Footprints In The Sand

by Michelle Horst

  “Sit down so I can look at your face,” he says in a hushed tone. I can’t bring myself to look at him as I sit down on the couch. It’s like sitting on my bed … and there’s a boy in my bedroom … and, you know! It’s the first time a boy has been in my bedroom and after all that’s happened I’m still just a girl. And he’s still the boy I fell in love with. I feel a pang of sadness wash over me at that thought. What would have happened between me and Seth if Mr. Brody didn’t take me?

  I’m startled when Seth brushes some of my hair away that’s fallen over my forehead. I was so deep in thought, I must’ve spaced out. “Are you okay?” His tone is still hushed as if he’s careful not to scare me.

  “Yeah,” I whisper and then finally dare to look up at him. My eyes dance over his face, drinking in every one of his handsome features. Gosh, I love this boy so much. No, loved! I loved him. I can’t love him anymore, not with all that’s happened.

  He opens the freezer and takes out a bag of peas. He gently goes about pressing it slightly above my eye, where Hayden’s elbow smacked into me. Silence falls over us again and cloaks us in an intimate air, which I take in with every breath. My eyes betray me, and they keep darting up to lock with Seth’s. It’s around the fifth or sixth time when I glance up at Seth, that the bag of peas falls next to me on the couch. The look in his eyes is so sincere and intense as he cups my face with his hands. The second he starts to lean down, my heart leaps to my throat. He stops mere inches from my lips, as if he’s taking in my every breath. Having him so close to me, his earthy scent envelops me, sparks leap and dance between us, and then I feel the soft touch of his lips on mine – and for a moment, one moment - I’m in heaven.

  I push to my feet, and all the while our lips touch. I grab hold of Seth’s shoulders and his hands drop to settle on my hips. Seth tilts his head and then moves his lips against mine. I let out a content sigh … this is all I ever wanted.

  “Lacey!” My name is like a crack of thunder and Seth quickly lets go off me. He steps back and we both stare at Mom with huge eyes. It wasn’t like we were doing anything. There’s a look of shock on her face as her eyes first rest on me before she looks as Seth. “I think you should go home,” she says to Seth with a clipped tone. My cheeks flush hot with embarrassment.

  “Mom,” I hiss as Seth moves to leave.

  “It’s okay,” he says quickly, “I have to get home anyway.” He gives me a smile but instead of it warming me, it stabs at my heart. There is pity in his eyes. He just kissed me and all I see is pity. Did he kiss me because he feels sorry for me?

  I watch him walk by Mom and then there is a soft click as he closes the door behind him.

  “What was that?” Mom asks, placing her hand on her hips. “That’s the Brody boy!”

  My shoulders slump and I take a deep breath. “So?”

  “So?” Mom snaps. “He was here and you kissed him! His father almost killed you!”

  Anger vibrates through my body and I bite back the words I want to sling at Mom. She’s been having a tough time since I got out of hospital. She’s become very paranoid and she’s worried that I’ll have a breakdown because I’m taking it all too well.

  When I don’t say anything, she throws her hands in the air. “You can’t kiss that boy! He’s not welcome here!”

  “I’m seventeen. I’ll be eighteen in a few months. I’m not a child anymore. I can kiss who I want. It’s my mouth!”

  Mom’s eyes widen and then her face flushes with anger. “You’re my child. You’ll always be my child! I’m just trying to keep you from getting hurt. I couldn’t then, but I will now!” She walks towards the room in the back and her shoulders shake as she starts to cry.

  In a softer tone I say, “I know you only want to keep me safe, but Seth didn’t do anything. He’s been so nice to me while everyone else has turned their backs on me. He’s all I have.”

  “No!” Mom swings back to me. “We are all you have, me and your dad. You can’t trust anyone out there. Only we love you. Only we can protect you.”

  I feel tears burn my eyes. I blink and one falls free, rolling down my cheek. “I love you and Dad so much, but you can’t protect me from life. You have to let me live my own life.”

  “I did and then you got taken! I won’t let you be taken away from us again,” Mom says, her voice heartbroken. It hurts so much to see how this whole thing has affected her. She’s changed so much. She’s slowly becoming obsessed with my safety, only allowing me to go to school.

  As soon as she goes into the room I rush out of the RV. I need space. I need to think. I run toward the beach, knowing the sound of the waves will calm me.

  As I near the stretch of sand, I take off my shoes so I can feel the heat beneath my feet. I walk along the shore. When I see a pair of bigger footprints in the sand I try to match my steps to them. I have to make my steps bigger. Keeping my eyes on the footprints and with the sound of the crashing waves, I start to calm down and the darkness retreats.

  I hear giggling up ahead and when I look up, all that calmness vanishes. I can’t believe my eyes! Seth is talking to Paige and she leans closer to him, touching his arm. I stand and watch, unable to tear my eyes away from them. She smiles up at him, and I can see how in love she is with him. He says something and she nods – and then she stands on her toes and kisses him on the cheek. When they hug, I take a sharp breath, trying to force air into my lungs. I watch Paige pull back slightly and when she moves in for a kiss on the lips I turn around and walk away. I can’t watch them kiss minutes after he kissed me!

  With every step I take my mood gets darker. Everything is just becoming too hard. School is hard with all the rumors, and then there’s Hayden hating me for no reason. I never know when he’s going try something with me and my nerves can’t take much more. Home is hard with Mom and Dad’s constant worry. I wake them up when I have nightmares. I now sleep with the light on and it shines into their bedroom, and I just know it has to bother them. I feel so bad that they have to suffer because of me. I want to see them happy and carefree again, like they were before it all happened.

  Then there’s the thing with Seth … it just hurt so much seeing him with Paige. I’m on a constant roller coaster where Seth is concerned. I can’t stop my feelings for him, even though everyone thinks it will be wrong for us to be together. Clearly he agrees and it’s only guilt he feels for me.

  Then there’s the court case against Mr. Brody. I can’t do it. I can’t face Willow after all she’s been through. I can’t stand to see Mr. Brody again.

  When I get to the RV it feels like my chest is going to explode! I can’t stay here and have what happened to me destroy the people I love. I grab the notepad from the counter and dig around until I find a pen. My writing is horrible as I write a short letter to my parents. They just have to understand! I can’t live like this. They can’t live like this!

  I leave the note on their bed and grab my school bag. I throw some clothes in and stop in front of the jar my parents keep some money in for emergencies. I open it and stare at all the bills. I hate taking their money, but it will be the last thing I’ll ever take from them. I grab a handful of bills and shove it in my pocket.

  With my conscience feeling even heavier because of the money I took, I start to run towards the main road that leads to the city. I keep running and soon the grass turns to gravel.

  My mind is a mess, my thoughts are scattered everywhere. Minutes turn into hours, and as the sun starts to go down, my steps falter for the first time. It’s going to get dark! I didn’t think about that. I’m already out of breath from all the running and it doesn’t help that a fresh wave of panic tightens its hold on my chest.

  I stop and just stand there next to the road for a long moment, and try to think of one positive reason I should turn back. My mind is a dark place and I can’t find one sliver of light, so I start to walk again, away from the town, the people and away from my home. I ban all thoughts of my parents and Seth.

  Dark
ness is setting in fast. For a moment everything around me is illuminated as a car drives by. I hear it slow down behind me and my heart starts to thump hard as fear floods me. When I hear the tires crunch over the gravel, and the light of the car falls over me again, I start to run.

  Please! Please let them not stop! Oh God! I can’t take much more. Please let the car pass by!

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Seth~

  Instead of going home, I walk towards the beach. I replay the feel of Lacey’s lips on mine. It felt so right kissing her. I’ve wanted to do it for a long time and now that I finally have, I want to do it again and again.

  I’m lost in a day dream of Lacey when someone suddenly takes hold of my arm. My whole body stiffens and when I see that it’s Paige, my shoulders slump. I’m not in the mood for her right now. I still haven’t forgiven her for helping Hayden bully Lacey.

  Paige giggles and comes to stand way too close for comfort. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” she says, and as I’m about to take a step back from her she takes hold of my arm again. Another stupid giggle escapes her lips. “I just wanted to say how sorry I am about everything. The thing with your dad and Lacey,” she takes a deep breath, “and Hayden. He’s really being a douche.”

  “Yeah, he is,” I say, wondering where she’s going with this. Paige catches me off guard when she suddenly kisses me on the cheek. “I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am,” she whispers.

  There was a time I liked her but now that I’ve found Lacey I don’t want anyone else.

  “I better get going,” Paige says, looking a tiny bit uncomfortable that I’m not reacting to her. She leans in and hugs me. I give her a lame pat on the back, and I quickly realize it was a mistake when she tries to go for my mouth.

  I pull back and shake her hands off me. “No, Paige. I’m with Lacey.” Only when the words leave my lips do I realize how much I care for Lacey. I need to talk to her and make her understand how good we’ll be together. There is no one else I want.

  ~*~

  On my way home I stop by Lacey’s, but no one’s home. I’m a bit bummed. I really wanted to talk to her before school tomorrow. I’ll wait for her to walk by my house and then talk to her on the way to school.

  I get home late and I’m surprised to see that Aunt Janice isn’t home yet. I grab some leftovers and make sandwiches. Aunt Janice will be hungry when she gets home.

  I do some homework, but my mind keeps on going to Lacey. I hope she’ll give us a chance. I really believe we can be good together. I fall back on my bed and think of all the different ways I can ask her to go steady. She’s the last thing I think of as I drift off to sleep.

  When I wake up I’m surprised to see a note from Aunt Janice. She’s never worked so late before, or left so early. She left some money with the note, saying to get some milk and bread. I get ready for school, my thoughts returning to Lacey. I grab a mug of coffee and I stand on the porch and drink it, not wanting to miss Lacey.

  When I’m finished with the coffee and there’s still no sign of Lacey, I take the trash out. I can’t wait any longer. I’ll be late for school. I feel down as I lock up and head to school. I was hoping so badly to talk with her.

  School is a whole ‘nother story. Hayden glares at me and I know it’s only a matter of time before he comes, looking for a fight.

  There’s no note on my locker and I get the books for History. Lacey has History with me, so I’ll see her there. I can’t help but glance at Lacey’s locker as I’m about to walk by, and that’s when I see the piece of paper stuck to it.

  I push by the few kids standing around and grab the note from her locker.

  I run to class and wait with a pounding heart for Lacey. I hope she didn’t see that note! I’m going to put Hayden in hospital for that. It had to be him!

  The class fills and when the teacher comes in and there’s still no Lacey, I grab my stuff and without any excuse I run.

  When I get to Lacey’s RV the door is open. I peek inside and see Sophia sitting on the couch. Her shoulders are slumped. She looks beaten down. I know she doesn’t approve of my friendship with Lacey, but I push past the bite of fear. “Morning Sophia,” I keep my voice down so I don’t scare her. “Is Lacey here?” I get a bitter pang in my gut as I remember that morning I found out she was missing.

  Sophia looks up and for a second her glassy eyes don’t register. She gives me a bitter smirk and then holds something out to me.

  I take a tentative step into the RV and take the piece of paper from her.

  I recognize Lacey’s handwriting and a cold fear grabs hold of my heart as I start to read.

  The words blur on the paper until I can’t see any of it. Everything stops around me, the background noise, my breaths, my heart … and then I hear Sophia say, “Lacey’s gone.”

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Lacey~

  The car pulls up next to me and when I see that it’s only a woman, I sign with relief.

  She rolls down her window and smiles at me. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you there. What are you doing out here so late?”

  I swallow on the thick lump in my throat. “I’m heading to the city.” My voice is not as strong as I’d like it to be.

  “Let me give you a ride.” When she sees me hesitate she adds, “You’ll walk the whole night and it’s not safe.”

  She’s right and she’s not much bigger than me. I can take her on if she wants to hurt me. I glance up and down the road. I’m scared my parents will come looking for me. The thought alone is enough to make me jog around the car. The woman leans over and unlocks the passenger door. I get in before I can change my mind. The car is nice and warm and for a moment a light illuminates the inside, and I get a clear look at the woman. She has brown hair and blue eyes, and they remind me of Seth. A pang of sorrow clings to my heart, knowing that I’ll never see Seth again. He’ll always be a dream to me.

  “I’m Jan,” the woman says.

  I smile hesitantly. “I’m Lacey.” Once I say my name I regret it. I should have given her a fake name. Now she knows my real name!

  She gives me a warm smile. “Hi, Lacey. Do you have a specific place I can drop you in the city?”

  I didn’t think that far. Where will I sleep? I don’t even know how much money I took and if it will be enough for a night in a motel. Jan must see the panic on my face. She reaches over and pats my hands. I have them clinging to my dress. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything. I have an apartment in a nice building, close to my café. If you want you can stay there?”

  Tears flood my eyes. I don’t know why I want to cry just because she’s nice to me. “I can’t just stay in your apartment. I have no money to pay give you for rent.” It physically hurts to admit that to her.

  Her brow furrows and she bites her lip before she says. “You can help me in the coffee shop. I’ve been meaning to get someone. We can talk finances tomorrow. First things first, and that’s to get you to the apartment.”

  I choke on the thick tears clogging up my throat. “Why?” She gives me a puzzled look. “Why are you being nice to me?” I clarify.

  Her smile is warm when she says, “Because it could’ve been someone I love sitting in your position, and I would want that stranger to help them. It takes nothing to be kind and to help someone in need.”

  I cover my mouth as the first tear rolls down my cheek. I don’t know if I can trust her but I sure hope so. I’m all out of fight. I pray she’s the real thing, my own personal angel sent to help me.

  ~*~

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Seth~

  That first day was pure hell. The second day I spent trying to think of ways to find her. The third day I was so angry with her for just leaving like that. It took a month for me to realize she was not coming back. It was then that the darkness started to set in. I didn’t even feel like this when Dad took Lacey, or when I found out it was Dad that took Lacey. T
here’s a difference between then and now – I had hope. I always had hope that I would see Lacey again. She was a bright light in my life.

  Now she’s gone. I know she ran away, no one took her. She left because she didn’t want to be with us. I meant nothing to her … and that thought hurts so much. I know there is no finding her. My hope left with her. She was like a shooting star, here one moment, and gone the next.

  ~*~

  I’ve thrown myself into my studies. I’ve sent out all my applications for the colleges I’d like to go to. Now we wait to see who wants me, if any of them will want me.

  Aunt Janice has been working a lot so I’m home alone most of the time. Marcus spends some weekends at my place, then we play games until we fall asleep. I’d be lost without him. He’s more than just a best friend, he’s my family.

  Time blurs when you’re not paying attention. Weeks of your life just slip away. I can’t tell you what I ate yesterday.

  I stop at the mailbox and flip it open. I grab the mail and go through all the junk as I walk to the front door. A white envelope with a stamp on catches my eye. I take my bag off and set it down on the porch as I take a seat on the top step. My fingers start to tremble as I tear it open, and then I can’t open the letter fast enough. My heart pounds loudly, and then it shatters. I didn’t get in. The program I wanted to study is full.

  I didn’t get in.

  I really thought I’d get in. I can’t believe it.

  I start to tear at the letter, when anger explodes inside my chest, making it hard to breathe. I stop the tearing and read the letter again, and with every word my anger grows.

  I’m angry at them for not taking me. I’m angry at Dad for killing Mom, for killing those girls, and for hurting Lacey.