Remembrance

by Danielle Steel

  “I'm taking you upstairs.” Brad had seen it too, and standing close enough to overhear him, Teddy nodded his approval.

  “She looks beat.”

  Brad nodded and offered her his arm, which she took with a grateful look as he made his excuses to the rest of the group, and a moment later they were on the stairs, and at last in their room, and as Brad closed the door behind them Serena lay down on the bed and burst into tears.

  “Baby … Serena … honey … what happened?” He looked stupefied as he stood staring at her. It took a moment to register what had happened and then he was instantly beside her, lying on the bed, cradling her gently, and stroking her hair. “Serena … darling … tell me. What is it? Did someone say something to you?” But she was determined not to tell him. She only lay there and sobbed, shaking her head and insisting that it was a combination of pregnancy and exhaustion. “Well, in that case”—he looked at her in growing concern when at last she stopped and wiped her eyes—”you're staying in bed tomorrow.”

  “Don't be silly. I'll be fine after a night's sleep.”

  “Nonsense. And if I have to, I'll call the doctor.”

  “What for? I'm fine.” The prospect of being trapped in bed in his mother's house depressed her still further. What if Margaret came upstairs to torment her some more, or press her with another paper? But that was unlikely, Serena knew, what could she do now, now that she knew they were having a baby? “I don't want to stay in bed, Brad.”

  “We'll discuss it in the morning.” But that night he held her tightly in his arms and she had cried out in her sleep several times, and by the morning he was genuinely worried. “That's it, no discussion. I want you in bed today. We still have the rehearsal this evening, and the rehearsal dinner after that. You have to rest up and get your strength.” Emotionally if not physically he was right, but the prospect of staying in bed still depressed her. “I'll come home this afternoon right after I see the tailor, and I'll keep you company.”

  “Promise?” She looked like a beautiful child as she sat up in their bed in the sunny room.

  “Absolutely.”

  He kissed her before he left, and she lay in bed with her eyes closed for half an hour, just letting her mind drift, remembering their walks in the garden in Rome, moments in Paris, the day they got married, and she was so intent on her pleasant imaginings that she didn't even hear the knock on the door just before lunch.

  “Yes?” She suspected that it might be Teddy, and when the door opened, she was already expecting him, with a warm smile. But her smile faded quickly when she saw that it was Margaret. She was wearing a perfectly simple black silk dress and she looked ominous as she stood there.

  “May I come in?”

  “Certainly.” She hopped quickly out of her bed and put on the pink silk robe Brad had bought her in Paris. Margaret said nothing as she watched her put on the wrapper, and waited until the girl was standing before her, nervous and expectant. She knew that her mother-in-law hadn't just come to see her to see how she felt. She could feel her heart pounding within her, and she indicated the two comfortable chairs at the far end of the room. “Would you like to sit down?”

  Margaret nodded, and a moment later they both sat down. She looked at Serena inquiringly then. “Did you tell Brad about our little conversation?” Serena shook her head silently. “Good.” Margaret regarded that as hopeful. Surely it meant that Serena wanted to make some arrangement with her. If she were a decent girl, Margaret assumed, she would have been shocked and would have told Brad. “I have just spent two hours with my lawyer.”

  “Oh.” Almost without warning, there were tears in Serena's eyes, but it happened to her a lot lately. The doctor had told her that crying easily wasn't uncommon in the first months of pregnancy, and neither she nor her husband should take it seriously. Until the day before she hadn't, nor had Brad. But suddenly she felt very different. She felt as though this woman was single-handedly out to destroy her. And she was right.

  “I'd like you to read over some papers, Serena. Perhaps we can come to some agreement after all, in spite of the child.” She spoke of it like a handicap, and Serena began to hate her in earnest. She quietly shook her head and held out a hand as though to stop Margaret physically, if she couldn't stop her words.

  “I don't want to see them.”

  “I think you will.”

  “I don't.” The tears began to spill onto her cheeks, and without saying a word, Margaret took the papers out of her handbag and handed them to Serena.

  “I know this must be very difficult for you, Serena.” It was the first humane thing she had said. “I'm sure there are even some emotions between you and my son. But you must think of what's best for him, if you love him. Trust me. I know what's best for him.” Her voice was deep and powerful as she attempted to cast her spell over Serena, and in amazement Serena read what Margaret had handed her. It was extraordinary and like something in a nightmare, that this woman was so desperate to separate her from her son. It was worse than the very worst she had expected. She had expected tears, hysterics, names, accusations, but not this cold-blooded series of papers and contracts and dollar signs, in order to end their love. This time Margaret had come up with several alternatives. For one hundred thousand dollars, she and her unborn child were to relinquish all claim on Brad, and never to see him again. In addition there would be support in the amount of two hundred dollars a month until the child reached the age of twenty-one, which equaled an amount of fifty thousand four hundred dollars, the paper informed her. Or she could have an abortion for which they would pay, in which case she could have one hundred fifty thousand dollars immediately, all cash. Of course she'd have to, again, give up Brad. Margaret felt that that was the best plan, she told Serena, as Serena stared at her in disbelief.

  “Do you really mean this?” She was stunned.

  “Of course I do. Don't you?”

  Quietly Serena handed her the papers. “I was so shocked last night that I didn't say very much, but I thought that you understood that I would never do anything like this. I would never give Brad up, like this, for money. If I did give him up, it would be for his own good, not for any ‘reward’ to me, as you put it. And”—she almost choked on the words—”I would never … never … dispose of our baby.” Tears spilled onto her cheeks as she said it. She looked up at Margaret Fullerton then, her eyes open and green and candid, filled with hurt and something very much akin to despair, and for an instant Margaret Fullerton was ashamed. “Tell me, why do you hate me so much? Do you really think I want to hurt him?”

  “You already have. Thanks to you, he's staying in the army. He knows there's nowhere else for him now. Except the army, with crude men and their war brides, and their half-breeds. Is that the life you want for him if you love him?” Serena choked on her sobs and Margaret went on. “If it weren't for you, he'd have a magnificent life, a great career, and he'd be married to Partie.”

  “But he didn't want her.” Serena sobbed again, almost unable to control herself now. “And I will make him happy.”

  “Physically perhaps.” His mother withdrew into her shell. “But there are other more important things.”

  “Yes, like love, and children, and a good home, and—” Margaret Fullerton waved an impatient hand. She wanted to get the business done before Brad returned from downtown.

  “You're a child, Serena. You don't understand. Now, we have some business to attend to, don't we?” She tried to sound forceful, but Serena stood up, her whole body shaking, and her voice choked with tears.

  “No, we don't. You can't take him from me. I love him. And he loves me.”

  “Does he? Don't you think he's just infatuated, Serena? And what will you do in a year or two if he grows tired of you? Will you divorce him, or let him divorce you? And what will you do then? You'll try and get the money you won't take from me now.”

  “I will never want money from him.” She was shaking so hard, she could barely speak now, but the old woman
had thought of this contingency too.

  “Prove it. If you don't ever want money from him, Serena, prove it.”

  “How? By running away? By killing my baby?” Serena was sobbing almost hysterically.

  “No. By signing this.” She took another paper out of her handbag and handed it to Serena, who clenched it in her trembling hand and did not read it. She only stared at the woman she had come to hate so much in only two days. “It says that if Brad leaves you, or dies intestate, that you relinquish all right to any money from him, or from his estate, for you or any children you may have. What it basically says is that if you don't have him you don't want his money either. Will you sign that?” Serena looked at her with unveiled hatred. The woman had thought of everything.

  But this time Serena nodded. “Yes, I will sign it, because if he leaves me, I don't want his money anyway. I only want him.”

  “Then sign it.” It wasn't what she had wanted. She had wanted to get rid of the girl for good, but failing that, at least this way she knew that Brad was protected, and in time she could work on him. He couldn't stay married to the girl forever, no matter how pretty she was. For the moment she was young, but in a few years he would tire of her. And perhaps by then he would be tired of the army too. It wasn't too late after all, he was only thirty-four. And in the meantime she had Greg to take care of. She had time to wait for Brad to get rid of this girl. As she watched, Serena signed the paper with trembling fingers, and handed it back to her mother-in-law. A moment later Margaret Fullerton left the room and before she went, she turned to Serena with a look of determination. “This paper is legal, Serena. You won't be able to overturn it. As long as you're not married to him any longer, either widowed or divorced, you won't get a dime from him, or from us. Even if he wants to give you something. I'll have this, and that will stop him. You can't take anything from him now.”

  “I never wanted to.”

  “I don't believe that.” And with those words, she turned and closed the door.

  Serena almost stumbled to the bed, and lay down on it, and once again, as they had the night before, the sobs came and shook her whole body until she lay in bed feeling spent.

  When Brad returned from downtown, he was horrified at how pale and exhausted Serena looked. Her eyes were swollen from crying, and she was obviously feeling very ill.

  “Sweetheart, what happened?” As she had the night before, she had decided not to tell him. It seemed the final betrayal to her to tell him about what his mother had done. It was something between her and Margaret Fullerton. She would never tell Brad.

  “I don't know. Perhaps it's the change of water or climate. I've been feeling very ill.”

  “You've been crying?” He looked upset.

  “Only because I didn't feel well.” She smiled wanly at him.

  He shook his head slowly, dismayed at how worn she looked. “I think I should call the doctor.”

  “Brad, don't.” He gave in to her finally, but he was still distressed half an hour later when he went downstairs to make her a cup of tea himself and he found Teddy in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich.

  “Can I make you one too?” Brad shook his head as he put the kettle on to boil. “What's up?”

  “I'm worried about Serena. She hasn't looked right since last night.”

  Teddy suddenly looked worried too. “Something happen today?”

  “Not that I know of. But I just got back from lunch, and she looks awful. She looks like she's been crying since I left, and she's pale and shaky.” He smiled sheepishly at his brother. “You don't know enough about all that yet to tell anything by taking a look at her, do you? I wanted to call Mother's doctor for her, but she won't let me. I'm afraid she might have a miscarriage or something.”

  “Is she having cramps?”

  “She didn't say so. Do you suppose that's why she's been crying? Maybe she knows something's wrong and she doesn't want to tell me.” He looked suddenly panicked, as the water for her tea started to boil. “I'm going to call the doctor.”

  “Now, calm down.” Teddy took the kettle from him and set it back on the stove. “Why don't you ask her first. Find out if she has cramps or she's had any bleeding.”

  “Oh, Christ.” Brad looked pale at the thought. “If something ever happened to her or the baby …”He didn't dare finish the thought, but Teddy put a hand on his arm.

  “Nothing is going to happen to Serena, or the baby either, most likely. So just stop getting yourself worked up. Why don't you go upstairs and see how she's doing, and I'll bring her tea up in a second. All right?” Brad looked at him with immeasurable affection.

  “You know something, you're even better than you were as a kid. You're going to be some doctor, Teddy.”

  “Shut up. You're embarrassing me. Now go take care of your wife. I'll be right up.” But a few minutes later, on his way up, Teddy ran into his mother in the hallway.

  “Where are you off to? And drinking tea? Good Lord, that's a new one!” She smiled at him in amusement.

  “It's for Serena. Brad says she doesn't feel well.” He had been about to make light of it, but as he said the words he saw his mother's face.

  “Well.” He decided not to stall any longer. “I'll let you know if she needs to see a doctor.”

  “Do that.” But she had asked not a single question as to how Serena was.

  Teddy knocked on the door of their bedroom, and Brad pulled it open quickly and stepped aside.

  “Something wrong?” He could see the look in Teddy's eyes, but the younger brother only shook his head and covered his own concern with a smile.

  “No. Nothing. How's she feeling?”

  “Better, I think. Maybe she's right. Maybe she's just exhausted.” He lowered his voice, she was combing her hair in the bathroom. “She says she hasn't had cramps or bleeding, so maybe she's all right. But Christ, Ted, I'd swear she'd been crying all morning.” The conversation was cut short as Serena emerged from the bathroom, looking radically different than she had half an hour before. Her hair was combed, her face washed, her eyes were bright, and she was smiling at Teddy, with her pink satin robe wrapped around her, and little fluffs of pink slippers peeking beneath the hem.

  “My God, Serena, you look gorgeous.” He kissed both her cheeks, took her hands, and sat down next to her on the foot of the bed. “Brad said you weren't feeling so hot, but you look terrific to me.” And then with an almost professional air that made his brother smile, remembering when he had been a nine-year-old terror breaking windows, “Are you feeling all right, Serena? You have us both worried.”

  “I'm fine.” She shook her head emphatically, but as she did so her eyes filled with tears, and a moment later, as though she couldn't stop herself, she reached out to Brad and sobbed in his arms. She was mortified at the scene she was creating, but she was unable to stop, and he looked at his brother over her shoulder in desperation, until at last the sobs subsided and she blew her nose in the handkerchief Teddy handed her. He patted her hand gently with a smile and looked into her eyes when she turned toward him.

  “It happens to everyone sometimes, you know, Serena. You've had a lot of new experiences in the past few days, a lot of new people, it's a lot to handle. Even if you weren't pregnant, I think it might wear you out.”

  “I'm sorry.” She shook her head and dried her tears again. “I feel so stupid.”

  “You shouldn't.” He handed her the cup of tea, then Teddy looked up at his older brother, cocked his head to one side, and gave him a boyish grin. “If I promise not to play doctor with her, do you think you could leave us alone for a minute, Big Brother?” But he had such a disarming way of asking that there was no way Brad could resist. He nodded after a moment, and slipped out the bedroom door, promising to be back in a few minutes with two more cups of tea. Teddy waited until he knew his brother would have reached the stairs and then he turned toward Serena again. He took her hand in his own and looked into her eyes. “I want to ask you something, Serena, an
d I'd like to know the truth. I swear I won't tell Brad.” He had already guessed that if what he suspected was true she wasn't going to tell him. “Will you tell me the truth?”

  She nodded slowly. She felt no need to be on her guard with Teddy. Even more so than with Brad, whom she wanted to protect.

  “Does my mother have anything to do with your being upset?”

  She hesitated and bumbled, and blushed furiously as she pulled her hand away from his and began to walk around the room. All of her actions gave her away at once as he watched her.

  “Did she come to see you today, Serena?”

  “Yes.” She turned to him quickly. “But just to see how I felt before she went out to lunch.”

  She was playing the same game as his mother and he knew it, but he decided to call Serena's bluff. “She didn't go out to lunch today, Serena. And she told me that she hadn't seen you at all. So both of you are lying.” He looked at her pointedly, but without accusation. “Why?” It was a simple open question, and when she saw the look in his eyes, she began to cry again.

  “I can't tell you.”

  “I already told you that I wouldn't tell Brad.”

  “But I can't … it would—” She sat down on the bed and began to sob again and this time it was Teddy who took her in his arms. She felt so soft and warm and delicate against him that it almost took his breath away as he held her. For a mad moment he wanted to tell her that he loved her, but he remembered all too quickly that this wasn't why he was holding her in his arms.