Sin's Flower

by Carlene Love Flores

  “Until what? I was good and hooked? Until you’d made me believe I could trust you?” Then she turned her shocked heartbreak to Trissy. “If you hadn’t left, you would have known that I was fine. My father remarried within three months of your leaving and I swear to you, he never hurt me the way he did you. I would have remembered that.” Lily’s bottom lip was pulling downward with the weight of the sob she couldn’t allow for. “I would have told you, Tris. You think I’d let you pour your heart out to me about what he did to you and not share that it had happened to me too? I would not have kept that from you.”

  The doubting looks on their faces said they didn’t believe her. In her peripheral she saw Jaxon’s hand reaching out to her. She backed away and her eyes darted between him and her sister.

  Tris’s jaw clenched. “I didn’t want to leave, Lily. I wanted to die. And if I hadn’t left, he probably wouldn’t have remarried. And who knows what would have happened then. To me, to you,” Tris choked out between her sobs.

  Snot slalomed down Lily’s nose to her mouth and chin. “As if that’s even the worst I just overheard.”

  “Lily—no,” Jaxon nearly cried.

  “Is this why you’ve been trying to keep Jaxon out of my life?” Absolute loneliness cut through her as she stood there in that room.

  “Baby, it’s my fault. I should have told you about that night before.” Jaxon’s voice echoed against the throbbing in her head but she’d lost her grip on who to trust, who to believe. She felt his hand on her shoulder. It was heavy.

  Lily held up a weak hand to her sister, unable to deal with her heart that grieved for yet feared Jaxon. “How would you feel if I took Lucky away from you, Tris? Just like that, with a few words. That’s what you’ve done; you’ve taken Jaxon away from me. I guess you got what you wanted,” Lily said, her grief about to drop her to the floor. “Why? I loved him.”

  “You.” She pointed at Jaxon. “You were never mine, were you? LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE, LEAVE, leave,” she screamed and then collapsed against the door.

  The memory was as clear and sharp as newly cut glass. Earlier that night, before Tris had run off to the creek, Lily had fallen asleep, balled up in her father’s closet where she’d been playing with her momma’s old shoes he kept. She woke to watch Tris getting up off his bed and then leave the room quietly. After she’d spied her father making his way to the bathroom, she’d snuck out, back to her room. She’d lost everything that night and had fallen into a trance whispering to herself, leave, leave, leave, leave…

  Her eyes darted between Jaxon and Tris.

  Jaxon didn’t budge. He wasn’t letting her pass.

  So she gathered herself as best she could and shoved past him. How was she to deal with the fact she’d witnessed her father molesting Tris?

  “Lily, come back here!” Jaxon’s voice tunneled after her.

  Within a matter of seconds, she was outside the house. A package lay on the steps which she nearly tripped over in her escape. After kicking it down the stairs in her fury, she realized it might be a gift for Maryella or the baby so she carefully deposited it back down on the bottom step. She got to her Jetta, plunked down, slammed her door and turned the ignition. It chortled to life, needing a minute to warm up.

  Jaxon was the first one she saw make his way out of the house and onto the porch. With her only thoughts being getting away from this confusing house, she forced the gear into reverse and backed as quickly as she could out the driveway. With the uncanny speed of a cheetah, Jaxon ran down the driveway and caught up to her. She could hear him, even through her closed and dirty window. She slammed her hand down on the door lock.

  “Lily I’m sorry; I was going to tell you. I wasn’t ready before.” His pleading lips held her still; moving with what looked like truth. His palms flattened against the glass that shook from his force. She just watched, held in a trance, wishing she didn’t know. Wishing she hadn’t been so insistent. Now she had her explanations and they wretched her heart that begged her to roll down her window and give him a chance.

  But, the one thing she’d learned was she couldn’t trust that heart.

  Look where it had gotten her all these years. She’d loved a father who was a living, breathing monster. She’d married a winner who’d turned out to be the worst kind of loser. And now she’d fallen in love with a man who could never be hers because too much of him lay buried in the past with her sister. Part of her didn’t blame him for keeping the secret. But what she couldn’t get over was the way he’d looked at her when she’d walked in on the revelation. And the way he was looking at her now. Unbelievably horrible and evil things had happened to her sister. He worried he’d bring the same kind of pain to Lily. Well, he had.

  “Please, Lily. I’ll leave. You stay.”

  She shook her head and concentrated on getting out of there. The view out her windows and mirrors was a huge blur as she passed his silver Range Rover she and Benny had driven out here on the side. She shouldn’t be driving and had no idea of where she was heading. But she needed out and away. Someplace Jaxon wouldn’t step foot.

  A couple places came to mind. As she drove, she absentmindedly flipped on the radio. It scanned until it came to a clear enough station. The song would make her cry if she didn’t change it. Johnny and Santo’s “Sleepwalk” always did that to her. She let it play.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  This was not happening. Not again. Karma and the universe could kiss his ass if they thought he was going to let Lily be their next innocent victim. Hell no.

  “Shouldn’t you be asking Lucky or your dad or I don’t know, the police, for help?” Benny was upset and cold. It was obvious as his long toes curled under where he stood, shivering. Jaxon understood. “They obviously know the town better than us.”

  “The police, Benny? Really? Lily left because she was pissed. I can’t just send the sheriff after her for that. You stay and take care of Maryellie. I’ll be back as soon as I find Lily. But uh, have your bags ready to go when I get back. Maryellie’s too.”

  “Really? You think she’s that pissed?”

  “Yep,” he said, frustrated and saying as little as possible to avoid lashing out.

  Benny nodded at his instructions but not before pointing out the obvious. “She could have gone anywhere. Have you tried calling her?”

  Of course he had.

  “She won’t answer my calls. But that gives me an idea. Give me your phone.”

  Benny quickly snatched it from his loose pocket and handed it over.

  Jaxon dialed Lily’s number. When she answered, he knew she wasn’t screening Benny’s calls at least. “Lily, it’s me, please tell me where you are.” The song playing in the background had never inspired him to feel hopeful in the past but it did just then. His memory of hearing it at the drive-in the other night gave him a clue as to where she’d fled. “I’m on my way. Please just stay in the car—”

  Click.

  That had been his one chance. She wouldn’t pick up any more calls coming from Benny’s phone.

  “What did she say?”

  “Nothing. Benny, I’ve got to go.” He tossed him back the now useless phone. “Thanks. I’ll check in.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “To the movies.”

  Silence.

  He pushed his shoulders back into the leather driver seat and pressed with even more weight on the gas pedal. He’d let Trissy down so many times the past twenty years…all the awful things his best friend had survived in her childhood, which is why it had been so hard to believe Lily hadn’t been hurt too. But Lily was adamant it hadn’t been that way. Like that mattered. Her ex-husband had made up for it apparently. Jaxon may have made a career of not being there, but he had a chance to help them both right now. He’d be damned if he didn’t set things right, the way they’d been before Lily had shown up at his house, and stumbled upon the most selfish beast—Jaxon James.

  * * * *

  “What’ll it be, sweethear
t?” The twenty-something bartender in his skinny jeans and western shirt was cute and obviously confident, but not enough to cheer her up. She knew the only sinfully beautiful naughty smile that could do that belonged to the deceitful man she’d foolishly given her heart to. It was with his face in mind that she’d ended up at Slangers. “Not the cream of Nashville’s crop,” she echoed her sister’s words about the place she’d met Lucky to no one in particular.

  Jaxon might have broken her heart tonight, but he would never step foot in a bar. He loved his daughter too much to risk it, which made it Lily’s perfect hiding spot.

  The bartender eyed her.

  Well, she was here to drown out her sorrows. If she thought they’d serve her an extra thick Oreo shake, she’d have ordered one with a can of whipped cream on the side and a jar of cherries. “Can I just get a cherry coke please?” Oh, what the hell. Her heart begged her for more. “Do you happen to have anything sugary back there? Maybe a secret stash of brownies?” The scruffy-bearded bartender flipped his bangs to the side with a toss of his head and gave her a pity smile. He ducked down and a second later tossed a bag of M&M’s her way. “Oh bless you child.” Lily let a twenty dollar bill lay under her fingertips a moment before she slid it his way. It was all the cash she had but the guy had earned it. She spun her bar stool seat around at the sound of a guitar being tuned.

  Great. She prayed they sounded nothing like Sin Pointe.

  After a few minutes, all four of the band members had taken the stage. Something about them was familiar to her but she couldn’t place it. Their name was rather generic, The Brothers and That Guy. Or TBTG as was written across the chests of an ample group of women lining the very edge of the stage. That was quite a fervent following.

  Relaxing back into her tall seat, she couldn’t help but notice the way the lead guitarist bent over to check something on his amp and stayed low as two tight T-shirted admirers fawned all over him. Yeah, he was soaking it up like a true sponge. Why not? He looked young, although she wouldn’t describe him as happy. Something in the way he was already sporting enough sweat around his hairline to slick it back each time he ran his hands through it. Maybe he had the flu. Whatever it was, he put a smile on his pale face, looking like he’d already had a long night. The girls didn’t seem to notice and he made no move to extract himself.

  How many hands had copped feels of Jaxon’s hair, shoulders, and zippers? How much bigger had his hordes of adoring women been and how much more aggressive? How much did he enjoy that? Enough to keep at it all these years, she supposed with a bitter, lemon-sized lump in her throat. Not like she blamed him for any of it. Not like it would matter if she did. Not after tonight. Well, she sighed, at least she wouldn’t have to worry herself over sharing him. He was theirs, not hers. Lily sucked down her cherry coke and without thinking, tore off the corner of her bag of candy and funneled the whole thing into her mouth.

  * * * *

  Retracing his route seriously sucked right now. Not only was his mind a wreck for what had just blown up back at the house but he had no idea what he was gonna do when he got to the drive-in and found Lily. He’d watched the budding trust she’d had for him die out when she’d shouted over and over for him to leave.

  So of course she’d gone there to escape him. She probably didn’t believe he’d chase her there knowing how much he’d detested it the first time. Dammit, again he’d hurt someone without trying. In fact, he’d managed to do it even though he’d gone out of his way not to hurt Lily.

  “What are you doing, mate?” he asked himself. Surrounded by complete country darkness, he flashed his headlights to his brights and prayed he didn’t strike any wild animals crossing the road. That would be pretty fitting. So what was his plan? What did he want? What did he expect would come of tracking Lily down out in the middle of nowhere?

  The answers to his questions were solid, even though they didn’t fit together quite right when he was the one forcing them into place. He wanted Lily but more than that, he wanted her to be safe and happy. His plan consisted of finding her and taking her back to her sister’s. That was the only way he knew to fulfill the part about keeping her safe.

  If she would hear him out, he’d apologize and then tell her everything. And then when she refused to have anything more to do with him, he’d do what was right and leave her be. As much as he dared to imagine the sweetness of her forgiveness, and her granting his sorry ass one more chance, Jaxon wasn’t a fool. That wouldn’t be happening. Trust and honesty were deal breakers with Lily. And he’d obliterated them with his hands tied behind his back.

  Twenty miles flashed by in a heartbeat as he saw the drive-in theater’s marquee reflect against his high beams in the distance. Great, the place was dark and she’d come here anyway. He pulled in to the entrance, tasting blood under the pinch of lip skin between his teeth, for a better view since it wasn’t roped off. Even doing that made his skin freeze to ice.

  Whether the assumptions he had made about her past were wrong or right didn’t matter. She didn’t belong out here. Whether she’d known and didn’t remember the monster her father had been, didn’t matter. Out here in a place like this, she’d find her monsters like he’d found his that night in Virginia with Trissy. And if she didn’t find them, they’d find her.

  That was the way it worked.

  So no matter how much he wanted to scream at her right now for foolishly and stubbornly coming out here, he wouldn’t. Because she’d seen enough bad guys in her life. If this was the last thing he got to do for her, it would be as a calm, reasonable grown man. A bead of sweat fell onto his hand. He clenched the steering wheel and lurched his Range Rover into the lot.

  He tasted the vomit a second before it gurgled out onto his lap. He doubled over. The car engine sputtered dead.

  Crying, he smashed his hands over his ears to mute the echoing of Lily’s pain, “Leave, leave, leave…”

  “No, you weak bastard. She needs you right now,” he screamed at himself inside his car.

  He wiped his eyes, making them sting from the sweat and bile coating his hands. Closer to the snack bar, he focused on the two cars. Neither one of them was Lily’s Jetta.

  “Where are you, baby?”

  * * * *

  Where in the world had she seen these guys before? And where was her M&M supplier? The guy sitting on the stool next to her was seriously macking on her personal space. For a second, she considered going and joining the TBTG groupies just to get away from him but was that really who she wanted to be tonight?

  No. She wanted to be the girl who hadn’t just overheard her boyfriend talking about being plastered over her sister on the hood of a car. In fact, while she was busy being other people, why couldn’t she be the girl who was actually believed when she said she hadn’t been abused as a kid or the girl who wasn’t thirty-one and already divorced? Huh, how about those girls? Where did they live? Maybe Lily could drive her pathetic butt over to one of their doorsteps.

  The loud slurping sound that always came when the straw sucked up the last juicy remnants got her a wink from old Mack who was now almost elbow to elbow with her. “Can I get you another one of those or maybe something a little stronger, baby?”

  Did she have to acknowledge that? He had picked the wrong pet name. She wasn’t anybody’s baby, not anymore.

  Well, she hadn’t developed amnesia in the past hour like she’d hoped and that jerk calling her baby had only served to bring Jaxon’s sinfully handsome face back from the mind fog she’d stuck him in. Looked like it was time to go be somebody else. Someone without her ghosts.

  Looked like it was time to join the girls.

  But before she did that, she had something to do as Lily first.

  She dialed and it only took a half of a ring for him to answer.

  “Lily, is that you?” Benny asked her. “Are you okay? Did Jaxon find you?”

  Okay, she was going to have to do this quickly because breaking up with Benny was way too hard to fat
hom. “It’s me, Benny.”

  “Where are you?” he interrupted. “It’s loud.”

  “Benny, I’m not telling you that because I don’t want Jaxon to know.”

  “You’re at a club, aren’t you?”

  Geez, this kid was good. She couldn’t stay on the line and let him keep answering the questions she refused to address but there was the whole point of her making this call to get to. “Benny, I’m at a bar and Jaxon can’t come here.”

  “Because he’s an alcoholic,” Benny finished for her.

  “Right. I just wanted you to know I’m okay. Please tell my sister.”

  She didn’t want them worrying. That was about it for her conscience concern.

  “You know that’s not how it works, right? He’d go to a distillery if he knew where to find you—”

  Even though it broke her heart, she clicked the end call button. Jaxon could not step foot in this place. The smell of alcohol from Mack’s belch knocked her the rest of the way off her seat and motivated her towards the swarm of TBTG devotees.

  Weird, she knew this song. Huh, could be because the chorus kept repeating while the lead singer pounded his fist into his chest. “We reap what we sow.” By the fifth time he’d said it, her sugar high was buzzing through her veins. Her own little song played in her head, “I will not think about you, I will not think about you.” Maybe she should call it, “Love sucks and you’re a liar.”

  With her arm raised above her head, and her fingertips popping the air to the beat, she became the heartbroken girl lost in the crowd.

  * * * *

  Fuck, he was lost.

  And he stunk like puke.

  He’d thought he’d just follow the same state highway back to Trissy’s house but there’d been a fork in the road and he’d made his best guess in the pitch dark. His mind was swamped. It hurt to think. He’d guessed wrong. A gas station came into view on his right. He’d have remembered The Lucky Pump.

  Jaxon just shook his head.