Sin's Flower

by Carlene Love Flores

  Trying to speak would be a severe mistake because she’d say something crazy like stop or slow down, she just knew it. Instead she opened her trembling big girl legs and swiped his hair out of his eyes so she could see him as he inched his way down.

  God, please let him like this.

  “Hey, I’m gonna love this. I promise.”

  Lily relaxed at their uncanny connection and the way he got her. When his warm tongue touched her opening, she made herself take a big breath, in and out. It was so intimate with him watching her while licking and suckling her at the same time. She tried to smile for him but was too far gone in awe of the splash of pleasure she saw in his eyes. Her hips rose at the tickling sensation that grew each time he dipped his tongue deeper inside her. A pleasure burst was building so fast, she searched for his hands, at least one of them to hold onto. She was afraid if she left her fingers in his hair, she might tug on it and didn’t want to hurt him. His warm palms were harnessed to each of her hips but he let one go to grasp her hand in his. “You taste so good baby,” he whispered up to her. “Do you like it? Does it feel good?”

  “Uh-huh,” she managed to get out.

  He smiled and dipped his mouth back down and reopened her lips using only his tongue. Whatever kind of rolling wave thingy he was doing was amazing. She’d been enjoying that tickling sensation for a couple minutes now and wasn’t prepared for the intense pressure that built a second before her hips popped up and her buns tightened underneath her. All her tender parts began to spasm. As soon as that happened, it felt like Jaxon sucked as much of her flesh into his mouth as he could and held her tightly within his lips, his tongue milking her senseless. Her body jerked tiny ups and downs in response but he held on. It was so erotic; she’d never experienced anything like this. Tom had only ever gone down on her once and told her she really should have showered first. She refused to let that errant thought ruin her moment with Jaxon. The good news was that it hadn’t ruined it. What Jaxon had done for her just now couldn’t be crumbled. It was an untouchable feeling where past hurt and pain was concerned and he owned it.

  Once her hips stopped shooting up and down, he kissed her folds and then slowly made his way to her mouth.

  So that’s what satisfaction looked like on him.

  No grinning, no winking, just a soft, sleepy kind of expression. He kissed her several times, as if letting her taste herself on his lips and tongue, and petted her hair. He lifted himself onto his fully stretched muscled arms for a second before sliding back down to her.

  She would have gladly taken her turn pleasing and tasting him but he didn’t ask and seemed so peaceful and ready for sleep. And it had been one heck of a day and night.

  So many possibilities flashed through her mind as she took the outstretched bicep he offered her to rest her head. While he pulled her body into his and draped her with his heavy thigh, she knew they were meant to be together, through thick and thin, for better or worse. She knew those terms scared him, especially the “for worse” part. It terrified him to his core that he might hurt her somehow, just by being himself. She’d decided it was why he had taken so long to greet her at his home. And probably why he hadn’t just gotten them a hotel room somewhere for the privacy they desperately wanted. If he kept her here, he must feel she’d be protected by the family members who didn’t think the two of them were a good idea.

  Well, they were all crazy.

  He was good. She was good. Together they would be great and together they could give their funky pasts the boot.

  Jaxon nuzzled her hair with his lips and planted a kiss on her head before she heard his breathing become heavy. Later when they were awake again and had a moment of privacy, she was going to have him dig out that picture Tom had sent her and together, she and Jaxon would have a good laugh at it and then it was getting wadded up and chucked into the fireplace.

  “Enjoy your sleepies, Jaxon,” she said into the protection of his arm. I love you.

  Chapter Thirty

  Letting December twenty-fifth pass by quietly with a seven-year-old girl bouncing around the house was difficult on him as a daddy, but Jaxon was glad for the extra day to ease into his role as a member of this family. The amazing night he’d spent with Lily had done wonders for his attitude as the excruciating pinch of guilt he felt around his father and uncle had faded. He still hadn’t dealt with the news of Vangie’s death. That would have to come, he knew it. But not now.

  They’d prepared a few nice meals, with Lily, Grace and Maryellie at the head of kitchen ops while Jaxon had joined Bear and Luke in the surrounding woods gathering firewood, a first for him. He’d tried to snag Benny from the kitchen on the way out but laid off because his mate was setting up an unimaginable Christmas day viewing of one of the two available homes in town. Apparently the owner was eager to sell. But before he and Benny secretly headed over for a look, he’d had Mason man business to tend to. It was a good thing he was built like his father and could keep up. He’d expected questions and uneasy small talk from them but had found to his pleasure and surprise that they were men of few words. They hadn’t lured him to the woods for an intervention or to yack his head off. They really just wanted an extra hand with the wood.

  The best part? Coming inside to an angel’s smile and adoration.

  He’d showered and then used Lily and Grace’s request to take Maryellie to the dress shop as his and Benny’s chance to go see the home. He couldn’t help but kiss Lily out in the open at her offer to bring home enough kid-friendly sewing projects to keep his baby girl’s mind off the fact that Christmas was coming a day or so late. The thought made him wonder if Lily wanted children of her own. She’d make a great mom. And at this point, he’d give her just about anything she asked for.

  Jaxon was sure Trissy hadn’t noticed much of his growing public displays of affection all day because she’d been napping for most of it but now, her stare was definitely tuned in and zeroed on him. A modest pile of prezzies was spread under the tree, most of them made out to Maryellie and the baby, little Lucas Alan Eddie Mason whose picture had melted everyone’s hearts. Big guy had another month at least, more likely two in the NICU. Trissy and Lucky would be on their way back to the hospital soon. The proud parents had done a great job of naming the kiddo after every male family member present for his birth and perhaps the one man they all wished could have been there, Grace’s only child, Eddie Hart, Trissy’s father.

  Jaxon just felt happy to be included, sharing his and his father’s middle name with the bundle of joy. Trissy couldn’t hate him that much, right?

  “All righty, we only have a few hours until we need to get back to Lucas so let’s see what Santa brought,” Trissy said with a warm but worried smile.

  First she opened the baby gift that Lily made and complimented her handy work, saying how much she needed Lily at the shop with her and how valuable she was to their work. Much of that had been aimed at him, he was sure. Then as she opened her own present from Lily, Trissy noticed him holding Lily’s hand. He watched Trissy’s eyes circling to the same rhythm which he rubbed circles around Lily’s back. The moment they made eye contact, Jaxon knew she wanted to speak with him privately. But, neither of them said anything.

  Trissy opened her present while Maryellie cheered her on. It was the two frames he’d encouraged Lily to wrap the day before when he’d come home from sealing the deal on their home. Trissy held the picture of Maryellie and him posing in front of the tree from a couple days earlier.

  “I love it!” She gave Maryellie a soft squeeze as she was still tender. “This will remind me of you guys coming all the way from California to visit me. Thank you so much.”

  She hugged her baby sis next. Jaxon breathed easier seeing Trissy wasn’t taking her irritation at him out on Lily.

  “You’re welcome, Tris. There’s one more under it,” Lily said with a bit of hesitation. He renewed his rubbing of her back when he saw Lily’s posture straighten and tense.

  Trissy pa
dded the discarded wrapping paper and found the second frame. For a few seconds she just blinked but then her hand flew to her mouth. “Oh,” was all she got out before raising up, wincing, and grabbing her lower tummy. Lucky was at her side in a heartbeat.

  “You okay, darlin’?” Lucky asked his treasured wife.

  With her head tilted downward, she said, “Feeling woozy, must be pain meds.”

  But it was obvious to Jaxon something else was wrong. Lucky wasted no time helping her up and escorting her to the back of the house.

  “Is Auntie Trissy okay?” asked Maryellie.

  Jaxon wasn’t at all quick enough with what to say when Lily spoke up. “She’s fine, sweetie. When mommies have babies, they need a lot of rest to get their energy back. Here, I think Santa must have dropped these off when we weren’t looking yesterday.” They were two small boxes, one for Maryellie and one for little Lucas. Lily handed them to his baby girl and Jaxon noticed her hand was trembling. “Do you think you can open your baby cousin’s for him?” Lily asked.

  Jaxon inched even closer to Lily where they sat on the floor near the festive tree and whispered into her ear. “Hey, your hand’s shaking. Are you okay?”

  She gave the smallest of nods but he saw the worry welling up in her shiny eyes. Shit. She felt at fault for giving Trissy that picture from their childhood.

  He was about to ask if she’d like to go for a walk to the back yard patio where the fireplace was warming up but just then Lucky came out from the back bedroom.

  Discreetly, Lucky approached him. “Jaxon, can you go back there and talk to Trista? She’s not doing so hot and she asked to speak with you.”

  Jaxon blew out a breath, hating to leave Lily when she was being so brave but looking so fragile. “I’ll be right back, baby.”

  * * * *

  The twinkly blue, red and green lights on the tree blurred as her eyes kept on with the embarrassing show of tears. She held those suckers in though. She would not spoil Christmas for the rest of the family, as she’d obviously already done for Tris.

  Lucky, bless his heart, came up behind her and watched from over her shoulder as Luke looked again at the pictures of his grandson. Lucky’s hands weren’t the same as Jaxon’s, but he did his best to give her shoulders friendly, soothing squeezes.

  “Hey Lily, why don’t you come with me for a second,” Lucky said, urging her with a soft tug toward the back porch.

  She nodded okay.

  “Dad, we’re just gonna step out for some air. We’ll be right back,” he said to Luke.

  As soon as they were out of sight and hopefully hearing range of the family, Lily let out a sob. Lucky pulled her into a light hug and patted her back.

  “Oh Lily, hun, I’m so sorry for Trista’s reaction to your gift. She didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. She cares so much about you. Shh…,” he tried to calm her but while she appreciated Lucky’s sweetness, all she wanted was Jaxon’s strong shoulder to lean on and arms wrapped around her. To hear him say something wild that would crack her up.

  “What did I do? What didn’t she like?”

  “Hun, this has nothing to do with you, okay? Promise me you believe that?”

  “I don’t see how.”

  “She didn’t say much, just that seeing your…” Lucky pinched his lips together like he wasn’t sure how to proceed. “Seeing a shoe in the corner of the photo freaked her out. That’s all. It was nothing you did and has nothing to do with you.”

  Wrong. It had everything to do with her.

  All she’d seen in that picture was three happy little kids with lopsided socks, messy hair and milk mustaches.

  What a great and equally crappy example of her awkward situation since she’d arrived here. How did the ashamed daughter of the man who’d abused someone function as that person’s supportive sister? Was it even possible?

  “Lucky, be honest with me, I’m begging you. Would it be best if I moved out? Am I a constant reminder of what Tris went through when we were little?”

  He rubbed at his soul patch. “Trista loves you. Yeah, it’s bound to take some time to get over what happened, but she knows it’s not your fault. It would devastate her to lose you again, Lily.”

  Her sister wanted her to stay but to remain in such close proximity, under the same roof, Lily would have to constantly keep herself in check. The times she wanted to let go and share the happier stories of their childhood, she’d have to worry about hurting her sister. She could do it, but for how long? Lily’s biggest dream was having and keeping her big sister again. But maybe it was time to consider finding a small place of her own. Should she confide to Lucky her feelings for Jaxon?

  “Lucky, maybe this has nothing to do with anything, but I guess you should know that Jaxon and I are together. I don’t plan on moving away from here, but it’s a very likely possibility that I’ll go visit him in California. At first I was worried about being gone, but maybe it’ll be for the best from time to time. Tris won’t have to be constantly reminded that way.”

  “Oh hun. I am happy for you, if you’re happy, I really am. But I wouldn’t feel like I’m being much of a big brother if I didn’t share this with you. When I went chasing after Trista in California, to make a long story short, it wasn’t a good idea. I had no idea what I was getting into.”

  “But you wouldn’t change any of it, right? Because going after her brought you two together?”

  He nodded slowly. “Yes, but we also ended up hurting each other out there and I don’t think that was necessary. If at all possible, I’d like to keep my little sister from going through that.”

  Lily warmed at his endearment. It made her miss Jack so much but she would always have a special place in her heart for Lucky and the way he included her.

  “But…I love him. I can’t say no to that. It’s been so long and I need that, Lucky.”

  “Trust me hun, I understand.” He paused for a long few seconds. “You want me to go with you and we’ll talk to Trista together about this?”

  “You would do that?”

  She figured most guys would take off running the other way rather than get involved in something as deep and feeling-based as this pending conversation.

  “Again, I’m looking out for my little sister. Plus, I’ve never seen Jaxon this happy. You two are worth it.”

  She hugged Lucky and they made their way to his room where they’d left Tris and Jaxon. This was it. She was excited and nervous all in one crumpled up, crazy heap.

  * * * *

  “Look Trissy, I hear, I understand, I get it all.” And he really did understand her every concern. “But do you know what she does for me? She lets me hold her. I go everyday places with her. And I’m the one who drives! I know it sounds crazy, but I’m just a man with her and I can’t tell you what that means to me.”

  Jaxon knew Trissy would remember all the times he’d been so desperate for genuine, human touch that he’d gone like a sad little puppy to his best friend. How many nights after shows had he cuddled with Trissy whether it had been on the bus, the plane or in the hotel? How many times had Trissy seen Vangie chewing his ass about hanging on her in public? And then Trissy wouldn’t know that Vangie had had the same complaints in private. Maybe it went with his sensual nature, but Lily letting him hold her was not only miraculous, it was right.

  “Jaxon, hun, I can hear it in your voice and your face says it all. You care about Lily. A lot. But I don’t think she’s ready for, well, for you. Tell me you can see that too.”

  “No Trissy, I don’t want to hear that. She’s doing just fine with me.” No doubt, that had been the wrong thing to say.

  “Jaxon, you’re sleeping with her. I knew it. Why would you do that, given everything you know about our childhood and everything you and I have been through?”

  Did he have a good enough answer for Trissy? He’d wanted Lily and he’d taken her. What was wrong with him that he didn’t regret it? He was about to stammer through an explanation when Trissy crucif
ied him.

  “You are too much for her, Jaxon. You’re talking about a girl who was abused by her ex-husband for four years. Did you even know that? And I can’t even think about the possibilities of what her father may have done to her when I left. I know you Jaxon. I love you like a brother. But Lily needs time in a stable, wholesome environment and I’m not going to let her get hurt by you.”

  “Trissy…”

  “No Jaxon, don’t Trissy me. You of all people should know better.” Then her voice dipped low. “Tell me you haven’t forgotten that night…”

  “You know I haven’t.”

  “Right, and neither have I. And I’ll be damned sure that my baby sister is never dragged into that. Your world, Jaxon, it’s shit. You can’t take Lily into that. You can’t.”

  “I would never hurt her,” was all he could say in the face of Trissy’s sobs.

  “You never meant to hurt me but we ended up on the hood of a car with you being forced to rape me.”

  He couldn’t speak. There were no words. Everything she said was the absolute truth.

  Hearing Lily’s voice join in was the ultimate pain.

  “Oh my God. What?”

  “Lily,” Trissy said, reaching out to her sister but Lily kept her distance.

  “I can’t believe…, what are you two saying? How could you not have told me any of this?”

  * * * *

  This wasn’t happening, her head banged with too much pressure.

  Jaxon’s lips opened and she hoped he’d tell her she’d heard it all wrong. “Lily, I was going to tell you tonight. I just wanted to wait until…” he said low and reserved, until she cut him off.

  The man she’d given her heart and body to because she trusted him wasn’t taking it back. He wasn’t waking her up from some nauseating nightmare. Everything she’d overheard had actually been spoken from his lips to her sister’s and back.