Sin's Flower

by Carlene Love Flores

  Jaxon touched his hand to her back, making her sit up straight. The correction to her posture helped. She sat taller, with her knees bent, her head hanging back so that her shoulder –blade skimming hair appeared to hang that much longer. Her arms and hands braced her weight as her chest heaved slightly forward in anticipation of what he might ask next. Her sitting like that brought a sparkle to his turquoise eyes. If she held so much power in her hands to make him happy, how could she ever be weak enough to let him hurt her?

  “Lily, I want to sleep with you, but I want to do it in a way you’re going to enjoy too.”

  “And I don’t want you to feel like you have to be anyone but yourself around me,” she answered back.

  Jaxon looked at her as if he wanted to tell her the ways in which he’d like to peel off her skin and suck her dry of every cell in her body. She’d never seen anyone so hungry and so hesitant to go after that dangling bone. And he still hadn’t undressed her yet.

  She undid the first button of her flannel shirt. But he stopped her.

  “Let me. I like that part.”

  Oh dear lord, that meant he’d be paying extra close attention. It was a dangerous and scary thought. To be that bare. She held tight to her breath, hoping the extra inch of side flab wasn’t bulging from the tight-waisted yoga pants she’d chosen to wear tonight, her motivation to drop a size sooner than later. He began removing her flannel top. How many thousands of women had Jaxon James undressed throughout the years? Lily prayed she didn’t disappoint him.

  Her flannel fell to the ground which left her last layer. The snug but thin cotton undershirt she’d borrowed from Tris really was a size too small when worn alone. Boy did she ever feel that now. When she caught back up to his gaze, she found he was fixated on her chest. Thank the heavens men loved boobs.

  “Stand up, Lily.”

  She would have agreed to but her legs had gone numb from practicing such strict and straight posture. She’d been holding her thighs together so tightly she must have cut off circulation to her lady parts. A springy-like cramp popped between her legs and then spasmed its way all around the tense area. Unable to get up and not knowing what to do with her hands, she fumbled around the elastic waistband cutting deep into her skin as she hoped he couldn’t make out her hips in the semi-darkened room. A curse riddled through her mind that she’d left on the one small lamp up on her dresser. “I think I’ll just stay sitting,” she mumbled.

  “Okay.” He lowered himself and sat comfortably in front of her on the backs of his heels. In that squat position, the thick muscles of his thighs expanded and doubled the size of his legs, making him look all the more strong and hunky. She knew if the room were brighter, she wouldn’t find a single dimple of cellulite marring his physique. She, on the other hand, felt like she could give Swiss cheese a run for its money. “Hey,” he said rubbing her clothed thighs. “You know what my secret favorite part of your body is? Hmm?”

  She carefully shook her head no because it may very well fall off her neck at this point.

  “Here.” He rubbed a calloused, large hand over hers at first and then nudged it out of his way so he was the only one holding onto her hips. “Your curves remind me of Wineglass Bay.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The most beautiful, rounded beach in the world.” He emphasized by caressing his hands over her hips until she was sure she felt the tingles all the way to her scalp.

  “Lily? Lily, take a breath.”

  She almost prayed out loud to Jesus. Boy, the room was starting to spin.

  * * * *

  She’d been holding her breath, probably sucking her stomach in the way girls did for some insane reason. When her eyelids started to flutter closed, he grabbed for his pants with one hand and held onto her by the shoulder with the other. Her head did a severe rubbernecking once which seemed to snap her back to life.

  “Oh my god, what just happened? That felt so strange.”

  “Yeah um, you almost passed out.”

  “Jaxon? You’re dressed?”

  “About that baby, we need to slow down. It’s my fault for pushing too hard.” He tried to put the blame on himself, always sensing how fragile her confidence was and not wanting to shatter it. “I really like what we started but…hey, there is something special I’d like you to do for me tonight. Think you might be up for it?”

  “Yes.”

  He had his pants pulled up but hadn’t zipped the fly yet. Not against his straining dick. Her gaze had dipped down twice now. He gave the zipper a quick yank. Knowing Lily wanted him was torture but he wanted her ready and prepared for their first time. And she clearly wasn’t yet. But he pulled that earlier plan he’d thought up out, with a new exercise that might just help her with her insecurities over her body.

  “I want you to sleep naked tonight.”

  “Like as in without clothes, naked?”

  He had to remind himself that this was going to help her because her lack of comfort with her body really was a foreign concept to him. If he could run around without clothes and not get thrown in jail or lose Maryellie, he would. “That’s the kind of naked I’m referring to.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I’ve never done that.”

  “I gathered that much. You do like your PJs. Which is fine. They’re keeping you warm.” Until it’s my turn to do that.

  “You always sleep in the nude?” she asked him setting her eyes upon his face now and not letting them wander even a tiny bit.

  “Every day for as long as I can remember.”

  “But I like feeling snug when I sleep.”

  In the future, when she was ready, he’d revel inbeing her snuggly something. But he had fast work to do to get her there. He’d been so clueless about that weekend she’d shown up at his house. If he’d had any idea then about her ex, he would’ve been so much more careful. Exposing her to that weekend, and with Stefan showing up. God, he’d been such a fool. Women did that to him though, didn’t they? It was still his best explanation for his Vangie episode. Thoughts of his ex still fucked with his head again. He hoped she’d gotten her shit together, wherever she was. God help Maryellie since he was apparently her sole parent and role model. Even if he could be as good as he was trying for, there were just things he lacked that a little girl needed. He focused again on Lily who was indeed holding herself in a tight hug. If she did this for him tonight, he’d take her tomorrow. She’d be ready.

  “That’s what your blankets are for,” he reminded her. And me. He wished on all his stars for that day to come soon. “You don’t have to give those up. I sleep under the covers too. Just do this for one night. And if you really don’t like it, then no harm done. But I think you’re gonna dig the freeing feeling of your skin breathing the nighttime air and the sheets warming to your body, not trapped by all the extra layers. Just give me one night like this, please?”

  “I wish I was as comfortable as you with this stuff, Jaxon.”

  Me too. “Is that something you want?”

  “Yes. But it’s hard for me. I mean, body wise, there’s you and Tris and Lucky. Even Benny. You’re all tall and in this crazy good shape. Even pregnant, Tris isn’t fat. I fit in more with Bear and Luke.” She rubbed her lips and then bit down and chewed on a tiny piece of chipped pink finger nail.

  God, he had to picture really terrible things to keep him from chuckling at how cute and funny she was. But he knew that was just her defense mechy. She really believed that about herself. Tonight while she was safely sleeping away from him in her room, he was getting on a laptop and googling all the gorgeous examples of curvy women he could find to show her. The iconic curvy beauty Marilyn Monroe leaped to mind. He’d be awake all night without question. Just the thought of Lily sleeping naked would keep him up. All the way up.

  “You are not built in any way, shape or form like mine and Lucky’s fathers. That’s just bananas. Now lay your beautiful, about to be naked butt down and get some sleep.” He kissed her shoulder. The best part
was seeing how much she felt it whenever he did something so small.

  “I’ll try.”

  “Good. So I’m looking forward to breakfast with you in the morning. Want help with the French toast?” He twirled a lock of her hair between his fingers and then kissed that too, not ready to leave her and make his way to the living room and the empty couch.

  She twisted up her mouth. “I’ll make you some if you like. But I’m probably gonna try yogurt. You know, just for a change of pace.”

  “All right. Yogurt then.”

  He didn’t like the sound of her ditching her favorite meal. His gut was urging him to snatch her up, lay her where he wanted her right there on their bed of blankets, and make her his, inside and out. That’d be the quickest way to say “Lily, you’re fucking hot and you’re fucking mine.” But the cavemen had gone extinct for a reason. Lily deserved better. Jaxon would not be that ass anymore.

  “Okay, it’s a date,” she said.

  They were both standing now and he leaned in and gave her arms a quick couple of rubs. “I can’t wait.”

  To his fervent delight, she went up on her tiptoes and singed his lips like a dripping hot wax seal on a yellowed piece of paper. She’d closed her eyes for the two seconds it had taken. Good for her. He guessed he was okay with her breaking the rules every now and then.

  “That was our first real kiss, Lily.”

  “I know. Guess I was tired of waiting.” Her chin lowered and she peered up at him, contentment binding happiness to her features. She blew out. “Wow, it’s so cold. Maybe I’ll just run out to the hall closet and grab us some more blankets.”

  Oh yeah. There was that one tiny detail he’d left out. “Baby, you’re gonna have to do this in here on your own.”

  * * * *

  Visions of waking up in her birthday suit with the blanket having fallen off in the night and everyone in the house standing there staring gave her the twitches.

  “I wish I could stay in here with you and help more but trust me, at this point, I’ve got to go.”

  Gosh, what was he going to do if he was near her and she was naked? Gobble her up? Could be, she guessed and then wished on every star she’d ever seen shoot across the southern sky it would be true.

  “Well, all right, I promise I’ll give it a try.”

  “Good girl.”

  “Hey Jaxon, I know this is your way of trying to help me. I hope you can see what that says about you.” She turned and went to her bed to sit down. Lily hoped Jaxon didn’t plan on changing himself too much. He’d grown on her a whole lot. She had vowed never to get naked for another man, yet here she was.

  Lily moved a set of small, square lavender pillows to the head of her bed. They were her favorite because Tris had somehow scented them with lilac. She hugged one to her chest and inhaled the invisible bouquet that wafted up.

  “Why am I doing this? What am I trying to prove?” she whispered into the cotton stuffing. Jaxon wasn’t even here and he wouldn’t know whether she’d gone through with it or not. The thrilling feeling she’d had near Jaxon when he’d made this request had faded. The feminine tingles he inspired in her body and the seductive hug his stare gave her curves only seemed real when she was standing in front of him. Without him here, simply put, she wasn’t feeling it.

  Afraid of disturbing those who had found sleep in the house, she quashed the urge to tiptoe her way back out to the couch and snag Jaxon. Yep, that desire meant in the morning, she was going to have to spill this secret to Tris. It was time Lily started acting like the grown woman Jaxon had awakened within her. Still dressed, she closed her eyes and thought hard about the most delicate way to tell her sister she’d fallen for Jaxon and there was no turning back.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Christmas Eve…

  It was plainly obvious Jaxon could learn a few things from his younger male counterpart. When it came to treating a woman right and being a man about it, Lucky turned out to be a stud. Packing up a defiant, pregnant woman’s bags and carrying her out to the truck under protest took a brave man but he’d watched Lucky handle it with a cool calm just a few hours ago. Trissy’s early contractions had persisted so it was for her own good they’d taken off to find a hotel room near her birthing center.

  It was Christmas Eve, complete with a heavy smell of pine and sweet, spicy pies hanging in the air and colorful twinkly lights sparkling up against the shadows of the darkened living room. He sat on the couch alone, taking a quiet moment to look around at the photos framed on the walls and the way this family room made him feel a part of something but still stranded on the outside.

  The smell of buttery, hot popcorn beat Lily into the living room as she showed up balancing two large bowls for the movie they had on cue. She set one down on the coffee table for when Benny came back and then moved to Jaxon’s side and offered to share.

  “Thanks baby,” he said, guiding her closer to his lap. “I saved you a spot.”

  “Welcome. Um, on your lap?” she whispered. “What about Benny?”

  “He’s too big, won’t fit.”

  Her nervous smile lit up his innate dark hole and he may have pinned her with too needy of a stare because she turned and sat down exactly where he wanted her. “Okay.” She let her back melt into his chest and folded her legs up criss-cross style, settling in easily while he widened his straddle to take in her lush curves. He wanted all of her tucked into his lap. Her hair tickled his cheek and smelled divine. God, he wanted to fuck her like crazy.

  “So hey, while we’re waiting for Benny,” she said quietly, “I made his Christmas present this morning. It’s a wool hat. I hope he’ll like the colors. Forest green and charcoal grey.”

  “He’ll love it,” he nearly moaned into her ear. “He apparently lost his at the mall with Maryellie the other day.”

  “Perfect. He’s so good with her and it’s really sweet that he took her Christmas shopping for everyone’s gifts. Think he’d consider letting me adopt him?”

  Jaxon was so attuned to her every move and apparently this talk made her giddy; she wiggled her ass over his groin, bringing him along to her happy place. “If I didn’t need him so much back in Cali, we’d work something out. Shared custody maybe.” He tried desperately hard not to nip at the soft flesh of her jaw or round his hands to the sweet valley between her criss-crossed legs. Talking like this brought him into the realm he’d felt locked out of before. Lily’s devotion to Maryellie was precious. They could be a couple. That would fulfill his every desire as of late.

  “Hey, you haven’t asked what I want for Christmas,” he teased playfully at first, using a suggestive voice. But, as he committed to his proposal in his heart, his voice had no choice but to lull just as deeply.

  “So sorry. What would you like? A sweater?” she asked.

  Her head twisted past her shoulder so she could see his face. The sparkle in her eyes launched his ego to the stars as he whispered into her ear. “Time is doing its best to fly by, baby. New Year’s will be here soon and vacation time will be up. I’m gonna miss you.”

  “Me too,” she hushed out with shiny eyes.

  “I don’t want you to leave here, to leave your sister. This is a good place.” He took in a deep breath, being sure to smell every strand of her cherry scented hair, and then wrapped his arms around and squeezed her to his chest. He was about to do it. The thing he’d thought about all day as he recognized the better person he’d already become this past week. He’d genuinely wanted to help out around the shop, to drive her places she needed to be and to accept he had to be honest with Trissy. There was no reason not to say this to her now. “What I do want is for you to be mine. I’ll figure out a way to make it work. You can visit me as often as you like; I’ll come here as much as I can. We could make it work, if you’d be mine.”

  Her head slowly dipped, and kept dipping lower and lower. “Breathe Lily.”

  She took in a lungful but it was shaky.

  “What do you say, baby? Wil
l you be my woman?”

  Shit, please say something.

  Even better, she turned until her entire body brought her chest to chest, face to face, still in his lap. He saw that she was having trouble with where to put her legs and while he was dying to feel them hugging his waist, his help wasn’t helping much. She sat with them bunched up; her toes prodded into his bulge. This time he took the deep breath.

  None of that mattered when her shy smile turned up. “Are you sure?” She leaned in closer and whispered, tickling his ear. “I chickened out last night, you know. Do you really want a woman who’s never slept necked?”

  Maybe she was being playful, maybe dead serious. He hoped for a little of both because it was what endeared him to her.

  Their faces were close enough to kiss. “Okay, I want two things for Christmas. Will you be my woman and will you please sleep naked?”

  Because like Jaxon’s karma, Benny’s timing was bananas, he came back from the bathroom in that same second. The refrigerator motor sounded from the kitchen while Benny filled a glass with water.

  “Benny, mate, I officially have a woman.”

  Lily poked him in the chest. “Yes.”

  He kissed the tip of her nose for her answer he’d accidentally skipped over.

  “Great. You should officially get a room. Seriously, if you two are gonna be out here on the couch tonight, tell me now so I can go enjoy Lucky’s king size bed. Unless you guys want it. I’m chill either way but I’m bouts to conk out.”

  Jaxon steered his complete attention to Lily and quirked his eyebrows up in a question. She shook her head no with a “that’s gross” look.

  “I’m chill with the couch for now,” she offered, mimicking Benny. And then only for Jaxon, “I can’t imagine being in their bed but mine on the other hand…maybe after the movie.” She scrunched up her nose and to his ultimate pleasure, bit down on her bottom lip. “You can definitely have the giant bed, Benny. Stretch out and don’t forget your popcorn.”