Remembrance

by Danielle Steel

  “Would you have married him if you'd known?”

  She shook her head. “No. I guess he knew that. That's why he didn't tell me.”

  Brad looked thoughtful as he looked down at this woman he had once thought that he knew, but he realized now that he didn't know her at all. She was manipulative and vengeful, and yet she had her vulnerabilities too—needs that spurred her to hurt others. He was deeply sorry for his brother. In her own way she was actually much worse than their mother. “It was wrong of Greg to hide that from you.” It startled him to see that side of his younger brother. “Maybe in the end this will be for the best. You'll be able to devote yourselves to each other.”

  She didn't answer at first. “Wouldn't it matter to you if your wife couldn't have children, Brad?”

  “Not if I really loved her.”

  “But she can, can't she?”

  He hesitated for a long moment and then decided that he had better tell her. She'd find out soon enough, and he wanted to be honest. “Serena is pregnant, Partie.” But as soon as he said the words, he knew he'd made a mistake, there was a look of viciousness in her eyes that was almost frightening.

  “Knocked her up quick, didn't you? Is that why you married her?” If it were, maybe she'd feel better. Maybe he'd had to marry her.… But her hope was stillborn.

  “No, it's not.” His eyes met hers squarely, and after a long silence she turned on her heel and walked away. And a moment later Brad went back inside, and immediately ran right into Greg.

  “Where's Pattie?” There was a look of nervous suspicion in his eyes and it was obvious that he was drunk again as he lurched slightly toward his brother.

  “She's here somewhere. We went out for some air, and she just came back in. Maybe she's in the ladies' room.”

  Greg stared at Brad. “She hates your guts.”

  Brad nodded slowly, watching Greg's eyes, and for the first time he realized how little he knew him. “She wasn't right for me, Greg. I would have broken it off when I got back anyway, even if I hadn't met Serena.” He was sure of that now. “We'd have made each other miserable.” But he wasn't sure that she and Greg would do better. “Are you happy, Greg?” He wanted to tell him that it wasn't too late to change his mind, that he'd be better off, but he wasn't sure if he should tell him.

  “Hell, yes, why not?” But he didn't look like a happy man. “She'll keep me on my toes.” For a moment he looked malevolently at his brother. There was jealousy there too, even more than he had seen in Pattie's eyes. “She's a firebrand in bed, but you know that. Or have you forgotten?”

  “I never knew.” It seemed the only thing to say as he cringed at his brother's remark.

  “Bullshit. She told me.”

  “Did she? Maybe she just said that to make you jealous.”

  Greg shrugged as though he didn't really care, but it was plain he did. All his life he had come in second best to his brothers. He knew what he was, and what he wasn't. “I don't really care. Virgins are the shits. I didn't even like them when I was in college.”

  “Apparently.” Brad wanted to bite out his tongue for what he had just said, and his eyes instantly met Greg's.

  “She told you, didn't she? The bitch. Why the hell did she have to tell you?”

  “You should have told her before.” It was an almost fatherly reproach.

  “And maybe you should mind your own goddamn business. I don't see you running your life so smoothly either, Brad, marrying your little Italian piece of ass. Christ, I'd expect you to have the brains to leave that where you found it.”

  “Stop it, Greg!” Brad's voice was low and gruff.

  “The hell I will. If you'd done what Mother expected you to, she wouldn't be on my back. You'd be in politics where you belong and I could do what I want. But no, Big Brother has to play independent, leaving me holding the bag. And me, what do I get out of all that? I get a royal pain in the ass and a gun to my head. Now I'm the hope of their hearts and I get stuck with all their expectations. Looks to me like you got off easy, as usual.” He sounded more drunk than he had before, and infinitely more bitter.

  “You don't have to do what they want. You can please yourself, for chrissake.” Brad was actually sorry for him. And at the same time he knew that Greg didn't have the guts, not to face up to their mother, or Pattie.

  “The hell I can. And now there's Pattie. She expects me to go to work for her father.”

  “If you don't want to, don't.”

  Greg looked at him with bitter amusement, and his face broke into a wintry smile. “Brave words, Brad. There's only one problem.”

  “What's that?”

  “I'm not a brave man.” And with that, he drifted off, leaving Brad feeling desperately sorry for him.

  24

  The next morning Serena tiptoed downstairs to make herself a cup of tea and get a cup of coffee for Brad, when she ran into her mother-in-law in a blue satin dressing gown in the kitchen.

  “Good morning, Serena.” She said it so icily, it was worse than if she had snubbed her totally, and Serena felt instantly both rejected and subdued.

  “Good morning, Mrs. Fullerton, Did you sleep well?”

  “Relatively.” She gazed at Serena, and did not ask her the same question. Her eyes were calculating and very, very cold. “I've been thinking that it might be wiser if you declared yourself ill today, rather than go to the wedding. You have the perfect excuse at your disposal.” She was referring of course to the baby. But Serena looked shocked. She had no desire whatsoever to go to the wedding, but she knew it would cause talk if she didn't go.

  “I don't know if Brad—”

  “Of course it's up to you. But in your shoes, I would think that you'd be grateful to spare yourself the embarrassment. This is Pattie's day after all, you might think of that, and not cause her more pain than you already have.” Serena wanted to give in to her urge to cry but instead she nodded in silence.

  “I'll think about it.”

  “See that you do that.” And with those final words, she left the kitchen. The servants were bustling about somewhere else, and Serena let herself down into a chair and blew her nose softly. After she'd pulled herself together, she poured Brad his coffee, made her cup of tea, put both on a tray, and walked slowly upstairs, trying to decide what to do, and when she reached their room, she knew that she had no choice. If her mother-in-law wanted her to stay away from the wedding, then she wouldn't be there. Ana perhaps it was better that way.

  As she let herself into their room with the tray, she heaved a small sigh, and Brad looked up as he heard her.

  “Something wrong, love?”

  “No … I—I have a terrible headache.”

  “Do you?” He looked instantly worried. “Why don't you lie down? It must have been all the dancing last night.”

  Serena smiled at him. “It's not that. I'm just tired.” And then, as she lay down on the bed, she looked up at him. “You know, I feel awful saying it, Brad, but … I don't think I should go.”

  “Do you feel that ill?” He looked surprised, this morning she wasn't even pale, and she had drunk her tea very quickly, something she didn't do, he had noticed, when she wasn't feeling well. “Do you want me to call the doctor?”

  “No.” She sat up in bed and kissed him. “Do you think your brother will forgive me?”

  “Yes. If you want to stay home, I won't push you.”

  “Thank you.” She watched him get ready a little while later, and her heart felt heavy, not because of what she was missing, but because of the reason she was. Margaret Fullerton was ashamed of her and wanted to do everything possible to keep her away. It made Serena feel shut out and unwanted. No matter how much Brad loved her, it hurt not to have his family accept her too.

  “You okay, love?” He glanced at her on the bed as he put his top hat in place and pulled on his gloves. He looked very dashing in the cutaway and striped trousers, the gray top hat, and gray gloves. It was going to be a very elegant wedding, and Ser
ena was suddenly sorry to miss it. Teddy knocked on the door a moment later, wearing the same costume and holding a sprig of lily of the valley for Brad to put in his lapel.

  “They'll think I'm the groom, I can't wear that.” He made a face.

  “No, they won't, his is bigger.” And then he looked startled as he looked from Serena to Brad and then back to the bed again. “What's the matter, aren't you going?”

  “I don't feel well.”

  “You didn't feel well last night either and you went. What's up today?” He was instantly suspicious. It was as though he had fine antennae for the subtlest of lies, especially those that related to his mother.

  “I feel worse.” But she said it a little too easily, as she sat up in bed and crossed her arms.

  “I don't believe you.” He looked at Brad. “You two have a fight?”

  “Hell no. Serena just said she didn't feel well enough to go, and I didn't want to force her.”

  “Why not?” Teddy smiled as he sat down on the bed beside her. “Do you really feel sick, Serena?”

  “She nodded. “I really do.”

  “I'm sorry. We'll miss you.” But as he said the words two huge tears sprang from her eyes. She felt left out again, and now she wanted to go with them. If only Mrs. Fullerton hadn't put it to her so harshly. She felt as though she really couldn't go. It was as though she shouldn't go, if she had any decorum, or respect for her mother-in-law at all. “What's wrong?” Teddy was looking at her searchingly and she shook her head, trying unsuccessfully not to cry.

  “Oh, I hate being pregnant, all I ever do is cry!” She laughed at herself, and Brad came over to stroke the soft blond hair that fell past her shoulders and onto the pillow.

  “You just take it easy today, and I'll be back as soon as I can.” He left the room then, to go check on Greg. He was nervously getting ready in his own room down the hall. He had had his own apartment for years, but for his last night as a bachelor he had come home and slept in his old room. He knew that way, no matter how drunk he got the night before, he wouldn't be allowed to oversleep on his wedding day.

  But as soon as Brad had left the room, Teddy narrowed his eyes and looked at her. “What really happened?”

  “Nothing.” But she didn't look directly at him and he knew something was wrong.

  “Don't lie to me, Serena. Why won't you go?”

  It was uncanny the way this man could make her talk, and how much she trusted him. She told him things she wouldn't even tell Brad. But she also knew that he had kept her confidence the day before, and so now she let go, as the tears filled her eyes once again. “Your mother thinks I shouldn't go. But don't tell Brad. I don't want him to know.”

  “She told you that?”

  “She said that it would be unkind to Pattie, and if I had any decency, I wouldn't go, that I had done enough to Pattie already.” Serena looked woeful, and Teddy almost jumped off the bed.

  “What a lot of crap. God damn it, Serena. If you don't stand up for yourself, my mother is going to push you around for the rest of your life. You can't let her!”

  “It doesn't matter. She doesn't want me there. I think she's afraid I'll disgrace all of you.”

  “Serena.” Teddy looked at her pointedly. “Everyone last night wanted to know who you were, I mean who you really were. There was talk all over the restaurant about your being a principessa, and it probably annoyed the hell out of Mother. All that garbage about your being a nobody, and somebody's maid, nobody will buy any of that crap after last night. You look every bit what you are: a beautiful, aristocratic lady. I don't know what the hell is eating my mother, except that Brad did something he wanted and made the decision for himself. But if what she wanted was Pattie Atherton as a daughter-in-law, then she's getting that too. One of these days she's going to get over her feelings about you, Serena, and you can't give in to her all the time before she does. What she did to you yesterday is not only outrageous but immoral, and the truth is that Brad should know, but if you insist, then I won't tell him. But what she's doing today is the last straw, dammit, it's indecent.” It crossed his mind for only a moment that his mother was jealous. Perhaps she couldn't bear all that Serena was, and that Brad had found her for himself, won her, and planned to keep her. Maybe she had wanted to lose him to someone she could manipulate, some girl she could push around, which she seemed to think she was going to do with Pattie. “But you can't let her keep doing this to you, dammit. It's not right.”

  “What's not right?” Brad stood in the doorway, looking at them both, and there was sudden tension in his face as he searched their eyes. “There's something I'm not being told, and I don't take kindly to secrets in my own family.” He looked at his wife. “What is it, Serena?” Serena looked down, away from his gaze. He held up a hand. “No tears this time. Just tell me.” But she couldn't and she wasn't going to. It was Teddy who spoke first.

  “She doesn't want to tell you, Brad, but I think you ought to know.”

  Serena almost leaped off the bed at him, her arms outstretched as though she could stop him, but he had just said something to her with his eyes. Instinctively she almost shouted “No!”

  “I'm going to tell him, Serena.” Teddy spoke quietly and Serena burst into tears.

  “For chrissake, what is it?” Their little melodrama was making him extremely nervous, and he was already unnerved. He had just come from Greg's room, he had got so drunk the night before that the butler was still trying to revive him. “What the hell is going on?”

  Teddy stood up and faced him. “Mother doesn't want Serena to go to the wedding.” Serena looked as though she had been given an electric shock, and her husband looked as though he had been at the other end of the electric current.

  “Mother what! Are you crazy?”

  “No. She had the unmitigated gall to tell Serena that she owes it to Pattie not to be there. Serena ran into her in the kitchen, and she suggested that Serena develop a diplomatic illness and stay home.”

  “Is that true?” He looked at his wife in unadulterated outrage, as she nodded. He walked toward the bed then and she could see that he was trembling. “Why didn't you tell me?”

  “I didn't want you to be angry at your mother.” Her voice shook and she was obviously fighting back tears.

  “Don't you ever do that again! If anyone ever says anything like that to you again, I want to know it! Is that clear?”

  Brad looked both pained and thoughtful. He stood for a long moment then, and finally pointed to his brother. “Get out of here, Teddy.” And he pointed at his wife. “And you get out of bed. I don't give a damn what you wear, but I want you dressed in ten minutes.”

  “But, Brad … I can't … your—”

  “Not a word!” This time he roared it. “I'm the best man at my brother's wedding, and you're my wife. Is that clear? Do you understand that? You're my wife, that means you go everywhere I do, and you are accepted by the same people who love and accept me, whether that means my friends, or my family, or the people I work with. And if anyone does not accept you, and does not accord you the appropriate courtesy due you, I want to know it. Immediately next time. Not through the kind offices of my brother. Is that clear, Serena?”

  “Yes.” She murmured softly.

  “Good. Because I want that to be clear to you, and to my mother, and to Pattie and Greg, and anyone else who seems not to understand it. I'll explain it to my mother next, and while I'm doing that, you are to get your ass out of that bed and into whatever you were supposed to wear to this bloody farce of a wedding. And don't you ever do this again. Don't ever pretend to be sick, or hide something from me. You tell me. Is that clear?” She nodded, and he walked over and pulled her roughly into his arms and kissed her. “I love you so much, dammit. I don't ever want anyone to hurt you. I promised to love, honor, and protect you as long as we both shall live, at least give me a chance to do that, baby. That's what I'm here for. And don't you ever, ever take shit from my mother again.” She was both touch
ed and shocked at his rancor toward Margaret. He studied her. “Did something like this happen to upset you yesterday, Serena?” He watched her eyes as she answered, but she only shook her head. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, Brad, I am.” She couldn't tell him that his mother had made her sign a paper. He would never speak to his mother again, and she didn't want to be responsible for that. This was bad enough.

  He walked rapidly toward the doorway, and stood there for a moment, smiling at her. “I love you, Mrs. Fullerton.”

  “I love you, Colonel.” She blew a kiss at him and he disappeared, trying to steel himself for the confrontation about to occur.

  He found Margaret in her boudoir, dressed in a beautiful beige silk dress she had ordered from Dior for the wedding. They had all of her measurements in Paris, and all she had had to do was select a sketch and approve the swatch of fabric. She was also wearing a hat they had designed for her, made of delicate feathers of exactly the same beige. It swept low over one eye, and then lifted in the back to make room for an elegant twist of her thick white hair.

  “Mother, may I come in?”

  “Of course, darling.” She smiled pleasantly at him. “This is an important day. Have you seen your brother yet?”

  “In both cases, yes.”

  “I meant Greg. How is he?”

  “Almost comatose, Mother. The servants are trying to bring him around. He got very drunk last night.” He wanted to say “As usual,” but he didn't.

  “Pattie will straighten him out.” Margaret exuded a confidence that Brad could not quite bring himself to feel.

  “Maybe. But first, speaking of Pattie, I'd like to straighten you out about something.”

  “I beg your pardon.” His mother looked shocked at his tone, and he did nothing to soften it as he continued.

  “You should beg my pardon, Mother. Or rather, Serena's. And I want to make something clear to you once and for all. Serena is my wife, whether you like that fact or not. Apparently you asked her not to come to Greg's wedding. That you would dare do such a thing astounds me and hurts me. If you'd like us both not to come, that would be fine, but if you'd like me to be there, then you'd best know that I'm bringing Serena.” There were tears in his eyes now as he went on. They were tears of anger and fury and disappointment. “I love her with all my heart, Mother. She's a wonderful girl, and in a few months we'll have a baby. I can't make you accept her. But I won't let you hurt her. Don't ever do anything like this again.”