Because of Him

by Terri E. Laine

  He’d said he’d take me back to the boat. Then I cried because no one had come. My call had gone unanswered. No one had showed up to rescue me.

  Time was measured in pain. By the time we landed, I was exhausted.

  Though I couldn’t see, I smelled the sea air. A boat, mostly like the one that Sir was on.

  “Remember, she’s mine. Let me know when it’s done. And don’t take long. I have to get back soon.”

  I was handed off before Sir spoke. “She’ll be fine.”

  The rag was pulled from my mouth and I heaved in a full breath, then I screamed.

  Sir didn’t seem to care. When he pulled off my blindfold, I was back in the room on the boat where it had all begun.

  “Let me see.”

  He lifted the sleeping gown I’d been given.

  “Ah, it’s about time. Let me get the doctor. And don’t bother wasting time with ideas. He’s one of us and likes young girls. I’m sure he’d take a payment trade for some quality time with you.”

  The tightness in my belly forced another yell out of me. Sir just laughed. He disappeared out the door and I couldn’t even look around to see if anything had changed, the pain consumed me so.

  When the door opened again, Sir was accompanied by a white-haired man with beady eyes that reminded me of a crow’s.

  “Well, young lady, let’s see what’s what.”

  My skin crawled, but an urgent need to push took over.

  “It looks like you're ready. Go ahead and push.”

  I didn’t need his permission. I had already decided to do just that.

  Sir came over to whisper to me. “I look forward to having you tonight.”

  Determination to stop the pain and kill every man that touched me focused my strength. It wasn’t long before I felt the baby leave my body.

  It cried.

  I cried.

  I lifted my hands, but the man handed the baby to Sir.

  “Is it a boy or a girl?” I asked.

  “Time to push again.”

  The wave was back and I did as asked. Was I having twins? The doctor nodded to Sir and he left with the baby.

  “My baby, my baby? Please just tell me if it’s a boy or a girl.”

  I’d tried to not love it when I realized I was pregnant. But after Adam made use of Eve and I was alone, I talked to the baby.

  The doctor ran a towel over me before leaving the room. I stumbled to my feet and found the door locked.

  I slid to the floor, crying for the girl who was lost. I cried for Eve who’d betrayed me in my time of need. I cried until I passed out.

  A staccato of noises broke my sleep apart. Shouting preceded silence. And then a word repeated over and over. Clear.

  I didn’t understand it until a man wearing gear covering him head to toe opened the door, pushing me to the side in the process.

  “Ma’am, are you okay?”

  The bright white letters on the hat he wore—FBI—made me sob, and not in pain, for the first time in months.

  As he knelt beside me, he asked me the question again.

  The first words to tumble from my lips were, “They took my baby.”

  48

  REAGAN

  Megan stared at me from where she curled in a chair. She’d only gotten home a few minutes before.

  “What’s got you down? Have you heard the news? They say that girl they found isn’t Meghan.”

  That snapped my attention to her.

  “Are they sure?”

  She nodded. “Apparently they’ve known for a while, but kept it quiet.”

  “Why would they do that?”

  She brought her legs to her chest and hugged them. “My guess is they wanted to lull the killer into a false sense of security.” When she read my probing stare for what it was, wondering when she’d become a detective, she asked, “What? I watch Chicago Fire. For the hot guys, of course.”

  Although I didn’t watch a lot of TV, I was pretty sure the title suggested it wasn’t a cop show. “It’s that show about firemen.”

  “Yes, but they investigate.”

  I blew that off in favor of a different question.

  “Do you think she’s still alive?”

  Megan glanced away. “I don’t know.”

  “Do they still think she left on her own?”

  “She’s never been gone this long. So I don’t think so.”

  It was awful to think she was being held somewhere against her will. Who knew what was happening to her at this moment.

  “For all we know, she’s been found, but they are keeping it from the press.”

  “We can hope,” I whispered.

  “Someone said she went by another name.”

  “Really?”

  “I think the story goes she uses Meghan when she’s hitting up guys for sex, but her parents call her Lisa or Lucy. I’m not sure if it’s her first or middle name.”

  “Lisa or Lucy?”

  Megan waved a hand in the air. “Something with an L. I can’t remember. I’d been so caught up in finding out who the Jane Doe is. But no one knows yet.”

  I picked up my bottle of water and drained it.

  “Have you made a decision yet?” she asked, cryptically.

  “We’re alone and no. How can I possibly make a decision?”

  Waking up feeling sick to my stomach Sunday morning had thrown my world into a tailspin. I’d wanted it to be food poisoning. But when I thought about when the last time I had my period was, I’d known. Megan bought me a test from the school store. I was mortified when we checked out. But all that went away when the plus sign appeared.

  “You know I won’t judge no matter what you decide.”

  The idea of having a baby brought on a wave of nausea.

  “How can I possibly take away a life that didn’t ask to be created? It’s not its fault I made a mistake.”

  “There are other options like adoption.”

  I leaned my head back on the couch to stare up at the ceiling.

  “That’s if I survive my parents’ wrath.”

  “You did say he wants to marry you.”

  I huffed out a laugh. “Like he didn’t say that in the moment.”

  She aimed a finger at me. “You know I wasn’t going to tell you this with everything you have going on, but you should know.”

  “What?”

  “Today in the café I overhead a couple of girls talking about Gavin and Tade.”

  “I’m sure hearing Gavin’s name perked up your ears.”

  “I would have taken one for the team even if they’d only been talking about Tade.”

  Though I’d teased her, I never doubted that.

  “Anyway, they were talking about hearing that Tade was drunk off his ass this weekend. We’re talking stumbling over his own feet drunk.”

  “These girls were there?”

  “I don’t think so, but that’s not the point. They said several girls approached him, but he turned down every one. Do you hear me? All of them. They said he didn’t bat an eye at the waitress who all but pushed her tits in his face.”

  I could imagine how women threw themselves at him.

  “He was drunk.”

  “Exactly. And as much as I hate to say this, he’s loyal and so into you.”

  “Why do you hate it?”

  She pushed her legs down to inch forward on her seat. “Because we were supposed to move to New York and be two chicks in the city and now—”

  “You think I’m moving to Massachusetts with Tade.”

  “Aren’t you?”

  I wasn’t sure.

  “There’s so much he doesn’t know about me. How can I involve him in my life without full disclosure?”

  “Your mom?”

  That was part of it. I nodded.

  “Doesn’t your mom’s crazy come from something that happened to her? She wasn’t born that way.”

  “That’s my guess, but without knowing what happened, how can I be sure?”
<
br />   She knitted her hands together. “You’re not crazy. You know that, right?”

  That was something I wasn’t entirely sure of. “I see a psychologist every week.”

  Though because of Tade, life had felt like I was walking on solid ground, until finding out that I was pregnant.

  “But you’re not on meds. This is just to un-brainwash you from everything your mom did.”

  I couldn’t put the blame solely on her. “Sometimes I wonder how much is her and how much is me.”

  He had tethered me to normality. Here I was dragging him into my crazy.

  “Have you guys talked? You slept here last night.”

  “Not today. I had a test and he had to work on his project.”

  I’d left him a message and he hadn’t returned it.

  “Maybe he’s changed his mind,” I admitted.

  At least that had been my worry.

  “Oh Rae, it has to be something else.”

  “You know he could have been yours?” I tossed out.

  “How?”

  Her indignant gaze said she thought anything but that.

  “That first night at the bar.”

  She laughed. “No, he only had eyes for you as soon as we walked in the joint.” She pursed her lips. “Don’t give me that look like I betrayed you. You weren’t interested in any guy and I wasn’t sure he just wanted to hook up with you. So I didn’t say anything.”

  “Until you pushed me at him.”

  “I was drunk and you were supposed to take one for the team so I could get with his friend. And look how that turned out. You’re the one knocked up.”

  I was. Another glance at my phone only showed I didn’t have a message from him. What was I going to do?

  49

  TADE

  It took just about an hour to reach Terre Haute, Indiana, by chartered flight. With Dad’s pull, I was granted entrance and ushered into a room with a table and two chairs facing each other.

  The man wearing lime green from head to toe in cuffs and leg chains was much older than the man I remembered. The lines were etched deep and a scar he hadn’t had before cut low across his jawline.

  His cuffs were attached to a ring on the table before one security guard left and the other moved back to stand next to the door.

  “I didn’t expect to get a visitor. I guess—” he glanced over his shoulder before turning back to face me, “your mom and dad got you in to see me. I’m not sure why.”

  He’d made it clear he didn’t want me to address him as Dad, though I wouldn’t have. For whatever reason, he didn’t want me in any way to associate myself with him for someone else to hear.

  “I thought maybe we should talk before—”

  “Before they execute me.” Chains rattled as he sat back. “What’s there to say? They sentenced me for a bogus charge.”

  “They have evidence,” I said matter-of-factly.

  “They don’t have dick. I’ve done a lot of shitty things, but killing that cop…that’s not one of them.”

  He was right. He’d done a lot of shit. Maybe he did or maybe he didn’t kill the federal officer, but he’d seen to it others died.

  “I need you to know that I didn’t do it,” he pressed, sitting forward to rest his arms on the table.

  I nodded, offering him the only absolution I could.

  “So what is it you want? To see a dead man walking? Doing a paper in that fancy school you go to?”

  My response was slow. I hadn’t expected any reaction to seeing the man. But there it was, knotted in my chest so tight I found it hard to speak. I pinched my brow to pull myself together.

  “You know, if I’d had a son, I would have wanted him in a place like that, making a good life for himself. Your dad sure must be proud.”

  His clasped hands sat close to the middle of the table. If I had the inclination, I could reach out and touch him.

  I cleared my throat. “My dad is proud. He taught me to be the man I am today. He trusts me to handle myself. I don’t need security to watch over me.”

  He winced and pinched his lips together, then he nodded, more to himself than to me. I wasn’t sure if I was looking for it or if it had even been there, but a flash of hurt crossed his face.

  “It’s a scary world out there. I imagine if your dad had enemies like I do, he would hire someone discreetly. Someone he could trust.”

  Gavin hadn’t told me much more. He said with my dad running for president, it was best for all I didn’t know any more than I did.

  “He probably would, but then my dad has always let me know how much I mean to him.”

  There, the ball was in his court.

  “You know, there was a boy I once knew. He was a curious thing. I’d shooed him away when I had business, but he was attached to me. I didn’t quite understand it myself, not growing up with a dad, but I couldn’t seem to rid myself of his affection.”

  I stared straight at him knowing the boy was me. I remember feeling that attachment.

  “Anyway, the kid was there one day, not that I wanted him to be. He came out of hiding, and clung to my legs like he was somebody to me.” He chuckled. “The guys, they made the mistake of tying us together like family, when in fact we weren’t.”

  I remembered that day.

  “He was just this chick I’d banged’s kid, you know?”

  He pulled his hands apart and patted the table. “Anyway, they made comments like how that cute kid would grow up to be just like his dad. They could use his looks, you know. Despite the kid not being mine, I wouldn’t wish that life on anyone. I’d made my bed, as they say. I had to lie in it. I didn’t have to bring anyone down with me.”

  What he didn’t say was that he’d told them I was just a kid. One of them, the guy in charge, had asked if they’d done right by him. He had to agree or risk pissing them off. Something I just realized. Then they’d gone on to say it would be good to wet my feet early.

  “What happened to the kid and his mother?”

  He shrugged. “She disappeared as fast as she’d shown up. She’d run away from a good home to live her dreams.”

  “Did those dreams include you?”

  “How should I know? She was a pretty thing, but I didn’t attach myself to no one. I tried to send her back home with the kid. I suspect she liked living fast and loose. Met up with the wrong guy and found trouble she couldn’t get out of.”

  “So you’re sure you don’t know what happened to her…and the kid.”

  I threw in that last part so the guard wouldn’t make the mistake of thinking we were talking cryptically about me. If the guy wasn’t dumb, he would have thought that.

  He spread his hands as far as he could. “They disappeared. I never saw them again.”

  “Or heard about them?”

  His head drifted side to side. “I liked her and the kid well enough not to want harm to come to them.”

  I wasn’t sure if I believed him or not.

  “What did she look like?”

  The private detective had sent yearbook photos of my bio mom. I wondered if she looked the same when he’d met her.

  He hissed and sat back in the chair. “Let me think. It’s been, what, twenty or so years. Why would that matter now?”

  I caught the security guy showing some interest. Thinking fast, tying the two things together could work.

  “There’s a girl on campus, blonde, pretty, she’s missing. For my senior project, I’m doing research on capital crimes. Since you are the only person I…my parents could get me to see, I thought maybe you might have some insight.”

  “Well, I couldn’t have taken her. I’m in here.”

  His arms widened to accompany the room.

  “No, but you must know people.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know nobody.”

  “Sure you don’t. At least give me a description of the girl and I’ll form my own conclusions.”

  He rubbed at his chin. “Let’s see. If memory serves, s
he was a honey blonde with a tight little body and perfect fucking tits. Gets my dick hard, just remembering.”

  Talk about the last thing I wanted to imagine. I tried to un-hear what my father thought about my mother that way.

  “How old was she?”

  “Don’t know. Young, high school probably.”

  “And you? Not too old for her.”

  Remembering that I have my birth certificate, which would have her birthday, I didn’t ask anything more about that. “Do you care you’re going to die soon?”

  Flippantly, he said, “Who said I’m going to die?”

  “So, it’s true. You’re going to give evidence to make a deal.”

  “I don’t have to give them anything. They have everything they need to prove I’m innocent.”

  “Do you worry that what you’re doing will put others in danger?”

  The laugh he gave was dark. “There ain’t nobody I care about. You’re the first person to visit me in this hellhole for the ten years I’ve been in this joint. And your parents should have known better than to send you here looking for shit that ain’t got nothing to do with me.”

  His voice turned low, reminding me how dangerous he was.

  “They didn’t send me here. Talking to a real inmate will give credit to my paper. Too bad for the both of us, you were the lucky guy available on short notice to talk to. Apparently, like you said, no one cares enough about you to visit; the warden must have felt pity for you.”

  His mother, my grandmother, had died of lung cancer not too long after his incarceration.

  “Well, lucky me.” He leaned forward. “And don’t forget, lucky you. I had to agree to this little visit of yours. Your parents offered me some cash in my commissary account, so I agreed.”

  The story I concocted had flaws that he plugged. It wasn’t lost on me that he was telling me he didn’t have to see me.

  “Well, thanks for seeing me. I shouldn’t waste any more of your time.”

  “Wait,” he said, as I started to get to my feet.

  The look in his eye made me feel sorry for him and I sat back down.

  “I should know more about the guy who’s going to write a paper about me.”