? Sorry? We're almost homeless, and you're out there having a damn good time. Now, what are we supposed to do, go down to the street and stand like a statue for money?"

  I was starting to consider it. It could be a life-saving occupation if it came to that.

  Elise just shrugged. "I was working."

  "Right! Working as you eat lobsters and drink champagne while we had peanut butter sandwiches," Karmen scoffed. I hated to admit it, but sometimes, Karmen and I stalked Elise's Instagram to see her frolicking at some paradise-like island with other models. Karmen even went further to report her pictures for nudity (though Elise was just looking too hot in bikinis).

  "Are you stalking me on social media?" Elise said, narrowing her eyes.

  "Well, Elise," I said. "The important thing right now is that we're broke. And the rent is due in two days. We don't have any money."

  "I got paid, guys, don't worry," she said with a smile and went to her room. I let out a sigh of relief. Karmen looked a little embarrassed, but she tried to act cool.