Indulge

by Liv Morris

  I park the car, get out, and head toward the tree. Deep breaths. In, out, in, out. You can do this!

  "Hey, Piper, you ready to get this over with?" Truthfully, I'm scared to death and could cry at any moment. I scan the crowd to see if Dylan is anywhere around, and he’s not. Thank goodness.

  "Yeah, I guess. I'm just ready to get on that flight to Cancun!" she says.

  "Yeah, me too! I don't know about you, but I'm just ready to get out of this hole in the wall town before I go crazy!"

  Next thing I know, all our families have arrived and my mom is taking pictures like a mad woman. I just keep thinking to myself. Are you SURE you don't want to go to school somewhere else? When I look to my right, I can see Mrs. Clark motioning us to move that way. It's time to get this party started! Piper, Annie, Carrie, Morgan, and I make our way to line up by homeroom. Guess I know who I'll be with. The same people I have since ninth grade. One more time, and this is over!

  While we wait, I stand watching my friends laugh and look like they are just fine and dandy. I wonder if any of them are falling apart inside like I am. I know I've made bad decisions in the past, but I'm praying that my college choice is right and staying close to home is a good thing. I have my parents, my sister, and my friend Cash here in town too, even though I’m not sure if he will even talk to me at this point. When I think about it, I am just a country girl who never wants to leave her little hick town.

  As I'm deep in thought, I notice the line starting to move. Here goes nothing, I think to myself and smile over to my left at Piper. She's been my best friend since sixth grade. I've covered for her ass a lot, and she's always done the same for me. I really don't know what I'm going to do with her going to school five freakin' hours away!

  Walking into the auditorium, I hear “Pomp and Circumstance.”It's now or never! Time to put on my big girl panties and act like the Southern Belle I was brought up to be.

  Heading down the aisle, I can see my mama, dad, sister, and grandparents. They are all so happy. I smile at them and say a prayer that I don't break down crying. I make my way up the steps. One, two, three, four. Whew, I didn't fall. I make my way to my seat and pray that this is over quickly.

  My school is extremely strict when it comes to gradation. No hooting and hollering or the 5-0 will escort you out. No throwing your cap and always show your manners because this is an honored ceremony. Well, let’s see if all that happens today.

  Speeches are made, songs are sung, and diplomas are handed out. So far all the rules are being followed. That is until our graduating class begins to holler at the top of our lungs for a fellow classmate that we swore would NEVER graduate. I think he might turn “Dirty Thirty” this year! Just kidding! What are they going to do? Escort the entire class out? I don't think so!

  Everyone’s name has been called, and it's time to turn that tassel. I hear the Student Body President say, "I now present to you the Class of 2013." Tassels are turned and caps are flying! Yup, that's how we roll. Just enough not to be in too much trouble but make our statement!

  When the processional begins to play, we start to march out. There are those damn steps again. One, two, three, four. I'm down and out the door I go. I'm cheesing from ear to ear. I made it!

  Outside, I meet my friends by the tree again. We are all so happy, but the next thing I know, Piper and I are squalling! When I finally pull myself together, I see my mama. Here come the water works again. She gives me a hug, and I say something I never thought I would. "Mama, I don't want to grow up!"

  She says, "I know, Charley, but we all have to some time."

  With that off my chest, I feel a little relieved. I know that things will work out, and I've made the right choice. I get myself together, talk with my friends, and make a few more photographs for memories’ sake. I head back to the Honda, crank up the radio and head to my house for the "Woohoo Charley's Graduated Party"

  I roll up to the house, and my cousin Joanna is there slaving in the kitchen. I can't wait for the chocolate cake. In fact, anyone who touches it might lose a hand is exactly what I'm thinking. I open the screen door and walk inside and upstairs to where the afternoon started. I put on something more comfortable. It's going to be a long night, so I gotta look cute and be comfortable. I take a look in my closet and decide on a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a yellow halter top. Again, I'm one of those blondes who can wear yellow. I guess that's another reason to hate me. I take off the pearls my dad gave me and exchange them for silver hoops the size of Texas, add my favorite necklace, cigar band ring monogrammed with the letter "C," and silver bangle bracelets. I grab my black flip flops with silver sparkles on top and head back downstairs.

  When I get downstairs, my family is back at the house, and everyone is giving me too much attention. I take it though, because I know it makes everyone happy.

  Piper, Annie, Carrie, and Morgan all show up. We eat, laugh, and talk about all the great times we've had. Joanna has out done herself; this food is off the heeze! The chocolate cake is to die for, and I'm glad she loved me enough to make two. One for me and one for the actual party.

  After about an hour, Carrie and Morgan decide to head home. Piper and I look at each other knowing it's about that time. It’s time to have one more night of fun before we all go our separate ways.

  "Piper, have you heard of anything going on tonight?"

  "Yeah, there's a party at the triplets’ house tonight."

  "Well, I guess we can't miss that!" The triplets, Justin, Jordan, and Jack, were well-known for their parties. All the triplets were great guys, loved to have a good time, and were originally from New York. They had seen the big city; something we knew nothing about. I’m okay with that, but Piper, on the other hand, dreams of the big city.

  Piper and I talk about who's driving and where we’re meeting. My parents were sticklers for curfew, so it’s a given that we are staying at Piper's for the night. I also know that I am driving because even though I love to have a good time, I do not drink. One thing I just can't tolerate is a drunk. On the other hand, take me to a party and I’ll dance my ass off!

  Piper takes one piece of cake for the road and heads to her house across town. Piper and I were both transplants at our high school. We lived in the country, but our parents felt that we had a better opportunity for a better education at the "city" school. I told her I'd see her in thirty and she better be ready. I really didn't want to climb in and out of her window tonight. Well, maybe just “in” the window tonight.

  I go upstairs, pack my bag with pj's, toothbrush, and a few other essentials, and out I go. I stop downstairs to tell Joanna thanks and give her, Mama, Dad, and Tessa hugs on the way out.

  As I head out the door, Tessa and Blue, the bloodhound, follow me. "Call me if you need me, no matter what, okay?"

  "I will, but you know you have nothing to worry about. Love ya and I'll see ya in the morning.”

  I get into the Honda, open the sunroof, plug in my iPod for a little JT “Suit & Tie,” and head to Piper's. I have to drive all the way through town to get there. This is always a hard ride for me. There are so many good and bad memories here. Do I really want to stay in this town? Maybe this isn't the right choice.

  Before I know it, I make a left turn onto Broadway Road and drive up the long driveway. Piper's ready and heads out the door, waving bye to her mom, Tina. I can see her little sister, Summer, in her bedroom window. She knows the deal. When we knock, she unlocks the window.

  We head back down the drive, turn up JT, and drive toward Dixon Country Club. It's not somewhere we go a lot. We've never really fit in with that crowd, but everyone's welcome at the triplets’ house.

  We arrive, and we can already tell that the party has started.

  “So, Piper, what are you scheming tonight?”

  “Oh, ya know, the usual. Drink a little drink and kiss a lotta boys!” she says laughingly.

  I might have the perfect hair, good skin, and nice legs, but Piper always gets the guy. Maybe th
at will change in college. That is, if I made the right choice.

  The night goes on as planned. We listen to loud music, watch people get plastered, high, and act like fools. Piper started talking to Justin (the hot one of the triplets) and I knew where this was going. He's had the hots for her forever, and Piper just loves to play the game. Now that she's got him, she doesn't want him. She just pulls him on a string at her beck and call.

  Damn, why didn't I have that luck? I, on the other hand, never get the guy that I truly like. I always get the one that I know my dad isn't going to like. The guy who lives on the wrong side of the tracks, Tarheels fan, tattooed out, and doesn’t have a plan for life. That's the kind of guy I choose, or rather, the one that chooses me.

  Around 2:30 a.m., people start to head out. I look at Piper, and she knows it's time to bounce. She tells Justin bye, gives him a quick kiss, and out the door she goes. I wish I had one ounce of her confidence.

  Driving down the road, we decide to pull into the Pantry and grab a Choice Cherry Gold and Fun Dip, our two favorite things. We laugh when we notice two guys staring at us when we get ready to leave. We get into the Honda and head to her house.

  When we hit her driveway, we turn off the headlights and creep all the way up. Her mom doesn't mind her being out late; we just never want her to know how late we actually get home. We knock on Summer's window and in we go.

  Once we’re in the window, we go to Piper's room and get ready for bed. We turn on Miranda Lambert Radio on Pandora and sing as loud as we can. Good thing Scott and Tina's room is on the other side of the house. We get ready for bed, and that's when the conversation starts.

  "Charley, you do know that you can leave this place?" Piper whispers.

  "Yeah, I know. It's just that I thought LRC was what I’m supposed to do. Both my parents went there. I was dating Cash, but that's over. I just don't know what to do. My parents will kill me if I want to change."

  Cash was my knight that showed up in Carhartts and a white F250, even though I’ve known him my entire life. He's the only reason I've survived the past year, but I pushed him away as usual. Like I’ve said before, I love to choose the bad ones. Now, he doesn't want to talk to me, even though I’m the one who made that final decision. Maybe that will change. He was there in my darkest hour, knows exactly the person I am, and who I will always be.

  "You know they just want you to be happy. They would understand. And you know Cash still cares about you. You’ve been friends since you could walk."

  "I know, but I think it's the right choice. School and Cash. I'm just going to sit on it for a while." Knowing the Cash part is a complete lie. I’ve loved him my entire life. He lived at the next farm over. He’s always been the brother I never had, friend, and now ex-boyfriend. He knew absolutely everything about me. The good, bad, and some things that I’d love to just erase from my mind entirely.

  Piper, Annie, Morgan, Carrie, and I have an amazing graduation trip to Cancun. We live it up every night dancing at clubs, baking in the sun, and meeting a new guy every night.

  About the middle of July, my world starts to cave in on me. I come to the conclusion that I have made a mistake. I do want out of this hick town, and now I can't. How am I going to tell my parents? I come up with a plan to talk to Mama on the way to Grandma's tomorrow. I know I’ll have questions to answer, but that’s expected from my mama, AKA Mrs. Worry Wart.

  The next morning, I wake up and get ready. I look at myself in the mirror, and worry is written all over my face. I pack my clothes for the week and head downstairs. I go to the pantry and grab a chocolate chip cookie and a Choice Cherry Gold, breakfast of champions. Mama and Tessa come into the kitchen and are all ready to go. We load up the Chevy and are on our way.

  Before we hit the county line, Mama looks at me and says, "Okay, spill it!"

  I look at Mama, and tears fill up in my eyes. "I don't want to go to LRC. Are you mad at me?”

  My mama looks over and says, "Of course not! There’s only one problem. Where are you going to go? There are three weeks before classes start, Charley. I don’t even know where to begin. I know that you have been accepted to several places, but will they be able to accommodate you? What schools do you want to look into?”

  "Carolina State and Southern, " I say quietly.

  I had been accepted to Clemson, Carolina State, LRC, and Southern. I’ve always wanted to be a Tiger, but knew that was probably out of the question. I mean, hello!? Huge school and three weeks before Moving Day! I loved Carolina State. It is big, so maybe I can fly under the radar. I can keep to myself, stay unnoticed, and get my degree. Southern is small, and I mean smaller than my graduating class, small. But it has always appealed to me ever since a family friend talked about how gorgeous the campus is and all the friends she made there. Both Carolina State and Southern are close to my grandmother's house.

  “Charley, why don’t we go to Carolina State on our way to Grandma’s?”

  “That sounds great, Mama.”

  On the way there, we stop at Carolina State. They can enroll me, but there is no room in the inn. I'd have to find housing off campus. I don't think so! I’m already scared to make this gigantic change to my life plan. I’m definitely not living off campus in a big city. The admissions counselor says she will put me on the housing waiting list. I smile politely and tell her thank you for her time. I know in my heart of hearts that Carolina State is out the window.

  The entire week I try to keep my mind off the choices that are in my near future. I did all the things most Southern girls like me love. I hang out with my cousins, work in my grandma's garden, take Daisy, the horse, for a ride, and shuck corn until I never want to see another ear

  On Wednesday, we call Southern and schedule an appointment for Friday. There's no turning back now. I pray, “Please God, let this work out for me. I know that I haven’t always made the right choices in my life, but things are starting to get back to how they used to be before I messed up.”

  On Friday morning, we eat breakfast. I choose my grandma's pound cake and her famous sweet tea. Then we say our goodbyes and down Highway 49 we go. My mama doesn't say much, and I know what she is thinking. She's thinking about why I want to go to this little rinky dink school? What am I running from? Will I make the same mistakes again? We ride in silence.

  When we get to the stoplight on Highway 49, we turn right; we go half a mile and see the Southern University sign. Unsure of where to turn, we keep going. Next thing I know, we’ve driven through it completely. In the blink of an eye we are already leaving campus and the town. Well dang, it’s smaller than I thought! We turn the Chevy around and stop at the stoplight. Really? A stoplight? I look to my right and notice the train tracks running straight through the middle of campus. That's going to be fun to wake up to. When the light turns green, we move forward and turn left into a driveway that goes to the Admissions Building. We pull into one of three visitor parking spaces. It's now or never.

  We get out of the car, and Mama looks at me. "What do you think?"

  "I think I love it! It's small, but I don't think I can handle a big school. That's part of the reason I liked LRC."

  We walk on the lawn to the stairs of the Admissions Building and go inside. Here goes nothing, I think to myself. We meet John, an admissions counselor. He shows us around, and I fall even more in love. The school is old. The buildings are worn out, but there is so much character in each one. I can feel the history. There is one downfall though; the dorm rooms are tiny. I mean, smaller than small. I think even a jail cell might be larger. Even with that little downfall, I know this is where I am supposed to be.

  We continue our tour with the one major question that’s the elephant in the room. Is there room for me? I look at my mama, and she asks John. "I know this is late notice. Charley has been accepted here, but will there be a dorm space available for her?" I wait for what feels like years, and then he speaks. "Yes, there is."

  Whew! I feel like my heart is about to beat o
ut of my chest, and I smile like I haven't in a long time. I am truly happy about this decision. After making our way back to the Admissions Building, we are given the proper paper work to complete and then head back to Grassy Pond.

  The ride home is awkward. I know what is coming. Mama begins to question my motives for going there, why I really want to go there, and am I positive this time. Yes, I am positive this time. It's the right choice. I know it! For once in my life, I know I have made the right choice.

  Chapter 2: Moving Day

  48 hours earlier...

  I get up. It's the day I have been waiting on. Moving Day. I've been trying to get all the last minute stuff that I MUST have with me. I get ready. What do you wear on a day like today? Since the majority of my clothing is already packed in a gazillion plastic containers, I look to see what I can find. Today is hot. In North Carolina, there is a thing called humidity and it sucks! I know that I'll be sweating like a hooker in church as soon as I walk outside. After looking to see what's left of my clothes, I remember that my mama did laundry last night. Maybe, just maybe, something somewhat new will be in there. I go to the laundry room and see that my Rock Revival Buckle jeans are washed and sitting on the counter, along with a new aqua blue zebra halter that I haven't seen before. I think to myself, I love my mama! I run back upstairs to get ready. I grab a blue and silver cuff bracelet and my pair of Dannijo Paz earrings. They are my favorite and are handmade from New York City. Yeah, that’s the only thing “Big City” I own. I look into the mirror and think it's time to start a new chapter in my life, one that I have been waiting on for eternity.

  Everything is packed in the Chevy and Honda. It’s time to head toward Southern to start over on my own. I take a few minutes to love on my favorite dog, Blue. I look into those big brown eyes, and he lets me know that my secrets are safe with him. Blue is the one that I can always talk to. He doesn't reply with smart comments; he just listens to me. I take a look at the farm and think to myself, Are you really ready to leave this place? There's only one thought that crosses my mind. Cash. I look to the farm on my right and wonder what he's doing. Should I have told him bye? Is he feeling like I'm feeling?