Glass Ceilings

by A. m Madden

She kissed his arm before gently prying his fingers loose. “Can you hold him while I get his diaper bag together?” Without waiting for an answer, she leaned closer to me and I automatically took him in my arms.

  “Bye-bye,” Nicholas repeated, immediately grabbing my nose.

  “Yes, little man, we’re going bye-bye.” He let me hold him the entire time Angela threw some diapers, toys, and snacks into a backpack. She dropped it on the floor near the door where his stroller sat. A few minutes later she announced, “I just need to change his diaper and make him lunch…and then we can go.”

  “I can change it.”

  She looked over, surprised. “You can?”

  I shrugged and admitted, “A friend and I once babysat Ben’s daughter. I know it’s not exactly the same to change a boy, but I think I can figure it out.”

  “Oh, okay. Um…diapers, wipes,” she said, pointing to the shelf below the changing table. She grabbed a toy cellphone from his crib. “This is his favorite distraction while changing him.” Without another word, she turned and left Nicholas and me alone.

  He continued to tweak my nose as I carried him to the changing table. “Okay, Nicholas, you be nice. I’m new at this.” I laid him down, handed him the cellphone, and went to work on changing my son’s diaper for the first time. No sooner did I have his old diaper off, than he proceeded to pee on me. Holding a firm hand on his belly, I jumped back as far as I could to avoid the rest of his assault. “Wow, buddy.” I laughed while he shamelessly emptied his bladder.

  Everything was soaked, from his outfit, to my shirt, to the changing pad beneath him. “Um, Angela?” I called out, helpless and, more important, baffled as to how I should handle this.

  She stepped up behind me and laughed as soon as she saw the scene. “I should have warned you.”

  “He’s done this before? I shouldn’t take it personally?”

  “No, definitely don’t take it personally. I usually lay a tissue over him to stop the stream.”

  “Ah, that makes sense.”

  Like a pro, she stripped him naked, cleaned up the mess with him perched on her hip, and had him diapered and dressed in record time. Nicholas was grinning at me when she lifted him up in her arms once done.

  Well played, kid, I thought. “Impressive,” was all I could say to her when she looked over at me.

  “Practice.” She surveyed my clothing. “Your shirt is all wet.”

  The clothes I still wore from the day before were not only wrinkled, but I now had a huge pee stain covering most of my chest. “I guess I should take this off.” I unbuttoned the shirt and shrugged out of it leaving me shirtless and Angela staring at my gun. “The safety is on it,” I explained.

  “Okay.”

  “Do you happen to have a T-shirt I can borrow?”

  “Uh, yeah.” She opened a drawer, pulled out an oversized Penn State T-shirt, and handed it to me. “My brother’s,” she offered at my confused expression.

  I felt her eyes on me the entire time, even after I had the shirt on. Leaving it untucked, I walked toward her door to grab my jacket off the coatrack.

  “Ready?” I asked when she still hadn’t moved from inside Nicholas’s room.

  “Um…yeah,” she said, blushing at being caught ogling me.

  Avoiding my gaze, she put a jacket and baseball hat on the baby, but the experienced mom I witnessed a few minutes ago suddenly became a clumsy, nervous Nellie. Her hands shook while trying to strap him into his stroller, she bumped it a few times on the way out the door, and then she realized that she forgot the diaper bag in the apartment once we reached the elevator.

  Internally, it warmed me to know that I still affected her…although it shouldn’t have.

  —

  The weather was perfect. On our way to the park I ran into a deli and grabbed us each a coffee and bagel. We found a bench and sat awkwardly with our son being the only icebreaker. When he wanted out of the stroller, I pushed him on the swings, or held him on my lap pointing out dogs or squirrels that kept him entertained. He ate his PB&J piece by piece from Angela’s fingers, babbling at anyone or anything he saw. To any passerby, we would have looked like a normal husband, wife, and child sitting on a park bench enjoying the fall weather.

  Looks could be deceiving.

  In reality she was a person of interest, I was an FBI agent, and we were both tangled in the same murder case. In spite of the tension that stretched between us, it still felt right being with her. I tried to keep old emotions from resurfacing by keeping things between us strictly business, but the more time I spent with them the harder it was to do so. Whenever I thought of tomorrow, I panicked from the unknown.

  I believed she hadn’t killed Ronnie…but whoever had was still out there, and Angela could possibly be on their radar, which meant my son was as well.

  When Nicholas became fussy, Angela said it was almost his naptime and we should head back. On the walk back to her apartment, she picked up on my mood and filled in the voids with little bits of information about my son. His favorite toy was anything with wheels. He loved bananas smeared with peanut butter. He hated every orange vegetable of any kind.

  “In fact”—she smiled at a memory—“he hated most jarred baby food. When he was six months old, I had to ask the doctor if it was okay to give him regular food. After he got his first taste of ice cream, and after he realized I kept it in the big silver box in the kitchen, he knew I had been holding out on him.”

  At the sound of the word, Nicholas began kicking his feet while crying, “Kreem, kreem.”

  “Oh boy, he heard me.” She leaned closer and whispered, “He’s truly like an addict on crack. I can’t get it in his mouth quick enough.”

  I laughed picturing him opening his mouth wider for her in between demanding more. “How much did he weigh at birth?”

  “Eight pounds, ten ounces.”

  “Is that big?” I asked, really not having a clue.

  She giggled at my ignorance. “Hell yeah, it was for a vaginal birth. He tore me up.” Her cheeks tinged pink and she bit her lip. “Um…sorry. TMI. It’s true what they say, the minute it’s over you forget every bit of the pain you endured.”

  The visual of Angela giving birth to our son invaded my thoughts. “I wish I’d been there,” I voiced out loud, feeling resentment once again. The pendulum swinging between anger toward her and desire for her was starting to make me dizzy.

  “Mama, kreem!” Nicholas persisted from his stroller.

  “If you take your nap like a good boy, you can have ice cream when you wake up.” Her negotiation seemed to appease him. He quieted down, and by the time we got to her apartment, he was rubbing his eyes with his tiny fists.

  I waited on the couch as Angela put him down for a nap. I reached for the thick photo album that sat on the side table, opening it to a picture of Angela during pregnancy. It must have been late summer because in the shot she stood sideways by a pool in a black bikini, her swollen belly protruding in front of her. She looked stunning all tanned and smiling wide. Her hands cradled her stomach while her long hair blew in the breeze behind her.

  “He’ll be good for a few hours. The park always exhausts him.” I looked up when she quietly closed the door behind her. She realized what I was looking at, and a blush spread across her cheeks.

  “Where was this?”

  “Dawn’s ranch in Ohio, that was a few weeks before he arrived.”

  “Beautiful.”

  “It was,” she agreed, although I was referring to her. “I felt like I was at a luxury resort. I’ll forever be grateful to her for taking such good care of me those months.” She sat beside me, peering over my shoulder. “God, I was huge.” Her breath fanned across my face. Her full lips were inches from mine and with one turn of my head I could’ve easily kissed her. Thankfully, she pulled away before I could succumb to my urge.

  The album took me through her pregnancy, and Nicholas’s birth up until his first birthday last month. She watched as I took my tim
e, slowly flipping page by page and examining every picture I saw. There was picture after picture of him being held by Eve, Jase, and others that I could only assume were her family. From the looks of the photos from that day, my son was surrounded by love.

  Feeling left out, I closed the book and turned to face her on the couch. “Take me through what happened once Ronnie found you.”

  Chapter 20

  Nick

  She sighed and sat back against the couch. “I have to admit, assuming that you were involved with someone put me in a really bad mood. After the shock wore off, I knew I had to try again, and I did. I stalked your apartment a few times, waiting for another opportunity to approach you. I no longer gave a shit whoever you were with, and I knew I needed to see you again. I hated how much I had to see you again, and at that point it had little to do with Nicholas.” When she leveled me with her gaze I couldn’t stop my body from responding to the spark of jealousy clearly evident in her green eyes.

  “So, Ronnie then found you?” I prompted the conversation back to his murder, and away from my growing arousal.

  “Yes, the phone calls and texts started up again. He knew I had a son, he knew where I lived, worked, and he even knew that Eve was here in New York with me. I didn’t care if he was Al Capone’s son, I was sick of his bullying…but I was also terrified for Nicholas’s safety. The only thing he didn’t mention was you. It was strange that after he had sent me those photos of your slashed tires you completely dropped off his radar.”

  “You knew he slashed my tires?” I asked incredulously.

  She looked away, embarrassed, and nodded. “He sent me pictures before I left Chicago.”

  I tried to put aside my resentment over yet another thing she’d kept from me. “He probably discovered who I really was.”

  She considered my theory. “Maybe he figured we weren’t together, so why poke a hornet’s nest. Anyway, after only calls and texts, a few weeks later Ronnie paid me a visit one afternoon at the store.”

  “What did he want?”

  She let out a sarcastic huff. “He had the nerve to say he forgave me for betraying him. He loved me, wanted me back, and would do anything to make it happen. The man was seriously delusional. I asked him again, why me? Apparently, I fit the mold perfectly. His father, although an animal, valued tradition. He wanted Ronnie to settle down and prepare to take over his legacy and his fortune. His father liked me. I was Ronnie’s golden ticket. He then said he’d adopt Nicholas, and treat him as his own. After he left, I panicked and called Luca.”

  The hair on the back of my neck stood up, my fists clenched, my jaw tightened at the thought of that pig even mentioning my son. As I unclenched my fists, Angela placed her hand on one of mine.

  “Nick, I would never let him get near our son. Trust me, I would have killed him myself. Luca felt the same, and told me to call the cops and file a restraining order. So I did, the very next day. The next day we also had my alarm system put in, and Eve increased security at the store.”

  Thank fuck for Luca. “Did Ronnie know about Luca?” I asked, suddenly grateful for this stranger who had the common sense to protect what was mine…what I should have been protecting.

  “We’re not sure. Luca thinks if he knew, then we’d know that he knew.”

  Ironically, I’d once used that same philosophy on Ben regarding his wife, Ella. It was a proven theory we in the FBI often banked on. “And you still don’t know if Delarro had anything to do with your uncle’s death?”

  “I don’t know that for sure, but I can’t speak for my cousin.”

  Luca Cavello was the only person who could fill in the gaping holes in her story. Time was ticking by, Nicholas would be awake soon, and I still needed to know what happened up to the point of Ronnie’s murder. My lack of patience for the lost time, my lack of information, and my confusion toward old feelings resurfacing were all making me irritable.

  “Is your brother home?”

  “Yes. He finally got home in July. He’s out of the military now. Having David back, and hearing less and less from Ronnie helped me feel a bit better, enough to want to contact you again.”

  “Okay, so that brings us to July? It’s now October and I never heard from you. Why’s that?” I asked, unable to hide the annoyance in my voice.

  “Luca asked me not to contact you yet.”

  “Why the fuck not?”

  “I don’t know, but I trusted him!” We glared at each other, neither of us wanting to back down. I caved first, closing my eyes, trying to calm myself down. “I told him I needed to tell you. He said you’d understand, but by contacting you we’d be bringing what we knew so far to the FBI, and he wasn’t prepared to do that yet.”

  “Who else knew I was FBI?”

  “Just me and Luca.”

  I turned toward her, taking a desperate hold on her arms. “Angela, you’re not helping me.”

  “Nick, if it weren’t for my cousin, I don’t know where I’d be right now,” she said in a quiet, calmer voice. “Even though Luca had been relentless in digging up anything he could find on Ronnie and his father, and he was very careful while doing so, he was still taking a huge risk. He purposely left me in the dark, only telling me what he felt I needed to know. He did it to protect me and Nicholas.” Her eyes never wavered from mine the entire time she spoke.

  Frustrated beyond belief, I let go of my hold on her. “Please tell me what you do know from Luca.” She hesitated for a moment, and I placed a hand on her knee. “I need you to tell me everything, Angela. Please. I can’t go into that room tomorrow without knowing everything you know. I can’t protect you if you keep anything from me.”

  “I’m afraid if I tell the FBI what Luca did, he’ll be in trouble.”

  I could feel her pain and her fear. Gently taking her hand in between mine, I waited until she made eye contact. “Angela, I meant it when I said I wouldn’t let anything happen to you or Nicholas. I’ll decide what it is the FBI needs to know, but to do so I need to know it all.”

  “Nick, I know your involvement with me is going to make trouble for you in your job.”

  “That’s my problem, not yours.” When she looked down at our hands, I lifted her chin until our eyes met again. “I won’t lie to you. Once you tell my colleagues this info, yes, Luca will be questioned. I’ll always be grateful to your cousin for keeping you safe, as well as my son, but, Angela, you and Nicholas are my priority. You need to tell me what Luca did.”

  She watched me remove my hand from her chin and frowned before continuing. “David put Luca in touch with his best friend, Silas Steele. Silas was ex-Army, CIA, and, with his brother Noah, ran Steele Security out of Miami. Silas immediately agreed to help them. They assured me that the Steeles had Ronnie firmly on their radar.” She stopped abruptly, lost and confused. “Nick, I’m scared for Luca and David. They instigated a war between Ronnie and one of the other families.”

  “How?”

  “Luca said that Ronnie’s sudden presence in New York would be the way to spark a war over territory control. All I know was that Silas followed Ronnie and took very incriminating photos that he sent to the other family.”

  “You know the family name?” I asked, not wanting to offer any information on the subject.

  “Yes. The Pucci family ran New York while Ronnie’s family ran Chicago. After my conversation with Luca, I heard from Ronnie less and less with each week that went by. The day before his murder he suddenly called me, and it made me extremely nervous. Next thing I knew, the FBI were at my door.” She paused enough to drag in a ragged breath. “So, now you know it all.”

  I released her hand and propped my elbows on my knees, processing what she told me. My mind spun as I tried to come up with a plan that would keep them safe while not jeopardizing my job.

  Through the door we heard Nicholas calling for Angela. She glanced at the clock before heading in to get him. Two hours had passed, yet it felt like no time at all. Chunks of time were disappearing and for
cing the clock closer to the proverbial hour of truth. Each second that passed only increased my panic.

  I truly had no fucking clue how to handle this. I always knew how to handle a case. Going in levelheaded, facts above all else, along with a keen ability to read personalities, made my job much easier than it should have been. It made me cocky, confident over the years. In one fell swoop, in one day, every ounce of confidence I had once possessed dissipated into thin air.

  It wasn’t just about possibly losing this case, or my job, or even my sanity. It had everything to do with losing her again, and Nicholas.

  Angela emerged holding our son. He hadn’t fully woken up yet, causing him to cling to her. She sat on the couch beside me while rubbing his back. His breathing evened out, making me wonder if he’d fallen back asleep.

  She took advantage of my silence and whispered, “Can I ask you something personal?”

  Choosing to stare at my hands instead of her, I said, “Sure,” and waited for her question.

  “Last night at the café when I admitted seeing you with a woman, you assumed I was referring to a blonde. Nick, I need to know, are you seeing someone?”

  Her question shocked me. We were supposed to be talking about Ronnie’s murder. I paused, conflicted about what I should say, knowing the more I shared with her the more that she would with me. I looked over, and our eyes met. “I am.”

  She looked down while chewing on her lip. “Who is she?”

  “Her name is Stacie. She’s a flight attendant, and we met about a year ago.”

  “I don’t know why this surprises me, I mean look at you.” She looked utterly defeated when she asked, “Is it serious?”

  “We have a lot in common.” I sighed and shrugged, adding, “It started as a friendship that evolved into something else. Her schedule has her traveling a lot, and mine has me working around the clock.”

  “Are you still with her?”

  “Yes, I’ll be seeing her this Sunday.”

  I watched as Angela became emotional. She sucked in a breath before asking, “How will she feel about Nicholas?”