Footprints In The Sand

by Michelle Horst

  “What’s going on,” someone asks. When I look behind me, I see the locker room filling with curious eyes, all trying to get a peek into the store room.

  Upset that anyone is seeing Lacey like this, I get up and grab hold of the door. “None of your business!” I snap and slam the door shut.

  A whimper from Lacey tears at my heart. I quickly return to her, going down to my knees again. “You’re safe, Lacey,” I say, keeping my voice gentle. “I won’t let anyone hurt you. Never again!”

  She has her arms wrapped tightly around her knees. Her dress has fallen back, leaving her smooth white thighs exposed. Her breaths are coming so fast, I’m scared she’s going to hyperventilate.

  I can’t stand it anymore and go to sit next to her. I pull her into my arms. Her body stiffens and she shrieks. I do my best to ignore her fear, to not let it overwhelm me, too. I just want to make it all better for her!

  She is so small compared to my bigger body it’s easy to pull her onto my lap. I press her against my chest. My hand trembles lightly as I smooth out her dress, so it covers her again. “Let me help you.” I hold her tighter and press my face into her hair. She smells like flowers.

  Her shoulders start to shake and then I hear her choke on a sob. I start caressing her hair, just trying to give her some comfort. I don’t know what else to do right now. Maybe it’s a good thing if she cries.

  I hold her for a long while. The trembling subsides and soon it’s only a sob every now and then.

  The door opens and Coach Herbert frowns at us. I give him a pleading look, hoping he’ll understand.

  “Is that Lacey Johnson?” He takes a step into the room and I feel Lacey stiffen all over again.

  “She just needs a moment,” I try to cover for her.

  Coach looks like he wants to say more. He looks behind him at all the other boys. “Get to the field!” he shouts at them. Lacey’s arms go around my neck, and she flattens her chest against mine, as if she’s trying to crawl inside me. Coach must have noticed it, too, because he gives her a look filled with pity. “Take a moment but don’t miss your next class.”

  “Thanks, Coach.” I wait for him to close the door before I ask Lacey. “How are you feeling?”

  She hides her face in the crook of my neck and mumbles, “It’s so hard,” she chokes on a sob. “It’s just too hard. I don’t know what to do.”

  So many feelings are clogging up my throat. My voice is thick when I whisper, “I don’t know what to do either. I don’t know how to come back from it all.”

  She pulls back a little and looks up at me. Her face is so pale, with red patches on her neck and under her eyes. “Really?” she asks, her voice very small.

  I nod, so glad that’s she’s talking to me. I quickly continue so she won’t pull away from me. “Sometimes it feels like I’m drowning. I feel guilty for what he did. Sometimes it’s all so hard to believe.”

  Her eyes focus on my collar and she shakes her head lightly. “Before it all happened I would have given anything to make you see me.” She sounds so lost, that the meaning of what she’s saying flies right over my head. “Now …” a breath shudders through her, “I didn’t know it would cost so much. I wish I was invisible again.”

  As if she only realizes now that she’s in my arms, she pulls back. She gets up and then nervously tucks her hair behind her ears. She looks everywhere in the room but at me. I get up, sad that the moment is over. “Look, Lacey-” She spots the door and goes for it.

  “I …” she pauses for a moment by the door, then yanks it open, “I’m sorry, Seth.” She walks away as fast as she can, keeping her head down. It feels as if she’s walking out of my life. She’ll always see Dad when she looks at me. I’ll always be a reminder of what he did to her.

  ~*~

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lacey~

  I skipped school today. I couldn’t face Seth after what happened in that room. I told mom I had cramps and spend the whole day on the couch.

  My phone rings and only when I see it’s Natalie do I answer. “Hi,” I clear my throat when the word comes out sounding squeaky.

  “Why weren’t you at school?” That’s one thing about Natalie, she doesn’t beat around the bush.

  “I didn’t feel well,” It’s not the truth, but it’s not a lie either.

  “When were you going to tell me?” The question throws me. I have no idea what she’s talking about.

  “Tell you what?” I sit up and try to reach for the TV remote. It’s just out of my reach and I stretch some more, adamant not to get up.

  “That you made out with Seth in the boys locker room! How could you, Lacey? His dad almost killed you!”

  I fall from the couch and land on the floor with a dull thud. “No … I,” I start to stammer, stunned out of my mind by what she said.

  “Hayden says he saw you. He says he saw you and Seth having sex. It’s all over the school! Why would Hayden lie? He’s one of Seth’s best friends.”

  “No! We…” Before I can tell Natalie any different she cuts in. “I thought we were best friends! I looked out for you, Lacey. You let Seth Brody screw you in the boys’ locker room! I can’t have a slut for a best friend. You know how conservative my parents are. They will freak if they ever hear of this! I’m sorry, Lacey, I really tried to be your friend but I can’t be linked to what you did.”

  Just as Natalie disconnects the call, someone bangs on the door. In a daze I go to open the door. It must be Mrs. Mathews needing another cup of sugar, she said she’s baking today.

  I open the door and when I see that it’s Seth and not Mrs. Mathews, I take a step back. Shit! I’m dressed in an old pair of shorts and t-shirt. I look horrible, just like I feel.

  “We need to talk,” he says out of breath.

  I look around the small space and shake my head. “Not here.”

  He gives me a pleading look. “Take a walk with me?”

  I look around the small space for anything I can use as an excuse to say no, but I come up empty handed. I take a deep breath and grab the sweater I left on the couch, and shrug it on before I step out of the RV. I lock the door behind me and start to walk in the direction of the beach. I didn’t even put on sandals. The pebbles dig into the soles of my feet.

  We walk in silence and with every step we take, I grow more nervous. He can only be here to tell me about the rumors. He walks a step or two behind me, and when we reach the beach, I glance over my shoulder at him. He still looks the same as before. Still the same tousled hair. Still the same blue eyes. My eyes drop all the way to his feet and I see my own footprints in the sand followed by the bigger ones his shoes leaves behind.

  “I don’t know if you heard,” he starts. He shoves his hands deep into his pockets and glances at me from under his lashes. For a moment I’m struck by how handsome he is and my heart skips a beat, but it’s only for a moment. “There are rumors that we had sex. It’s all over school.”

  My mouth drops open and embarrassment floods me. It’s one thing to hear it from Natalie, but not Seth. And he says it like we’re talking about the weather! “Hayden is just being an ass. I’m so sorry,” he quickly adds.

  I nod, clear my throat and nod again. I had sex once and it was such a big mistake, but I was fifteen and stupid. I thought I’d be able to fit in if I did it. I thought I’d be able to hang on to Jonas, but he dropped me as soon as he pulled his pants back up. It didn’t even last five minutes. We left for Florida a week later, much to my relief. If I knew then what I know now I would’ve stayed in South Carolina.

  I can’t believe this is happening! It really starts to sink in. I can’t bring myself to look at Seth. I nod again. When I push by him so I can go home, he takes hold of my arm. “I’m so sorry, Lacey.”

  I swallow hard on the tears and manage to keep them in. “I think it’s best if we’re not seen together. We don’t want to give them something else to gossip about.”

  I quickly walk away. I just want to get to the safet
y of our RV. I don’t want to think about anything. Maybe if I ignore it all, it will just go away.

  ~*~

  I manage to make it to my locker without any incidents. I get the books I’ll need and rush to class. I’ve already missed so much of school that I can’t afford to miss more. I want to graduate this year and move on with my life.

  I take a seat by the window and watch the door to see if Natalie will have Math with me. I want to talk to her and explain what happened. She’s the only friend I have. I can’t lose her!

  The kids file into class, and soon the whispers buzz in my ears. Seth comes in and I quickly look down at the desk. Seconds pass and then his hand appears in my line of sight. He places a crumpled piece of paper on my desk and then I hear him take the seat behind me.

  I stare at the paper for a while, before I reach for it with a trembling hand. Against my better judgement I read it.

  Tears well up in my eyes until the words are all a blur. I should throw the note away, but instead I fold it carefully and tuck it into my pocket.

  Instead of concentrating on Math, I start to scribble on a piece of paper. I shouldn’t do this! Nothing good can come from this.

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty

  Seth~

  My eyes are glued to Lacey. I should leave her alone, but I can’t. I have this insane need to fix it all. I tossed and turned the whole night, trying to come up with a way to help her. Eventually I gave up on sleep and decided to write her a letter. When the bell rings she gets up, and as she starts to leave she drops a crumbled piece of paper in front of me. My heart drops to my stomach thinking she didn’t read it. I grab the paper and I start to tear it in half when I see my name.

  She wrote back! Lacey actually wrote back. Relief spreads through me as I walk to my next class. If she reads my letters I might just be able to get through to her.

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Lacey~

  I hear the whispers. I feel the stares. I know what they’re all talking about. The first two days it was about the kidnappings and murders. Now it’s about me and Seth.

  I don’t think it would have bothered me as much if the rumors where spread before I was taken. I was in love with Seth and just maybe the stupid rumors would have made him take notice of me. I would have been fine with that.

  But now Seth sees me because his dad almost killed me. Seth feels guilty and wants to make it all better.

  I don’t think anyone can make it better.

  Natalie is ignoring me. It’s unbelievable how quickly she made new friends! When I pass her during classes, she looks the other way. It hurts.

  When it’s time for break I head to the library. There is no way I’m facing that cafeteria all alone. Yeah, I know I’m hiding and sooner or later I’ll have to face everyone, but right now I’m at school and I think that’s enough.

  I grab the first book I see and go to sit way in the back. I open the book to the first page. I quickly glance nervously around me and then I start to read. At first the story drags and I struggle to stay focused. Suddenly, the pace starts to pick up and I get sucked into the life of the characters.

  A bag gets dropped on the table, giving a heart attack. Startled, I glance up and then the little peace I managed to find in the library vanishes into thin air.

  I watch her take a seat. She looks at me and I’m shocked to see an apologetic look on her face.

  “There are so many other tables. Why do you have to sit here?” I mumble under my breath.

  Paige leans forward and her apologetic look turns to a pleading one. “I’m sorry, Lacey. I should’ve tried to stop Hayden. I was scared. He…” she lets the sentence trail away. For a moment I think I see fear, but then I shelf that thought. No one would dare hurt Paige! She’s everyone’s favorite.

  I just stare at her, wishing she’d leave.

  She starts to fiddle with a piece of her long blonde hair. It looks like silk. Her eyes dart to mine again and the words rush out, “Please, Lacey, I’m so sorry. Can we be friends again?”

  I close the book in front of me and stare at it for a long moment before I get up and without looking in Paige’s direction, I whisper, “We were never friends.” I decide to take the book and start to walk to the counter.

  ~*~

  We used to share all our secrets. I told Natalie everything. I told her how I hated living in a RV and traveling so much. I told her I hated Paige. I told her everything about Seth - how I felt, how I went out of my way to see him, the bus rides – all of it.

  I can’t remember any of the secrets she told me. Not one single one. Even if I did, I wouldn’t tell anyone else.

  But she did. She told everyone all of my secrets. It’s all over school how I am in love with Seth, throwing myself at him every chance I get. The most awful thing of all – everyone was laughing saying how I must’ve begged Mr. Brody to kidnap me just so I could get Seth’s attention.

  Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse, it does! Why is all of this happening to me? What did I do wrong to deserve this?

  I thought Natalie was my best friend, but I’m clearly mistaken. It hurts! It hurts so much that she’s done this to me.

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Seth~

  You know when there’s a car accident or fight and you can’t help but watch? That’s what my life feels like, like it’s heading towards this huge crash and all I can do is watch.

  I’m waiting for that final impact, the one that will shatter me. I have a lingering sadness for what happened to Mom … and so much guilt that I didn’t see it coming. I should have stopped it. I hate Dad and wish I could wipe him from my memories, from my life. I hurt for Lacey, it’s a gnawing ache. Every time I see her sad face, and how she’s being bullied it feels like someone is taking a piece of my heart. Soon there will be nothing left.

  It’s been a week since school started and every damn day there’s something new.

  Yesterday there was a note stuck to my locker. I know Hayden’s handwriting so I know it was him. What he wrote hurt.

  I threw it away before anyone else could see it.

  Lacey avoids looking at me. She always makes sure she sits on the opposite side of class, and walks wide circles around me.

  I don’t know what else can go wrong, but I’ve had enough.

  ~*~

  I use to love school. I used to love life. Now I only go to school so that I can graduate and go to college. I’ll show them I’m nothing like Dad. I’m going to leave them all behind, leave this town behind, and I won’t look back.

  I only talk to Marcus. He’s the best and I know he won’t turn on me like that girl turned on Lacey. What kind of a friend kicks you when you’re down? That shit sucks!

  Every second story doing the rounds at school is about Lacey. I can’t believe I called some of these kids friends! How can they be so cruel after all that’s happened?

  On my way home from school I sometimes see Lacey walk way ahead of me, then I’ll follow her to make sure she gets home safely. I guess I’m trying to make up for that night I didn’t make sure she was safe.

  A car pulls up next to her, and I recognize the Audi Hayden’s dad got him for his eighteenth birthday just last week. He hasn’t stopped showing off. I start to run already knowing I’m not going to make it in time.

  Lacey’s head is down. She doesn’t see Hayden as he gets out of the car. “Lacey!” I yell. She looks around just as Hayden reaches for her. Jackson and Tommy get out, too, cheering Hayden on as he grabs Lacey by the arm.

  “Let her go!” I shout as I get near them. Hayden swings around, but at least he lets go of Lacey. “I told you not to touch her!” I don’t stop and run all the way up to Hayden, and then throw the hardest punch I can. I’ve had enough of him spreading rumors and bullying Lacey. He can mess with me, but not her.

  Hayden stumbles back, right into Lacey and it causes her to fall. That only ignites a deep burning anger in me.
“What the fuck, Brody?” he growls as he wipes some blood from his busted lip.

  “I told you it’s Harper now. I told you to leave her be!” I shout the last part as my anger wins out.

  “Fuck you! You chose a chick over our friendship?” He pulls his arm back to swing a punch at me and I watch in horror as his elbow slams into Lacey face.

  I rush forward and blindly start to throw punches. My breaths are on fire in my lungs as I suck in air, my arms starting to burn from the force I’m using. Hayden goes down and I follow him, but I don’t get in another punch as the other guys pull me back and away from Hayden.

  I yank myself free and go to Lacey. Tears are silently running down her cheeks, while she stares at us in horror. I throw my arm around her and pull her to my side. With one last look at Hayden I warn, “Don’t ever come near her again.”

  I start to walk down the street, holding Lacey tight as Hayden shouts, “You’re making a mistake! You’ll come back begging, Brody. You better watch your back!”

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Lacey~

  It feels like my heart is pounding in my eye. I can’t believe all of that just happened. I’m not sure what just happened, except that Hayden got his butt kicked by Seth.

  Neither of us says a word as we walk towards the RV park. Seth’s body heat soaks into me, warming me. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t resist snuggling closer to him. I should pull away and tell him to go home, but I can’t bring myself to. So I lie and tell myself it will only be this once. I won’t let my feelings get carried away.

  I’m so glad when we get to the RV and Mom’s not home. I haven’t been following her shift schedule at the diner. Seth drops his arm from around my shoulder as I open the door, and I immediately miss his warmth. I feel him come in behind me and I hear him close the door. Suddenly all the air is sucked out of the small space and my stomach starts to flutter with the old familiar nervousness I always felt around Seth. I haven’t felt it since that night.