GERTRUDE And where does it end?
BARON A nasty place. Let’s not speak of it, particularly when these keys lead to such nice places, such as the vault where we keep the family jewels. (Returns the keys and locks the safe.) Now, my darling, does that illustrate our intimacy and my trust?
Erik enters.
GERTRUDE I promise I won’t betray it.
BARON Ah, Professor Maxwell, do come in.
ERIK I don’t wish to intrude.
BARON You did, but you are forgiven. Gertrude, I must check on Mother. She was away for the weekend and I haven’t even asked about her trip. She can be a real Tartar when she feels ignored. Will you miss me?
GERTRUDE Unendurably.
BARON My darling. (Exits.)
ERIK You two get along very well.
GERTRUDE He’s sweet.
ERIK Like a tarantula.
GERTRUDE (Warning.) He is our host.
ERIK I must apologize for my rudeness this morning. I was a busybody and deserved the treatment I got.
GERTRUDE I, too, was at fault. But with my maid running off and the loss of our hotel reservation, I really was at sixes and sevens.
ERIK Then friends?
GERTRUDE Friends.
ERIK It sure is good hearing an American voice. I like talking to you, even beefing with you.
GERTRUDE A good fight does wonders for the circulation.
ERIK Then I must be in excellent health. I’m afraid I’m not adjusting very well to the German way.
GERTRUDE Really, I wonder why. It couldn’t be more lovely. And the people are so warm, so friendly, so, how do they say it, “gemutlich.”
ERIK Haven’t you noticed the fear in everyone’s eyes?
GERTRUDE Fear? What are they afraid of?
ERIK Miss Garnet, surely you read the newspapers. Germany is in the grip of an evil dictator. The whole country’s gone mad. Such arrogance. I tell you, I’ve had it up to here. (He raises his arm in a “Heil Hitler” salute.)
GERTRUDE I never, never discuss politics. I am an artist, the world is my stage. Now what else can I do for you?
ERIK I can’t help feeling we’ve met before.
GERTRUDE When you’re a great celebrity, you find this happens quite often.
ERIK It was on the stage, but not in a concert hall. Where could it have been? My God, it was in a beer hall . . .
GERTRUDE (With forced gaiety.) A beer hall?
ERIK . . . a beer hall in . . . Sandusky, Ohio . . .
GERTRUDE I hardly think . . .
ERIK . . . Nearly fifteen years ago. You weren’t wearing much either . . .
GERTRUDE (Indignant.) Now really . . .
ERIK Now I remember, didn’t you used to be Barrelhouse Gertie, the Kissing Kitten on the Keys?
GERTRUDE (With vulgar roughness.) Oh, shut up.
ERIK Then I am correct?
GERTRUDE (Tough and common.) So what of it? I never said I was an overnight success. Okay, Charlie Chan, what’s your angle?
ERIK I’m hoping to find underneath your glamorous facade, the real woman.
GERTRUDE What for?
ERIK Because I must ask her a deep favor.
GERTRUDE (Irritated.) Now it comes. How much do you want?
ERIK I don’t ask this favor for myself, but for someone I love very much; my mother. It’s dangerous for me to speak to you here.
GERTRUDE Spill it now.
ERIK My mother, my mother is also a great artist, an actress, her name is Raina Aldric.
GERTRUDE (Impressed.) Raina Aldric is your mother? I saw her on the stage when I was very young, a great actress. How can I be of any help to her?
ERIK (Bitterly.) As we speak, she lies dying in a Nazi prison only a mile away.
GERTRUDE A prison so near by.
ERIK A prison for political prisoners. My mother was arrested for appearing in a play that dared speak against the new order. For this hideous crime, she is sentenced to death.
GERTRUDE That poor woman.
ERIK But in a mad world, sometimes one can succeed with a mad act.
GERTRUDE (Nervously.) What are you saying?
ERIK I have friends here, brave wonderful people who have planned her escape tomorrow. I can’t tell you the details now, but there is one fatally missing link. We need an ally here in the Baron’s home.
GERTRUDE (Breaking away from him.) You mustn’t ask me this.
ERIK I beg you, please help me.
GERTRUDE I dare not.
ERIK Please. Please.
GERTRUDE (Frightened.) I’m a simple, ordinary woman, extraordinarily talented, perhaps, but in every other way, ordinary. I am not capable of such heroism.
ERIK Then you’re a coward, a selfish, egocentric, opportunistic, vulgar, manipulating cunt!
GERTRUDE Vulgar! Now that did it. Look here, you. I don’t owe you or your old lady anything. I pay my own freight, never asking for a handout. Now, you must excuse me. I must join my host, the Sacher torte is said to be divine.
ERIK Yes, gobble down their Nazi food, guzzle their Nazi wine, and try to sleep tonight.
GERTRUDE You go too far.
ERIK (Grabs her.) Please help me, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. I’m desperate. You are our only hope. If you don’t help us, Raina Aldric will die on Friday. Please, please help me! (She breaks away from his grasp.)
BARON (Enters.) I seem to be interrupting a passionate scene.
ERIK I was demonstrating a new method to save someone from choking.
BARON She will have no need of that. I hope you have enjoyed yourself, Professor Maxwell. I have done my best to be hospitable. Food and intelligent conversation, my favorite pastimes.
ERIK And at times, equally hard to swallow.
BARON Not in my house. We all tend to think the right ideas.
ERIK Or rather, forced to think the right ideas.
GERTRUDE (Alarmed.) Erik!
BARON (Intrigued.) Erik? You have become quite intimate.
A Strauss waltz is heard in the salon.
BARON Professor, I don’t think I like you. I shall remember this evening. (To Gertrude.) My darling, they are playing a Strauss waltz. Will you indulge me in a spin, if my impudent friend will permit?
Terribly torn, Gertrude looks first at Erik, then at the Baron. They form a triangle. She makes her choice and crosses vivaciously to the Baron.
GERTRUDE But, of course. A waltz can be marvelously diverting.
The music swells, the Baron leads Gertrude in a waltz. He moves her in a circle but as she spins around to face the audience, the look on her face is one of agonized guilt.
Lights fade to black.
ACT ONE
SCENE 3
The music fades out. Lights up and we are in the catacomb below the Schloss. It is morning. A backdrop is in that shows the catacomb in its creepy, black, dank state. Heidi is garbed as a prison guard. With her in a wheelchair is the legendary RAINA ALDRIC. Raina is a beautiful woman in her fifties, fragile but still dramatically vibrant. She lives on drama and speaks in the manner of a wildly flamboyant stage actress.
HEIDI That was close. I was sure the guard saw through my disguise. You may rest now, Madame Aldric. For the moment, you are safe.
RAINA Safe. The most beautiful word in any language. But where am I? What time of day is it? I’m so bewildered.
HEIDI You poor darling. It’s early morning. A short while ago, I moved you out of the prison infirmary, took you through the secret door and we came down that very long tunnel. We are now in a room off that tunnel and directly underneath the home of the Baron Von Elsner.
RAINA A baronial home. I do not understand.
HEIDI The Baron’s ancestors built two fortresses, one they lived in and the other was a prison. They linked them together with a long series of catacombs in case of enemy attack. That door leads to the interior of the Baron’s home and to freedom.
RAINA Why are we waiting? We should go through it now.
HEIDI The door is locked from the outside. We must wait till my father or Erik opens it and escorts us through the house late tonight.
RAINA (With great theatricality.) Freedom! I shall never be free. I have seen too much and I shall never be free of the memories. They have destroyed me. I no longer even have the will to walk.
HEIDI You are a great actress. You have so much more to give.
RAINA I once was a great actress. “The shining beacon of the European stage” was what Brecht once called me. “Aldric’s Hilde Wangel sang with a poetry Ibsen could only hint at,” Munich Bugle, September 9. 1934. “Raina Aldric’s Ranyefskaya ranks with the Cathedral of Chartres as one of the world’s great artistic treasures,” Lisbon Daily News, May 12, 1937. But now I’m old, weak, my legs are worn-out pipe cleaners. You should have let them execute me. My soul died the night they shot my lover, Gebhardt. “Don’t shoot him, don’t, don’t shoot!” Bang, bang, bang. “Then kill me too, kill me!”
Heidi bursts into tears.
RAINA (Concerned.) Forgive me, I didn’t mean to upset you.
HEIDI No, it’s just that I, too, was once in love.
RAINA Is he dead?
HEIDI He might as well be. His name was Karel, the most wonderful boy in the world. It seems a century ago that we lay in the weinerwald and he taught me the names of all the birds and flowers that gathered about us.
RAINA What happened?
HEIDI He came under the influence of the Baron Von Elsner. They have turned his brains to sauerkraut. When I look into his beautiful eyes, I only see swastikas. (Weeping vulnerably.) Madame Aldric, tell me, help me understand why he has turned against me. (With fierce, hardened vengeance.) Oh God, how I hate them. They’ve made this whole goddam world LOUSY! Well, something has changed in Heidi Mittelhoffer and I’m gonna make those bastards pay for what they’ve done. They’ve butchered my dreams!!!
Kitty and Gertrude, laughing, are heard Offstage, unlocking the door.
GERTRUDE (Offstage.) Kitty, this has got to be the right key.
KITTY (Offstage.) Gertie, give it a break.
GERTRUDE (Offstage.) I wanna see those family jewels if it’s the last thing I do. I didn’t open that damn safe for nix. (Opening the door.)
HEIDI Someone’s coming.
KITTY I gotta sit down. This tunnel is as long as Gary Cooper’s . . .
They see Raina and Heidi.
KITTY Oh, I’m so sorry.
GERTRUDE We’re guests of the Baron. We were having a marvelous time exploring his lovely home.
KITTY We didn’t mean to intrude.
GERTRUDE (To Heidi.) You were at the train yesterday, weren’t you?
HEIDI Yes, I was meeting my father.
KITTY Your friend looks ill.
HEIDI No, she’s quite all right.
KITTY She’s pale as a ghost and trembling. She should see a doctor.
RAINA Thank you for your concern. I’m recovering from an illness.
KITTY Your voice is so familiar. Are you an actress?
RAINA Oh no, never.
KITTY Of course you are. Why, you’re Raina Aldric.
GERTRUDE (Shocked.) Raina Aldric. But I thought you were . . .
HEIDI Please, please, you must pretend you’ve never seen us.
KITTY What do you mean?
GERTRUDE Kitty, we should leave this place and do as she says.
KITTY Are you a guest of the Baron’s? But why are you in this drafty, cold room? Come, we’ll take you upstairs where it’s warm.
HEIDI No, you mustn’t.
RAINA Please, I am quite all right. (She has a sudden attack of pain in her heart.) A toothache.
KITTY This is silly, you must come with us.
GERTRUDE Kitty, Madame Aldric is a prisoner of the Nazis. I believe this young woman has engineered her escape.
KITTY This is utterly mad. How do you know of this?
GERTRUDE Eric Maxwell told me and he . . . he is her son.
RAINA Erik, you know my Erik?
GERTRUDE Yes, I do.
RAINA You must be the one. The ruby red hair. A gift from heaven.
GERTRUDE It’s actually a gift of henna.
RAINA You are the one in my dream. I have a recurring dream that my Erik is walking through the snow with a beautiful young woman with long red hair. I know in my heart, she is the woman he shall marry.
GERTRUDE I hardly know him.
RAINA I feel it in my heart. (She has another heart attack.)
GERTRUDE He’s really quite a guy. Come, Kitty, we should return before our absence draws attention.
KITTY Was Erik enlisting your help? He was, wasn’t he?
GERTRUDE Yes, he was.
KITTY (Very gung ho.) Why didn’t you tell me? What do we do? How do we proceed?
HEIDI You must forgive me. I didn’t know you had agreed to help.
RAINA You are both most gracious.
KITTY Forget that. Just fill me in.
HEIDI This morning, disguised as a guard, I moved Madame Aldric out of the prison, through the tunnel and into this room under the Baron’s Schloss.
GERTRUDE (It all dawns on her.) Yes, of course.
HEIDI We are to remain here for eighteen hours, at which time, one of you will unlock this room and usher us through the house.
KITTY Yes, and then?
HEIDI At precisely midnight, a car will be waiting at the servants’ entrance to drive us to the airfield and a plane which will fly us to Switzerland.
KITTY Well, count me in.
GERTRUDE Kitty, we must talk. You will excuse us.
KITTY Let’s run upstairs, and rustle up some blankets, hot coffee and crullers. Then we can . . .
GERTRUDE Kitty, stop it.
KITTY Gertie, what’s wrong?
GERTRUDE Nothing.
KITTY (The light beginning to dawn on her.) Gertie, I don’t know, but I’m beginning to believe you refused Erik. You refused to help his mother. Tell me I’m wrong.
GERTRUDE (To Raina.) We’ll get you some crullers . . .
KITTY You did refuse him, didn’t you?
GERTRUDE Please, Kitty, let’s go upstairs.
KITTY No, answer me. I want the truth.
GERTRUDE Yes, I refused him. I’d botch it up. I’d be a hindrance.
KITTY (Quietly.) That’s not the reason, and you know it. (Painfully.) You’re selfish, Gertie. All your life you’ve thought of no one but yourself.
GERTRUDE This is hardly the time for a character analysis. (Turns away from Kitty, her face obscured.)
KITTY I’m seeing you as if for the very first time. Oh, Gertie, your face has a terrible look to it.
Gertrude turns around, her face looks like a grotesque version of Ma Barker. She realizes this and tries to restrain it.)
KITTY Go ahead. I’m going to stay.
GERTRUDE Kitty, you fool, this is serious business. This isn’t a madcap caper with your Palm Beach eccentrics. If the Nazis catch you aiding the escape of a prisoner, you’d be lucky merely to be shot.
KITTY We just won’t fail. Besides, I’m not a citizen of Germany.
GERTRUDE No, but all your finances are tied up in Italy. I’ve read enough to know that Germany and Italy are allies. You could lose your entire fortune.
KITTY Sister, with this face, I’ll never starve. Now, are you going to help?
GERTRUDE No, I can’t. Nothing personal, Madame Aldric, but I’m scared. Scared to death. I’m not courageous. I like a warm, comfortable bed, a fur coat, dinner and dancing at the Stork Club. I’m not cut out for self-sacrifice. I’m leaving. I must put in my three hour’s daily practice, I have a concert at the Festspielhaus on Tuesday. I shall pretend I never opened this door. Kitty, will you join me? Kitty?
Kitty leaves Gertrude and goes over to Raina and Heidi.
GERTRUDE Very well. But please, do be careful. She exits and we hear a door close.
KITTY Madame Aldric, do not fear, we shall bring you to safe harbor.
Music comes in, ten
der and somewhat sad. It slowly builds as we watch the three women in tableau. The lights fade to black.
ACT ONE
SCENE 4
The Schloss. An hour later. Kitty enters, looks around furtively, and goes to the telephone. She takes a cigarette from a box on the mantle and lights it with a lighter.
KITTY (To the operator.) Hallo, Telephonistin, sprechen Sie Englisch? Koennten Sie mich bitte mit jemandem verbinder, der die Sprache spricht? (Hello, operator, do you speak English? Could you connect me with someone who does?) Thank you. Operator, please connect me to Felsenkirk. The number is Bitburg eight, four thousand. Thank you. Hello, is this the Professor? This is the Countess de Borgia.
From her room at the top of the stairs, Lotte comes out and quietly watches.
KITTY (Unaware of Lotte.) I’m calling from the Schloss of the Baron Von Elsner. I have seen Raina Aldric, and Heidi has told me all. I am willing to do anything I can to help . . . Yes . . . yes. . . But of course . . . Yes, I can do that. Goodbye. (She hangs up, thinks for a moment, she picks up the phone again.) Operator, the overseas connection . . . Hello I would like to place a transatlantic trunk call to the United States . . . Yes, thank you.
Very softly we start hearing scary music. Lotte now starts down the stairs very quietly and slowly to hear better. She gets all the way to the bottom of the stairs before Kitty senses her.)
KITTY Hello, New York, please. The number is Trafalgar six, five one hundred . . . Walter Winchell, please. The Countess de Borgia, and make it snappy . . . Walter, darling, it’s Kitty. I’m calling from Germany and, darling, the Deutschland is as dreary as a rotten bratwurst. I’ve got a scoop for you, but you’ve got to promise to keep it under your hat for a few days. Remember the German actress, Raina Aidric, well, I’ve just . . . (For the first time, Kitty feels Lotte’s presence. Into phone.) I’ve just . . . I’ve just remembered that I left the number in my room. I’ll . . . I’ll call you later. (Puts out her cigarette.)
Kitty hangs up the phone as Lotte comes into the room. Slowly Kitty turns and sees Lotte. Both smile at each other.
KITTY Hello, Lotte.
LOTTE I like your scarf. It’s so pretty.
Scary music builds. Lotte starts moving toward Kitty slowly as the lights fade to black.
ACT ONE
SCENE 5
The Schloss, an hour later. Lotte is onstage holding Kitty’s scarf from the last scene. She hears someone knocking and hides it in the cushions of the sofa. Karel enters, looking for someone.
The Tale of the Allergist's Wife and Other Plays Page 12
