"He hunts to give you meat so you grow a strong child," observed Sageflower.
"Yes," said Star glumly.
"Cheer up, friend," said Sageflower blithely. "Jaguar men love their children. You will see."
Star looked away. Sageflower had been wrong about Chokecherry and Cat Lurks, too.
Suddenly Star halted. "Sageflower," she whispered. "Look!" Slowly she raised her digging stick and pointed.
Sageflower gasped. The stocky, flattened body and shaggy, silvery gray fur on the animal was unmistakable. "A badger!"
Both women glanced at each other. What did this mean? Warily they watched the animal.
"I think Darkstar sent it," said Sageflower.
Star shrugged. "Whatever for? We have no need of her help now. We needed her before, when we were first brought to Jaguar territory and wanted to escape. But not now when we have accepted our husbands. I do not understand"
Mystified, the two women watched as the animal dug its way into the ground, throwing up great handfuls of dirt and sand as it swiftly retreated into the ground. Within heartbeats, it was gone.
Sageflower's pretty face wore a thoughtful frown.
"What can it mean?" pondered Star aloud. "Why would Darkstar send her helper to us? I do not want to escape. Do you?"
Sageflower shook her long black hair. "No." She stared at the spot where the badger had disappeared. "Perhaps it is a sign of good fortune for us. Perhaps it means that Darkstar is wishing us much happiness with our growing babes."
"Perhaps," agreed Star. A cloud passed overhead, shutting out the sun. Cloud shadows flicked across the hills. She felt chilled suddenly. She continued to watch the burrow where the stocky creature had disappeared, but he did not reappear. "I do not like it, Sageflower," she whispered.
Sageflower glanced nervously about. "Let us catch up with the other women."
"Yes," agreed Star readily. The two women hastened to join the Jaguar women who were some distance ahead.
Star spent the rest of the afternoon prying into the wet ground with her digging stick. She dug up many camas bulbs despite the uneasy feeling that settled upon her. Once she asked Sageflower if she felt anything amiss, but the younger woman merely held up her basketful of bulbs and smiled happily.
Star returned to her digging, but she could not rid herself of her uneasiness.
When next she glanced up, she saw that the sun was low in the afternoon sky. Already the Jaguar women were gathering up their baskets and digging sticks and starting the long walk back to the Bear Caves. They did not want to spend the night in the camas fields.
Star picked up her basket and fell into step behind Betafor and one of her daughters, the one who had so kindly drawn the falcon design on Falcon's new shirt.
As she walked along behind Betafor, Star mused to herself. Something is going to happen, she thought. Darkstar sent the badger for a reason. But what?
Chapter Forty
Falcon watched Star enter the cave. She carried the heavy basket of camas bulbs and at first did not see him in the dim light of the cave.
When she spotted him, she dropped her basket and rubbed her arms. "It is cold."
"I will make a fire," he said, getting to his feet. He headed to the entrance to get more wood.
As he passed her, she put out a hand to stop him. "Falcon?"
He paused. Slowly, carefully, he turned his head until his eyes met her dark brown ones. Such a sorrowful look on her face, he thought in surprise. "What is it?"
"Isis something the matter?"
He shrugged her hand off his arm. "What could be the matter?"
Her hand curled into a fist and then relaxed. "Will you never tell me what is on your mind?"
"No." And he stalked out of the cave to get the wood.
When he returned, she had already scraped some wood peelings for the fire. He went to Claw's cave and brought back a branch with a burning tip and lit the shavings.
As the flames sparked to life, the silence between them was dark and heavy.
"I will go and get some cooked camas bulbs from the other women," she said and left the cave. She returned with several hot, roasted bulbs on a wooden platter.
They ate in that same suffocating silence. When their meal was finished, she said, "You do not want this baby, do you, Falcon?"
He heard a deep sadness in her voice.
He shrugged. "The babe comes whether I want it or not." And a three-day-long, torturous birth it will be, dear one, he thought, shifting a little so he did not have to look at her. I would gladly spare you the suffering that Tula bore at our son's birth, if only I could. I would have gladly spared Tula that pain, too. He sighed. Star had no idea of what lay ahead of her. Bearing his child would be a bitter thing for her and then she would turn against him.
"But it is as Tula said, is it not? You did not love your first son and now you do not want this child."
How can she think me so uncaring? he wondered as he gazed at her. Her brown eyes shone bright with tears. Her voice sounded dead, like a stone. "Tula has nothing to do with this," he answered gruffly.
Star leaned forward. "Tell me what happened with Tula. Tell me why you do not want this son."
He shook his head. He could not put in words what filled his heart with dread.
She hesitated. When she touched his arm, he forced himself not to cringe. He looked into her eyes and for a moment he felt lost. Everything in those dark eyes called to him. She loves me, he thought, and an exulting happiness filled him. She loves me and she is telling me so with her eyes. Then dread swiftly intervened.
And if she loves me now, then how much more will she hate me when, after a long, painful birth, she holds our poor, sick son in her arms? She will realize I can only give her sick children. And when she turns to another man, I will die.
He carefully peeled her hand off his arm and glanced away from those love-filled eyes. He rose to his feet. "I am going hunting."
Her jaw dropped. "Now? At night?"
"Deer like to drink at the river at night. I will catch one."
"Butbut we have no need of meat. You killed a deer but yesterday"
"Hush, woman. I will hunt, whether you agree or no."
Her face was shuttered as she said, "Very well. Go hunting."
He picked up his two spears and stalked past her. Suddenly she jumped to her feet and ran ahead of him. She swung around and stopped, placing her hands on his shoulders, blocking him from leaving the cave. "Stop! Do not go!"
He stared at her. "What is this? What ails you, Badger woman?"
"I do not want you to go! I want you to stay. I want to talk with you about what has come between us."
She peered up at him and he hissed in alarm at her desperate look. He tried to push her away, but she stood fast. "I go hunting."
"No," she said.
Her stubbornness angered him. "Step aside, Badger woman."
"No!"
"You cannot stop me."
"I want to!" she cried.
He cooled his heart to the pain he heard in her cry. Perhaps if he did not care for her, he would not get so hurt. "I go hunting and no puny woman is going to stop me!"
He set her aside. She swung around and threw her arms around him, clinging to him like a bird clings to a branch.
"Do not go!"
"Wife! This is unseemly!"
"I do not care! You are my husband. I do not want you to go. I want you to stay here. With me!"
He frowned. "Never has a woman behaved this way to me," he said angrily.
"We must talk!" she cried. "If we do not"
"Talk? What is there to talk about?"
"Our baby!" Her howl echoed in the cave, echoed in his ears, and he wanted to put his hands over his ears to shut out the terrible words.
"No." He was proud of the coldness in his voice. This woman was too forward. She did not know her place. This is what comes of marrying a Badger woman.
He spoke without thinking. "I will take you back
to your Badger People in the morning."
She gasped and her face went palean oval moon in the dim light. "What?" Her voice was the croak of a frog.
"I said I will return you to your people."
Her hands went to his face, pleading. "II do not want to return"
"You have no choice. I have spoken." He realized suddenly that his hasty words provided the best solution for them both. Once she was with her people, they would help her. As for him, he could not watch a wife go through another arduous birth. He could not watch another of his children waste away for many seasons, and he could not watch another beloved wife spurn him.
Yes, it was best for them both this way. Were she to stay, he would love her, love the child, and his life would be destroyed. This is what comes of love, he thought savagely. This is what I tried to prevent that day I tore apart our baskets and slashed our furs. Why did you not heed me then?
He had to turn away from the anguish on her face.
"No, Falcon! No!"
The look he'd seen on her face almost unmanned him. Fear, desperation, losshe knew not what it was, only that it hurt to look upon her.
"Do not do this," she cried and sank to her knees. "Please, do not do this!"
She clutched his legs. He looked down at her dark head and tried to push her away. "Do not do this, woman," he said. "You bring shame upon us both with your begging."
She looked up at him, her face tear-covered. "Falcon, think! Do not send me away. I love you. I carry your child. By all that is right and honorable, do not do this thing!"
"I have decided," he said and set his jaw. "You will go." Welcoming, peaceful numbness came upon him now. Nothing she could say would move him because he could not feel. He was safe.
"Nooo," she wailed and clutched at his legs all the harder.
Star hugged him to her. Could he not understand that she loved him, that she would do anything to stay with him? Their child, so precious to her, fluttered even now in her womb. "You cannot," she gasped. "You cannot just send me away"
"I can. I will." His hard voice sent chills through her.
"Falcon, tell me why you say these things! Why can you not tell me?"
He opened her fingers from where she clutched him. Star held on all the tighter, but his grip, though gentle, was insistent.
"Falcon!"
"Do not bring further shame upon yourself, Star!" His voice was stern as though she were a child and he chiding her.
She jumped to her feet and flung her arms around his neck. She kissed his face everywhere her lips could reach. "Falcon! Do not do this! I love you! Let me stay"
He peeled her hungry arms from around his neck. "Stop it, Star."
She kept kissing him, hoping he would understand the depth of her love for him. But his strength was greater than hers and she could not hold him for long. "Falcon! If you do not love me then think about our child! He needs you! Needs his father"
"I am thinking about our child," he said grimly, his mouth set in a narrow line. "And what I do is for the best. For him, too, if you but knew it!"
"No! What you do destroys everything between us. Our home, our love"
"There is no home. There is no love." His voice sounded dead.
How do I fight against this? she wondered frantically. How do I reach the man behind the dead voice?
He was staring at her, his chest rising and falling with each breath. "You will go, Star," he said. "You will leave in the morning. I have spoken." He left the cave.
"Falcon! Come back! Falcon!" When only silence greeted her desperate cry, she fell to her knees, put her slumped head in her arms, and sobbed. "Come back, oh please, Falcon, come back... ."
Chapter Forty-one
Star woke in the morning and her face was swollen from her tears. Falcon was not beside her. He had not returned in the night. Dully, she climbed out of her bedrobes and began packing her things in a big basket: her wedding dress, the slashed, then repaired moccasins, a few awls he had made her, a comb. In a separate basket, she put some cold camas bulbs from the night before and strips of deer meat, sustenance for the journey back to her Badger People. When that was done, she sat in the cave beside the fire, which had died in the night. She felt as dead as the ashes; a dull numbness invaded every part of her body. She was going back to her people.
''Ho!" cried out a voice at the cave's entrance.
Star turned and blinked, the bright morning light at the entrance blinding her momentarily. "Who is it?"
But the person did not answer, merely entered and walked toward her. Star recognized the sauntering gait. Tula.
Star did not even have the desire to jump up and chase the woman away. She just wanted to sit by the dead ashes of her dead fire in her dead home.
"So," sang out Tula as she sauntered closer. "Your husband is throwing you away. What a terrible, terrible thing to have happen!" And she laughed.
Star turned away from the vicious woman and gazed at the rock wall. "You have come to gloat, Tula. Do so and get out."
"Tsk tsk." Tula gave a little hiss. "You are not so sweet now, are you, second wife?"
Star did not answer. Of what use was it to engage in a fight of words with Tula? Tula could never understand anything but her own pain.
"I knew he would tire of you," said Tula. She turned and glanced around the cave. Star peeked over at her. The baby on Tula's back was asleep. Tula turned back to Star.
"Take everything," she warned. "I do not want to see you leave anything behind."
"This is not your cave, Tula," said Star wearily. "Falcon is not your husband. And what I leave behind is no concern of yours." It is my heart I leave behind, she thought.
Tula smiled and sauntered closer. "Did you know that Claw entertains visitors?" she asked.
Star glanced up, perplexed. What was Tula up to now?
"Oh, yes. He has guests," Tula cooed.
Star shrugged. She had no time or inclination for Tula's strange play.
"So." To Star's regret, Tula sat down, cross-legged, across the dead fire from Star.
"Please leave," said Star.
"Oh, no," said Tula. "I have waited too long for this. I want to savor it." She smiled.
Star sat silently. If the woman wanted to be objectionable, she was succeeding.
Tula smiled and leaned forward. "Falcon is telling everyone in the caves that he is taking you back to your mother."
Star's face felt carved of stone.
Tula hugged herself in delight. "He is shaming you before everyone. All the Jaguar People are talking about you. They think you a fool." She laughed. "Oh, I am so happy!"
Star glanced at her. "It is a sad thing when another's pain brings you happiness."
Tula frowned. "I will not worry about your paltry words, Badger dog-girl. You know nothing."
Star was silent. Did Tula truly think that Star cared about what she thought?
"So, tell me," continued Tula. "Why is your husband casting you aside?"
When Star refused to answer, Tula grew impatient. "Tell me, dog-girl! What is it that causes your husband to treat you so?"
"Why do you wish to know? Is it not enough that I am humiliated in the Jaguar People's camp?"
"I can never see you humiliated enough." Tula smiled as though they were having a normal talk.
Star shook her head, baffled. She had never known anyone like Tula.
"Did you burn the food too often? Did you refuse him your bed? Did you take a lover?" Tula chuckled at her last question. "He hates other men, you must know that."
"I think he hates Marmot," acknowledged Star. "Not other men."
Tula grimaced. "Marmot is a good man. He has helped me. We have a healthy child."
Star glanced at the sleeping child. "Yes, you do," she acknowledged. "In all the time I have been here, I have yet to learn your child's name."
Tula stared at her. "You are a wicked woman. I will not give you my child's name. You will try to hurt him."
Star sighed. "I d
o not want to hurt your child," she murmured. "Please, leave me."
Tula frowned. "I see you are not going to tell me why he is casting you aside."
Star felt a perverse delight in Tula's obvious disappointment. How pleasant it was to thwart the woman in this one little thing! "No. I am not."
"Very well. I will go." Tula tried to rise but the baby on her back unbalanced her so that she could not get to her feet.
Star felt goaded out of her lethargy. She rose and went to aid Tula to her feet, shaking her head in disbelief all the while. Why am I helping this woman?
Tula's hand felt cold as Star clasped it. She braced Tula and helped her up. The moment Tula regained her feet, she dropped Star's hand. "I did not need your help," she said haughtily.
Star towered over the smaller woman. "Please leave."
Tula stared at Star, up and down. Her eyes lingered on Star's gently rounded stomach. Tula ran a hand through the white streak of her hair. "Now I see why your husband is leaving you."
Star had had enough. "Perhaps you can explain it to me then," she snarled.
Tula laughed. "Aha, so even you do not know why he is throwing you aside. How amusing! I must be sure to tell the others." She tittered behind her hand.
Star was shaking with anger. Would the woman never leave?
"It is very simple." Tula chortled. "He is leaving you because you carry his child."
"That makes no sense to me!" cried Star, but deep inside her, Tula's words did make a strange kind of sense.
"Did you not know?" laughed Tula. "Falcon can only father very sick children. He cannot make healthy babes!" She started to laugh, but then, as Star watched her, Tula's laughter suddenly became choked and turned to a horrible sobbing.
Tula's hands covered her eyes and she wept. Tears rose in Star's eyes as she watched the other's contorted, sobbing features. Slowly, gently, she reached out to touch Tula's shoulder and comfort her.
Instantly, Tula's sobbing halted and she lifted her head to glare at Star. She brushed Star's hand off. "You will pay," she ground out. "You will pay for carrying his child!"
Broken Promise Page 23
