Someone Else's Ocean

by Kate Stewart

  Julian spoke up. “I’ve got your back, whatever happens. Whatever you need, man. I’ll be there.”

  “Same here,” Drew offered.

  “Me too,” Doug said before he resumed his snoring.

  Sharing a laugh, we tossed some beer on Doug and dropped the subject before we spent the rest of the night bullshitting until the sun peaked on the horizon. Drunk and exhausted, I showered off the sand and climbed into bed with Koti, on my side.

  “Have fun?” Koti asked as I pulled her to me and kissed her neck.

  “Mmm,” I answered, shifting her leg to rest on my thigh and stretching her ready pussy with my fingers. Cupping her perfect tit, my cock grew unbearably harder as I brushed over her nipple with my thumb.

  “You must be exhausted.” Reaching back, she ran her fingers through my hair. Her soothing touch a balm to cure the ache of needing her. “Aren’t you worn out?”

  “Not yet,” I promised, placing tongue-filled kisses on her neck before biting into her shoulder.

  “Ian,” she rasped out, as I pressed into her wet heat sliding in nice and slow in an attempt to save her from any more pain. “God, you feel so good.”

  “So do you, beauty,” I whispered before I tilted her face back toward me with my finger and kissed her.

  She felt too good, too right, but I was done dwelling on it. I had her now, I had her until I couldn’t have her and that had to be enough.

  I gently fucked her, our eyes remained fixed on the other. Memorizing every gasp, every moan, I kept us connected, until I couldn’t take another second and spilled into her. After we’d both come down, I pulled her closer to me as I drifted to sleep.

  THAT MORNING I WOKE UP to the feel of Ian’s arms around me. Deciding it was dangerous to bask in the sensation of being surrounded by him, I opted for a shower. By the time I tiptoed back into the bedroom, he was awake and sitting at the edge of the bed. Wordlessly I walked over to him when he stood, his eyes covering every inch of my exposed skin before they met mine. He gently pushed the wet hair away from my shoulder.

  “I’m sorry I hurt you. I don’t want to.”

  “What do you want from me, Ian?”

  He paused, his thick brown hair a mess, his eyes etched with concern and tenderness.

  “For the moment, it’s simple. You. And I want that to be okay. So, you tell me, is that okay?”

  I’d already decided to roll the dice with Ian. There was no decision to make. He was worth it and so I nodded, giving him permission to break my heart. He kissed me long and hard before I pulled away. “You need a toothbrush, crocky.”

  He chuckled before he tossed me onto the bed, his hard-on proudly displayed an inch from my face when I sat up. “Jeesh, you’re like a teenager with a new toy.” I motioned toward his erection.

  “I know,” he said, waggling his brows. “But I have no time to be your pleasure prince this morning. We’re going deep sea fishing today. Want to come?”

  “My pleasure prince?”

  “Yep,” he said, leaning down to ruffle my hair like he did when we were kids because he knew I hated it.

  “Your ego gets bigger and bigger every day.”

  “Hey, I’m only gloating based on your screaming reviews. So, would you like to join us?”

  “Join you out in the deep sea with only a life preserver if shit goes south? Uh, no thanks, but have fun.”

  “You’ll be heavily guarded by four Marines.”

  I scoffed. “Four ex-Marines way past their prime.”

  “Ouch.” He scowled at me from where he stood and then looked down at his stiff cock. “Hear that, buddy? She’s trying to shoot us down. We’re not having that are we?” He made his way towards the bathroom, his perfect bare ass on display before he shut the door. He ticked my every box both intellectually and sexually. He was attentive and warm and had a huge capacity for love, which he proudly displayed whenever he spoke to his beautiful little girl. He was the perfect man to steal my heart, and I had zero doubts once he was done with it, it would never be the same.

  Breakfast had been served by the time I got to the table. Everyone was munching down on freshly made eggs and crisp bacon, but when I went to grab a plate, I noticed Jasmine was missing.

  Julian’s eyes met mine. “She’s taken the dog out.”

  I walked out onto the porch as Jasmine jumped out of the hammock wiping at her eyes.

  She dropped Disco on the porch who came running toward me. I picked her up and gave her a kiss. “Morning, baby.” Dispensing the puppy in the house, I moved to where Jasmine stood.

  “Why are you crying? Did Julian do something?”

  She shook her head adamantly and then smiled, which quickly turned into a grimace that had my heart splintering when she started crying again.

  “Jasmine, please tell me what’s wrong. It’s physically hurting me to see you like this.”

  “I just can’t stop doing this. I need to stop. I’m stopping.”

  “Stopping what?”

  “Being a slut, that’s what! I don’t know that man,” she said, pointing toward the house. “I don’t know these men I’m sleeping with. I don’t know why I can’t stop doing this or why I even started. Before Steven, I’d only slept with four men. I’m almost forty-one!”

  “I thought you were thirty-nine?”

  “See, I’m a liar too.” She cried harder and I couldn’t help my laugh.

  “Babe, it’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not. It’s not fun anymore. It hasn’t been for a while. If my prince charming is out there, he missed the map.”

  “Are you sure this isn’t about Julian? Did he hurt you?”

  “No, if anything he saved me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean for the first time in forever, I got an inkling. Like ‘maybe if he didn’t live in fucking Iowa, I may have a shot at something real and amicable’ type inkling.”

  “That’s amazing.”

  “Yeah, except I’m not moving to Iowa to test chemistry. I mean, who the hell chooses to live in Iowa?”

  “Hey, Midwesterners are the best kind of people and our nicest clients.”

  “True,” she sniffed, while tying her hair up on top of her head.

  “So, you’re done and you’re going to hold out now, good for you. It will happen, Jasmine, and at least you know it’s possible.”

  “Also true.”

  “Okay then. No more tears.” I pulled her back down into the hammock with me and we started swinging.

  “I don’t know why I’m crying,” she said with a sigh.

  “You think you really like Julian?”

  “Not to that extent.”

  “Maybe you’re lonely and you’re admitting it to yourself now.”

  “Probably.”

  “Well, you don’t have to be lonely. You can come over anytime. And at least now you know what you don’t want.”

  “I’ll still be a pervert.”

  “Just a pervert who isn’t getting any,” I said, nudging her.

  “That’s probably going to worsen my condition.”

  “I can live with that.”

  “Here I am crying, and you’re the one with real penis problems. God, I love him for you already. He could not keep his eyes off you all night. I swear it was so beautiful to see the way he looked at you. Maybe that’s what has me crying. Maybe I’m jealous.”

  “That’s a good thing—not you being jealous—but wanting it for yourself. Though I really don’t think you have a reason to be.”

  “Well, you were too busy cleaning to see it. So, I’m guessing you two had it out?”

  “Oh, we had it out.” I grinned.

  “Sounded like it,” she grinned back. I threaded her fingers with mine.

  “You are the best, you know that? I couldn’t have ever gotten my shit together without you. You will too, you know. You’ll get there.”

  “I think I’m there. And maybe I’m crying because the party is over.”

>   “Julian’s the last one, huh?”

  “Tonight’s my last night. And I’m glad it’s with him. Nothing’s going to top that ass for a while. I’m cutting my losses.”

  “Really?”

  “God, yes. He was so good, he knocked me out.”

  “Damn.”

  She pressed her lips together to hide a guilty smile.

  “What?” I prompted.

  “He’s just turned thirty-one.”

  My eyes bulged. “I didn’t realize he was that much younger than the rest of them.”

  “Me neither, he’s seems more mature. I’m officially a cougar.”

  “That was your first younger guy?”

  She nodded as the door opened and Jasmine looked to me to check her face for traces of weepy black streaks. When I nodded to let her know she was in the clear, we remained in the hammock as Ian greeted us.

  “So, we’re off.” He looked mouthwatering in board shorts and a T-shirt that stretched over his new build. Gray eyes implored the both of us. “Julian said you won’t join us either, Jasmine. You two sure you won’t change your minds?”

  “Nope, we’re going to hang out here—girl stuff.”

  He nodded unsure of how to leave me. Making it easy, I stood and planted a wet kiss on his lips. Smiling into my kiss, he gripped me tightly to him and deepened it before he pulled away. I smoothed his cheek with my palm before I leaned in on a whisper. “See you later… pleasure prince.”

  Rewarded with another smile, I sank back into the hammock as Drew, Doug, and Julian stomped down the steps. Julian paused halfway to the alley and gripped Jasmine’s hand over the railing. “See you tonight?”

  “Sure.”

  “Have fun, fellas,” I called out as they made their way toward Ian’s truck. We eavesdropped as they packed their coolers.

  “So, you’re going to see her tonight?”

  I think it was Drew who asked.

  “Hell yes, if she’ll have me.”

  Jasmine and I shared shit-eating grins.

  “She doesn’t know you well enough to deny you,” Doug said. “But it’s nice to know someone’s getting laid around here.”

  “You’re married, dude.”

  “Exactly, like I said, it’s nice to know someone is getting laid.”

  “It can’t be that bad,” Drew said as the truck doors collectively opened.

  “She won’t even let me take my socks off in bed anymore.”

  Julian spoke up next. “Have you seen your fucking feet, man? Get a damned pedicure already, or hacksaw or something. Get a little man care going on.”

  I covered my mouth as Jasmine gripped my thigh.

  “What kind of pussy gets a pedicure?”

  Two of them spoke up in unison, “I do.”

  Ian spoke up next. “Don’t look at me, no one touches my feet. But hey, do any of you guys know what blasted means?” The truck doors slammed as Jasmine and I sank into the hammock with tears of laughter pouring down our faces.

  LATER THAT NIGHT, FOUR SUNBURNED and drunken Marines came barreling through my front door with victorious stories about being captains at sea. Doug, I had learned, was always the first to pass out and went straight to his guest room. Julian and Jasmine made themselves scarce as Drew and Ian faced off in a game of dominoes. Games seemed to be the guys bonding medium. I pretended to read my book while spying on their progress.

  “You are a sloppy drunk, figure it out,” Ian slurred.

  “I’m working on it.”

  “Working on losing your ass,” Ian said. “You already owe me fifty for the bet on the boat. You need to go ahead and cough it up now.”

  “Put it on my tab.” He snickered at Ian as he popped open another beer.

  “I best not have to clean up after your ugly ass tonight.”

  “Calm down, Mom, I can handle another beer.”

  Drew downed his beer in spite and Ian looked my way and gave me a drunken smile. “Hey, you.”

  I couldn’t help my giggle. “Hey back.”

  Drew leaned over the table and spoke in nothing close to the whisper he was aiming for. “You two are soooo cute. You’re sleeping with a supermodel, we get it.”

  “I can hear you, Drew,” I said, turning a page.

  “Well, I hope you take it as a compliment. Hey asshole, here’s your fifty. I’m out.”

  “It was earned,” Ian said, pocketing the money as Drew gave me a wave goodnight before turning it into the bird for Ian. I laughed as he retreated while Ian sauntered over to me, close to rearranging the furniture with his drunken sea legs.

  “And it’s time for bed for you.”

  His perma-smile only got wider. “I’ll agree to that.”

  “Not that kind of bedtime, professor.”

  He pushed his lips out in a pout which was so unlike him, and I laughed.

  “I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” he said as I pulled his arm around my neck.

  “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yeah. I think you’re stronger than you think you are. Much.”

  “Ian, please don’t try to fix me.”

  “I’m not. I swear, I’m not.”

  “Did you Google anxiety and now you’re an expert?”

  “Give me credit, I know it’s more complex to understand than watching a YouTube video.”

  We stumbled down the hall and he pulled away from me, pointing an index finger at my lips.

  “Hey, did you know miraculous things can happen more than once? It happens. It happens every day to someone who says never. I mean you think you know. You’re sure of it and it all falls apart or fades away and you can’t remember when it happened. Do you understand?”

  I shook my head. “No clue.”

  “Pity, try to keep up. It’s not simple, any of it. Not one part of life is simple. There are no arrows to guide you that help you make one fucking thing simple. Every important decision is complicated because it leads to more decisions. You decided to step into my life, instead of sipping tea.”

  “Coffee,” I said with a smirk.

  “A beverage,” he said in drunken agitation. “Anyway, emotions are a horrible catalyst for making decisions that matter. And some choices aren’t yours, they float away on a cloud of emotions and come back made for you. Committing to how you feel is a recipe for disaster.” He stumbled into my bedroom and I followed, tempted to kick him right in his smug ass. To my horror, he continued his reverie.

  “All of it’s ridiculous and cruelly unnatural for a realist.”

  “That’s, uh, sad, Ian, if that’s your outlook, and horribly put by someone who claims to be an educator. It’s a good thing you don’t teach philosophy, professor.”

  Ignoring my comment, he struggled with his sneakers as he began to undress.

  “Free will is a bitch, puffer fish, and half the time it’s got both signals on which can only confuse you further.”

  “Ah, the ponderings of a drunken sailor.”

  “Marine,” he said, looking up at me pointedly, “and don’t you forget it.”

  “Right.”

  He ripped off his shirt and glared at me. “You aren’t taking me seriously.”

  “Oh, I’m listening.”

  “Good, you should.”

  “I was taught young to listen to my elders.”

  “Cute, that’s the second time you’ve made fun of my age. I’ll be reddening your ass for that.”

  “I look forward to it.”

  “So, I’m finally free to be a little selfish and I intend on enjoying every moment of it.”

  “Haven’t we already had this conversation? I’m on your side and kudos to you.”

  “Look, I know this,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “I’ve been through this before, so I know this mystery, the need, the goddamn ache in my chest.”

  “Ian—”

  He slowly raised his head, his glossy eyes boring into mine. “You’re so beautiful.” It sounded agonizing coming from his lips as if it were a burd
en for him.

  “So are you.” The irony was his beauty was just as much of a burden for me.

  “I’m smashed, Koti.”

  “I’ve gathered that.”

  “You really are the most…” his voice turned hoarse, “what’s inside of you is a heart that is dying to live, and your head is too afraid to let you do it fully, the way you deserve. It’s the most tragic thing I’ve ever seen. You’re a prisoner of your own making.”

  “Gee, thanks,” I said, crossing my arms despite my ache to touch him.

  “It’s not your fault.”

  “Good to know.”

  “But what your mind won’t let you understand is you can’t control a single fucking thing. Control is an illusion and all your home remedies for coping aren’t ever going to change that.”

  “I’m aware. This isn’t news, Ian. In fact, it’s redundant, and it changes nothing.”

  “Exactly, because anxiety stems from emotion, it doesn’t listen to reason.”

  He wasn’t saying it for me, to help me understand, he was explaining it to himself, so he could understand me.

  “What’s your point?”

  He laid down and threw his arm over his face. “The point is—I don’t believe in miracles, but I’m falling for mine.”

  And with that, he passed out cold.

  I stood stunned as I watched his breathing. Never had I thought he was capable of feeling for me the way I did for him. But I had to remember they were the ramblings of a drunk and confused man. Even so, his confession filled me with a warmth that I didn’t expect.

  I took off his other sneaker and once I was sure he was comfortable, made my way to the kitchen. Julian was closing the fridge door with a water in hand. “Advil and a bottle of water before bed and you’ll never have a hangover.” He grinned, and I returned it.

  “Have fun today?”

  “Too much. I love the Virgin Islands, you’re lucky to live here.”

  “Jasmine told me you live in Iowa.”

  “Yeah, I run a farm with my dad. He’s getting ready to retire.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “Love it, wouldn’t dream of living anyplace else. I’ve seen the world and I like my version best. But yours doesn’t suck. Want me to grab you something?”