Someone Else's Ocean

by Kate Stewart

  “In here,” I said as he stood behind me and grabbed the glasses from the cabinet I couldn’t reach. He pressed into me and I smelled a hint of his cologne and damn near fell into his frame.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

  “You seem to have the need to say that a lot.”

  I stood encased in his arms, his smell unavoidable, my body coming alive with every brush of his chest.

  “I’m dying to touch you, but I’m afraid you’ll slap me.”

  “I should.”

  “Don’t complicate this, Koti. Please.”

  “Oh, you’ve made yourself clear.” I pushed at his arm and he kept me trapped as he leaned down and whispered. “I’m just asking for you to understand.”

  “I understand just fine. But you’re the one who blurred the line. A friend would have been the first to show up for me for that shit show. But don’t worry, I have one of those and she’s enough. I don’t need you to go thinking I need you.”

  “Then why are you so pissed off?”

  I turned in his arms as he kept me locked in place. “It’s simple. You’re a prick and you don’t deserve my friendship or the benefits.”

  “Fine,” he said taking the glasses from the counter. “Is this typical of you? You can’t accept an apology and just move on. And you claim to be a grown-up.”

  “I’m seconds away from kneeing your crotch, crocky. Trust me, you don’t want to meet the pissed off New Yorker.”

  Ian’s eyes went cold and he stepped away. Everyone seemed oblivious to our exchange, except for Jasmine and Julian who watched us quietly and then scattered back into conversation as soon as we joined the rest of them. I poured everyone shots as Ian took out a few trays of food he’d bought from the deli earlier that day. He hadn’t bothered to show up at my house until he saw the taxi drop the guys off. He’d avoided me all week and with each day I grew more resentful of the fact that he wanted it that way.

  Hours later, all four guys and Jasmine sat at my kitchen table with cigars and played poker. Jasmine was holding her own, thumping a cigar in the air and taking man-sized tugs as her and Julian eye fucked. Ian glanced at me every so often as I kept busy cleaning and airing out the house of the pungent smell. I felt like an old lady, drinking my wine off in the corner as everyone laughed and took shots. I had piped in here and there, but it was Jasmine who remained the life of the party. I was happy to give her that title as my spine prickled with nervous energy.

  Not tonight. Come on, not tonight.

  I kept busy, drinking a little more wine than I should as the music got louder and the voices more animated.

  “Guys!” Jasmine shouted. “Listen!”

  The guys looked between each other, a few leaning in.

  After a few seconds, she harrumphed. “It’s “Roxanne””

  The Police were playing the well-known song as she nudged Julian’s shoulder. “Let’s play the game.” She looked over at me with a ‘please’ on her face. “Koti! Will you get us some fresh beers?”

  “I’ll get them,” Ian offered, ashing his cigar in the tray and glancing my way. I kept my eyes on his and didn’t let them stray until Jasmine squealed. “Hurry!”

  Ian brought the beers back and passed them out and Julian spoke up. “Okay, so how does it go?”

  “Easy,” Jasmine said, pouring more Patron into shot glasses. “Every time he sings Roxanne, you have to take a drink.”

  The guys all grinned at her, amused, and she rolled her eyes. “Yes, the rules are that simple. You G.I. Joes won’t be so smug when you realize how hard it is to keep up. Now, get ready. And don’t stop tilting those beers until he stops.”

  She lifted a shot and as soon as Sting got to the chorus, all the beers were tipped, except for Ian’s. He was glaring at me openly now, his eyes focused on my hand fidgeting with my necklace. I broke out in a mild sweat, as they all downed their beers.

  “We need more, Koti? Please,” Jasmine said, trapped behind the table with Marines on either side of her. I nodded and quickly did her bidding before the next chorus. They all kept up with the song, downing four beers each, along with the free-flowing shots Jasmine poured. When a new hand was dealt, Ian excused himself, sprang from his seat and stalked toward me.

  “Stop with the grudge, Koti. I said I was sorry.”

  “Okay,” I said with a shrug. “You’re sorry. It’s fine. I’m not saying anything.”

  “No, you’ve just been standing alone in the facking kitchen all night.”

  “I’m taking care of your company.”

  “No one asked you to.”

  “Well, this is my house and I’m hosting. It’s fine. We’re good. Just go enjoy yourself.”

  “Fine, Eish! I’m so over this,” he hissed taking his seat and giving me one last eye full of ‘you’re the asshole’ before he turned his attention back to his friends. An hour later, I was scrubbing my countertops in an attempt to drown out the noise when the familiar pang hit me.

  “Come on, not now,” I begged as one of the guys—I think it was Drew—yelled out a loud bark and the music was turned up. Jumping out of my skin, I took long breaths. “It’s just a party. Jesus, Koti, calm down.”

  But I couldn’t as my chest began rising and falling rapidly. The blood drained from my face as I rushed out of the house without trying to direct any attention my way.

  Yards away from the house I sat on the cool sand, closed my eyes, and began to count.

  One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

  “Koti?”

  “Not now, okay. Please just leave me alone.”

  “Jesus, it was a dick move. I’ve apologized. I don’t know what else to say!”

  One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

  “Koti, damnit,” he barked moving to squat in front of me. “Look at me.”

  One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

  “Ian, I’m having a moment, okay. Please, please leave me alone.”

  Air burst out of me as I began hyperventilating.

  One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

  I breathed in sync with the sound of the waves and barely heard Ian’s pleas to try to help.

  “Tell me what to do. Can you tell me how to help?”

  I concentrated on my breathing and was only faintly aware when he sat next to me.

  One, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

  In.

  Out.

  In.

  Out.

  In.

  Out.

  The music stirred me back to life as all the energy drained from me. I concentrated on my breathing again until all I could hear were the waves. After a few moments, Ian spoke up.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “What triggered it? The noise? Fighting with me?”

  “Yes, that or the fact that I’ve been on edge all week because of the fight with my parents. Or high tide. Ian, it could be anything,” I said as my body began to shut down and my limbs felt like lead attached to me.

  “So, you’re okay now?”

  “Yep.”

  “That was a good one?”

  I laughed ironically. “If there is such a thing, yes, that was a smaller one.”

  His voice was stone. “Okay.”

  He stood and made his way toward the house.

  “What’s pissed you off now, Kemp?”

  “Nothing, I’ll get the party outside. I’ll build a fire.”

  “Fine.”

  “Fine. Well, that seems to be the word for the day.”

  “It’s a good word,” I smarted toward his back. He turned on me so quickly I stumbled in the sand.

  “I didn’t want this! I spent fifteen fucking years catering to another woman’s happiness and most of it was miserable. Just for once I wanted to think about me! And only me! But no, I’ve spent a majority of my night with my best bra’s worrying about you, and how you feel, and if you’re angry. If I’ve said the wrong thing or if you’ll
ever speak to me again!”

  My eyes bulged. “You do hear what you’re saying, right?”

  “I know how selfish it sounds and that’s the point!”

  I swallowed as he took angry strides toward me. “You just couldn’t take an apology, so we could move past it. No! Instead, you make me feel terrible for existing. I can’t win! I didn’t want this! I don’t want to care about your feelings more than my own. I don’t want to be responsible for your moods. I just wanted some damned freedom!”

  “Whoa,” I said, my head spinning with his wrath. Incredulous, I shook my head.

  Three points to a good argument, Koti!

  “Number one. Whoa. First of all, Tiger, you came to my island to implode and I rearranged everything to suit you. Number two, for you. Number three, because of the way you felt and what was happening to you. Which was what? Did you get bent out of shape over a hangnail, because everything seems to set you off.”

  His jaw ticked as he took another step toward me.

  “It would do you good to mind your mouth about things you know absolutely nothing about.”

  “Only because you won’t tell me!”

  “That’s right I won’t and that’s my choice.”

  “Whatever. And by the way professor, your oh-so-polite way of telling me to shut up, isn’t going to fly. I left my parents’ in New York and even they don’t hold that right anymore. I shut up for NO MAN!”

  “No, but you would never tell your parents that, would you? Instead, you hide!”

  “Oh, you go to HELL!”

  “Right back at you, love!”

  We were chest to chest as I stumbled with exhaustion.

  “I’m not going to coddle you from the truth, Koti.”

  “Well, thank God for that, or else it would be a shame to see your soft side seeing as you’re about as subtle as HITLER!”

  He gripped me tight to his body as I pushed at him with clenched fists. In an instant, his lips were on mine and I bit them so hard I knew I’d punctured skin. He ripped his mouth away and lifted me to wrap my legs around him, before kneeling on the sand. Our next kiss was savage and filled with need. I ripped at his thick hair as he thoroughly fucked me with his tongue until his will won, limp in his arms as he dove in and touched every part of my mouth. I pulled away scratching his shoulders.

  “I hate you so much right now.”

  He gripped my hair with his fist. “Feeling’s mutual at the moment.”

  “What are you still doing here?” I said between kisses. “Just fucking go home!”

  “Oh, how I want to, but I can’t seem to stay away from you.” Gliding his tongue over my chest he pulled away. “I need to, I do. I need to go,” he gritted out.

  “I know,” I said truthfully.

  “This is going to fuck us both.”

  “I know that too,” I said, defeated, reaching between us and pulling his cock from his shorts, before he captured my mouth again. He snatched my dress away from my chest and sucked my nipple into his mouth.

  Words fell away as we collided on that beach, our need for the other beating our senses away.

  I sank onto him and we both groaned.

  Licking the shell of my ear, his whisper had me halfway to the brink. “Fuck, I missed you.”

  I agreed into his mouth as he slid his greedy tongue against mine.

  “I need more than this,” he said, agitated as I struggled on his lap for friction I couldn’t find. He stood with me still connected, the darkness in his eyes highlighted by the porch light as he carried me to the side of the house. With every step, his cock throbbed deep and I whimpered at the feel, biting his neck. Once hidden, he pressed me against the wall of the house and I gave him a grin. “You’ve got a thing for the side of houses, don’t you?” He thrust into me so hard, it temporarily cut off my air supply.

  “This will have to do until I can properly make it up to you.”

  “Fuck me,” I rasped out, my heart banging in my chest.

  “You just love to piss me off,” he grunted before he drove in hard, with zero mercy as I gasped, clutching onto his neck. “No,” he pushed at my chest, “lean back against the house, I want to see those beautiful tits bounce as I fuck you.”

  I could hear my arousal as he buried himself, pumping so hard I saw stars.

  “Ian.”

  “This pussy is going to ruin me,” he swore as he tore through me with pure vengeance. “So perfect.”

  “Please don’t stop.”

  “No choice, love, this is going to be short and sweet. And I’m damn sure going to make it hurt as a warning. Stop fucking flirting with my friends or I’ll redden your ass.”

  “I’ve barely looked at them.”

  “That’s enough,” he said as we both managed a laugh between us, before the feel of our connection took hold.

  Heat spread across my ass as his palm connected with a few slaps before he spread me wider with both hands and thrust up, making us both call out to the other. I sank back against the house without much to hold onto. He was keeping me up with the sheer force of his thrusts. I came hard and fast just as he drove in one last time emptying himself into me.

  He partially collapsed against me before kissing me so fiercely I had to pull back to draw my breath. Seconds after we recovered, I gave him a lazy smile before rubbing my palm down his jaw. “I guess you’re forgiven.”

  I got nothing back aside from the show of emotion that surfaced in his eyes. Recognizing that look as fear and trepidation, we drew the same unspoken conclusion. We were no longer safe from attachment.

  It was too late.

  Way too late.

  WHEN WE STEPPED INSIDE THE house, the party had calmed considerably. Drew and Doug were cooking up some half-assed concoction in the kitchen and Julian and Jasmine had disappeared.

  “He’s a good one,” I promised, kissing her hand. Both Drew and Doug looked to me with raised brows. “Yeah, she’s with me and it would do you good to keep your comments to yourself.”

  Koti turned to me with a sheepish smile. “I’m going to go to bed.” I leaned in and took her lips. “I’ll be there soon. The pain pills are in the cabinet and,” I winced, “sorry in advance.”

  “Don’t be,” she whispered with swollen kissable lips. “I’m not. I’ll keep your side warm.”

  My side. I had a side?

  My heart began to pound with that declaration. She leaned up on her toes. “Don’t overthink it, professor.”

  “Right.”

  “If I’m asleep, wake me up with your apology.”

  “Won’t you be hurting?”

  She gave me a warning look.

  “Okay.”

  With one more kiss, she disappeared into her bedroom.

  “Some big brother you are,” Drew said, as they both broke down in a fit of laughter. “You fucked her so hard against the house we thought there was an earthquake.”

  I couldn’t help my grin. “Mind your business, domkop.”

  “Domkop?”

  “Idiot.”

  “Then say idiot. We don’t speak South African.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Domkop.”

  “Whatever. I think the entire island heard you two,” Drew said, taking a bite of his sandwich. “She’s truly beautiful, man. Congrats.”

  Ignoring his comment, I gestured toward the beach. “Come on, let’s let the house rest.”

  We built a fire fit for a king between the three of us and began the task of draining the cooler we packed.

  “So, what’s the story between you and Koti?”

  I glared at Drew as Doug sat back on the sand, threatening to pass out.

  Throwing another piece of wood on the fire, I did my best to throw them off. “What are we, girlfriends? It’s none of your damned business.”

  Drew looked at me pointedly. “We don’t hold back. Never have. That’s the deal. And why are you suddenly living in St. Thomas?”

  “I’m interested to know that shit myself,”
Julian said as he joined us around the fire.

  “That was fast. Did you even use the gentlemen’s rule?” Doug said in a slur.

  “They always come first,” Julian assured. “And don’t ask me shit. I like her.”

  All eyes drifted back to me. Drew spoke up first.

  “What’s the story, Ian? Will we be sending Christmas cards to St. Thomas?”

  Toying with the cap of my beer, I pressed the wavy metal into my thumb and gave Drew a pointed look. “Let’s not pretend you know how to spell.”

  The guys laughed, and Drew gave me the finger, but the heaviness of the question lingered in the air. They knew me well, too well. That kind of bond only came with spending months together in the desert.

  “I’m here…” I swallowed because it was the first time I was going to say it out loud. “I’m here because Tara told me that Ella isn’t mine.”

  Julian got deathly silent as Drew cupped the back of his head. Doug was already snoring.

  “Jesus, man, what the fuck?”

  “Yeah.” I took a drink of beer. “So I came here to blow off some steam.”

  “Damn.” Drew’s eyes bulged. “Can she take her from you?”

  “No, she wouldn’t do that.” Panic ripped through me at the thought. “Well, I don’t know what in the hell she would do. If she went that far in the first place, who knows what she’s capable of.”

  “Isn’t she like sixteen?” Drew asked. “She got pregnant when? Our second year overseas?”

  “Yep,” I said, taking another swig. “She’s just turned fifteen.”

  Drew spoke up. “You got fucking Jerry Springered. God, I knew I didn’t like her for a reason.”

  “You loved Tara,” I pointed out. Julian, Drew, and Doug had been groomsmen at my wedding.

  Julian remained quiet as he eyed me over the roaring fire.

  “What, Drake? No words of wisdom?”

  “Sorry, man, I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.”

  “Me too,” I said, retiring my bottle for another.

  “How long are you staying here?” Julian asked.

  “Not sure.”

  “What does that mean for Koti?” Drew asked.

  “Not sure about that either, but you need to keep your hard-on to yourself, fucker,” I said, throwing a handful of sand his way.