White is for Virgins

by Necks, S. Eva

  I couldn’t resist biting my lip as his eyes soulfully locked with mine.

  “You need to stop teasing, Em,” he said suddenly, looking away and clenching his jaw. “It’s hard enough having you this close and half naked – lip-biting is where I draw the line.”

  He’s admitting I have power over him? Oh my G- why does the thought of that excite me?

  “Fox,” I started. He slowly turned back to me. “Can we lie down?”

  He got up and sat on the other bed, reaching down to take his shoes and socks off.

  I cleared my throat to get his attention.

  “I asked if we could lie down,” I repeated, scooting over even further on the bed so he got the idea.

  God, I thought he’s done this before…

  “You want me to–?”

  “Would you mind?” I inquired sweetly.

  He smirked, tentatively coming over and sliding up alongside of me. I lifted my head when he placed his arm underneath me and I curled into him. We stared out at the balcony window, which had a pretty nice view of the city and clear night sky.

  I turned to look at him. “Fox?”

  He turned his head, inches away from mine as I stared up into his eyes. His cologne was doing funny things to my train of thought.

  “Do you plan on sleeping in those pants?” I questioned, internally berating myself for asking such a thing – and with such a suggestive tone!

  What the hell is up with me?! I’m so asking for it right now!

  Something sparked in his eyes as he replied. “I didn’t think you’d be comfortable with me in boxers.”

  “I want you to be comfortable; they’re just pants,” I shrugged.

  He got up slowly and slid them off before returning to our original position. I forgot to breathe for a moment, suddenly remembering how to as his fingers brought my chin up so I was looking at him again.

  His lips laced with mine in a sweet kiss, and I sighed as my mouth opened to his. I turned slightly, placing my hand on his chest as his free hand found my cheek in a familiar, soothing caress. Suddenly I found myself trailing my fingers down his smooth, hot chest; I felt his fingers slipping through my hair and his hand pulling my face closer. A moan escaped my throat and I fought the urge to move closer to him, to create some kind of friction. I lost that battle soon enough, bringing my body against his and intertwining my legs with his. He groaned as we began to rub our bodies together. I could not fight the noise my body wanted to make in response to the feeling.

  I found myself flipped onto my back as Fox continued our heated lip-lock and gripped my hips. My shirt had ridden up somehow. I relished the tickly, yet extremely pleasant feeling of his fingertips against my skin. One hand went across my stomach while the other began unbutton my shirt from the bottom up. I hadn’t even noticed it until half the buttons were undone. I ran my nails down Fox’s back, unable to stop what was inevitably going to happen. I arched my body and brought my hands to his strong neck, willing myself to completely forget to think.

  He suddenly pulled away. I slowly opened my eyes, finding his lustful emerald ones boring into mine. They seemed to be searching for some kind of indication.

  “Emery,” he breathed, “what are we doing?”

  “I’m pretty sure you know what we’re doing…” I said with a shaky voice.

  I wanted this. From what I felt pressed against my thigh, I was more than positive Fox wanted it just as much, if not more.

  I wanted this…

  He rolled off, landing next to me on his back and staring up at the ceiling. I heard him exhale deeply, unable to stop staring at the tent I had helped pitch in his black boxers.

  Oh my God. We’re literally a pair of boxers and panties away…

  “I don’t want things to get carried away if you’re not completely sure,” he said, eyes trained on the ceiling the entire time.

  I looked to the ceiling as well.

  I want this – it feels right. It’s the perfect time… he’s the perfect person… why am I not pouncing on him right now? With all this talk about sex I’ve convinced myself I’m ready. I should be wrapping my legs around his wonderfully sexy waist right now… I should be playing with his hair and clawing his back and…

  After a couple more questions, it hit me. I wasn’t ready. I wouldn’t be laying there trying to convince myself if I was. It wasn’t even a problem as to who I wanted to lose it to – it was when I wanted to lose it. I wanted to wait a bit more. I wanted to have a guarantee that I wouldn’t be left alone after, and forgotten. I didn’t want to screw things up with Fox…

  If I hadn’t already.

  “You know last weekend?” Fox started suddenly, “My mom called me…”

  “Oh yeah?” I turned to look at him. He eased a little closer, placing his arm beneath my head again and letting me curl into him.

  “Yeah, it was really weird. She barely ever talks to me, unless it’s a holiday or some special occasion.”

  “So why’d she call?” I asked, tracing little circles on his chest.

  “She wants me to come visit her.”

  “That’s nice,” I smiled, “When?”

  “The summer.”

  “Where does she live? Far from here?” I continued tracing patterns, all the while wondering if I should stop teasing him.

  “Italy.”

  “Oh wow,” I said. My fingers had stopped their dance on his skin as soon as the European country’s name left his lips.

  “Yeah,” he sighed, seemingly deep in thought. “I don’t know...”

  “Are you mad at her or something?”

  “Not exactly. I mean, I’m pissed she left, yeah, but whenever she calls she always seems so happy. She loves it there. She has her own vineyard and she gets to paint – that’s all she’s ever wanted, really. A brush, a canvas, some paint, and some wine,” he smirked.

  I smiled. It was a small smile, but a part of me was happy for him. “She’s living her dream,” I noted, “And she wants to share it with you. I think you should go.”

  “I already bought my ticket,” he admitted.

  I didn’t say anything at first. I let it sink in that I’d potentially missed my chance at having sex with Fox… Part of me hated that I’d killed the night because it was possibly the last one I’d ever have with him, but a whole other part of me was relieved that I hadn’t done the deed and then cried myself to sleep every night of the summer when he found some sexy Italian girl and eloped with her and forgot all about me.

  “When do you leave?”

  “Graduation night,” he stated. I could tell his face was as expressionless as his voice.

  I yawned, curling into him more so that he wouldn’t see the tears that had collected in my eyes. If I said anything more he’d hear the sadness in my voice. I didn’t want to give myself away.

  It was all over – before it even ever really began.

  ***

  I awoke to Fox’s chest. His arm was still the pillow beneath my head – and probably blue from lack of circulation. His other arm was draped over my hip. I slowly moved it and got up off the bed. I made it to the bathroom as quiet as a mouse.

  I brushed my teeth as best I could with my finger and some toothpaste before rinsing my face with cold water. My eyes were a little puffy, but it wasn’t too noticeable.

  When I returned to the bed, Fox was awake and pulling his pants on.

  “Morning,” he said.

  “Good morning.”

  I started unbuttoning the dress shirt and walked over to where my dress was.

  I’d slept on a certain thought and I had one last burning question to ask.

  “Fox?” I paused, fumbling with the last button. “…What are we?” I blurted.

  If he said we were friends… I’d try my best to stay content with that. I wanted him in my life. If he said we were a couple, an item, boyfriend/girlfriend, anything along the lines of explicit… I’d pounce on him and finish what we’d started last night. I held my breath
, staring at my white dress lying on the other bed as I awaited his answer.

  “I don’t know,” he replied, running a hand through his hair and looking up at me with an utterly lost expression.

  I nodded. Well, I do. We’re nothing.

  Letting his shirt slide off my shoulders and hit the floor, I shamelessly bent over in my bra and panties to stick my feet through the hole of the dress. I pulled it up and bent over again to snatch the shirt from the floor. I also moved to pick up my shoes and my clutch. Quickly slipping into the bathroom, I found my clips.

  I tossed the shirt to him before making it to the door.

  “See you at graduation,” I said, surprisingly composed as I slipped out the door.

  It wasn’t until I heard the door click closed and I found myself in an empty hotel hallway that I started to cry. I sucked it up as best I could so that Nick wouldn’t see me on my way into my suite. I didn’t want Fox to know.

  He broke me.

  Unintentionally or not, he did.

  Chapter 36

  FOX P.O.V.

  I swung my head from side to side, playing with the golden tassel that hung from my graduation cap. It was the only thing I could do to keep me from punching the dude sitting in front of me out of sheer annoyance. Bernard St. Clare’s monotone voice droned out of the speakers as he delivered his valedictorian speech – the bastard had written a freaking novel.

  I was having a considerable amount of trouble sitting in my seat as he continued. My hands locked together in my lap as I exhaled obnoxiously, watching my knuckles turn white.

  “It’d kill them to make graduating easy,” Nick muttered under his breath.

  “It’d kill Bernie to not over-do shit, like always,” I replied in the same fashion. “How is he even valedictorian if he fucking grasp the concept of a ‘speech’?”

  A few guys around us snickered as we all started mumbling about how we just wanted to get the fuck out of the building already. Never come back.

  It distracted me for a bit.

  “And now, I’d like to call up the class salutatorian, Ms. Emery Price,” Principal Harris stated into the microphone, “so that she may give her speech.”

  Just a bit.

  Everyone applauded, some even cheered, as Em walked up to the podium and into the spotlight. Her navy blue robe swayed with her every move; her head was slightly bowed. I was unconsciously clapping too, watching her; judging how she was taking in the view before her. At least half a thousand pairs of eyes were trained on her, silent as she spoke into the microphone.

  I was close enough to the stage to see her eyes scan the audience; see her pink lips finally start to move.

  “Thank you, Principal Harris, family, friends, faculty, and fellow peers,” she started, as was customary, eyes darting down to a paper. I detected the shaking in her voice, and she paused uncertainly. She looked up again at the overwhelming crowd and cleared her throat. My fingers were losing circulation with every second that that lost look stayed on her face. “I have this entire speech written out,” she said finally, waving the paper up for everyone to see, “and it’s filled with all these motivational quotes and peppy, encouraging words that are meant to hype up all of our bright futures… but to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I can read it.” The look on Harris’ face was priceless as she dropped that bomb. Comments began to arise at her confession.

  The mumbling ceased as she continued. “For one thing, I wrote it yesterday,” the crowd chuckled, “I know most of my classmates are more shocked than amused, considering I never procrastinate. Ever. If anything, I do more than I’m supposed to. That’s what it takes to get to this podium at the end of our high school careers, I guess; Bernard is proof of that, no doubt.” More laughing. “In all seriousness,” she said, placing her hands on either side of the podium and leaning forward a bit, “I’ve worked my, for lack of a better term, butt off to be ‘the best’. Studying, even when I didn’t need to; doing extra curriculars and volunteer work; tutoring; debating. You name it, I tried to be perfect at it. What’d that do for me?”

  There was a pause.

  “Well, it got me second place,” she smirked, cuing everyone to chuckle again, “and there’s no aggression there; Bernard totally deserved valedictorian. Still, second best. I get to be able to tell people I was second in my class, which is a pretty fair title I’ll admit. For coming in second, I had to come up here, in front of everyone today, and present some marvelous, promising speech. As long as I’m being honest, I wanna say that the thought of having hundreds of people listening to what I have to say makes my knees shake. The thought. By some miracle I’m still going.” Everyone smiled encouragingly, grinning at her truthful rant.

  “I want to thank my family: Mom, Dad, Nina,” she continued, the shakiness returning, “for showing me just how tough life can be, and for making me appreciate my life and how easy it’s been so far, compared to theirs; before I go on to conquer a mortgage and electric bills and pressure at work.” I registered that she was tearing up as she continued. “I also want to thank the amazing friends I’ve made this past year at HSA… If it wasn’t for you guys, I think all I’d have to take with me after graduation is the title of salutatorian. You have challenged and taught me in areas Calculus couldn’t cover – trust, hope, love… I wouldn’t have any memories worth revisiting were it not for you.”

  “I love you, Em!” a faint yell from the crowd was heard, making everyone laugh. Lily.

  “I love you, too, Lily,” Em laughed, wiping a few tears as she continued. “Ugh,” she sighed, chuckling sheepishly and shaking her head before continuing. “The point I’m trying to make is… we’re graduating.” Our entire class cheered at that one. “There’s no more homework due Friday; no more braving the mystery meat at the cafeteria with friends… there’s a whole new pressure to deal with. It’s not getting into college anymore, we’ve done that. It’s being successful that we have to strive for now; staying in college, definitely.” Students snickered. “We’re going to be saying goodbye to our life here; to teachers, maybe even friends. I’m supposed to stand here and tell you, indirectly and gracefully, that we’re ready for all the hell that’s about to be thrown our way.”

  She paused, scanning the crowd one last time. “I’d rather be honest and tell you that we’re not.”

  The confusion was evident on everyone’s faces.

  “When a baby bird’s mother pushes her chick out of the nest, he falls. And I mean plummets,” she explained. I could see the beginning signs of a smile forming on her face. “After the initial shock, change of scenery and loss of comfort zone, the little guy’s instincts kick in. His wings expand and he flaps them as fast as physically possible – his life depends on it. Sure enough, fifteen feet from the ground, almost out of the blue, that little trooper shoots right back up. He’s ready to take on life, all the while Momma Bird’s chirping, completely ecstatic because he’s not depending on her anymore to bring all the worms home.”

  Smiles are visible once again.

  “Family, friends, faculty, and fellow peers,” she concluded, as advised, “we, the class of 2011, are baby birds ourselves. And right now, we’re free-falling. Rest assured, we’re not only gonna fly… We’re gonna soar.”

  Everyone shot up out of their seats, a chorus of applause, cheers, and whistles erupting from the crowd.

  “Thank you,” she grinned, before exiting the stage and finding her way back to her seat.