The Solution to Unrequited

by Len Webster

  Exhaling, AJ began to rip the MIT college brochure. She watched as the large tear worked its way down the booklet. She watched a dream die. But she knew she was kidding herself. Her dream of MIT had died a long time ago.

  Long before she’d missed the deadline.

  AJ was never going to attend MIT as long as Evan Gilmore remained her best friend and continued to be the boy she loved. Leaning over, she dropped the torn pieces of MIT in the trash and let out a relieved sigh.

  A new start, AJ.

  Not attending MIT for her undergraduate wasn’t the end of the world.

  She’d still pursue physics at another school.

  As AJ sat back, she glanced at the remaining college booklet in her stack. AJ picked it up and stared at the cathedral tower that consumed the page and the students standing in front of it. They looked happy, and the architecture was beautiful. AJ took in each navy blue letter that spelled the name of the college in North Carolina where she had applied.

  Duke University.

  A knock on her bedroom door had her sliding the Duke booklet underneath the pile next to her laptop. She wasn’t sure why she hid it, but she did. When she was satisfied that the Duke booklet could not be seen, she turned in her seat to find Evan at her bedroom door.

  “Can I come in?” he asked.

  AJ nodded as she turned back around and took in the Harvard pamphlet. Seconds later, Evan was by her side, and she peeked up to find him staring at it also. Evan set his hand on her shoulder and lightly squeezed.

  “Does your dad want you to go to Harvard? To be closer to home?”

  She picked up the brochure and took in the beautiful campus picture on the cover. “What if I don’t get into Stanford?” AJ asked, ignoring his question.

  Evan’s fingers tightened on her shoulder, and she stilled at the change in his touch. She tilted her head back to see the fear consume his face, his eyes moving from the Harvard material to the rest of her desk. “AJ, you’ll get in.”

  “No, Evan,” she said, exasperated. “We have to think realistically. What do we do if I don’t get in?”

  His hand left her shoulder as she watched him crouch next to her. Evan took her right hand in his and said, “Then I’ll go where you go.”

  Her heart stretched at the sincerity in his voice and the softness in his eyes. “Evan, Stanford is the only school I sent an application to on the West Coast. You didn’t apply for any on the East Coast. What do we do?”

  “If we don’t get into Stanford, then I won’t go to college for a semester and wait until spring. I’ll apply for college then.”

  She blinked in shock at his commitment to their future together. “Evan, what about scholarships? You can’t turn down a full ride if Stanford comes calling. You said it yourself, there’s been interest.”

  “Alexandra,” he said, covering their joined hands with his left palm. “Baseball is just a pathway. I don’t want to make a career of playing it. I never have. I don’t want to be the next Kyle Gilmore. I just want to go to college with my best friend. And if somehow we both don’t get into Stanford, then I’ll transfer or wait. You are more important to me and my life than baseball. We’ll figure it out, okay?”

  “Okay,” she said with a smile. “We’ll figure it out.”

  34 Se

  selenium

  AJ

  Now

  Landon: If, by any chance, we can steal some time together today, let me know.

  AJ glanced down at Landon Carmichael’s text and was torn. She wanted to see him, but she couldn’t offer him any of her time. Not when she had promised it to Evan Gilmore in hopes of them finding where they fit in each other’s lives. During their senior year of high school, Evan had promised her that if one of them wasn’t accepted to Stanford, they’d still attend college together. As fate would have it, they both received their Stanford admission letters.

  But without Evan knowing, AJ had ripped hers up and chosen Duke.

  Now, months after she had started at Duke, Evan fulfilled his promise. They were at the same college. AJ as an enrolled student and Evan as the unexpected guest who demanded a resolution to them.

  He deserved one.

  And so did she.

  She couldn’t live with the guilt of what she had done to them anymore.

  AJ thought she could move on with her life, but when she was given the chance to with Landon, she hesitated. Loving Evan was affecting her future. But after their road trip, AJ would know exactly where she stood in life and with Evan.

  Walking down the hall to her dorm room, she replied to Landon.

  AJ: Are you on campus?

  Landon: Will be later tonight. Steal some time then?

  Her heart dipped at the unfair timing of the universe.

  AJ: I’m leaving for Massachusetts in like an hour.

  Landon: I am over an hour away with some of my teammates running up a mountain.

  A smile spread across her lips, and she glanced up to find that she was almost at her dorm.

  AJ: Sadly, we can’t steal some time together, Connecticut. I’ll see you after fall break.

  Landon: The way my teammates are navigating through this mountain, you might never see me again. I’m surprised I even have signal here. Let me know when you get to Brookline safely. Have fun back home, Massachusetts.

  AJ: Don’t hurt yourself. I’d hate to finally get to another game and find that you’re out injured.

  Landon: Right, you just gave me the perfect excuse not to continue with this intense workout.

  AJ: Don’t be a slacker. Goodbye, Connecticut. Have a great fall break.

  Landon: You, too, Massachusetts. You, too.

  Once she read Landon’s message, she tucked her phone into her back jeans pocket and approached her dorm’s door. Just as she was about to open her bag to pull out her lanyard, she remembered that she had given her dorm key to Evan before she left for her lecture. AJ formed a fist and tapped her knuckles against the door and waited.

  It only took a matter of seconds before the door opened to Evan on the phone. Smiling, he stepped back, and AJ walked into her dorm room. She closed the door behind her and watched as Evan sighed.

  “I know, Coach,” Evan said. “I promise you all my professors have sent me the work, and I have notes coming in from a few friends in my classes. I know I’ve missed a few practices, and I should have told you, but I needed to leave campus for a while.”

  He lied to her.

  He said that coming to Duke wasn’t going to affect him in any way other than missing a few classes. AJ would be missing some to leave with him. But Evan had left without letting his baseball coach know.

  He missed practices.

  He put his scholarship at risk.

  AJ couldn’t move.

  Her selfishness had jeopardized his position on the team.

  Breathing became a chore as she listened to his conversation.

  “I understand,” Evan said as he ran his free palm over his face. “I’ll work harder to earn back your trust and my spot on the starting lineup for preseason. Of course, Coach. I wouldn’t have left Stanford,” his eyes met hers as he said, “if my entire life and future didn’t depend on me leaving.”

  Air fled her lungs as the clenching sensation returned to her chest.

  Me.

  His future and life depended on her.

  AJ swallowed back the tears threatening to form.

  Evan’s eyes remained on her. “I understand, Coach. I will see you the moment I’m back in California.” Then he hung up, and his lips formed a small smile.

  “Evan,” she said in disbelief. “What have you done?”

  He sighed as he walked past her. She spun around and watched him pick up his gym bag from the floor and dropped his phone inside, staring inside his bag. “I told you,” he said af
ter a moment of silence. He lifted his chin to look at her, regret swirling in his brown eyes. “Baseball has never been a priority over you. The moment I found out you were at Duke, finding you and being with you were all that mattered to me. I just need us back in each other’s lives. I just need us to be us again. For us to be AJ and Evan again. There is no me without you.”

  AJ pulled her bag from off her shoulder and let it fall to the ground. “Evan, you worked hard to get into Stanford. Don’t throw it away.”

  “I could say the same to you. You threw away MIT for me! You said it yourself. So don’t try to be upstanding right now, AJ, and understand that I would give up Stanford in a heartbeat for you. If you told me to stay with you here at Duke, I’d do it. That’s how much you mean to me. But it’s evident that I don’t mean that much to you anymore since you wouldn’t and didn’t do the same for me.”

  “I was going to do that!” she cried.

  “But you didn’t,” Evan pointed out. “Instead, you chose a school that I wouldn’t have thought of you attending. You gave up Ivy League for distance. You chose selfishly.”

  AJ winced, his insult causing whiplash as she stepped back, completely stunned. “I chose selfishly?”

  “Yes.”

  “You chose a date over me. You chose Mia over taking me to MIT for my tour. I have always, always been selfless when it comes to you,” she cried, tears now blurring him. Evan closed the distance as he grasped her shoulders.

  “Tell me,” he demanded. “Tell me all the selfless things you have done for me.”

  She gasped for air, realizing that this was the moment.

  The beginning and the end all wrapped in one.

  They were at a standstill.

  The breaking point.

  The confessional.

  The reveal.

  And if they didn’t find their way soon, it could truly mean the end of them.

  The end of AJ and Evan.

  “I let you walk all over me. I let you dictate my life. I let you lie to me!”

  Evan’s lips parted, shock consuming his face. His eyes widened as his pupils dilated. Finally, he shut his mouth and pulled away from her. “That’s not enough of an explanation.”

  AJ brushed her tears away, knowing that the truth had to set them free.

  To break them.

  She summoned strength and pleaded with her heart to be courageous.

  This was it.

  The breaking point.

  “I let you walk all over me when it came to Stanford and MIT. MIT was my dream, and I continuously chose you over my dream school.” AJ pressed her palm to her chest for emphasis. “I let you dictate my life with every decision that involved us. You made Stanford our dream without even asking me. You wanted California to get away. I wanted Massachusetts for me. And finally, I let you lie to me. On Christmas, you told me you loved me, and I let that lie control me and hold me to you.”

  Evan stumbled back as if she had slapped him in the face. “How do you know it was a lie, Alexandra?”

  “Because your actions spoke volumes!” she cried out. “You left me at prom to be with someone else!”

  His shoulders fell as she finally spoke of prom and the night that changed everything between them. “Alexandra,” he whimpered.

  “How could you do that to me?” she demanded. The heat in her chest expanded as the pain of that night roiled through her, slicing her to bits. “How could you say you love me on Christmas, kiss me on a rooftop on New Year’s, and then decide I wasn’t worthy enough to be your prom date?”

  “I’m sorry.” Shame consumed his face. Evan clenched his eyes tightly, and she watched two perfectly round tears kiss his cheeks. When he opened his eyes, the wounded expression on his face caused her to ball her fists, begging her heart to be brave.

  “So, yeah, I let you lie to me. After that night, I thought back to us on that rooftop on New Year’s and knew it was a lie. And what was worse, I made it a greater lie by telling myself that best friends love out of convenience. That you gave me all those moments out of pity, and I should appreciate what you did. So yes, Evan, your I love you was the biggest lie to ever leave your lips but not mine.”

  Silence.

  Complete silence.

  The room felt as if it shrunk in size, trapping them in.

  AJ had confessed.

  Evan finally knew the truth.

  That she’d crossed the line and loved him more than a best friend should.

  “Your I love you was real?” he asked in a tiny, fragile voice.

  His doubt stung her deep. She was almost sick to her stomach. “And yours wasn’t. That’s just how it was, wasn’t it? Everything was real for me but a total lie from you.”

  Evan’s nostrils flared as his jaw clenched. “A lie?”

  “A complete lie!” she yelled as heat crawled her skin, making it hard for her to breathe.

  “Jesus fucking Christ, Alexandra!” He reached out and grasped her face in his palms, his pleading eyes contradicting his rough handling of her. “What did I tell you before I said I love you on Christmas Day?”

  Her eyes roamed his face, trying to remember. But at that moment her mind went blank, and all she did was shake her head.

  “I’ll tell you what I said,” he growled. His chest heavy against hers as he held her face, ensuring she couldn’t get free. “Before I told you I love you, I said that I’m not Evan Gilmore without you. You’re the meaning of my life. You, Alexandra Parker, are my oxygen. My eight protons and my eight neutrons. And then I said I love you, Alexandra. Do you remember now?”

  Her throat tightened.

  He remembered.

  Every word.

  Every word that had given her hope.

  “And New Year’s,” he said.

  AJ tried to pull her face away from him, but Evan held her in place. “I’ve had enough,” she finally said. “I can’t hear any more, Evan. I can’t.”

  “When are you going to get it through your head, Alexandra, that it wasn’t a lie? None of it was a lie. I was telling you the truth.”

  “How so?”

  His hold on her face softened. “I thought you were smart, Alexandra …”

  Everything in her turned cold.

  Her heart had slowed down.

  Her lungs ached in pain for air that wouldn’t come to her aid.

  “After I kissed you, what did I say?”

  She shook her head once again.

  She wanted him to stop.

  She couldn’t hear any more.

  “I said eight protons. Eight neutrons.” Evan’s thumb brushed her tear away and then he dropped his hands from her face. “Oxygen. The eighth element on the periodic table. Oxygen creates life. It is life. You are my eight.” He paused, turned around, and returned to his bag. He pulled out a box and opened it. Then he grasped something silver and returned to her. He sucked in a deep breath and said, “Every time I said those four words—eight protons, eight neutrons—I was telling you that I love you. Eight. The chemical number for oxygen. Eight. The number of letters that spell I love you.”

  Evan reached over and grabbed her hand, turning it so that her palm faced the ceiling. When she felt something cool on her skin, she noticed the silver oxygen necklace he’d given her for Christmas.

  “I love you, Alexandra Parker, and that’s no lie. I came to Duke to prove that to you.” He curled her fingers over the necklace and then stepped back. AJ lifted her chin to find hurt consume his brown eyes. “But if you think I’m lying, don’t come with me.” Evan nodded once, then spun around and picked up his Stanford gym bag on his way out of her dorm room.

  The loud slam of the door caused a sob to escape her.

  AJ straightened her fingers to take in the silver atomic structure of oxygen he had given her for Christmas.

 
The hurt in his eyes.

  The pain in his voice.

  Evan Gilmore and his love for her had hidden behind the atomic number for oxygen.

  Eight protons.

  Eight neutrons.

  Eight letters that spell I love you.

  35 Br

  bromine

  AJ

  Senior year of high school

  Christmas break was over, and AJ found herself packing up her books in physics after the class had ended. Everyone had rushed out after the bell to make it to the gym in time for the pep rally. AJ wasn’t interested and decided to take her time. As she picked up her textbook, Mr. Miller was at her table.

  “Everything all right, Alex?” he asked.

  She shot him a smile. “Yeah, I just don’t feel like watching the pep rally, so I’m gonna go study in the library.”

  “You can study here if you’d like,” Mr. Miller offered.

  “Are you sure?” she asked, setting her textbook down.

  Her favorite teacher grinned. “I’m sure. I’m just gonna eat my sandwich if that’s all right? I missed lunch because of a faculty meeting.”

  AJ sat back down and shook her head. “No, I don’t mind.”

  “Great,” Mr. Miller said before he went back to his desk and pulled his satchel up to rest on the desk. He rummaged through until he pulled out a wrapped sandwich and then returned to sit in the chair next to her. “I can help you with any problems you have.”

  She opened her textbook to the page she had dog-eared for easy access. “Thanks, Mr. Miller.”

  Her physics teacher unwrapped the plastic from the sandwich and used it as a plate, setting it on the desk. He picked up a triangle slice of what looked like a turkey and mayo sandwich and turned to face her. “So how were your college applications?”

  AJ glanced down at her pens on the table and then back at her teacher. “All submitted.”

  “Oh, yeah?” He took a bite of his lunch and then swallowed it down. “What colleges did you apply to?”