The Test of Love

by Irene Brand

  “However, Virginia and I had been growing apart for a long time, and I let it happen. I feel guilty about that. I should have worked harder to make our marriage succeed.” He sighed deeply. “It’s too late to do anything about that, so I should let it go, but I can’t seem to.”

  “You might remember this Scripture verse from your childhood. ‘Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.’”

  He smiled grimly. “Yes, I remember that verse. It was easy to memorize the words, but it’s difficult to accept them as a rule for living.”

  “We can’t change the past, as much as we might like to. Can’t you try to forget what happened and look to the future?”

  “I intend to try, but it won’t be easy. What about you?” he continued, eyeing her skeptically. “Can you unload baggage from the past that’s troubling you?”

  “As of now, I have. That sermon I preached to you found lodging in my own heart. I’d been debating a decision, but I’ve made it. No more vacillating.” The conversation had progressed into ticklish matters, and Connie started gathering up the picnic items.

  “We should start back. I have some office work to finish, and you may want to swim or rest before dinner, depending on how you feel.”

  Rubbing his leg, Joseph said, “Right now, I want to rest, and I doubt I’ll have changed my mind when we get back to NLC.”

  Joseph’s leg had stiffened during the leisurely hour they’d enjoyed, and it took a lot of maneuvering to seat him on the four-wheeler. Sensing his discomfort, Connie drove slowly, but she heard him stifle a groan when she hit the brake quickly to avoid striking a deer that ran across the trail. When they arrived at the dorm, Connie turned off the engine and hopped off the ATV. Joseph stared at her, a ludicrous expression on his face, and he made no move to step down.

  “Connie, I’ve always considered myself a level-headed person, and I can’t imagine why I ever consented to go riding on this ATV. The pressure on my body as we came down that trail has numbed my left leg. I can’t move.”

  In spite of being alarmed at his statement, his perplexed expression amused her, and she grinned.

  “I’ve doubted myself ever since I suggested the picnic. As your trainer, I should have known better. Do you suppose we have a bad effect on each other?”

  He laughed. “That’s possible, but I can’t stay on this ATV the rest of my life, and I can’t move. What are we going to do?”

  Contrite, Connie trotted to the other side of the ATV and started massaging his leg.

  “At least, there’s some small gain—when the leg is numb, it doesn’t hurt,” Joseph said, still chuckling over his predicament.

  They were startled by Dr. Alexander’s booming voice. “What are you two doing?” He towered over them, his face black as a thundercloud.

  “Joseph and I went on a picnic to Paddy’s Point, and he can’t get off the ATV.”

  Joseph flexed his leg. “It’s better now, but, Doctor, I need some help dismounting. I’ve had less trouble getting off a bucking horse.”

  Dr. Alexander was a tall man, and as Connie supported and protected Joseph’s leg, the doctor lifted him off the ATV.

  “Walk around and see if you notice any problem,” the doctor commanded.

  Connie took Joseph’s arm, and walking with his cane, he said, “No worse than it was yesterday.

  “In spite of the discomfort, I did enjoy the picnic,” Joseph said. “I admitted a few things I haven’t been able to put into words before.”

  “That’s good. Mutual understanding is important between a trainer and patient. Try to get some rest before dinner.”

  Joseph was already in the cafeteria when Connie entered the next morning, and Rose Nash sat beside him. Since they were deep in conversation, Connie waved and moved on to sit beside Kim and Eric.

  “How’s your new patient doing?” Eric said.

  “We start therapy this morning, and for the first time in my career, I’m afraid of failing.”

  “Isn’t it too soon to consider that?” Eric asked.

  “Of course, but I feel we’re Joseph’s last hope, and if I can’t help him, where else can he turn?”

  Eric laughed lightly. “How about God? He’s our ultimate help. If we encourage Joseph to trust in God, regardless of his physical problems, all will be well.”

  Connie flushed. “That was a careless remark for me to make. For a moment, I forgot the major emphasis here at NLC.”

  “Eric,” Kim said, “perhaps you can befriend Joseph and help him with his spiritual problems.”

  “I’ll do that, of course, because it’s my job, but I also want to do it for Joseph’s sake. He strikes me as a man with a lot to offer others, and we need to work toward his complete healing.”

  Eric was an important addition to NLC, having joined the staff during the year. A slender man, with prematurely graying hair, his black eyes revealed not only his Creole heritage, but also his intense passion to help others mature spiritually.

  Joseph finished eating before Connie did, and he stopped by their table.

  “Meet me in front of the dorm in a half hour,” she said.

  “Good,” he answered. “That will give me time to change into exercise clothes.” He lifted his hand in understanding. Connie soon finished her meal, deposited the tray on the rack near the kitchen and left the cafeteria. Ray Blazer was waiting for her beside the door.

  “When are we going to talk?”

  “Now is as good a time as any,” Connie answered. She walked away from the building, and when they were out of hearing of those leaving the dining hall, she said, “I will not resume our relationship. I’m happy this way—our engagement was a mistake, but I hope we can still be amicable associates. It isn’t good for NLC when we’re at odds.”

  “You’re sure you want it that way?” he asked angrily.

  “Yes.”

  “What if I tell you I’m leaving?”

  “I don’t want you to resign, but that decision is up to you. If tension between us affects the health of our patients, it will be best for you to leave.”

  “So I’m good enough to manage your gym, but not good enough to marry,” he retorted angrily.

  Ray stalked angrily toward the gymnasium. Another chapter in her life closed. “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead…” Turning toward the dorm, she noticed that Joseph sat on a bench in front of the building, looking her way. Why did she mind that he’d witnessed her encounter with Ray?

  She smiled at him. “Ready?”

  “No, I haven’t been to my room. I had to rest.”

  Contritely, she said, “I hope that trip on the ATV didn’t add to your discomfort.”

  He shook his head. “Not at all. My injury isn’t any worse, but the least amount of exertion saps my energy.”

  “Rest as long as you want to—we aren’t on a tight schedule this morning.”

  When Connie left her room a half hour later, Joseph wasn’t in sight, but he soon joined her, dressed in denim shorts, a green knit shirt, and sturdy walking shoes.

  “Good choice of clothing,” she said approvingly. “Let’s go this way.” She directed Joseph along a smooth-surfaced, shaded walk behind the administration building. Connie wore khaki shorts and shirt, and a water bottle hung at her waist.

  “This is our easiest walking path,” she explained, “We have three other trails requiring various degrees of physical skill, and the test of your graduation from NLC is to climb Faith Mountain.”

  Connie matched her steps to Joseph’s slow gait, and when they were out of sight of the buildings, she said, “Now, give me your cane.”

  He paused, startled. “I can’t walk without it.”

  “Have you tried?”

  “Only a few steps without holding on to something.”

  “You must start depending on your own strength instead of the cane.”


  His facial muscles contracted into grim lines, and the skin whitened around his lips. He struggled with fear.

  “What if I fall and end up worse off than I am now? I had a few nasty spills in the hospital when I was in therapy.”

  Connie understood his hesitancy, for she remembered how frightened she’d been to trust her own strength when she was a child. “I can’t guarantee that you won’t fall, but I’ll walk beside you, and you can put your hand on my shoulder and lean on me.”

  He handed her the cane, and she tucked it under her left arm. “Just swing your arms slowly and walk as naturally as you can,” she encouraged. He took a few experimental steps, and pain etched deep lines on his face.

  Connie laid a hand on his shoulder, and her pulse quickened at the touch. You’re a trainer—he’s your patient! she reminded her heart. “I know that must hurt dreadfully,” she said, “but you have pain when you walk with the cane, don’t you?” He nodded and gritted his teeth. “There’s a bench up ahead. Look toward it as your goal—you can sit down as soon as you reach it.”

  Joseph moved forward slowly, but relentlessly, and occasionally he grunted in pain. Once he stumbled, and Connie’s right arm circled his waist. “Put your arm on my shoulder now,” she commanded.

  With her support, he walked the rest of the way and collapsed on the bench. Tears of pain and distress seeped from his closed eyelids. Connie sat beside him, took a towel from her pocket and mopped perspiration from his face. She placed the water bottle in his hand.

  “Take a drink when you feel like it.”

  With his eyes still closed, he lifted the bottle to his lips and drank several long gulps. Water dribbled down his face, and Connie wiped the drops from his chin.

  Joseph’s heart pounded, and he knew the extra stress wasn’t all a result of the exercise. First, Connie’s arm around his waist, and now her gentle touch when she wiped his face, drove a small wedge in the barrier he’d built around his heart. Considering the problems he faced, the barrier had to remain intact, but it had been a long time since anyone had fussed over him, and her kindness soothed his troubled spirit.

  “I’m so ashamed,” he said. “I haven’t been this weak since I was a baby. I’ve never depended on a woman for strength since my mother cut the apron strings.”

  “I told you it’s sometimes necessary to change trainers. Some men resent taking help from a woman. It will be no problem to assign a man to take over your program.”

  His eyes popped open. “I didn’t mean that. It’s humbling for me to depend on anyone. I want you to continue.”

  “I wanted to give you a choice, but you must learn to trust me. I won’t ask you to do more than you’re capable of doing. One of the first steps in healing is to admit you need help and can’t handle your situation alone.”

  He closed his eyes again. “I trust you.”

  “But you must also trust God.” He didn’t respond.

  Connie massaged Joseph’s neck and shoulders and waited for him to find the courage to go on, looking with pleasure around the little glade where they sat. The trail at this point was overhung by huge spruce trees, and a patch of wild roses bloomed in a sunny spot. Pink flowers grew in clusters on the young branches. A downy woodpecker, oblivious to their presence, dug in a tree trunk for insects. She’d always enjoyed this spot, but it seemed even more precious today, and looking at Joseph, she reluctantly admitted the man by her side had made the difference.

  Joseph breathed deeply, and Connie thought he slept, for he jumped when a Steller’s jay flew into the tree above them, announcing its arrival in strident tones.

  Joseph stirred and opened his eyes. “Shall we go on?” he asked reluctantly.

  Connie grinned at him. “You don’t sound very enthusiastic about it, but I would like for you to continue to the next resting spot. If you make a round-trip to that point, you’ll have walked a quarter of a mile.”

  He struggled to his feet, his hand on her shoulder.

  “It feels like a streak of fire is running up and down my leg, but I’ll try to make it to the next bench.” He peered at her. “If I can’t make it on my own, will you carry me back to the dorm?”

  She smiled at him. “I won’t have to carry you. You’ll manage. Do you want your cane?”

  “Not yet.”

  Connie laid the cane on the bench. “I’ll leave it here until we come back.”

  He looked longingly at the cane, but with an effort, he started walking. “It gets easier after I’ve taken a few steps.”

  He arrived at the next bench without falling, but each time Joseph stumbled, he grabbed Connie’s shoulder with such force that she knew she’d have a bruised spot. He gasped for breath when he dropped heavily on the bench, and Connie feared she might have pushed him too far. She grabbed his hand to monitor his pounding pulse, but when she checked it a few minutes later, it had slowed considerably. She gave him a chocolate bar.

  “Joseph, drink more water and eat this chocolate—it will give you quick energy.”

  He drank deeply, nibbled the chocolate, and with amusement in his gray eyes, he murmured, “Would you believe that the past few minutes I’ve wanted to hit you?”

  “Perfectly normal reaction,” she said lightly, “and does no harm, as long as you don’t hit me. Right now, I’m your persecutor instead of a helper. But I don’t want you to overdo, and if you can’t walk back, I’ll go for the golf cart.”

  He shook his head stubbornly. “I’m going to walk back if it kills me.”

  “Which it won’t do, but you may wish for death by the time you reach the dorm. Finish the chocolate, and when you’re ready, we’ll start.”

  They reached the first bench without incident, and Joseph grabbed his cane and leaned on it. He didn’t rely on the cane entirely as they returned to the dorm, but having it in his hand seemed to be reassuring. Connie went with him to the door of his room.

  “Rest as long as you want to,” she said, “but I want you to spend a little time in the pool. The warm water is therapeutic.”

  “Did Joseph survive his first walk?” Kim asked when Connie entered the office.

  “He had a difficult time, but he’s determined, and I believe he’ll make it. He was exhausted when we got back to the dorm.”

  Connie thought about Joseph all afternoon, and when he didn’t show up at the cafeteria for dinner, she waited fifteen minutes and asked Eric if he’d check his room. Had she pushed him too far? She fidgeted with her food until Eric returned with Joseph. They came to the table where she sat with Kim.

  Sleepy-eyed, with his long brown hair falling forward over his forehead, Joseph said, “I’m sorry, but I’ve been asleep all afternoon—I didn’t even go to the pool as you told me to.”

  “It’s probably my fault,” Connie apologized. “I may have pushed you a little too far, but I’m eager for you to regain your strength.”

  He patted her on the shoulder. “I’m eager to improve, too, so don’t hold back on my schedule. I’ll fill a tray. I’m hungry, so I suppose that’s a good sign.”

  “I need some dessert and a cup of decaf,” Eric said. “I’ll join you.” Connie watched the two men, noting that Eric stayed close to Joseph’s side in case he needed help.

  Under her breath, Kim muttered, “If that man killed his wife, then I’m a Caribbean pirate.” Connie nodded in agreement.

  Eric carried Joseph’s well-loaded tray back to the table.

  With a smile, Joseph said, “Look it over, Doc, and see if I’ve chosen the right things.”

  “Anything we have in our dining room is acceptable,” Connie said primly, “so eat a lot.”

  “Have you lost much weight since your injury?” Eric inquired.

  “About fifteen pounds—I haven’t had any appetite.” His facial muscles tightened, and Eric changed the subject.

  Now that she knew Joseph was all right, Connie finished her dinner, and she remained with Joseph after Eric and Kim left.

  “Is there a romance b
looming between those two?” Joseph asked.

  Connie nodded happily. “And I’m pleased for both of them. Kim and I have been friends since we were in elementary school, and we shared an apartment when we attended college. Eric came to NLC a year ago from Louisiana. He’s had pulmonary problems, and his doctors recommended a higher altitude. He’s been fine here in Colorado. They’re both wonderful people, and I hope they decide to marry.”

  “How about you, Connie? I notice your hands are ringless, so apparently you aren’t attached.”

  Connie ate the last spoonful of mixed fruit, wondering what she should say, or if she shouldn’t answer him at all and thus adhere to NLC’s policy of maintaining an impersonal level between patient and trainer. Already she’d stretched that rule, yet it was hard to be objective when Joseph turned eloquent gray eyes in her direction, and his lips curled upward in a captivating smile.

  “No, I’m not attached, and I intend to stay that way.”

  “There’s more to a balanced life than physical fitness, you know, if I can dare to advise my physical therapist.”

  Connie stacked her empty dishes on the tray, preparing to leave. “If you can manage at all, I still recommend that you spend some time in the pool. It will relax your muscles and make tomorrow easier.”

  Joseph wasn’t easily swayed from his purpose, and wishing it didn’t matter so much, he persisted, “I saw you with NLC’s strong man this morning. I sensed an undercurrent in your relationship—something stronger than usual among business associates.”

  “Joseph, do you want me to ask questions about your past?”

  He colored and refused to meet her eyes. “Point well taken. I won’t meddle again.”

  “Since you aren’t meddling, I’ll tell you what everyone else knows. Ray and I were engaged, but I broke the engagement a couple of months ago. He isn’t happy about it.”

  “Why?”

  She stood up, tray in hand. “Why did I break the engagement or why isn’t he happy?”

  “It’s pretty obvious why he’d be unhappy to lose you.” Connie’s heart did a little somersault at that comment, for his words applied soothing oil to her ego, which had suffered since her estrangement from Ray. “Why did you break the engagement?”