The Solution to Unrequited

by Len Webster

  She bit the inside of her cheek, wondering how to approach the fact she had not applied to MIT—the school her teacher knew was her dream. AJ decided not to mention it. “I sent my applications to Stanford, Harvard, Yale, Dartmouth, Princeton, Columbia, NYU … and Duke.”

  Mr. Miller closed his mouth and set his sandwich down on the plastic. “You’re missing a school?”

  “Oh?”

  No, no, no.

  “Massachusetts Institute of Technology?”

  “Umm …” She cleared her throat and saw the flash of concern in his eyes. “I missed the cutoff date for MIT. I couldn’t submit my application.”

  Her physics teacher’s jaw dropped. “What?” His shock consumed the features of his face. It was as if he had heard the most absurd thing in his entire life as an academic.

  “It’s okay, Mr. Miller. I applied for other colleges, too. They’re not MIT, but some are Ivy League.”

  He sighed and then turned in his seat to face her properly. “Alex, do you feel like Stanford is your only choice?”

  “My dad is alumni,” she stated. “So is my uncle. And Evan wants to go to Stanford.”

  “And what do you want?”

  She knew that whatever she told her teacher would be kept in confidence, and she could reveal her true feelings to him without being judged. “I wanted MIT. But dreams change, right?”

  “They do,” he said, nodding. “But you shouldn’t have to settle for another’s dreams and expectations.”

  “I know, but I guess I’ll have to wait and see where I get accepted and then go from there. I can see it on your face. I let you down again. First by putting your neck out for me to arrange a tour of MIT that I didn’t show up for. And now with me missing the deadline to submit my application for MIT.”

  “You didn’t let me down, Alex,” her teacher assured. “Now, I know that I’m not your guidance counselor, but let’s talk alternative colleges.”

  AJ pushed her textbook away and turned to face her teacher. She hadn’t particularly liked her guidance counselor. Whenever she needed advice about college or her future, Mr. Miller was the first teacher she went to for help. “Okay.”

  “I know you wanted to go to MIT to be taught at the same institution as many Nobel Prize recipients, but Alex, you shouldn’t determine the quality of a school by the quantity of Nobel Prize recipients. A lot of the schools you’ve applied to have alumni who were awarded or nominated for the prestigious prize. Harvard and Yale have science departments that rival MIT’s.”

  “They do. And from what I researched, so do Princeton and Duke.”

  Mr. Miller nodded in agreement and then dusted his hands of breadcrumbs. He inhaled sharply; his chest rose with the breath he’d taken and fell when he expelled the air from his lungs. “Say Evan and your father had no influence on your future. Where college was your own experience and Stanford and MIT were not an option. What school would you choose?”

  AJ’s lips parted as she thought over her choices. She thought back to New Year’s Day when she sat at her desk and flipped through all the college admission material. She had mindlessly flicked through all of them until she stopped on the MIT brochure. Moments later, she had given up a dream and ripped the glossy booklet in half. That was when she noticed the Duke University brochure on her desk. AJ’s heart beat strongly in her chest. It wasn’t out of fear or uncertainty. It was strong out of sureness.

  “Honestly, Mr. Miller?”

  “Yes.”

  “If Stanford wasn’t my future, and MIT wasn’t a choice, I probably would choose Duke from all the colleges I applied to. I applied because I read that they have one of the best physics programs outside of the Ivy League.”

  “And if you can’t have Duke?”

  “Yale,” she said without hesitation.

  “But you’re from Massachusetts. Wouldn’t you choose Harvard?”

  AJ laughed. “I know. But I like the idea of Yale over Harvard.”

  Mr. Miller grinned. “See, Alex. You have options. You don’t have to go to Stanford to please your best friend or your father. They’re not the ones studying for four years to earn a science degree. It’s you. It has to be about you. Of course, there are alternatives. I know MIT is your dream. You could always transfer or apply for the next semester. It’s not a guarantee that you’ll get into MIT, but it is a chance for you to have your dream school. But it’s a risk—you could lose your other options.”

  “I understand,” she said, knowing that even a chance of being at MIT was too much of a risk. She had let go of MIT weeks ago. Her future lay elsewhere—outside of Massachusetts. “But I put that dream to rest weeks ago when I didn’t make the submission deadline. I think in order to find out who I am and what kind of scientist I’d be, I have to be away from Boston and leave behind all the notoriety that has loomed over me for years. I have to be Alex Parker and not Little Miss Red Sox anymore.”

  “I like that.”

  “Mr. Miller, I hope you don’t mind me asking … but if you were in my shoes, if you were given the same circumstances, what would be your choice?”

  Her physics teacher pressed his lips into a fine line and leaned back in his chair, humming as he mulled over her question. Then he sat up straight and looked at her. The features of his face were hard and serious. “I’d say Duke. I went there for a seminar about college admissions for high school teachers. I looked around and spoke to some of the professors. I’ve been to my fair share of colleges and done my fair share of research, and I think Duke University has one of the best programs on the East Coast. Duke also has one of the highest funded science departments in the country. I think if you were to go to Duke, they would have a brilliant mind in a student like you. And well, North Carolina is a beautiful part of the world. But don’t let me sway you. When you get all those acceptance letters, you’ll know which college is for you.”

  “You seem so sure that I’ll be accepted somewhere.”

  He laughed. Hard. As if she had said the funniest joke he had ever heard. “Alex, you are one of the only few students I don’t have to worry about when it comes to college admissions. Your science fair project on the effects of sub-zero conditions on velocity attracted a lot of attention. So did your performance at last year’s science bowl. So yeah, I am very sure you’ll get acceptance letters. Now, you finish studying, and I’ll finish my sandwich. Then we can discuss Swiss physicist Vincent Rodahawe and his journal on motion that I read over the break. I think you might find it interesting.”

  AJ smiled in appreciation.

  Mr. Miller gave her hope for the future.

  He believed in her.

  And AJ hoped that when it came time to choose a college, she not only wouldn’t let herself down, but she wouldn’t let Mr. Miller down either.

  The snow that fell landed on the wool mittens her grandmother had made her while visiting from Australia. AJ’s grandmother, grandfather, aunt, and uncle left shortly after New Year’s to return to Melbourne. The house grew quiet without the daily chatter from her relatives, and AJ missed the feeling of her house being full. With her parents back at work, it was just her when she came home from school. Today, she hadn’t hurried home. Instead, she walked to the baseball field and sat on the bleachers, watching her best friend work on his batting. She wasn’t sure why he insisted on training so hard. Baseball season wasn’t for some time, but Evan was adamant on training today. She told him to pick her up at the library on his way to his car so they could drive home together, but AJ had finished her calculus assignment and decided to wait on the bleachers for him.

  Rubbing her hands together, AJ watched in awe as Evan swung his bat as the machine threw him another ball. It sliced through the air—no doubt it would have been a home run had it been a game. Evan was talented. He was one of the best batters in the division. But unlike many of his teammates, he didn’t want a career in th
e Major League. He didn’t want people to compare him to his brother, Kyle.

  “Alex!”

  AJ swung her gaze from her best friend to his teammate climbing up the stairs. She smiled at Hunter as he turned and walked down the row to her. When he reached her, Hunter sat down with a heavy and loud exhale.

  “It’s freezing out here. What are you doing sitting in the snow?”

  She lifted her mitten-covered hand and pointed in the direction of Evan swinging his bat. “He’s not finished just yet.”

  Hunter glanced over at the diamond and then back at her. “You know I can take you home, right? You don’t always have to wait for Evan.”

  She lowered her arm as her knee bounced, trying to fight the cold temperature. “Thank you for the offer, Hunter. I appreciate it, but Evan and I are neighbors, so it makes more sense. Plus, you’d be going out of your way because you live in the opposite direction.”

  “I wouldn’t be going out of my way for you,” he said, his voice softer than she had ever heard before. His green eyes glimmered at her. And the way his lips curved into a smile was stunning. She could understand how so many girls fell for him.

  But not her.

  She was the exception.

  Her heart, no matter how much it fought against her better judgment, was set on Evan.

  “That’s very kind of you. I’ve barely seen you since the end of Christmas break. How was Colorado? That’s where you went, right?”

  Snow settled in his hair as he sat back and stared at the baseball field in front of them. “Yeah. Telluride was nice. Skied and snowboarded. The typical stuff you do at a ski resort. How about you? What did you do?”

  Evan and I kissed.

  We told each other I love you …

  But as friends.

  The sudden sadness that consumed her had her dropping her stare to the loose thread on Hunter’s thick black coat. She took several short breaths in hopes of extinguishing the heat that wrapped around her heart and threatened to pierce it. AJ pressed her lips together and lifted her eyes up to meet Hunter. She smiled, then said, “My break was great. My family from Australia came for New Year’s. Besides that, nothing exciting like the typical stuff that happens at a ski resort.”

  Hunter let out a laugh. Then as quickly as that chuckle escaped him, his smile straightened and a serious expression took hold of his face. He looked away, and AJ followed his line of sight to find him staring at Evan, who was taking off his baseball cap and shaking the loose snow from the brim.

  AJ noticed Hunter’s jaw clench as he nodded. She wasn’t sure if it was a nod to Evan or to himself. Then, in a small voice, he said, “Alex?”

  The way he said her name, soft and full of concern, caused her spine to straighten. “Yes, Hunter?”

  He was silent.

  For the longest moment, he was silent.

  Finally, he craned his neck to face her and asked, “When are you going to tell him?”

  “Tell him?”

  “That you’re in love with him.”

  Her lips parted, ready to deny the truth, but her mouth quickly closed. She was sure her face confirmed Hunter’s suspicions. His accusing green gaze made her feel small. Like a wall had fallen from the sky and blocked her path. That was this moment. She could no longer love Evan in secret. Besides her parents, someone else knew.

  Someone close to Evan.

  AJ turned her attention back to Evan who had walked over to the ball machine. She watched as he flicked a switch and lifted his chin, spotting her and Hunter. Evan waved at them before he focused back on the machine.

  “Please don’t say anything,” AJ softly begged as she stared at her best friend, feeling Hunter’s questioning eyes on her.

  “I won’t,” he promised. His voice was gentle and full of understanding, and she knew she could trust him to keep his word.

  Nodding, AJ got up from the bleachers and picked up her bag. She looked down to see the worry on Hunter’s face. “Thank you, I appreciate it.”

  Before AJ could step away from him and make her way down the steps, Hunter stood, towering over her. “You should tell him.”

  She shook her head. “I can’t.”

  “You should,” he encouraged.

  “It doesn’t matter, Hunter. What I feel for Evan is wrong. I’m his best friend. I can’t do that. I hurt myself if I tell him and I hear the truth. I’ve accepted what we are and what I feel. And I know what I feel is wrong.” She blinked away the stinging in her eyes and forced a wide smile. “Because I’d rather he never know than lose him.”

  Hunter reached up, tucking her brunette hair behind her ear, and murmured, “If I were Evan, I’d want to know that you love me.”

  “But you’re not Evan. I appreciate your understanding, Hunter. I really do. But I’d much rather be Evan Gilmore’s best friend than a stranger in his life. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said and pushed past him. AJ made her way down the bleachers until she reached the fence.

  Evan wheeled the ball machine toward her and set it down the moment he reached the fence. The black steel kept them separated. Dropping her bag on the ground, she smiled up at him as he took off his baseball cap and set it on the machine.

  “Thought I was gonna pick you up at the library when I was finished?”

  AJ shrugged. “Thought it was easier if I just met you here since I was finished with my homework.”

  Her best friend nodded. Then he tilted his chin and said, “Hey, man.”

  She froze the moment Hunter stood next to her. “Looking good out there, Ev.”

  “Thanks. Still perfecting my technique.”

  “You know baseball season doesn’t start for a while?”

  Evan combed his brown hair back. “I know. I’m captain this season, so I have to put in the hard work.”

  From the corner of her eye, she noticed Hunter nod. “Well, as vice-captain, I’m gonna just say it. Take it easy because I don’t want the captain shit looming over me if you get injured. I’m gonna take off. I’ll see you both tomorrow. Later.”

  “Bye,” Evan and AJ said in unison.

  When Hunter left them, Evan squinted at her and asked, “What was that up there?”

  AJ shrugged her shoulder, feigning nonchalance. “Just Hunter. Wanted to tell me about his New Year’s in Colorado.”

  “Of course, he did,” Evan said with a hint of humor in his voice. Then he walked over to the gate and opened it for her. “Bet he didn’t tell you that he had to take a junior skiing class because he couldn’t stay on his skis. One of the juniors on the team found the video on his phone.”

  AJ laughed as she walked through the gate. “No, I don’t think Hunter would ever admit he couldn’t ski.”

  “He wouldn’t,” Evan agreed and then bent down and picked up a wire basket. “Do you have to go home now?”

  She shook her head. “Nope.”

  His lips splayed into a smile. “You wanna help me pick up the baseballs?”

  It had been months since AJ had helped Evan clean up after a batting session. Normally, his sessions were during the season, and the freshmen on the team would help clean up. But since it was the off-season and Evan had done a solo practice session, he had no one to help him with the retrieval of all the baseballs.

  “Sure, I’d love to,” she said and followed Evan to the home plate. Then she scanned the diamond and saw just how many baseballs they’d have to pick up. And she was sure the snow camouflaged even more. When she saw the number of balls around them, she laughed. “A lot of foul balls,” she teased as she stepped to her right and picked up a baseball. She returned to Evan and dropped it in the basket.

  “Yeah, I had Maxie throw some curved balls before he went home. I’m still hitting them too early and then too late ...” He paused, noticing the snow was falling harder than before. “You sure you want to hel
p? You can stay in the dugout, AJ. I won’t be too long, and then we’ll go home.”

  Her heart squeezed at his sweet gesture.

  Ignoring him, AJ put one foot in front of the other until she was in the middle of the diamond. Then she spun around to find the prints her boots had made. Prints that led back to Evan who was still at the home plate.

  He was staring at her.

  “Well?” she asked, tilting her head at him. “The snow’s only going to get worse. Then we won’t find all the baseballs.”

  Evan blinked at her several times.

  “You’re right,” he finally said as he made his way toward her. When he reached her, AJ spun around and followed him as they made their way to the back end of the field.

  “Evan,” she said as she stopped her steps and found a baseball that was almost completely covered by snow. AJ pulled off her mitten and shoved it in her red coat pocket. Then she picked up the baseball and dropped it in the basket Evan held. “You know some of the best batting coaches in the world. We could always go to Fenway and see if Coach Darlton will give you some pointers. I’m sure they’d even let you train with them.”

  Evan bent his knees and set the basket down. Then he collected her hands, his freezing skin on her mitten-free hand causing her to wince at the contact. “I’m much happier on my own, AJ. Plus, if I did train with them, it means you and I wouldn’t be searching through the snow for all the baseballs.”

  She laughed lightly. “Which won’t take too long. Like I said, we walked past a lot of foul balls.”

  When he pulled his hands from hers, AJ instantly missed his touch. He rolled his eyes and said, “Come on. Let’s find all the baseballs so we can get you out of this snow and get you home.”

  “All right, Gilmore,” she agreed and then spun around, searching for the baseballs that proved Evan was a brilliant batter who had nothing to worry about.

  36 Kr

  krypton

  EVAN

  Now

  Every time I said those four words.