The Test of Love

by Irene Brand

  “He and I disagree on some things very important to me.” She walked away from the table. “Have a nice rest.”

  Connie went directly to her apartment and stayed there. She didn’t want to encounter either Ray or Joseph again that evening. She was in bed when Kim came in from her date with Eric, but she wasn’t asleep. Listening as Kim softly hummed a love song, Connie sensed her happiness, and she tried to remember if she’d ever had the kind of love for Ray that Eric and Kim shared. If she had loved him, would she have been relieved now that they were no longer engaged?

  And why did she think about Joseph constantly? She’d worked with many personable men, and while she’d been just as interested in their physical progress as she was in Joseph’s, she’d never lost any sleep over them.

  Lord, she prayed, don’t lead me into this temptation. After my disappointment with Ray, I don’t need to get involved with anyone else. Should I assign another trainer to work with Joseph? That might be the logical answer.

  Tomorrow was her night to visit her parents, and although she wouldn’t mention her fascination with Joseph, once off the grounds of NLC and back in her childhood home, she’d be more likely to focus on the proper perspective in dealing with a male patient.

  Chapter Four

  Connie slept intermittently, and dawn found her dull and sluggish, but she hoped her daily two-mile jog would renew her stamina.

  Joseph’s sleep was troubled, too, and he sat beside the window, watching, when Connie came outside to wait for Peggy. She wore red shorts and a white shirt. Suddenly the early-morning calm was shattered by a cheerful melody. Joseph identified the rapid melodic chirp of a yellow warbler, and he saw it perched above its nest in the fork of a small tree. Connie must have heard it, too, for when she knelt on one knee to retie her shoe, she lifted her head suddenly, and Joseph saw the joy on her face as she delighted in the songster. He’d never known anyone with such a keen joy of living, and another wedge lodged in the barrier around his heart.

  Connie looked upward and saw Joseph watching her, and she waved. He wished he could join her, but he’d made up his mind yesterday that there would be no more self-pity. He’d do his best to overcome his physical problem, and he was confident that he could. But, if not, he would still live a worthwhile life.

  He planned to ignore his fascination with Connie, though her past engagement to Ray Blazer bothered him more than he wanted to admit. Was she still in love with Ray?

  Connie was in the dining room when Joseph entered. He’d been in the chapel for morning worship, but she hadn’t talked with him. He walked to her table. “Do you mind if I join you?”

  “Of course not. Sit down. How did you sleep?” she inquired, hoping he wouldn’t continue his interrogation of the previous day.

  “Not soundly—that long nap I had yesterday afternoon ruined my sleep. I’m determined to stay awake today.”

  After he gave his order, Connie asked, “How do you feel?”

  “My leg is as stiff as a board, but I believe it’s stronger. I went to the pool last night as you suggested, and that relaxed the muscles. So, what’s on the program for today?”

  She grinned. “More of the same. Walking and swimming, with some time in the gym, preferably on the stair-steppers or skate machine.”

  “You’re a hard taskmaster, Doc,” he said grimly, but she knew he was joking.

  After eating, they left the cafeteria together. “I have to work with Kim in the office for a little while this morning. Take an hour’s break before we start walking.”

  When they started out later, Joseph’s steps were slow, and he leaned heavily on the cane. Connie didn’t encourage any conversation, preferring that he remain silent and retain his energy for the trail. She didn’t ask for the cane, but when they reached the first stop, Joseph hung it on the back of the bench, and he didn’t sit down to rest.

  “Keep your strong shoulder handy, Doc, in case I have to lean on you. I intend to reach the quarter-mile marker before I turn around.”

  Connie patted her shoulder. “It’s at your disposal. You can even cry on it if you want to.”

  “It may come to that. I could have bawled like a baby when I got back to my room yesterday. Tears of frustration more than anything else. I’m tired of being disabled.”

  Joseph moved forward quickly, obviously trying to force strength into his leg, but he soon limped again. When they reached the next marker, he sat down with a heavy sigh. He took a long swig from his own water bottle, which he’d brought along today.

  “We aren’t in any rush, Joseph. Take all the time you need to rest.”

  He closed his eyes without comment. A pleasant breeze wafted down from the mountains, and the evergreens sighed above them. Connie loved the scent of the tall spruces, and their carpet of brown needles added buoyancy to her steps.

  “You have a great area for your work, Connie,” Joseph said. “Quite an undertaking for a woman as young as you.”

  “I’m almost thirty, in case you’re trying to find out,” she answered with a grin. “It’s fortunate that I could buy this place completely furnished. The price was reasonably low, although it was still a high price for me. I inherited enough from my maternal grandmother to make a down payment on the property, and I borrowed the rest of the money. So far, I’ve been able to keep up the payments, but it hasn’t been easy.”

  “I know what you’re going through. When it’s a poor crop year, I have trouble making the semiannual payment to my parents, and in order to keep modern machinery, I have to borrow money occasionally.”

  Connie smiled. “But I have a great staff, and we offer a good program, which produces results, so we never lack clients.”

  Joseph put his hand on her shoulder for support as he stood. “Let’s go on—the sooner I walk this half mile, the sooner I can rest,” he said lightly.

  Once, on the return trip, Joseph almost fell, but Connie grabbed him quickly and guided him off the trail, where he slumped against a tall spruce to take the weight off his leg. Sweat popped out on his forehead, and she feared he might faint. She wiped his face, murmuring encouragingly, “Only a few more feet before we reach the bench. Take deep breaths.”

  His pulse raced at an alarming rate, and his body trembled, but slowly his breathing normalized, and he stood erect.

  “For a minute, I thought you’d lost me, Doc.” He shook his head. “I’ve never fainted.”

  He stopped talking, set his teeth determinedly and walked back to the dormitory without his cane.

  “Set the alarm, so you won’t miss lunch,” Connie cautioned when he started to his room. “A proper diet is just as important as physical exercise.” He nodded, incapable of speaking.

  After resting for an hour, Joseph forced himself to leave the bed to keep an appointment with Eric. He took the elevator downstairs and walked slowly toward the chapel, where he found the chaplain in his small office. Eric sat behind a paper-littered desk, and he motioned Joseph to the chair opposite his. The only other furniture in the room was a set of shelves filled with books.

  “Come in, Joseph,” Eric said. “What did you want to talk about?”

  Stifling a groan when he sat down, Joseph said, “I want you to tell me how to get rid of the wall of guilt that separates me from God.”

  Eric’s eyes were compassionate as he said, “What makes you think there’s a wall?”

  “Because when I read the Bible and try to pray, I don’t feel anything. Once I had a close relationship with God and knew that He not only heard but answered my prayers. Now, I feel like there’s a burden on my back, and I can’t get rid of it.”

  Briefly he explained to Eric how he had once lived in close fellowship with God, but how he had strayed away during his marriage. He confessed his guilt over the circumstances leading to Virginia’s death.

  “What are some of the Scriptures you’ve been reading?”

  “One that sticks in my mind constantly is a passage from the book of Isaiah, ‘Surely the a
rm of the Lord is not too short to save nor His ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from God; your sins have hidden His face from you, so that He will not hear.’”

  “It’s true that unconfessed sin does hinder the answer to our prayers, but it seems to me that you’re open with God about your guilt feelings. God is always ready to forgive, but it may be that you aren’t ready to receive His forgiveness. Instead of dwelling on Bible verses that seem to indicate God won’t answer prayer, I’d rather you remember words from another Psalm. ‘He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.’”

  Joseph’s eyes brightened. “I had forgotten that biblical promise, although I often heard it quoted from the pulpit when I was a child. Perhaps I’ve been blaming myself for events that I couldn’t help.”

  Eric nodded in agreement. “Let me suggest another Scripture for you to read. Every day, read Psalm 25 as a prayer of confession and petition until your burden is lightened so you can pray. God wants to be in fellowship with those who seek Him. He won’t turn you away.”

  When he went back to his room, Joseph turned to Psalm 25, and hope returned when he prayed, “Look upon my affliction and my distress and take away all my sins…. May integrity and uprightness protect me because my hope is in You.”

  It was NLC’s policy for each staff member to spend a full day away from the Center every week, as well as occasional free evenings. Each Friday night, Connie visited her parents, and she was always eager to see them.

  Considering her emotional upheaval with Joseph, today she wanted to see them more than usual. Before dinner, she changed into a white cotton blouse, a long denim skirt and white sandals. She buttoned a red sweater around her shoulders. When she arrived in the dining room, Joseph was seated with three other male clients, so she didn’t join him.

  Connie ate with Kim and Eric, and when she finished the main course, she said, “I won’t get dessert because Mom always has a treat ready for me. She says a fattening dish once a week won’t hurt me, and I agree with her.”

  “If she has chocolate pie, don’t forget me,” Kim said.

  Joseph joined her as she left the dining room. He didn’t have his cane, but she didn’t comment. He shuffled his feet slowly, but he went with her to the lot, where the NLC van was parked beside his truck.

  “I’m going to see my parents this evening,” Connie said. “They live in Lakewood.”

  She got in the van, turned the ignition and nothing happened.

  “Not again!” she muttered.

  “Out of gas?” Joseph asked. “Or do you want me to check under the hood?”

  “No, I know what’s wrong. We’ve had trouble with the starter, and the mechanic put in a rebuilt one, which didn’t help at all. By trying to save money, I’ll end up spending more.” Disappointed, she jumped out of the van. “I’ll telephone my parents to tell them I won’t be there tonight.”

  He reached in his pocket and handed her a key. “Take my truck. It hasn’t been moved for several days, so a run into Lakewood will be good for it.”

  “Oh, I won’t do that. I don’t like to drive someone else’s vehicle. If I damage it in any way, that would be another debt for me to pay.”

  “Then let me drive you to your parents and pick you up when you’re ready to leave. I have a friend in Lakewood, and I can pay him a visit.”

  An alarm sounded in her brain. Remembering some of Ray’s actions, she wondered how far she could trust Joseph. After Ray had overstepped the bounds of decency and had forced his amorous caresses on her, she’d become uncomfortable when alone with any man except her father, Eric and Dr. Alexander. As long as she had the comforting arms of NLC wrapped around her, she felt safe, but taking off with Joseph in his truck at night was a different matter. She hesitated, finally answering, “I can go tomorrow night after we have the van repaired. I won’t impose on you.”

  “It isn’t an imposition. I’ve had my swim for the day and spent an hour in the gym, so my evening is free.”

  She agreed reluctantly, but with a flash of pleasure because they could share some time together unrelated to their trainer-patient relationship. He opened the door for her, and hitched slowly to the driver’s side. As they left the parking lot, Ray watched them from the steps of the dining hall.

  You’ve really blown it this time, Connie! For all anyone knew, she was ignoring NLC’s personnel policy and going off for an evening with Joseph—a man she’d known only a week. She’d probably hear about it at the next board meeting. They passed Eric and Kim strolling toward the lake, and she said, “Stop a minute, so I can tell Kim about the van.”

  An amused expression crossed Kim’s face when she saw Connie and Joseph together.

  “What’s up?” she asked.

  “The starter won’t work on the van. Joseph’s giving me a lift into Lakewood. Will you telephone the mechanic first thing in the morning and tell him we need a new starter?”

  “Sure,” Kim said, winking. “Have fun—don’t wake me when you come in.” Connie frowned at her, but that didn’t erase the laughter from Kim’s eyes.

  “If it’s convenient for you, come back for me in a couple of hours,” Connie said when Joseph stopped in front of her parents’ one-story brick home. As she walked up the sidewalk, the lights were still on in the beauty parlor adjacent to the house, and Connie turned in that direction. Beverly Harmon sat at a desk balancing her accounts.

  “Hi, dear,” she said, and came around the desk to kiss her younger daughter. “I’ve just finished. Come on in the house.”

  Beverly turned off the lights, and they walked down the small hallway that connected the shop to the rest of the house. Bill Harmon was watching a basketball game on television, and he muted the sound.

  “How’s my girl doing?” he asked.

  Bill sold farm and ranch equipment, and he was often away from home overnight. Connie was always disappointed if he was gone when she came for a visit. He was a patient man, and even more than her mother, he’d encouraged Connie throughout difficult times. In looks, Connie was more like her mother, rather than her short, brawny father, but in temperament, she took after Bill.

  “I had to hitch a ride into town. The starter on the van is on the blink again.” She sat on the couch beside her father, and he gave her a hug.

  “I saw you get out of a pickup. Are you dating Ray again?”

  “No. I’m definitely through with Ray. Besides, he has a Jeep, not a truck. I rode in with one of my patients, who’s visiting friends in town. He’ll come back for me in a couple of hours.”

  Connie hesitated to tell her parents who she’d come with, for no doubt they’d heard of Joseph and his troubles. She hoped she could avoid mentioning his name, but her mother said, “Who, Connie? One of your regulars?”

  “No. Joseph Caldwell has been at NLC less than a week. You may have heard of him.”

  “I know Caldwell,” Bill said. “He’s been a customer of mine. I’ve sold him several pieces of machinery. Why would he be at NLC?”

  “He came for physical therapy. He hasn’t recovered from an automobile accident he had a few months ago.”

  Beverly took the platform rocker beside the couch and slowly rocked back and forth, her brown eyes questioning. “Joseph Caldwell! I’ve heard something about him.” That didn’t surprise Connie, for besides what she may have heard on television, Beverly’s clients carried lots of news to her door. “Wasn’t his wife killed in that accident?”

  “Yes, and the authorities aren’t convinced that her death was an accident. Joseph is suspected of doing away with his wife. We had some dissension on the board about accepting him, assuming it wouldn’t be good for NLC’s reputation, but he needs therapy to walk as he did prior to the accident, and we think we can help him.”

  “You made the
right decision, Connie,” Bill said. “Caldwell is a good man, and I’d never suspect him of wrongdoing. Hard on his reputation, though.”

  “From the few things he’s said, I believe he’s suffering from mental anguish as well as his physical injury.” She turned to her mother. “Kim said to send her some dessert—that is, if you’ve prepared any.”

  Beverly smiled happily. She liked to have her culinary arts appreciated. “It’s a refrigerator dessert— Cherry Delight—but I’ll put a serving in an insulated bag for Kim, and it’ll keep until you get back. Let’s wait until Mr. Caldwell returns, and invite him in for a snack.”

  “Thanks, Mom. He’s had a rough week.”

  Joseph returned promptly two hours later, and when he rang the doorbell, Connie greeted him.

  “Come in, Joseph,” she said, opening the screen door. “My dad says you’re a customer of his, and Mom wants to give you some dessert.”

  Bill had followed Connie to the door. “Good to see you again, Mr. Caldwell.”

  “Bill Harmon! I hadn’t connected you and Connie. I knew you lived in the Denver area, but I didn’t know where.”

  “This is my mother, Beverly,” Connie said when they walked into the family room. Joseph’s left leg wobbled, and Connie remembered that he hadn’t brought his cane when they left NLC. She wanted to reach out and let him lean on her, but she suspected he wouldn’t welcome her help.

  “It’s nice of you to give Connie a lift tonight, Mr. Caldwell. I’ll reward you with some dessert before you go home.”

  “And we’ll have to leave soon, Mom, because I have a heavy schedule tomorrow and I’ll need a good night’s rest.”

  “Come in the kitchen, and I’ll have it ready in a few minutes.”

  Joseph held on to the furniture, and Connie could tell it was an effort to refrain from groaning each step he took. His face registered surprise when he sat at the table and saw the huge serving of Cherry Delight that Beverly placed before them. Connie looked in dismay at the new dessert her mother had made—a crumb crust of nuts and pastry, a heavy layer of cream cheese and whipped topping, covered with fresh cherries smothered in a sweet glaze.