Sin's Flower

by Carlene Love Flores

  It was time to call Benny.

  “Hey boss, I was just about to call you.”

  Jaxon’s ears alerted. “Did Lily call?”

  “Actually, yeah she did.”

  “Where is she? Is she okay?”

  “Yeah, so I think she’s fine.”

  “You think?” Jaxon hated being stuck out here.

  “She was calling from a bar to say she was okay but wouldn’t say where because—”

  “Because I hurt her tonight and she’s holing up somewhere I won’t go.” Little did Lily know how dead wrong she was. She must have forgotten what he did for a living. He had to battle his addiction every night on the road. Being with her, not having that thrown in his face whether on purpose or by accident, had been a Godsend. He knew he deserved this.

  “Pretty much. But I think I know the name of the place she’s at.”

  His foot nearly stomped its way through the floorboard in anxiety. “How do you know that?”

  “This is crazy, but I swore I heard “The Reaper” being sung in the background, except for it was a dude singing, so that threw me off. But anyway, I Googled where Loner by was playing tonight and turns out they aren’t playing anywhere. But then I saw that there was a thread some fans had started on the Lonberby website about a pop-up show by some band Liam, Oscar and Noah put together and one of their old session musician buddies called The Brothers and That Guy. Dude, I’m pretty sure Lily’s at this place called Slangers in Nashville.”

  Holy shit, did he want to kiss Benny right now. Even though Jaxon was sure Lily would hate seeing him again tonight, he didn’t care. She was at Slangers, which was an okay establishment until some drunk asshole forgot his manners. Typical local bar shit he’d seen enough of. Now he knew where to find her. Only one problem, he didn’t know where he was or how to get to Slangers.

  “Hey Benny, that’s great news but fuck, I’m lost.”

  “No you’re not.”

  “What?”

  “Your phone has GPS. I’ll give you the address and you just type it in and then follow whatever the nice lady’s voice says.”

  Benny gave him all the specifics which was work trying to remember but he would have memorized the phone book if it meant finding Lily. He then called Benny back.

  “I owe you, mate. Big time.”

  “So you’re going, right?”

  “Already on the road. I’ll check in later.”

  He had sixty miles to go and no time to waste. Lily was a smart girl; she could take care of herself. But Trissy had been that ten-fold and look where it had gotten her. He rammed his boot onto the gas. “I’m on my way, baby. Please be careful.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Dancing had never felt this freeing. If she wasn’t the sexiest thing in the room, then the room wasn’t full of the feeling wrapping itself around her waist and pushing her tush around the floor. Her jeans were tight but sexy tight. Yeah, her friend, the inch of flab, was still there making the waistband snugger than a thumb in a pinky ring but guess what? She didn’t care. Lily went for a spin, arms in the air like she was a disco queen. She spun again. The lights twirled by in a pretty blur. Okay, she was going for another one. Yeah, that giddy, wonderful sensation tickled her again. Her emotions swirled in her chest; she could cry at how light she felt.

  “Excuse me, hips. Watch out. You just stepped on my girlfriend’s toes.”

  A hard elbow jabbed into her back and then it and the voice disappeared into the crowd. “Oh, oh I’m sorry,” she mumbled to whoever she’d offended, turning to try and see if she’d hurt anyone, until she realized she was the one who’d been hurt. She tugged down on her top, one of Tris’s prettier maternity peasant blouses she’d put on for their Christmas celebration. She didn’t know if everyone was staring at her, but they might as well be.

  “I was happy, pretty,” she mumbled, making little sense but feeling the raw truth of her words. She didn’t want to say why because she knew whose face would rock her façade of escaping from the night. A second after his teal eyes flashed her one of those devastatingly deep looks, she got knocked into again.

  And that’s when her shoulders started shaking uncontrollably. She brought her hand up flat as if to salute but kept the unsteady, no good thing balanced on the bridge of her nose. How much of her face could she hide? For a second she thought everyone was cheering her pending melt down until she heard the band announce they were going to do a cover of a band they had opened up for in the past.

  “Here’s ‘Play’ by one of our favorite bands, Sin Pointe.”

  It wasn’t Stefan’s voice barreling over the crowd, but it was close. And in her head, it didn’t matter. The only man she heard was Jaxon.

  For a second, the sound held her up. In the next second, it dropped her flat on the floor. Her knees buckled and there she was, crying big girl tears.

  Distant calls to help the lady who’d just passed out sounded all around her. God, she hadn’t passed out but her head felt like it had just rolled between the cowboy boots and heels of the couple trying not to step on her. Oh holy heavens, what was she doing?

  She scrambled to her knees so she could get up on her feet when she felt unwelcome sets of hands fitting under her arms and at her sides. She was still so wobbly, and her tears hadn’t stopped embarrassing her either. Under a bowed fringe of bangs, she thanked her helpers but let them know she was okay. They backed away while she kneeled there, frozen and mortified. Lily watched the floor, now feeling extra self-conscious about every choice she’d made. She was caught up in all her recent pretending and fretting over the spectacle she’d just made of herself when the most expressive and tormenting hand she’d ever known extended to offer her help.

  She wasn’t taking that hand. He’d already done enough. She was out of trust.

  * * * *

  He tugged down on Benny’s wool hat, keeping his head mostly bowed and uttered quick, low-key thanks to the couples who had tried to help. Shit, he hadn’t planned on finding her so quickly after making his way inside. What was she doing in a heap on the dance floor? He’d expected angry, pissed, and belligerent even, but not this. “I’ve got her, thanks again.”

  Good, they hadn’t recognized him. The chances of keeping up that streak were dicey. The male contingency of Lonerby was playing and when he’d been standing at the bar’s front door, he’d heard a cover of one of his songs. He’d like to get Lily out of here as quickly as possible. They needed to talk. And then if she still hated him, so be it. It’d be what he deserved.

  Just then a loud voice rumbled over to him from the side. “Hey, your hippy chick stepped all over my lady. You need to get her off the floor.”

  Oh, hells no.

  “Fuck you.”

  He knelt down, focusing on his baby. No, she wouldn’t want him thinking of her that way anymore. “Lily, let’s get out of here. We need to talk.”

  She swiveled her head from right to left, never looking up at him. He heard a faint whimper coming from her.

  “Please,” he begged.

  “Don’t touch me,” she said icily.

  “Get her off the floor, douche bag.”

  Shit. This guy was asking for it. It would feel so good to crack a fist into the dipshit’s jaw but fuck, he knew he couldn’t do that. “Say one more God damned word about her and I’ll fuck you up.”

  “Lily,” he pleaded again.

  “Go away,” she hissed.

  Onlookers who had given them space began crowding back in and he didn’t know how much longer he could stand the stench of booze bleeding through their pores and the shit for brains who clearly wanted to get his ass whooped.

  “Lily, we don’t want to make a scene here. Come outside with me, I’ll take you anywhere you want. Look, you don’t have to talk to me, just come with me. Please.”

  Good girl, she was reconsidering and pushing herself up. She still refused to take his hand but at least she’d seen his reason.

  * * * *

&
nbsp; What? Had he lied about being an alcoholic too? What was he doing here? She thought she’d known this man, as much as a girl could in such a short time, with all the things they’d shared.

  Exquisite fun and soul-baring pain.

  Why did he carry on with her the way he had? Maybe it was just to be close to her sister. Maybe he just couldn’t let go of her and Lily had provided him the means to show up. She hated thinking in those terms, but she’d heard it from Jaxon’s own lips tonight. Tris was the woman he’d confided in; Lily was the one he’d slept with. Rage at her unending stupidity bolted her upright.

  She was full of words for him and he was gonna get an earful. “Why? So you can fuck with me some more? No thanks.” With that, she fisted her hand over her keychain and tugged it loose from her belt loop and then made like a speed walker to the front door. She should have included his name nice and loud at the end of her dismissal but deep down inside, she couldn’t hurt him that way. Slamming the club doors open, she punched it to her car.

  “Lily, wait.”

  “No.”

  She’d never gotten a true jump on him, so as she went through the fumbling task of getting her old doors unlocked and open, he was standing right beside her, waiting. Guess he thought she was going to have a seat and they were going to talk. He was sorely mistaken.

  Lily landed in her seat like a watermelon being chucked over a balcony. She chanced one look at him and it was a horrible mistake. For a split second, she considered hearing him out. That’s why she had to slam the door as hard as she did, and hit the locks.

  Ready to put the key in the ignition and drive herself away, although not to Tris’s house, she now felt safe glancing his way one last time.

  Big. Mistake.

  He had all the space in the world standing there in the parking lot but he looked like he’d been locked up in a clear plastic box only big enough to fit him. His fists pounded at his temples and he clearly was pissed, strained.

  Those clenched fists opened up and clapped against her window, making her jump in her seat. Because she was a fool, her heart started reaching its desperate little fingers out to him. No, she replayed what she’d heard coming directly from his mouth earlier. How could he not have at least mentioned something to Lily about the night with her sister? She wasn’t even interested in the gruesome details. The only answer was he didn’t trust her.

  “I’m leaving. Don’t follow me.”

  “Lily! You’re not safe,” he screamed at her and even the glass separating them didn’t mute his ire. “Lily, open the door. Open the goddamned door! Now!”

  Geez, he was going scary berserk out there pounding on her window.

  Someone was going to hear him and call the cops if he didn’t calm down. More than that, he was really scaring her. Why was he screaming that she wasn’t safe? God, had Tom come to town to hand deliver another smutty shot? But that was only about humiliating her. He didn’t have the cojones to show up and make threats in person. Aside from drunk old Mack invading her personal space inside or the random jerks who’d pointed out her hippyness, she couldn’t think of any threats Jaxon should be so amped up about where she was concerned. But his bewildered eyes and clenched expression told her something very real had him terrified out of his mind.

  Good grief. I can’t let him keep on like this.

  She left his shattered gaze and rolled her window down a couple inches. Only loud enough so she would hear, she rehearsed a few reminders. “You can hear him out, but that is all. Giving your heart to him again won’t do you any good. He’s had it and enjoyed it but now he’s done with it and has given it back. You should be thankful.” She blew out and then faced the opening, readying herself for the onslaught of pain she’d just invited in through those two measly inches.

  “Keep your doors locked and drive yourself back to your sister’s house,” he ordered.

  There was something very wrong about him. She couldn’t decide if the pallid complexion and jittery hands meant he was racked with guilt or strangely bludgeoned by fear.

  “Jaxon.” She had no idea what else to say. Somehow what’s wrong didn’t feel right. Her heart moved her hand from the steering wheel to her knee.

  His breath came out in force, fogging her window with each gasp. Had he been driven to drink? This completely foreign man sitting shotgun must be Jaxon James the addict, the man she’d never met but had heard about. That’s right, he’d trusted her enough to tell her that much. Completely baffled, she hoped that by the time this night was over, she at least understood what the hell had happened today. Because right now, nothing made sense. And she wasn’t going anywhere with or being ordered around by someone who had made her believe in trust only to yank it back once she’d fallen for him.

  “Lily, have you ever been so sure you were going to die, that you prayed God would just end it?”

  Things had certainly been tough, humiliating, and frightening but no, she hadn’t feared for her life. But there was no mistaking, he had.

  Why was this all happening like this? Why was he here when he obviously didn’t care that much about her? Lily could never hurt another human being, but her heart was lost right now. She decided she’d let him think she was driving back to Tris’s just to calm him down and get him back to a safe place, away from this bar. But once he thought she had done as told, that was it. She was done. No more trusting people who were incapable of being honest with her.

  “I’m going home now,” she said before rolling her window back up.

  Good, he’d taken that and gone back to his Range Rover parked a few spots away.

  Lily had the sixty miles from Nashville to Bugscuffle to figure out where home would be now that she realized she’d made a mess of her sister’s.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Losing his mind in front of Lily had actually served to whip him back to his senses. Tall dark pines blacked out most of the midnight sky except for when the road climbed to the top of a hill and the view was then one of stars and more midnight sky. He had little hope she was happy with the way he’d just ordered her to go home but at least she’d agreed and would be safe again at Trissy’s.

  He trusted her enough not to ditch him on this long ass drive so he muted the voice of the GPS and followed Lily closely through hills, over train tracks, the creek, and the neighboring dairy farms.

  Jaxon had gone over what he knew he had to say a hundred times as Lily drove on. If only he had any idea of her thoughts right now. God, she probably had 9-1-1 set to dial after that performance he’d just put in. But she could never do that to him again. It wasn’t safe to be outside in a car in the middle of nowhere in the dead of night. And he was about to tell her why. Finally, they reached their destination.

  She pulled up alongside the curb of Trissy’s home, letting him pull in first. It was so dark out here. He knew he’d done the right thing going after her and insisting she come back. It was gonna suck and be very uncomfortable, but hadn’t Lily and Trissy dealt with the most awkward parts of becoming reunited already? He’d admired Lily so much when she’d shared with him that some of the first conversations she and Trissy’d had were the ones about why Trissy had left. Why Grace had shown up and rescued her from the abuse. If they could get past those blocks, couldn’t they do the same now?

  They had to or else he’d live with knowing he’d been the cause of yet another series of heartaches for women he’d give his life for.

  Ducking down to pick up his fallen phone from the floorboard, he quickly worked out what would happen when he and Lily went inside. He’d ask to explain himself. If Lily refused, he wouldn’t push her. He’d just make his way out to Grace’s and wait it out until morning.

  He exited his driver side and saw that a few yards behind him, Lily’s car was already dark too. She must have gone inside quickly, which wasn’t a surprise since it was freezing cold out. No doubt her mind was still spinning and she wasn’t ready to speak with him yet. He’d leave her alone for tonight. In the mo
rning then. But something inside his gut nagged at him. There was an urgency to go inside and force her to hear the truth she’d deserved right here, right now, and then let the pieces fall where they may. It wasn’t like he could fuck this night up any worse.

  With determined strides, he made his way up the porch steps and into Trissy’s home.

  * * * *

  As soon as Lily saw Jaxon go inside, she sat back up and turned on her car, leaving the headlights dark for now. She glanced over to the front porch while backing down the drive, hoping it would take Jaxon at least a few minutes to realize she hadn’t gone inside. When she pulled out onto the road and the porch remained dark with the house door closed, she knew she’d have enough time to get far enough away that once he realized, she’d be too far to follow.

  Within minutes, Tris’s home was out of sight. Lily made the turns that took her to the low, narrow bridge crossing the rushing Duck River and then out to the two lane highway. Normally she’d have gone left to head toward Nashville and the dress shop, so instead she made a right. She knew she shouldn’t stop, not until she’d put more than five miles between her and the ones she just couldn’t be around right now. She drove a few more miles through the darkness, sure she was passing homes now and then, and probably a farm or two. But her heart ached so heavily that she was having a hard time catching her breath.

  She pulled over onto the side of the road to clutch at her chest and let the engine die. God, how did people who cared about each other lie so coldly to each other? The anguish of what she’d done to Jaxon just now, deceiving him into thinking she was home safe, was crushing her ability to breath. She couldn’t even cry over the huge lump blocking her airway. Her head spun with the question of how he’d been able to be so intimate with her while keeping such crucial secrets.

  Hoping the fresh air would help, she climbed out of her car and looked around at her surroundings. The frozen cloud of her breath followed her every step. A creek sounded just a few feet away so she followed the trickling noise to its bank and sat down to splash her face. Never in her life had she felt something as painfully cold as that icy water just then. The burning sensation served to steal her breath for one full hitch before the lump caught in her throat felt like it exploded and she was finally able to get a full inhale and exhale. Then came the tears. Teeth chattering and in pain from the intense freezing temperature, Lily realized this hadn’t been her best idea and made her way back to her car. Except for when she pulled on her door handle, she found it was locked. And there on the seat, were her keys. Next to them was her phone. Which was now lighting up and flashing with an incoming call.