Innocent Little Crimes

by C. S. Lakin

  Lila noticed Jonathan wince. She turned back to Peter. “I remember how eager you were to take me up on my job offer. You couldn’t stay in that house another minute . . .”

  “Lila, you promised never to bring it up.”

  “Andrew was just a shell, withered and racked with pain from the final stages of AIDS. You couldn’t stand to see him like that. So you abandoned him. Walked out on him without even saying good-bye.”

  “He didn’t want me to see him like that. He felt humiliated.”

  “But he needed you. You were all he had. And you left.”

  “And I’ve been suffering every day for the last two years. Don’t you think I’m aware of my guilt?” Tears streamed down Peter’s face. “Why are you doing this to me, Li?”

  “You’re disloyal, Avon. Get off the bench.”

  The room fell quiet except for the small sound of Peter’s sobs. He got up and went into the kitchen and brewed a cup of tea.

  “How can you be so cruel to him? He’s your friend,” Millie said.

  “And God knows you need any you can get, baby,” Dick said.

  “I’m keeping score, Ferrol.”

  “I vote Lila off,” Della said.

  “Yes. Off, Lila!” Dick chimed from the corner. “You can join me for dinner. As dinner.”

  “I don’t think we’re quite ready for me yet.”

  “I do,” Davis said. “Let’s vote Lila off.”

  “Jonny, aren’t you going to come to my defense?”

  Jonathan hesitated, then winked at Lila. She winked back. “Lila’s right. She may be cruel, but she wields a powerful stick. Maybe she can keep the wolves at bay till we get to the border.”

  “Yeah, just show them your face and they’ll high-tail it,” Dick said.

  “I heard that Ferrol,” Lila said. “That’s two.”

  Dick was beyond caring. Lila and her big mouth and her nosing around. He came here thinking she would be the answer to all his problems. He stared at the necklace that could have saved his own neck. And there it lay, adorning Millie’s throat, just out of his reach. He could kill Lila for this torture. Instead of helping him, Lila opened up a Pandora’s box of trouble with Millie, not to mention the embarrassment she caused him in front of all his old friends. He would make her pay for this.

  But what about those threats she made about his mother? She wouldn’t really tell her about Penny, would she? Dick knew that if Lila could find out about the deal with Matson and the affair with Penny, then she was unstoppable. As much as he felt his hatred for Lila grow, his fear grew proportionately. One false move and he was dead. He had no choice but to watch his mouth and humble himself before Lila. Damn.

  Davis, Millie, Lila, and Jonathan were left on the benches.

  Lila cleared her throat. “Well, a nice cozy little group on their way to the border. What about you, Mil? What’s been your great contribution to the human race?”

  Millie stammered. “I’m the mother of two children. I’m contributing to the future of the planet.”

  Dick reacted. “The planet’s already overpopulated.”

  “How can you say that about your own children?”

  “Any peasant in a field can drop a child,” Jonathan added.

  “You use your kids as an excuse for getting fat,” Dick said.

  “I got that way because you stopped caring.”

  “I stopped caring because you did. You want to go around again?” Dick asked. He was past worrying what the others thought. He had sufficiently drowned his cares with a six-pack of Corona. Let the wolves tear at them all.

  “Millie, you’re a wimp. You’ve let Dick walk all over you,” Jonathan said.

  “You married for the wrong reasons,” Davis said.

  “You let your mother-in-law boss you around,” Lila added.

  “You’re fat!” Dick yelled.

  “You’re right,” Millie said, rising to her feet. “I’m fat, I’m a wimp, I’m a nobody. And you know what else—I’m through with you!” She pointed a shaking finger at Dick. “For me, this marriage is over!”

  Dick, through the haze of his mind, heard Millie’s words and chuckled. “This marriage was over a long time ago, baby.”

  “Poor Millie, I can relate,” said Lila. “I was fat and homely in college, desperate to have someone like me. I thought Millie did. Until she betrayed me.”

  “What? I never betrayed you.”

  “But, yes, Mil, you did. You knew what the rest of them were doing to me and you didn’t say a word. You let me look at the world through rose-colored glasses. You set me up for a fall—a big one.”

  Silence spread across the smoke-filled room. The candles, melted almost down to the metal, flickered, casting shadows on the faces of the players on the bench. Millie exhaled a long breath. “It wasn’t my idea. I told them not to do it. They wouldn’t listen to me.”

  “And, true to form, Millie once again kept her mouth shut and pretended not to see.”

  “You were so happy. I didn’t want to ruin that for you. I figured maybe it would turn out okay in the end.”

  Lila shook her head like a teacher disappointed in her students. “Della came up with the idea. Davis went along with it. Jonathan got his kicks putting us together in rehearsals. Dick had his fun organizing the entire ‘production.’ But of all the sinners, you, Millie, are the most guilty, you. Because you knew the truth. Yours was the sin of omission.”

  Millie started to cry. “Lila, I’m sorry, I—”

  Lila’s voice turned loud and harsh. “Too late, Mil. Off the bench.”

  Millie stood, wiping the tears as they rolled down her face. She noticed Dick avoiding eye contact with her. She walked aimlessly around the room, not knowing where to light. Finally, she settled on a chair and stared out the window at the darkness. Lila was right. She’d kept that heavy burden of guilt in her heart all these years, knowing that she was to blame when Lila didn’t show up on opening night. Sure, all the others were guilty in their own small way, but they viewed their actions as harmless fun. They hadn’t known Lila like she had. If Lila had found out the truth, it would have destroyed her.

  Millie gasped. That must have been what happened! Somehow, Lila found out; that was why she didn’t make the performance.

  Millie’s heart raced. Suddenly, she understood why Lila invited them all—just this group from “Picnic.” Why she had followed their lives so closely, gathering up ammunition against them all. Clearly, no one else here realized their culpability. All these people—all these years—probably never gave opening night a second thought. Never gave Lila a second thought. That is, until she became rich and famous. And now they were all here, not out of friendship, but out of greed.

  She thought of Dick and her anger rose in her throat. She wanted to strangle him. In college, he’d been thrilled to dupe Lila. Millie was shocked; she tried to dissuade him and the others—she begged Dick. But he loved a good joke. He never stopped to think someone’s feelings were involved. He rallied them all together at Lila’s expense. And now, he came to her island thinking she would be grateful to him and bestow him with favors.

  Boy, did he have a lesson coming.

  Peter walked back into the room, his hands cradling a teacup. He sat down in a chair near the door. Millie couldn’t help but notice the pallor across his features. He looked so tired.

  “Now,” said Lila, snapping everyone to attention. She turned to Jonathan and Davis. “That leaves us three. Where do we begin?”

  Jonathan finished off the Scotch and tossed the empty bottle on the carpet.

  “I’d like to know what Lila’s been doing to Davis and Jon all these years,” said Dick. “Since she’s meddled with my life and Della’s.”

  Della echoed him. “Yeah. Who else have you set up, Lila?”

  “I see you’ve come back from the dead, Della. I’m glad. I wouldn’t want you to miss the grand finale. Well, now, like I said, it’s just me and the guys. The wolves have devoured everyone else
, but they’re still on our heels. They’re getting closer and closer and they’re still hungry.”

  “Can the narrative, Li,” said Jonathan. “Just tell us what you did to us, too.”

  Abruptly, the power came back on. Millie gasped in surprise. For a moment they all looked at one another. The bright light betrayed their tired, bleary faces.

  Lila blew out the candles and smiled.

  “Fine. Three to go.”

  Chapter 19

  Lila stretched, working the kinks out of her back. “So you all want to know what little ol’ me has been up to? All in good time, kiddies. All in my good time.”

  Out of the corner of his eye, Jonathan caught Davis swaying, so drunk, he looked about to fall off the bench. A deck light came on. He could make out Cynthia huddled against the cold. He chuckled. How the gods have fallen. Davis would have to answer to his pretty little fiancée when they got back to Marin. Maybe the honeymoon was over—before the wedding even took place. And Dick and Millie, at opposite ends of the room, avoided each other’s eyes. He’d just love to hear their conversation on the way home. And Peter, Lila’s cute slave, sulking against the wall. Fag coward, unable to stand up to Lila. But Della delighted him the most. She looked like a statue in her chair. Something made of stone. Lila really did a number on her.

  He glanced at Lila. She was waiting, like some predatory animal, undoubtedly ready to devour him. He hoped it wouldn’t be too painful. He thought of the joke from earlier in the evening: the man in the bathroom chanting, “she’s not my wife, she’s not my wife.” He bolstered himself up with his own litany. “She’ll buy my script. She’ll buy my script.” Okay, Lila, do your worst.

  “Well, gang,” she said, slurring her words, “we’re getting closer to bringing this suspenseful game to its heart-stopping conclusion.”

  Millie moaned. “Then let’s get it over with already.”

  “We won’t go into the details of your sordid sexual behavior, dear Jonny. That comes with the territory, so to speak. No one in middle America has sex the way Hollywood does.”

  Jonathan laughed. “Do they have sex?”

  “You take pride in making my career, in ‘discovering’ my talent, right Jonny? I remember the encouragement you gave me in college. All that reassurance. Arranging those late night rehearsals with Davis, so the scenes would be perfect. Going over those lines, over and over again.” Lila’s voice deepened. “`Look, Baby, I’m a poor bastard, and I gotta claim what’s mine, Baby! You’re the only real thing I ever had—ever! Baby, kiss me goodbye!”

  Lila turned to Davis. “Come on, loverboy, you remember the words. We rehearsed them fifty times. Don’t you remember what Jonathan used to say? ‘Kiss her again, Davis. Come on, more emotion, more fervor.’ Remember?”

  “I can’t remember anything right at the moment, Madge.”

  “She’s not Madge, she’s Lila,” Jonathan said. “Boy, are you drunk.”

  “So are you.”

  “So what?”

  “Boys, boys,” Lila said. “I am most certainly drunk, but I remember. All of it. The darkened stage, the spotlight. The unbearable pounding of my heart.” Lila’s voice grew wistful. “Davis’s arms holding me tight, his lips warm on mine.”

  “Are you trying to make us puke?” Dick called from the corner.

  “Stick to comedy,” Della muttered.

  Lila snapped out of her reverie; her words made Jonathan jump. “Your great career. I’ll tell you about your career. You glad-handed everyone in Hollywood, hung out on the tennis courts in Malibu, slept with any woman who you could step on to get higher up the ladder.”

  Dick snorted. “Hey, Jonny, just like Della.”

  “Finally, you made a good score. Jack Harwood, the producer, had a daughter. She was a pig, but hey, screwing her landed you a spot on his series. That started you working in episodes for years, doing schlock directing. What did you call it—the armpit of Hollywood? And then, things got even better. Suddenly, out of nowhere comes this offer to do a movie-of-the-week. And then a miniseries. You’re on a roll. On your way to the big time. So you dump wife number one. Don’t need her or her producer-daddy anymore. Then, as the money rolls in, you start spending and marry prettier, younger wife number two. Her daddy is in the movie business. Good-bye TV. And she spends your money even faster than you do.”

  Jonathan felt his heart slam against his chest. Where the hell was she leading? The others in the room sat motionless. The room was so quiet he could hear the wind howling through the trees.

  “Now you’re in deep. You’re even hungrier than ever. The big prize is features and you want in badly. Wifey’s daddy doesn’t help, but you’re sure you can make it on your talent. And each time it looks like it’s about to happen, the deal falls through. Up, down, up, down. You hire and fire every agent in town. Funny, you just can’t seem to get a feature in your greedy clutches. This goes on for years. Your second wife outlives her usefulness—introduce wife number three. By now, your money runs out and you have to sell your precious possessions. You get sullen and grumpy. Impossible to live with. And Vanessa walks. So, now you’re desperate. You take another schlock TV movie to tie you over, because the big one is finally about to happen. But, sorry. Evans, your agent, tells you the rug’s been pulled out again. Goldstein wants his nephew to direct, instead. You blow up. Your money’s gone, you’re really running scared now. You’d rather die than go backwards and voila! here you are.”

  Jonathan pulled at his clammy shirt. “What is this?—‘This is your life, Jonny Levin’? So, times are tough in Hollywood, Li. Not everyone is as lucky as you. Can’t we open a window in here?”

  His worst fears had come true. Somehow, Lila knew he was broke and hungry. He had to keep cool. He didn’t want her pity.

  “I thought after a while you’d catch on.” Lila put a bottle to her mouth and drank it dry. She let it slip out of her hands. “Nobody has that kind of bad luck, year after year.”

  Jonathan held his breath. “What are you saying?”

  “I spent a lot of money on those agents. Corrupt to the bone, every one of the bastards. Glad to help out the rich and famous Lila Carmichael, because maybe, someday, like everyone else, she’ll be shopping for a new agent and happen to remember a favor. Isn’t that just peachy?”

  “Evans? You paid him off?” Jonathan tried to focus.

  “Oh, him? No. Just all the others. On that deal I traded some favors with Goldstein. In fact, I’m letting him produce my next special, fancy that.”

  “You killed my movie deal? You?”

  “You give me too much credit, Jonny boy. I didn’t have to work that hard. You already had a reputation. You did yourself in with your trademark dictator behavior, Jonny baby. There isn’t a crew member in Hollywood that you worked with who doesn’t hate you. You treat them all like garbage and they remember. They never forget. The producers hate you for never bringing in a picture on time. The studios laugh at your arrogance. You’re a joke, Levin. I pulled you out of the first few offers, but the rest you did yourself. As the saying goes, give a man enough rope—”

  “I’ll kill you . . . you—” He jumped up and towered in front of her, his hands balled into fists.

  Lila stepped back, feigning terror. “Oooh, how you scare me, Jonny.”

  Dick applauded. “Marvelous!”

  “And by the way, that piece of garbage you brought with you? That script you intended to show me tomorrow? It’s been shopped all over town and no one will touch it. Certainly not me.” Lila primped her hair and struck a pose. “I have my reputation to think of.”

  Jonathan’s head reeled. He lowered back onto the bench.

  The fortune he paid for the rights to that script. He flashed through all the movies he’d been offered over the years. One after another, the same thing. The project was a go, and then suddenly—poof! Another director called in, or the shooting was postponed—indefinitely. He thought about “The Magic Hour.” Fox told him the project was nixed, and
six months later it landed back on their schedule. Jonathan wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. Lila! Or “Afternoon Affair”—the star walked out the first day of shooting. The first day.

  “You pay Marcia Reynolds off, too?”

  “Now you’re getting the picture.”

  Jonathan sank his head into his hands.

  “Now, now, Jonny. It’s not as hopeless as it looks. There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.”

  “Yeah, it’s the headlights of an oncoming train,” Dick said.

  Davis snickered.

  Della spoke from the shadows. “This was worth the whole weekend. Getting to hear how the hot shot director never did make it on his own talent.”

  “Shut up, Della. Go slit your wrists again. You couldn’t even do that right.”

  “You scumbag!” Della rushed over to the bench and pushed Jonathan off. In the struggle, Lila fell and thudded to the floor. Davis jumped out of the way.

  “Go get him, Della.” Davis laughed. “This is more entertaining than any of the TV crap Jonny ever directed.”

  Millie came over and tried to pull Della from Jonathan. “Stop it, please!”

  “Hey, Peter, pull me up,” Lila said, laughing hard. “I’m floundering like a fish.”

  “Pick yourself up. Or should I call for a derrick?”

  Dick choked with laughter.

  Millie looked down at Lila. “You’re disgusting, you know that? How did you turn into such a vengeful, miserable person? You should be grateful for your success and not spend your time repaying people for some little wrong done to you fifteen years ago. You’re sick, you know that?”

  Lila laughed again, struggling to pull herself up. She clutched the bench, got halfway up, and fell again.

  Della and Jonathan still clawed at each other. Millie waved her hands at them. “Stop it, both of you.” As Millie reached toward them, Jonathan’s arm got caught in the necklace and it broke apart, sending diamonds scattering across the floor. Dick lunged after them, nearly knocking Millie down.

  “This is not a free-for-all Ferrol, like that supermarket game show,” Lila chastised through her laughter.