Because of Him

by Terri E. Laine

  His thumb came up and wiped moisture from my face. I hadn’t realized I’d started to cry.

  “It’s okay.”

  “Is it? I’ve lived in fear for most of my life. And just when I think I’ve beaten it, this happens to remind me that my mother is right.”

  He took me in his arms and held me while I cried.

  “You should call her, explain that I swear I won’t hurt you. Maybe invite them to come down for dinner.”

  I pulled back, amazed by this beautiful man.

  “You’d do that?”

  My cautious heart wanted to bungee jump out of my chest, but it stayed on the edge, waiting for his response.

  “For you, yes.”

  I rushed into his arms, tackling him flat on the bed. Our kissing soon turned into more, and fast. He had me on my back and buried his face between my legs. I realized I’d gotten a little too vocal with my whimpers when someone knocked on the floor from below.

  “Keep it down,” one of his other roommates called from downstairs.

  I closed my mouth and fisted the sheets because Tade didn’t seem to care what his roommate thought. And I didn’t either as he continued making my toes curl.

  My dream blurred with reality when I woke up with Tade’s head between my legs. I was on the cusp of a major orgasm and didn’t have time to breathe when it hit. I might have squeaked before Tade’s hand covered my mouth to muffle my scream.

  He moved his hand and smirked at me as he inched between my legs. He hooked a thumb in his boxers before shoving them down. His dick sprung free and he rolled on a condom. I spread my legs wider before he pulled me to him and slipped inside me.

  Sometime later, he suggested we go out for our first driving lesson. So early in the morning, he drove to one of the local schools’ parking lot so he could teach me.

  A zing of nervous excitement thrilled me as he had me sit behind the wheel.

  He grinned at me. “There are several things we need to talk about before you actually drive.”

  I couldn’t help but poke out my lip. He leaned in and kissed me. “Don’t worry, you will drive soon.”

  He pointed important things out like the gas pedal, brake, and helped me adjust my mirrors. And other boring stuff like the temperature settings. He talked about safety to the point that I was more nervous than I ever had been.

  “Maybe we shouldn’t do this,” I said, fear clamping a hold on my throat.

  He moved towards me from his position in the passenger seat. He squeezed my leg to reassure me, but my breath caught, remembering just how it had felt with his hands on me earlier that morning.

  “Now, just relax.”

  “I can’t with your hands on me,” I complained.

  His eyes flashed with heat. Okay, maybe I’d sounded a bit breathy when I’d spoken.

  “Biscuit, don’t look at me like that.”

  That was just like someone telling you not to look down when you are up high. Immediately, my eyes found the bulge in his pants.

  I squeaked for the second time that day. Because he’d had me push the seat as far back as it could go so he could talk about all things car, he easily scooped me up and had me straddling his lap in seconds.

  “I thought you were teaching me to drive,” I teased.

  The way he looked at me, I felt like I’d won the Miss Universe pageant.

  “There are things I can teach you other than how to drive a car.”

  He gripped my hips and ground into me. I drove my hands in his hair and kissed him hard. All too soon, our loose-fitting clothes shifted to the side until he could drive into me.

  I did learn the art of having sex in a car and I decided that even with the idea of us getting caught, I would probably do it again.

  He did eventually let me put the car in drive and press on the pedal. The black skid marks we left behind were a testament to my need for many, many more hours of practice before I even attempted to drive on a street.

  Over the next few weeks, Tade more than proved that we were more than something casual. Whenever we were together walking across campus, he held my hand like he needed to touch me. Other days, he’d show up at my place with coffee—icy or hot, depending on the weather—saying we needed a break from studying even if it was only for fifteen minutes or so. We didn’t spend every night together. We both had senior projects to finish for graduation.

  “Seriously, it’s the last few weeks of school and you can’t even hang out with me,” Megan whined.

  “Aren’t you spending time with Gavin?”

  Her expression morphed into shock. “No, I’ve gone out with this guy, Shawn, a few times.”

  I let out a gasp. “Not Shawn from the rowing team?”

  “Yes, Shawn on the rowing team. He’s cute.”

  “Isn’t he a freshman?”

  “Soon to be a sophomore. Besides, it's just for fun.”

  “No, what you mean is you’re doing it just to piss off Gavin.”

  She avoided my eyes, pretending she was interested in her computer screen. “I don’t think Gavin even knows or cares.”

  “You’re playing with fire.”

  “Speaking of it, have you talked to your mom?”

  No, I hadn’t. “She’s not talking to me.”

  Dr. Flynn advised me to be patient and said I hadn’t done anything wrong. The truth being out there was healthier for everyone, she’d claimed. But despite all Mom’s faults, I loved her and weirdly, I missed some of her advice.

  “Your dad?”

  “He tells me she cries a lot, but she’s back to seeing her psychiatrist on a regular basis.”

  “That blows.”

  It did. She wasn’t willing to meet Tade. Though if she showed up to my graduation, I would introduce her to him. Dad wanted to meet him.

  “Let me call Tade and tell him I can’t meet up tonight because I’m hanging with my girl.”

  46

  TADE

  The pressure built in the final weeks of school. With projects, final exams and other senior check-off-list items, Reagan and I only saw each other late at night for occasional sleepovers, and the few times I’d taken her out to teach her to drive. She had the basics down, but we had a ways to go before she was ready for any sort of driving test. Most of my classes were done, with my remaining time to be spent on my independent project outside of class.

  With rowing in full swing, we couldn’t even work our schedules so that we could be in the library at the same time. I was juggling more practices to fix our team’s mistakes from the first few weeks.

  Biscuit had come to all of my meets, and we’d won the last two times.

  Gavin and I were sitting in the living room when he brought up his arm. He was due to get his cast off soon, just when our new crew started to gel.

  “So am I in?” he asked.

  “Has the doctor cleared you to row again?” I asked warily.

  “So that’s it. I’m off the crew. The freshman has taken my place. Is he your best friend now too?”

  “Gav, don’t be a dick. I’m just looking out for you.”

  “Looking out for me? I barely see you these days outside of practice. Now, Reagan practically lives here. Her toothbrush is in the bathroom.” He gestured wildly toward the stairs.

  Something else was going on I was not aware of. “Just say it, man. Don’t be a chick and dance around it. What is your problem?”

  “My problem? My problem is my best friend is leaving in a couple of weeks. No telling when I’ll see you again seeing as you’re moving to Massachusetts. This, and you’re wrapped up in Reagan like a fucking taco.”

  “Jealous?” I teased him, but he didn’t return my smile.

  “You’re damn right I’m jealous.” He stared at me and didn’t back down. He arched a brow to make his point. He was right. “And I shouldn’t be, considering this is just a job.”

  I froze and he cursed.

  “What the hell does that mean?” I barked.

  “
Shit,” he muttered. “I didn’t mean to say that.”

  I glared at him. “Oh, I get that. Now what the fuck?”

  “Damn man, I didn’t mean for you to find out like this.”

  “What job are you talking about?”

  For once, I wasn’t letting shit go.

  “Your dad hired me to watch over you.”

  I ran a rough hand through my hair and stood up, unable to sit.

  “Dad hired you?”

  The words came out more like I was trying to convince myself. I walked away from him for a second, unsure what to do.

  “Yeah, not the rich one.”

  I spun around. “You knew?”

  Okay, we may have been friends, but my father on death row hadn’t been something I shared with anyone. It had been hard enough to admit Dad was a senator.

  “How did he even find you? Are you on Craigslist, under best friend for hire?”

  He chuckled, but I didn’t find any of this shit funny. He got serious, probably because I looked ready to murder someone, or at least I felt that way.

  “It wasn’t like that. My dad knows yours. You were my ticket to college. And I wanted a way out. This job was it. I didn’t bank on you even being someone I would even like.”

  He shrugged.

  “That’s it. That’s all you're going to tell me. I thought your dad was a crab fisherman.”

  “He is, kind of…sort of. Look, the less you know, the better.”

  “So you’re bitching about not seeing me because you can’t log any more hours.”

  Gavin got to his feet.

  “Fuck that, man. It may have started off by me looking out for your rich boy ass, but you had my back so many fucking times, I consider you my brother.”

  “Yeah, brothers don’t lie to each other.”

  “Really?” he said. “When the fuck did you tell me about your old man being on death row?”

  He had a point. I blew out a breath.

  “I want to know more. What the fuck was up with you and the gambling place, and the money drop? You said that wasn’t illegal shit.”

  He exhaled. “The less—”

  “Just tell me.”

  “You know what that place is.” I did. “And the money thing, that was to pay off the private dick who was searching for you. He had some weasel taking pictures of you. Someone really wanted to find you, we suspect as a way to get to your dad. I paid them more to not find you.”

  “With what?”

  “Your dad has money stashed away.”

  I hit my fist on the wall nearest to me, but luckily didn’t punch a hole through.

  “Shit,” I said, not sure what to do with that information.

  “Ain’t the half of it.”

  “I need a drink.”

  “Now that sounds like a plan.” He held up his fist. It took me a moment to decide what to do. “Are we cool?” he added. I eyed him, but I couldn’t think of a reason not to believe him. He had protected me. I bumped it.

  “Yeah, we’re cool. But over that drink, I have more questions.”

  My phone buzzed with a picture of Reagan in the background. “Biscuit.”

  Gavin saluted me and headed upstairs. I guessed the drink would have to wait. Reagan was everything good in my life and talking to her would chase away the darkness of my past.

  A sweet voice lulled me back into a good mood. “Hey. I wondered if you wanted me to bring you something to eat. I’m going to have dinner with Megan. She’s complaining about our lack of girl time.”

  “Speaking of, Gavin just gave me shit about the same thing. I’ll probably hang out with him this weekend. Are you cool with that?”

  “Actually, that sounds great. Megan will be thrilled. If you see her, don’t tell her it was your idea.”

  It felt like there was a trash heap in my gut and I winced when we pulled up in the lot back at school. I hoped like hell I wouldn’t lose my shit in the parking lot. Drinking with Gavin all weekend had left me blurry-eyed and sick. Monday would come too soon, since Sunday was nearly over.

  It was one night and one long day, but I could sleep a week. When my vision doubled and I spotted two of Reagan on the stoop in front of my door, I tried to pull myself together so I wouldn’t hurl in her lap. It was when her bloodshot eyes came into view that I immediately sobered up some.

  “Fuck, are you okay?”

  Her nod didn’t give the confidence that it should have. Gavin barreled by us and into the house without a glance. I couldn’t be bothered with his mood. It was his fault I was in this state and not at my best when my girl obviously needed me.

  “Can we walk? I need to speak to you alone.”

  We could be in my room alone, but I didn’t argue. I played the weekend over in my head. Had I done something stupid that had gotten back to her? I was pretty sure I hadn’t. A few girls had come my way, but I’d sent them packing.

  Her hands were out of my reach as we headed away from campus. Our steps were the only noise that broke the stillness. I followed her through the short tree line and onto the path surrounded by high brush. We stopped only steps away from the overflow of the bay that created a small marsh area.

  She faced me as insects chirped softly around us in the low grass. My mind went crazy with dumb theories of how I could have pissed her off.

  One of her hands rubbed over the other like she was cold as her eyes remained cast downward. I waited, fearing the news she wanted to tell me.

  Finally, she met my gaze and shimmery tears from the moonlight trailed down her face. “I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

  Famous final words. I waited for the deathblow, praying I still had the strength to take it like a man.

  Seconds ticked off as the pause grew as long as the wild grass. I was lying to myself when I thought I could let her go. The words to convince her to stay were already shaping in my head. I practiced the delivery while I waited.

  With squared shoulders, she locked on my gaze. “I’m pregnant.”

  Though it took a few seconds, the cloud lifted and my thoughts sobered. What she’d said had been clear and concise, yet I had trouble grasping the concept. I saw her watching me, this time waiting on me to say something.

  I folded my hands on the top of my head, pushing my hair back so I could think.

  Her innocence made her eyes large and pinned on me waiting for my response. I spun around because I needed to get my thoughts together.

  I didn’t want to blurt out something stupid like Is it mine? Because I knew better.

  Dad’s face popped in my head. All of his lifelong goals had been achieved, save one. His bid for presidency was the crowning jewel, even above graduating law school first in his class, passing the bar, marrying Mom, and becoming a multi-term senator.

  If the press got wind that his unmarried son, adopted or not, had knocked up his girlfriend, it would surely lose him the primary. That was why I had been the good, even dutiful, son, never doing anything wrong.

  I faced her again, dropping my hands, and said, “What do you want to do?”

  A sob tore from her throat, ripping me into shreds. “I don’t know. I hope you don’t think I tricked you.”

  She didn’t know my net worth, as far as I knew. And she never once asked me to buy her anything, except for the damn pill that hadn’t worked. She didn’t know my father was a senator. And most of all, I didn’t believe she was that type of person. “No.”

  I turned around again, lacing my fingers on the top of my head. I took a few steps forward to organize my thoughts. It didn’t take long for me to make a decision.

  Those first few steps in her direction were hesitant. But by the time I stood in front of her, I was resolute. “Whatever you want to do, we’re in this together.”

  She seemed confused, so I made it plain to her.

  “I love you.”

  There was no hesitation because there wasn’t a doubt in my mind when I said. It felt right. She was the best thing th
at had come into my life since my parents took me in and changed my life forever. Because of her, there was nothing else missing. My world was complete.

  She staggered back a step. Her eyes sparkled the size of shiny quarters in the dead of night. “You love me?”

  “Absofuckinglutely. I. Love. You.” I blew out a breath. “Maybe we should get married. It was inevitable anyway. You’re it for me. I was never letting you go.”

  “Married?”

  “You have our kid in you. I can’t think of a more right thing to do.”

  “What about our parents?”

  “What about them?” I retorted. “What do you think yours would say to you?”

  Bewildered, she said, “Mom would freak. I’m not sure how Dad would handle it. But married? I don’t know. I’m not sure I can do this.”

  She shook her head before tearing off back toward campus.

  Somehow I managed to catch up to her. “Wait? What do you mean?”

  “There’s so much you don’t know.”

  I took her face in my hands. “Nothing matters. Just say you love me too and it will all work itself out.”

  “I love you.”

  I silenced anything else she was about to say with a kiss.

  47

  PAST

  Something warm gushed between my legs as pain sliced down my spine. I screamed, wishing Eve would take the pain away as I panted during the little reprieve.

  The door opened and Adam stared down at me. I will always remember the expression he gave me. The one that said if the pain didn’t kill me, something else would.

  “Let’s go. And be quiet.”

  “I can’t,” I cried. “It hurts.”

  I doubled over and would have fallen to my knees if he hadn’t caught me and carried me in his arms. He laid me on the bed and pulled a cloth from his pocket. I squeezed my eyes shut as it felt as though my insides would burst.

  The cloth covered my eyes and he stuffed something else in my mouth to muffle my screams.

  We wound up stairs until he stopped and opened a door. Fresh air filled my lungs, but didn’t dull the pain.

  I cried and thought I might choke on the rag in my mouth. I heard the unmistakable sound of a helicopter.